Cannonball Run 5: Special Edition
by BKelly95
Summary: Cannonball Run 5 is back. All new racers and villains will tangle with the original Cannonballers. Chaos ensues. Prepare yourself. The story begins anew.
1. A New Race

Cannonball Run 5: Special Edition

Chapter 1: A New Race

AN:Greetings and welcome!  
You have read Cannonball Run 5 and most likely caught the note about the Special Edition. Well, this is it. This is pretty much CR5, only with new racers, villains, vehicles, and subplots.  
As usual, the characters featured are the intellectual property of their creators. Except where otherwise noted, the cars featured are all from Rockstar Games' "Midnight Club" series and "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas". The concept of a worldwide Cannonball featuring characters from popular television shows, cartoons, movies, books, comics, and video games belongs to Charles Xavier as does the character of Alice J. Foyt. The characters of Marcus and Regis were created by Turbo Man who also came up with the concepts of Sherriff Cooper DeVille, Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco, and the Lone Wolf. With one exception, the cars used by the new competitors come from "Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition." The characters of Puck and Wily are mine, though.  
Anyways, here we go.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ann Arbor, Michigan. Headquarters of Car and Driver magazine. A crowd of reporters had gathered waiting for the man named Brock Yates. Finally, Brock appeared and the reporters all started asking questions at the same time.

"Settle down, people." said Brock's partner, Mr. X. "Brock has something to say first."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press." said Brock. "The Cannonball Run is back!" The reporters all cheered. "In one month's time, a new race will be ready to begin its worldwide run. We are awaiting the participants for their entry. Are there any questions?"

A red-headed woman in a yellow jumpsuit raised her hand. "April O'Neil, Channel Six News. Is there any word on the prize money?"

"We are putting up the sum of 250,000,000 to be given to the winning team." said

Brock. "Next question."

An older man with glasses and a bandage around his thumb waved. "Les Nessman, WKRP in Cincinatti. What's this we've heard about gadget restrictions?"

"Oh yes. That." said Brock. "As you know, last year one team used a device which gave them an unfair advantage. As a result, this year will see a restriction on gadgetry. Teams will be limited to three useful gadgets. Also, there will be no weapons allowed due to the shootout in Sydney last year. I'm sorry, but it had to be done."

A young man with frizzy blonde hair and glasses raised his hand next. "Matthew Brock, WNYX New York. Is it true that the swimsuit competition will be expanded to non-humans?"

"What swimsuit competition?" asked Brock, confused. "What are you talking about?"

Matthew checked his notes. "Oh, sorry." he said. "I'm in the wrong place."

A dark-haired woman raised her hand. "Pamela Finkelstein, U62. Mr. Yates, you've got this incredible transglobal road race, but you have not yet mentioned who will be broadcasting televised coverage of it. Can you please tell us who will be covering the race?"

"Since you were so kind as to point that out," said Brock "I think we'll give exclusive coverage to, what's your station again?"

"U62." said Pamela.

"We will be giving exclusive coverage to U62." said Brock. The rest of the reporters groaned. "That's all I have to say." he said. "Thank you all for coming."

The reporters continued asking questions as Brock walked away.

"Mr. Yates, what about any possible threats?"

"Sir, how will you be protecting the pize money?"

"Brock, what about your peace talks with Cambodia?" asked Matthew. "Wait a minute."

"What now?" asked Mr. X.

"Have the transcontinental bridges built." said Brock. "Also, send J.J. and Victor to U62 to work with their personel. Also, contact anyone you think can provide protection for the Cannonballers."

"What about Lara and her team?" asked Mr. X.

"I'll call her now." said Brock as he took out his cell phone and dialled.

XXXXXXXXXX

In a garage somewhere in Philadelphia, Lara Croft finished zipping up the red jumpsuit that was to be her racing uniform when her cell phone rang. "Lara." she said, answering.

"Lara?" replied Brock. "This is Brock. It's on."

"Got it." said Lara. She hung up and approached two of her team-mates, Joanna Dark and Chun Li. They were also wearing their uniforms: Joanna in blue and black and Chun Li in white.

"Chun-Li, Joanna. Good to see you again." She said as she nodded hello.

"And you too, Lara." Joanna replied. "It'll be great to be running the Cannonball again."

"Any luck finding a fourth member?" Chun-Li asked Lara.

Lara shook her head. "Mai's off taking part in another Duel Monsters tournament, and Mirai's got to take care of things in Tokyo. Amara and Michelle aren't interested either."

"Well, do we actually need a fourth person?" Chun-Li asked.

"Sure we do." Lara said. "It's traditional."

"Don't panic, girls. I called in an acquaintance of mine from the secret agent world." Joanna said. "I'm sure she'll fit in nicely."

She turned to the back of the garage and called out. "Okay, you can come out now."

A woman with short, black hair emerged from the rear of the garage.

"Lara, Chun-Li, I'd like you to meet Cate Archer." Joanna announced.

"Oh, yes. I've heard about you." Lara said as she shook Cate's hand. "A top agent for UNITY."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Lady Croft." Cate replied. "You and your partners are all women of great renown. Joanna tells me that you need a fourth member for your race team to take part in the Cannonball Run."

"That's right." Chun-Li said. She pointed over to a red Vector M12. "That's our vehicle, the Zender Alpha."

"Looks like the right kind of vehicle for the job." Cate said. "All members of the team take turns at driving, correct?"

"Yes. That's why we need to see if you can handle it before we can accept you as part of the team." Joanna said. "But I have no doubt you can handle it."

"Well, shall we go then?" Cate asked.

"Let's." said Lara as the ladies entered the car. Cate started it and headed straight for the highway.

As soon as she hit the highway, a Pennsylvania State Police cruiser noticed them and gave chase. It was also about then that the credits and theme song began.

_"Weird Al" Yankovic as George Newman (UHF)  
Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski (UHF)  
Gedde Watanabe as Kuni (UHF)  
Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)  
Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes)  
Wile E. Coyote (Looney Tunes)  
Hank Hill (King of the Hill)  
Bobby Hill (King of the Hill)  
Dale Gribble (King of the Hill)  
Bill Dauterive (King of the Hill)  
Boomhauer (King of the Hill)_

**Coming down I'm coming round,  
this time I think I'm waking up.  
Give me loud to drown it out,  
before the world starts breaking up.  
You change and then you change again,  
turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_Jessie (Pokemon)  
James (Pokemon)  
Meowth (Pokemon)  
Annie (Pokemon)  
Oakley (Pokemon)  
Angelina Jolie as Sara "Sway" Wayland (Gone In Sixty Seconds)  
Matt Schulze as Vince (The Fast and the Furious)  
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin  
Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)  
Rob Zombie  
Kermit the Frog (Muppets)  
Fozzie Bear (Muppets)  
Gonzo the Great (Muppets)  
Animal (Muppets)  
Andrew MacCarthy as Larry Wilson (Weekend at Bernie's)  
Jonathan Silverman as Richard Parker (Weekend at Bernie's)  
Terry Kiser as Bernie Lomax (Weekend at Bernie's)_

The Zender left the highway with the patrol car in hot pursuit. After Cate hit the surface street, a second patrol car turned around to chase her, only to be hit head on by the first patrol car. A third car picked up the pursuit.

_Hsu Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Chan Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Sushi X (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Mark Lynn-Baker as Larry Appleton (Perfect Strangers)  
Bronson Pinchot as Balki Bartokomous (Perfect Strangers)  
Jaleel White as Steve Urkel (Family Matters)  
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)  
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)  
Chun Li (Street Fighter 2)  
Cate Archer (The Operative: No One Lives Forever)  
Drew Barrymore as Dylan Sanders (Charlie's Angels)  
Lucy Liu as Alex Munday (Charlie's Angels)  
Cameron Diaz as Natalie Cook (Charlie's Angels)  
Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell (Wayne's World)  
Dana Carvey as Garth Algar (Wayne's World)_

**Yours and mine and left and right.  
There's still two sides to everyone.  
You and I get on with life,  
and pray we'll find a better one.**

_Freddie Prinze Jr. as Freddie Jones (Scooby Doo)  
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo) and Buffy Summers (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Linda Cardellini as Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)  
Matthew Lillard as Norville "Shaggy" Rogers (Scooby Doo)  
Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo)  
Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl)  
Butler (Artmeis Fowl)  
Zach Braff as Dr. John "JD" Dorian (Scrubs)  
Mark Wahlberg as Charlie Croker (The Italian Job)  
Charlize Theron as Stella Bridger (The Italian Job)  
Seth Green as Lyle the Napster (The Italian Job)  
Mel Gibson as Mad Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)  
Sam J. Jones as Highway (The Highwayman)  
Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Michaelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Ted Danson as Sam Malone (Cheers)  
Woody Harrelson as Woody Boyd (Cheers)  
John Ratzenberger as Cliff Clavin (Cheers)  
George Wendt as Norm Peterson (Cheers)_

**You change and then you change again.  
Turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Gypsy (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Dustin Worles (Mischief 3000)  
Dado Carvalho (Mischief 3000)  
Ray "Reza" Motarefi (Mischief 3000)  
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Nicholas Brendan as Xander Harris (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Nicolas Cage as Randall "Memphis" Raines (Gone In Sixty Seconds)  
Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto (The Fast and the Furious)  
Jesse James (Monster Garage)  
Beavis (Beavis and Butthead)  
Butthead (Beavis and Butthead)  
Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Carl Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)  
Sean "Sweet" Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)  
Cesar Vialpando (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)  
Claude Speed (Grand Theft Auto 3)  
Derek Luke as Jaleel "The Kid" (Biker Boyz)  
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible)  
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)_

**Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Two strangers on the mend.**

_Peter Weller as Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Lewis Smith as Perfect Tommy (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Jeff Goldblum as Sydney "New Jersey" Zweibel (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Jason Statham as Marcus (CR4 by Turbo Man) and Handsome Rob (The Italian Job)  
Will Ferrell as Regis (CR4 by Turbo Man)  
Uma Thurman as Beatrix Kiddo/"The Bride" (Kill Bill)  
Danny Strong as Scott Alukab (original)  
Scott Bakula as Sam Beckett (Quantum Leap)  
Dean Stockwell as Al Calavicci (Quantum Leap)  
Matt Trakker (MASK)  
Bruce Sato (MASK)  
Gloria Baker (MASK)  
Bernard Bernoulli (Maniac Mansion)  
Ben (Full Throttle)  
Sam (Sam and Max)  
Max (Sam and Max)  
Corvax (Muzzy)  
Robert Patrick as the T-1000 (Terminator 2: Judgement Day)  
Kristanna Loken as the T-X (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)  
Bob Einstein as Super Dave Osbourne (Super Dave)  
Art Irizawa as Fuji Hakayito (Super Dave)  
Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker/Spiderman (Spiderman)  
Thomas Jayne as Frank Castle/The Punisher (The Punisher)  
Jennifer Garner as Elektra Natchios (Elektra)  
Eric Bana as Bruce Banner (The Hulk)  
Frankie Muniz as Malcolm (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Justin Berfield as Reese (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Martin Henderson as Cary Ford (Torque)  
Ashton Kutcher as Jesse Richmond (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Seann William Scott as Chester Greenburg (Dude, Where's My Car?)_

**Hurry now we're getting out.  
This time there's nothing stopping us.  
Leave behind this vacant town tonight  
and let it turn to rust.**

Cate raced out of the city with another group of police cars joining the first one. The Zender tore around a turn and swerved to avoid an oncoming car. The police cavalcade rounded the same turn and one of the cars swerved to avoid the car as well. Unfortunately, the move sent him into an embankment which flipped him over.

_Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (Die Another Day)  
Richard Kiel as Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me)  
Nina Williams (Tekken)  
Anna Williams (Tekken)  
Bill Murray as Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters)  
Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddmore (Ghostbusters)  
Rick Moranis as Louis Tully (Ghostbusters)  
Don Johnson as Nash Bridges (Nash Bridges)  
Cheech Marin as Joe Dominguez (Nash Bridges)  
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk (Monk)  
Will Smith as Agent J (Men In Black)  
Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K (Men In Black)  
David Duchovny as Agent Fox Mulder (The X-Files)  
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold (National Lampoon's Vacation)  
Beverley D'angelo as Ellen Griswold (National Lampoon's Vacation)  
Topher Grace as Russell "Rusty" Griswold  
Brittany Snow as Audrey Griswold  
(The Griswold kids are played by different actors in each Vacation film, so why not now?)  
Michael T. Weiss as Jarod (The Pretender)  
Johnny Five (Short Circuit)  
Mario (Super Mario Brothers)  
Luigi (Super Mario Brothers)  
Link (The Legend of Zelda)_

**You change and then you change again,  
turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight (Knight Rider)  
KITT (Knight Rider)  
Mr. T as B.A. Baracus (The A-Team)  
Dwight Schultz as "Howling Mad" Murdock (The A-Team)  
Wario (Super Mario Land 2)  
Waluigi (Mario Tennis)  
Bowser (Super Mario Brothers)  
Malcolm Jamal Warner as Wily (original)  
Wil Wheaton as Puck (original)  
Takeshi Kaga as Chairman Kaga (Iron Chef)  
Chen Kenichi (Iron Chef)  
Masahiko Kobe (Iron Chef)  
Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Max Payne (Max Payne)  
Brad Pitt as Lone Wolf (original character created by Turbo Man)_

The Zender entered another town and encountered a roadblock set up by the local constabulary. Cate quickly hit the brakes. The pursuing patrol cars steered around her and managed to avoid a collision with the car...but not the roadblock. Cate used the chaos to turn down a side street. Most of the police cars followed.

_Steve Guttenberg as Carey Mahoney (Police Academy)  
Michael Winslow as Larvell Jones (Police Academy)  
Chuck Norris as Cordell Walker (Walker, Texas Ranger)  
Bubba Smith as Moses Hightower (Police Academy)  
Patrick Warburton as Eugene Tackleberry (David Graf actually played "Tack" in the Police Academy films, but sadly, he is no longer with us)  
Art Hindle as Flash (Speed Zone)  
Marion Ramsey as Laverne Hooks (Police Academy)  
Bruce Mahler as Douglas Fackler (Police Academy)  
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed (Police Academy)_

_with  
Burt Reynolds as J.J. McClure (Cannonball Run)  
Dom Deluise as Victor Prinsi (Cannonball Run)  
Brock Yates  
Jack Nicholson as Mr. X (CR3 by Charles Xavier)  
Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race)  
The Big Schwag (Monster Garage)  
Frankie Whiteside (Monster Garage)  
David Spade  
Beck  
Better Than Ezra  
Blues Traveller  
Coldplay  
Counting Crows  
Sheryl Crow  
Lenny Kravitz  
LL Cool J  
Love Fist (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Meat Loaf  
Slash  
Brad Turner (MASK)  
Josh Duhamel as Danny McCoy (Las Vegas)  
Marsha Thomason as Nessa Holt(Las Vegas)  
Mary Lynn Rajskub as Chloe O'Brian (24)  
Peter Facinelli as Van Ray (Fastlane)  
Bill Bellamy as Deaqon Hayes (Fastlane)  
David Carradine as Sherriff Cooper DeVille (original by Turbo Man)  
Mykelti Williamson as Bobby "Fearless" Smith (Boomtown)  
Donnie Wahlberg as Joel Stevens (Boomtown)  
Dean MacKenzie as Cross (Need For Speed: Most Wanted)  
Joe Pantoliano as Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco (original by Turbo Man)  
Glenn Close as Commander Alice Foyt (CR3 by Charles Xavier)_

**Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Two strangers, no relation, on the mend.**

_Eric Etebari as Darden/"Fabio" (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
John Cenatiempo as Korpi/"Fonzie" (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
Troy Brown as Paul Hackett (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
Corey Eubanks as Max Campisi (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
Sam Maloof as Joe Osbourne (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
Troy Robinson as Feliz Vispone (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
(X These are the other guys who tried out to work for Carter Verone)  
Master P as Johnny B (Gone in Sixty Seconds)  
Reggie Lee as Lance Nguyen (The Fast and the Furious)  
Tanner (Driver)  
Dan Aykroyd as Capt. Tom Everett (Caddyshack 2) and Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)  
Mitzi Martin as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Nichole Hiltz as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Linda Kim as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Mia Trudeau as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Kim Marie Johnson as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Ray Park as the Warrior (original character created by Turbo Man)  
Isabelle (Moldiver)  
Brooke (Moldiver)  
Jennifer (Moldiver)  
Vivien (Moldiver)  
Sayuri (Moldiver)  
Natassja (Moldiver)  
Elizabeth (Moldiver)  
Joey Leone (Grand Theft Auto III)  
Joe Flaherty as Vic DeRubis (Speed Zone)  
Andrea Parker as Miss Parker (The Pretender)  
Patrick Bauchau as Sydney (The Pretender)  
John Gries as Broots (The Pretender)_

_featuring  
April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Richard Sanders as Les Nessman (WKRP In Cincinatti)  
Andy Dick as Matthew Brock (Newsradio)  
Fran Drescher as Pamela Finkelstein (UHF)  
David Bowe as Bob (UHF)  
The Road Runner (Looney Tunes)  
Giovanni (Pokemon)  
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (Muppets)  
Beaker (Muppets)  
Reginald VelJohnson as Carl Winslow (Family Matters)  
John Forsythe as voice of Charlie (Charlie's Angels)  
Sarah Chalke as Elliot Reed (Scrubs)  
Donald Faison as Christopher Turk (Scrubs)  
Judy Reyes as Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)  
John C. McGinley as Dr. Perry Cox (Scrubs)  
Neil Flynn as the janitor (Scrubs)  
Mos Def as Left Ear (The Italian Job)  
Franky G as Wrench (The Italian Job)  
Bruce Spence as the Gyro Captain (Mad Max 2:The Road Warrior)  
Mark "Jacko" Jackson as Jetto (The Highwayman)  
Mason Strong (Roadkill)  
Spike (Roadkill)  
Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Rhea Perlman as Carla Tortelli (Cheers)  
Mary Jo Pehl as Pearl Forrester (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Bill Corbett as the Observer/"Brain-Guy" (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Joel Hodgson as Joel Robinson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Mr. Van Dreisen (Beavis and Butthead)_

**Coming down I'm coming round.  
This time I think I'm waking up.  
Give me loud to drown it out,  
before the world starts breaking up.**

_Squeaky-Voiced Teenager (The Simpsons)  
Apu (The Simpsons)  
Chief Clancy Wiggum (The Simpsons)  
Principal Seymour Skinner (The Simpsons)  
Edna Krabappel (The Simpsons)  
Snake (The Simpsons)  
Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons)  
Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)  
James Pedeasten (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)  
Kendl Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)  
Lawrence Fishburne as Smoke (Biker Boyz)  
Apone (Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition)  
Dr. Fred Edison (Maniac Mansion)  
Glottis (Grim Fandango)  
Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Misty (Grand Theft Auto 3)  
Harold Ramis as Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters)  
John Cleese as R (Die Another Day)  
Earl Boen as Dr. Peter Silberman (The Terminator)  
Nicholas Guest as Todd Chester (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)  
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Margo Chester (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)  
Makoto (Midnight Club 2)  
Ichiro (Midnight Club 2)  
Nikko (Midnight Club 2)  
Hiroyuki Sakai (Iron Chef)  
Masaharu Morimoto (Iron Chef)  
Shadoe Stevens Tim Matheson as Jack O'Neil (Speed Zone)  
Mimi Kuzyk as Heather Scott (Speed Zone)  
Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)  
Will Arnett as George Oscar "Gob" Bluth (Arrested Development)  
Jane Kaczmarek as Lois (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Bryan Cranston as Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Wildcat (Tale Spin)  
Chad Lindberg as Jesse (The Fast and the Furious)  
Jude Law as Sky Captain (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)  
Giovanni Ribisi as Dex Dearborn (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)  
Queen Latifah as Belle (Taxi)  
Jimmy Fallon as Andy Washburn (Taxi)  
James Best as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (The Dukes of Hazzard)  
Jimbo Jones (The Simpsons)  
Dolph (The Simpsons)  
Kearney (The Simpsons)  
Val Kilmer as Nick Rivers (Top Secret)  
Mike Henry as Junior (Smokey and the Bandit)  
Greg Evigan as B.J. McKay (B.J. and the Bear)  
Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite (Napoleon Dynamite)  
The Stig (Top Gear)  
Nadia Bjorlin as Natasha Martin (Redline)  
Nathan Phillips as Carlo (Redline)  
Kelsey Grammer as Frasier Crane (Frasier)  
Peri Gilpin as Roz Doyle (Frasier)_

**You change and then you change again.  
Turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_Pepe Serna as Reno Nevada (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Keisuke Takahashi (Initial D)  
Athrun Zala (Gundam Seed)  
Nicol Amalfi (Gundam Seed)  
Dearka Elsman (Gundam Seed)  
Yzak Joule (Gundam Seed)  
Jodi Ann Paterson as Giant Woman (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Udo Kier as Yuri (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)  
Kari Wurher as Tanya Adams (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)  
Cam Jones (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Paul Hogan as Mick "Crocodile" Dundee (Crocodile Dundee)  
Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) (R.I.P)  
Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver (MacGyver)  
Hugo Weaving as "Big Donnie" Canaglio (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Dominic Purcell as Alex (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Anthony Simcoe as Rocco (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees (Friday the Thirteenth)  
Andrew Bryniarski as Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)  
Brad Loree as Michael Myers (Halloween)  
Jonathan Breck as the Creeper (Jeepers Creepers)  
The Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)  
Jacqueline McKenzie as Diana Skouris (The 4400)  
Conchita Campbell as Maia Rutledge (The 4400)  
Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl)  
Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)  
Bob Denver as Gilligan (Gilligan's Island) (R.I.P)  
Russell Johnson as Professor Roy Hinckley (Gilligan's Island)  
Dawn Wells as Mary Ann Summers (Gilligan's Island)  
David Caruso as Horatio Caine (CSI: Miami)  
Alex Rodriguez as Eric Delko (CSI: Miami)  
Jeff Perry as Harvey Leek (Nash Bridges)  
Cress Williams as Antwon Babcock (Nash Bridges)  
Carl Lumbly as John Parker (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Laura Harris as Marybeth (The Faculty)  
Josh Hartnett as Zeke Tyler (The Faculty)  
Blanka (Street Fighter 2)  
Chip Foose  
Stalker (G.I.Joe)  
Gung Ho (G.I.Joe)  
Roadblock (G.I.Joe)  
Snake-Eyes (G.I.Joe)  
Steve "Tombstone" Stearle (Monster Garage)  
Chris "Body Drop" Artiaga (Monster Garage)  
Ian Whyte as the Predator (Alien vs. Predator)  
Tom Woodruff Jr. as the Alien (Alien vs. Predator)  
Vernon Fenwick (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Christine (Christine)  
Richard Roundtree as Officer Kante (original by Turbo Man)  
Ron Perlman as Hellboy (Hellboy)  
Selma Blair as Liz Sherman (Hellboy)  
Doug Jones as Abe Sapien (Hellboy)  
David Hyde Pierce as Voice of Abe Sabien (Hellboy)  
Ladislav Beran as Karl Ruprecht Kroenen (Hellboy)  
Tracy Morgan as Brian Fellow (Saturday Night Live)  
Derrick Thackery (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)  
Gerard Butler as Dracula (Dracula 2000)  
Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing (Van Helsing)  
Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Monster (Van Helsing)  
John Raimi (Geist)  
Nigel Shiftright (Road & Track)  
Brendan Fehr as Stuntman (Biker Boyz)  
Larenz Tate as Wood (Biker Boyz)  
Rick Gonzalez as Primo (Biker Boyz)  
Dante Baco as Philly (Biker Boyz)  
Dion Basco as Flip (Biker Boyz)  
Monet Mazur as Shane (Torque)  
Jay Hernandez as Dalton (Torque)  
Will Yun Lee as Val (Torque)  
Denis Leary William Sanderson as Larry (Newhart)  
Tony Papenfuss as First Darryl (Newhart)  
John Voldstad as Second Darryl (Newhart)  
Vinnie Jones as the Sphinx (Gone In Sixty Seconds)  
Slimer (Ghostbusters)  
worm aliens (Men In Black)  
Dietrich Bader as Rex (Napoleon Dynamite)  
Phil Cassidy (Grand Theft Auto III)_

**Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Two strangers, no relation, on the mend.**

-"Overdrive" by the Foo Fighters.

The Zender Alpha roared down the road, with at least twenty police cars behind it, sirens blaring.

"Can you lose these guys?" asked Lara.

"Watch." said Cate.

Up ahead, a sign by the road read SPEED LIMIT: 65 MPH. With a quick movement Cate steered the car towards the wooden sign and crashed right through it. On the other side of the sign was a dirt road. One of the pursuing officers tried to follow but went into the ditch.

"This is pursuit leader." said one of the officers. "I'm breaking off the chase. This is getting too dangerous."

"WHOO!" Chun-Li yelled. "You go, girl!"

"Told you she was good." said Joanna.

"So, what size jumpsuit do you wear?" asked Lara.

"Thanks, but I've already got one." said Cate.

XXXXXXXXXX

J.J. McClure sat in a black Trans-Am at a stoplight. George Newman pulled alongside in a suped-up Nash Metropolitan. They exchanged glances.

"I used to drag race down here back in high school." explained J.J. "That railroad crossing is exactly a quarter mile from here. On green, I'm going for it."

He and George revved their engines. Suddenly, the light went green and the cars took off.

J.J. took an early lead, so George pushed a button marked "Push to go fast" and went faster.

Just then, a train started to approach the crossing. J.J. and George floored their accelerators in an effort to beat the train.

The two cars flew over the crossing a good distance from the approaching train.  
J.J. and George traded a look of admiration. J.J. gave his trademark high-pitched laugh.

The two looked back at the road and George noticed a truck had pulled into his path. He let out a scream of terror just before he hit it.

The Nash flipped into the air and came back down hard, smashing itself into twisted metal.

After the Metropolitan came to a rest, J.J. parked and ran over to it. George staggered from the wreckage and stumbled around. "George!" yelled J.J. "George! George! George..."

XXXXXXXXXX

At Station U62, George slept at his makeup table. His friend Bob walked over and yelled "George!"

George woke up and shook his head to completely wake up.

"Mr. Yates is here." said Bob. "Also, the car is ready."

"Thanks, Bob." said George. He got up and walked over to the stage.

Brock sat on the stage as the audience applauded. George walked in.

"Welcome to Town Talk. I am your host, George Newman." announced George. "Today, our guest is Brock Yates, creator of the infamous Cannonball Run."

The audience applauded.

"Mr. Yates, the Cannonball has been called an automotive counterpart to the Bay of Pigs." said George. "How does it feel to have created something so...legendary?"

"Well, when I put together the first race," said Brock "I was just showing what I thought of the national speed limit. I had no idea it would become such a sensation."

"I see." said George. "Anyways, what are your plans for future Cannonballs? Nudge nudge, wink wink."

"Well, I'm glad you asked." said Brock. "We're doing it again."

More applause from the audience.

"Again you say?" asked George.

"Absolutely." said Brock. "The Cannonballers will meet at a predetermined location and then it's adventure time, mates!"

"So, you're running a new Cannonball." said George. "That sounds like it's going to be fun."

"Don't you have an announcement as well?" asked Brock.

"Yes, I do." said George. "Thanks to the efforts of our own Pamela Finkelstein, U62 has secured exclusive broadcasting rights."

The audience cheered again.

"But wait, there's more." said George. "We are not only covering the Cannonball, we're entering it as well."

More cheers.

"Do you have a car yet?" asked Brock.

"Check it out." said George. At the other end of the stage, a pair of curtains opened and revealed a Ford Crown Victoria taxi cab with a hood scoop and racing tires. Kuni, the host of "Wheel of Fish" crouched on the hood in a karate stance.

"Konichi-wa, Yates-san." said Kuni. "Let me introduce you to our entry."

"We picked up this car at Crazy Ernie's Used Car lot." said George. "It was their last sale before Crazy Ernie got picked up for threatening to club that baby seal. We've spent all week suping it up and customizing it. We call it the Super Taxi."

"Nice." said Brock. "Do you think this will give you a chance against the other Cannonballers?"

"I don't think they're anything to worry about." said George.

"Ay, they're so stupid!" said Kuni.

"Don't you have another team member?" asked Brock.

"Oh yeah!" said George. "Of course! Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the host of U62's number one show for the past fifteen years, Stanley Spadowski!"

The audience let out a deafening cheer as Stanley strutted in with veteran Cannonballers J.J. McClure and Victor Prinsi.

"Ah, I see you've met Mr. McClure and Mr. Prinsi." said Brock.

"Oh yeah." said Stanley as he vigorously shook Brock's hand. "It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Yates. Thank you so much for this oportunity."

"We've been training Mr. Spadowski in the ways of Cannonballing." said J.J. "I believe he is fully trained now."

"These guys are all ready for the Cannonball." said Victor.

"And we'll set off for the meeting place right now." said George. "Come on, Kuni."

With that, George, Stanley, and Kuni climbed into the Super Taxi with Stanley driving.

"Remember, folks." said Brock. "The Cannonball starts this week. You have been warned. So, you guys trained Mr. Spadowski to drive, right?"

"That and so much more." said Victor.

"You didn't." said Brock.

"He did." said J.J.

"Okay, let's head for Boston and..." said George. "What's with the mask and cape, Stanley?"

"Da Da DAAAAAAAAHHHH!" called Stanley as Captain Chaos as he started the Super Taxi and raced out of the studio, tearing a hole in the wall.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jimmy DeMarco turned off the television. He knew better than to rest when so much money was on the line. He had become the most successful drug dealer in Miami by not resting when couldn't afford to.

"Tanner, report." he ordered.

Shortly afterward, a tough-looking guy stepped into DeMarco's office. "You called?" he asked.

"Tanner, what do you know about the Cannonball Run?" asked DeMarco.

"Every year, motor madmen from around the world gather to take part in a road race for money." said Tanner. "I heard this year's pot was 250,000,000."

"Exactly." said DeMarco. "But do these motor madmen know how to spend it properly? No. Thus, do they deserve it? No. I know how to use that money and if I have it, it will be used properly."

"So, you want me to enter the Cannonball?" asked Tanner.

"No, Tanner." said DeMarco. "You're a very good wheelman, but even with your skills, victory is not one hundred percent certain. I want you to put together an operation to steal the prize money. I know you have contacts like that."

"I see." said Tanner. "I'll start putting together an operation right now."

"You do that." said DeMarco. "See if you can find Alice J. Foyt. She was the one who tried to stop the Cannonball last year and the year before. She will be especially motivated to help stop the race."

"Alice J. Foyt. Got it." said Tanner. "I'm off."

Tanner left and DeMarco turned to look out the window. "This will be it." he thought. "This will be the one that defines you."

AN:And so it begins again. Please, review.


	2. Meet The Teams

Cannonball Run 5: Special Edition

Chapter 2: Meet The Teams

AN:I'd like to thank Anthony Bannon for the introduction for Team Rocket, the creation of Regis and Marcus, and the inspiration for Lone Wolf.  
I'd also like to remind you that the cars from this fic come from Rockstar Games' "Midnight Club" and "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" games. In this chapter, the vehicles from Mad Max's intro come from the video game "Roadkill" and the vehicles from the Simpsons' intro come from their game "The Simpsons: Hit and Run". Also, the Flurry used by Scooby Doo's team is the Ice Cream Truck from the first "Midnight Club".

XXXXXXXXXX

With the announcement, Cannonballers the world over mobilized.

**They made up their minds, and they started packing.  
They left before the sun came up that day.  
An exit to eternal summer slacking.  
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?**

**They drank up the wine, and they got to talking.  
They now had more important things to say.  
And when the car broke down, they started walking.  
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?**

**Anyone can see the road that they walk on is paved in gold.  
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold.  
They'll never get hungry.  
They'll never get old and grey.**

**You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere.  
They won't make it home, but they really don't care.  
They wanted the highway.  
They're happier there today.  
Today.**

**Their children woke up, and they couldn't find them.  
They'd left before the sun came up that day.  
They just drove off and left it all beind them.  
(Leaving it all behind)  
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?**

**Anyone can see the road that they walk on is paved in gold.  
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold.  
They'll never get hungry.  
They'll never get old and grey.**

**You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere.  
They won't make it home, but they really don't care.  
They wanted the highway.  
They're happier there today.  
Today.**

**Anyone can see the road that they walk on is paved in gold.  
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold.  
They'll never get hungry.  
They'll never get old and grey.**

**You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere.  
They won't make it home, but they really don't care.  
They wanted the highway.  
They're happier there today.  
Today.**

-"The Way" by Fastball.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the desert...

"Well, after what happened the last two years, I don't blame Oprah for not wanting us back." said Daffy Duck. "Hopefully, Wile E. can get this old Merc ready in time."

"He said he's already got the parts." said Bugs Bunny as he drove the old '49 Mercury Coupe towards town. "It shouldn't take long."

It also didn't take long to find Wile E's garage. The inventive coyote was standing outside the door as Bugs pulled up. Above them, an electric sign reading "McCoy Oteri Garage" flashed on and off. Bugs pulled into the service bay which was filled with dozens of boxes marked "Acme".

Wile E. showed them the design sketches he had made for the car.

"Okay, he's spelled out what we have to do." said Bugs. "He's drawn up the engine diagram, the suspension design, the drivetrain design, and even the paint job he's dreamed up."

"What's this?" asked Daffy.

"Crusero Magnifico?" replied Bugs. "That's the name."

Wile E. pointed to the garage with his thumb.

"Apparently, we have to get started right away." said Daffy. "Let's get crackin'!"

The three started removing anything they were going to replace and started tearing apart the engine. Wile E. ripped open some of the Acme boxes and took out the parts inside them.

Outside, the "McCoy Oteri Garage" sign continued to flash on and off until some of the letters burned out leaving it reading "Coy Ote Garage".

A few days later, the Mercury rolled out of the garage. Aside from the performance modifications, the car had also been painted metallic purple and had gold graphics painted on the sides. Wile E. was driving while Bugs rode in the passenger seat. Daffy rested in the back.

"Well, that was fun." he said. "Now, for the really fun part. On to Boston!"

"Take it away, my coyote friend." said Bugs. Wile E. drove off down the road.

"Say, shouldn't we test this thing and see what it can do?" asked Daffy.

Just then, Wile E. Coyote's longtime adversary, the Road Runner, ran by and beeped.

"Uh oh." said Bugs as Wile E. threw the car into the next gear and took off after the Road Runner.

Wile E. stayed on the bird's tail (so to speak) for a mile or so before reaching the mountains. The Road Runner ran around a hairpin turn, but Wile E. was unable to maintain control. He spun out and slammed into the guardrail. Unfortunately, he didn't have his seatbelt on and was thrown from the car. He hung in mid-air for a second before he plummeted into the canyon.

Bugs and Daffy held up signs reading "8.0" and "9.5".

"I would've given him a ten, but he didn't keep his legs together." said Bugs.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Arlen, Texas, four men stood around a pickup truck staring into the engine bay.

"Yup." said Hank Hill.

"Yup." said Dale Gribble.

"Yup." said Bill Dauterive.

"Yup." said Boomhauer.

"Well, guys." said Hank. "This here is the finest piece of performance machinery to ever come out of Arlen. The Jones J450, a sports pickup like no other. And we've got it."

"It looks so nice." gushed Bill. "I wish I could use this on a daily basis."

"So, Hank." said Dale. "Why don't you tell us what kind of parts you used in this rig?"

"Why don't you ask Boomhauer?" asked Hank. "He's the one who did the mod work."

"I tell you, man." said Boomhauer rapidly. "That there air intake and that ding dang EFI took about a dang ol' week o' wrenchin', you know, crank crank crank crank. Lookin' dang ol' mean, man."

"Uh, yeah." said Dale. "What he said."

"So, I guess we're all ready to go." said Bill.

"Not just yet." said Hank. "There's still one more team member to introduce."

"Hey, dad!" called Hank's son, Bobby. "Are we going yet?"

"Wouldn't leave without you, Bobby." said Hank. "Come on, guys. Let's go."

The four men and chubby, little boy squeezed into the truck's cab, but discovered there wasn't room.

"Come on, man." said Boomhauer. "Que pasa!"

"I say we strap Bill to the hood!" said Dale.

"Dang it, guys!" said Hank. "Someone has to sit in back!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"So." began Giovanni as he surveyed the three agents sitting in front of him.

"Once again, it is time for the Cannonball Run to start."

Jessie, James and Meowth looked happy. Giovanni sighed.

"And once again, I have to enter you three in the race! Why I keep doing this is beyond me. In fact why I even keep you three on the team after all your screw-ups is beyond me!"

Giovanni stroked his Persian. He was determined not to lose his temper this time, as it rarely helped the situation.

"Well, boss, last's year's winning team DID give us those driving lessons they promised." Jessie said.

"And that's why I'm worried, considering I met last year's winners!" Giovanni said.

"Oh, boss, it's been a year now. You're not still sore about that are you?" James said.

"How can I be anything BUT sore! I got a keg of beer poured over me! They ruined a perfectly good suit!" Giovanni snapped.

"Well, boss, we've been practicing with the Pirahna PDQ for the past couple of weeks. We can handle it no problem!" Meowth assured him.

"You'd better be able to, because this is your absolute last chance! No more failure will be tolerated this time!" Giovanni warned. "And to make sure of that, I'm sending two more agents with you. With any luck, they will bring Team Rocket victory!"

"Which two agents?" James asked nervously.

Jessie was mumbling into her hands. "Please not Butch and Cassidy. Please not Butch and Cassidy."

"No, it isn't Butch and Cassidy." Giovanni said. "It's two other top agents: Annie and Oakley."

"We thought they were in jail, after that business in Alto Mare." Meowth said.

"They were given two years, and they've served two years, so they're out. They're waiting outside with the car. Go now! And don't fail, or I suggest you get used to saying the phrase 'do you want fries with that'. Understand?"

"YES, SIR!" the three Rockets said as they saluted.

Outside TR HQ, a red and black Ford Focus FR200 was parked. Sitting in the car, filing their nails were Annie and Oakley.

"It's so good to be on the outside again." Annie said.

"Yeah, and this race is going to be great! As long as those three losers don't screw it up!" Oakley grumbled as she saw Jessie, James and Meowth approaching.

"Alright, so let's go." Jessie said as she went to open the front door.

"Uh, excuse me. What are you doing?" Annie asked.

"I'm driving!" Jessie replied.

"Like hell you are, sister!" Oakley said. "We're the senior agents here, so we're driving."

"You're lucky you're still in the team after getting sent up the river!" James retorted.

"I'm driving so move your ass out of the front seat, now!" Jessie yelled.

Annie opened the front door and got right in Jessie's face.

"How'd you like it if I messed your face up, red!" she said.

Meowth bared his claws. "Youse want trouble, youse got it!"

"HEY!" a voice yelled.

They all turned to see Giovanni standing at the HQ entrance, with a megaphone.

"Why are you still here?" he bellowed.

"Well, boss.." Oakley began.

"Get going, NOW!" Giovanni yelled.

Jessie, James and Meowth hurriedly got into the Pirahna PDQ and Annie floored the accelerator.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Baja, Mexico, a woman named Sara Wayland drove down a street in a Lexus IS300. She was looking for something in particular. After a while, she found it. She pulled into a bar's parking lot and exited her car.

Sara, a.k.a. "Sway", entered the bar and looked around. After spotting the bartender, she walked up to him.

"How can I help you, babe?" he asked her.

"I'm looking for a man." said Sway.

"Here I am, baby." said the bartender.

Sway grabbed him by the ear and forced him onto the bar face-first. "Someone specific." she said. She took out a picture of the man and said "This is him. His name is Raines. He answers to Randall or Memphis."

"He was in here like a year ago." said the bartender. "He had car trouble. He ended up leaving with another man."

"Describe him." said Sway, letting the bartender up.

"Tall, muscular, bald." said the bartender. "They said something about the Cannonball."

"The Cannonball Run?" asked Sway.

"Yeah, I guess so." said the bartender.

"Thank you very much." said Sway.

She turned to leave, but stopped when she heard someone clapping. She looked to see the source of the applause and saw a scruffy-looking man with a beard. "Nice job." he said. "Got further than I did."

"Why, thank you." said Sway. "You were asking for info as well, I assume."

"Yeah, a friend of mine came down here after some crap went down." said the man. "I came to look for him and the trail ended here. His name's Dominic Toretto and he fits the description of the man who left with your friend, Memphis. My name's Vince, by the way."

"Sara, but you can call me 'Sway'."

"Okay, Sway." said Vince. "Since your friend is most likely with my friend, maybe we should go after them together?"

"Nice, big, strong guy like you?" said Sway. "Why not?"

"Alright, let's go." said Vince.

They left the bar together.

"I saw your car." said Vince. "Nice Lex."

"Thanks." said Sway. "Where's your car?"

"Right there." said Vince. He pointed to a matte black '68 Corvette. A white stripe ran down the center. A gaping air scoop had been set into the hood. A modest spoiler was bolted to the rear, carbon fiber louvers covered the rear window and a pair of exhaust pipes ran down the sides. The wheels were adorned with Maxxim Oxygene rims. "I call it the Mako."

"I see you know your car history." said Sway. "The Mako was the concept car the C3 was based on if I recall correctly."

"You're right there." said Vince.

"I'll let you drive." said Sway as she walked over to the Mako.

Vince walked over to the Lexus and leaned on it as he checked it out. "You think your car's gonna be alright here?"

"Oh, that's not my car." said Sway as she got into the Mako. "In fact, I don't know whose car it is."

Vince quickly took his hand off the Lexus and stepped away from the car. He ran to the Mako, got in, started it, and raced off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, two scientists ran out of a laboratory for dear life.

"The Nemesis is going nuts!" yelled one.

"I don't get it." said the other. "He was okay so far, then suddenly."

Nemesis ripped out of the lab and started towards the scientists, roaring all the while. Just then, a green '68 Firebird roared up and wrestler "Stone Cold" Steve Austin jumped out.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

"It's the Nemesis!" yelled one of the scientists.

"I got it." said Stone Cold. He walked over to Nemesis and said "Hey, what's wrong, bud? Were you lonesome?"

Nemesis shook his head and grunted.

"Were they not treating you right?" asked Stone Cold.

Nemesis shook his head again and grunted.

"Is it because you're afraid of missing the Cannonball?" asked Stone Cold.  
Nemesis roared.

"Alright, come on." said Stone Cold as he walked back to the Firebird.

"Where are you going?" asked the scientist.

"We're just going for a little drive." said Stone Cold as he put the car in gear and raced off. "So what do you think of the PT Phoenix?" he asked.

Nemesis flashed a thumbs up.

"I knew you'd like it." said Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else...

"Welcome to my lab." said Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. "Beaker and I have been working non-stop on your vehicle to be used in the Cannonball."

"Thank you, Doctor." said Kermit the Frog as he entered the lab with his teammates Fozzie Bear, Gonzo the Great, and Animal. "If we have a good vehicle, we can probably win."

"I hope so." said Fozzie. "Animal's really looking forward to the race."

"CANNONBALL! CANNONBALL!" yelled Animal.

"The car is in here." said Honeydew. He led them into the other room which had a purple Mini Cooper on the table. "Kermit, I'd like to introduce you to the Modicum XSV."

"That's great, Bunsen, but how do we get it off the table?" asked Kermit.

"Oh, I didn't think of that." said Honeydew. "Beaker, any ideas?"

"Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep." said Beaker.

"I suppose we could." said Honeydew. "But where would we find an extention cord that long?"

"I suggest we all get together and lift it off." said Fozzie.

"Are you crazy?" asked Kermit. "It must weight a ton!"

"I didn't say it was a good suggestion." said Fozzie

"Leave it to me!" said Gonzo. "Everybody in the car!"

"What's he going to do?" asked Fozzie.

"I don't know." said Kermit. "However, I'm too afraid to ask."

The Muppets all climbed into the car except for Bunsen and Beaker. Gonzo was driving.

"Okay, everybody!" called Gonzo. "Here we go!"

Gonzo started the car and raced off the table. The car then smashed through the doors and bounced down the stairs, Gonzo cheering all the way. The car then tore through the front doors to the lab and down the street.

"BYE BYE!" called Animal.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a Cannonball registry, Richard Parker walked back to the sedan he and Larry Wilson had entered.

"What's up?" asked Larry.

"They wouldn't let us enter." said Richard. "Apparently, the Ascent 470ds is in Bernie's name. He has to be present if we want to enter the car."

"Don't they know Bernie is dead?" asked Larry.

"Doesn't look like it." said Richard. "I guess we've got no choice."

"Oh crap." moaned Larry.

"Yup." said Richard.

The two opened the trunk of the car and revealed the corpse of their former boss, Bernie Lomax. He was still wearing the outfit he was wearing when he was murdered and his mouth was twisted in a perpetual smirk. Larry and Richard unfolded a wheelchair and dropped Bernie into it, then wheeled him into the registry.

"Oh, it's you again." said the official when she saw Richard and Larry. "If you can't prove...Oh, Mr. Lomax!"

"Uh, we brought Mr. Lomax to prove our partnership." said Larry.

"He's been up all night." said Richard. "He's dead tired."

Larry scowled at Richard's pun.

"Oh, certainly." said the official. "Here's your entry form. Please, you may use my pen."

After getting registered, the two walked out of the registry with Bernie in the wheelchair.

"Okay, we're all registered for the Cannonball." said Richard as he pushed the wheelchair.

"But we have to have Bernie present all during the race." said Larry.

"No problem." said Richard. "We'll just run the air conditioner the whole time. We'll be..."

Just then, Richard accidentally pushed the wheelchair down the stairs. He was so wrapped up talking to Larry that he didn't notice he was heading for them instead of the wheelchair ramp. Bernie and the chair tumbled all the way to the bottom.

A man ran over to Bernie and said "Yo, buddy. Y'okay?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In an American town, brother video game designers Hsu and Chan Tanaka were walking down a street.

"Tell me again why we're taking this walk?" asked Chan.

"If you must know," said Hsu "the holiday season is far enough away for us to start designing and making our main offering. We are out looking for inspiration."

"Hey, Hsu." said Chan. "What are all those people gathered around?"

Hsu looked at the crowd of people that had gathered and said "I don't know. Let's take a look."

The Tanakas walked over and took a look at what the people had gathered around.

"Dude, the Cannonball rules."

"Sheya, I'm betting Captain Chaos will pull it off again."

"Where do you think they're going this year? I'm hoping for Asia, then Australia, then Africa."

"The Cannonball?" cried Hsu and Chan in unison.

"I can't believe these people are going gaga over a race." said Chan.

"Yes, Chan." said Hsu. "You know what that means."

"We must find a way to capitalize on this!" they said in unison.

"Quick, back to the studio!" said Hsu. "We need to make plans! Maybe we can reuse one of the cars we tested for 'Bad Mileage 2000'."

"Hsu, look out!" yelled Chan as a slate grey Mitsubishi Eclipse raced down the street and stopped just short of hitting Hsu. The driver, a red-clad ninja, climbed out.

"Terribly sorry about that." said the ninja. "Wait, it's you two! Surely, you recognize the visage of..."

"Sushi X!" cried Hsu and Chan, once again, in unison.

"Yes, I remember your help with those robots." said Sushi X. "Might I ask what you're working on right now?"

"Right now, we can't talk." said Hsu.

"That's right." said Chan. "Right now, we have to make plans for the Cannonball Run."

"The Cannonball Run, you say?" asked Sushi X. "Have you a car yet?"

"Uh, we were in the process of getting one." said Chan.

"No, we do not." said Hsu.

"Well, you're free to use mine." said Sushi X. "I'll come along to make sure you win."

"You will?" asked Hsu.

"Thank you." said Chan as they climbed into the car.

"What do you call this thing?" asked Hsu.

"It's called the Amata Crescendo." said Sushi X. "Be careful. It has kind of a kick."

Hsu wrapped his metal claw of a right hand around the gear shift and threw it into first. Within seconds, they were off.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Chicago, newspaper reporter Larry Appleton ran into the house he shared with his cousin, Myposian immigrant Balki Bartokomous, and their wives and kids. "Balki! Balki!" he yelled.

"Coosun Larry, what's up?" asked Balki.

"Mr. Wainwright just told me that the Cannonball Run is taking place again and he wants me to do a story on it!" said Larry. "Balki, do you know what this means?"

"Oh! Oh! OH!" said Balki. "What?"

"This is the kind of story that can make a career!" said Larry. "And they're letting me take care of it!"

It was then that Larry noticed their houseguest.

"Coosun, you know Harriet's husband, Officer Carl Winslow?" asked Balki.

"Oh. Hi, Carl." said Larry. "I..uh..."

"Hey, don't worry about it." said Carl. "Just as long as you don't do anything too outrageous, and I know you that well, I can't really justify taking you in."

"Oh, okay." said Larry.

"Larry, I have a request for you." said Carl. "I'll still look the other way. However, I just want you to bring someone else. He's my neighbor, but he lives with us while his parents are in Russia."

"Sounds like a small sacrifice." said Larry. "No big deal."

"Yeah, no problem." said Balki.

"Okay, I'll go get him." said Carl. "He's right in the kitchen." Carl walked over to the door, pushed it open, and said "Steve, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

Carl walked away from the door. A second later, a skinny African-American youth wearing saddle shoes, gray pants with red suspenders, a yellow flannel shirt, and black horn-rimmed glasses walked in. He gave a quick wave and said "Hidey ho!" in a rather nasal voice.

"Larry Appleton, meet..." said Carl.

"Oh my lord, it's Steve Urkel!" said Larry.

Urkel smiled and said "Hey! My reputation preceeds me! Hee hee hee! (Snort!)"

"Larry, Steve will be your third team member for the Cannonball." said Carl. "With him, I'm sure you can make it."

"Okay, Carl." said Larry.

"Come on, let me show you the car." said Urkel.

"Okay." said Larry. Carl and Urkel walked on ahead, then Larry turned to Balki and said "Balki, we can't take him with us!"

"Coosun, we have to." said Balki. "Carl said he'd look the other way. That's important when you're crossing the street."

"Balki, that's Steve Urkel!" said Larry. "You haven't heard what I've heard. You haven't read what I've read. You don't know what I know."

"I know." said Balki. "This will be nice exploration. Don't worry, I'm sure he's harmless."

Carl stepped back in. "Hey, guys, you coming?" he asked.

"Sure." said Larry. He and Balki walked out to the backyard.

Urkel was standing next to a gloss red Dodge SRT-4. The car was fixed up with a Wings West body kit, carbon fiber hood, chrome taillights, and black and white graphics of diagonal lines and arches. The window tinting was red, as were the neon lights under the car. The wheels were TIS 02's on low profile Nitto tires.

"Gentlemen, I give you the Backdraft." said Urkel. "I named it in honor of the city's firefighters."

"Aw!" said Larry and Balki in unison.

"So, shall we go?" asked Urkel.

"I guess so." said Larry.

"Okay." said Balki.

"Alright." said Urkel. "I'll drive."

"Good luck, guys." said Carl.

Urkel jumped into the driver's seat, Larry got in back, and Balki got into the front passenger seat.

Urkel started the car, threw it into gear, and said "Alright, let's go!"

He pushed the accelerator and the car took off. Unfortunately, he had it in reverse and ended up backing into the side of Larry's toolshed. The structure quickly toppled over.

The three men in the car looked out the rear window at the collapsed toolshed, then Larry and Balki cast an accusatory glare at Urkel. Urkel just slid down in his seat and guiltily asked "Did I do that?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In Los Angeles...

"Good morning, Angels." said Charlie by way of his speaker box.

"Good morning, Charlie." said the Angels, Dylan Sanders, Natalie Cook, and Alex Munday.

"As you are no doubt aware, the Cannonball is back." said Charlie. "As usual, I'd like you three to enter."

"No problem, Charlie." said Dylan. "You know we can do it."

"Is Austin going to be working with us again?" asked Natalie.

"I'm afraid not, Natalie." said Charlie. "Austin is on assignment somewhere. Luckily, I was able to find a couple of replacements."

"When will they get here?" asked Alex.

"They should be here about now." said Charlie.

Just then, two men walked into the room. One had long, dark hair, a black t-shirt, jeans with torn knees, and a baseball cap that said "Wayne's World" on it. The other had long, blonde hair, glasses, a white t-shirt, an open flannel shirt, and also jeans with torn knees.

"Whoa!" said the dark-haired one. "Charlie said his girls were pretty, but...whoa!"

"Yeah!" said the blone. "We're talkin' a major babe-fest!"

"I guess our race is called the Cannon-Babe Run."

"I think we need a sign for the window that says 'Babes on board'."

Then, they both said "Schwing!"

"Who are you guys?" asked Natalie.

"Oh, sorry." said the dark-haired guy. "My name is Wayne Campbell, the host of the public-access show 'Wayne's World'. And this, of course, is my lovely co-host Garth Algar."

"Yeah, I'm his lovely co-host." said Garth. "Hey, wait a minute..."

"Charlie, are these the best you could come up with?" asked Dylan.

"I'm afraid so, Dylan." said Charlie. "I caught their show when I went to Chicago last month and they let me come on the show. When I mentioned the Cannonball, they insisted I let them come."

"Does this mean we're going to be traveling around the world with you girls?" asked Garth.

"It does." said Natalie.

"Excellent." said Wayne, winking.

"So, Charlie." said Alex. "Are you planning on donating the prize money to charity again?"

"Of course, Alex." said Charlie. "You'll find your car, the Kuruma Faasuto GT in front of the house. Good luck, Angels, and have fun."

Wayne, Garth, and the Angels went outside and found a green and white sports coupe.

"Wait, the five of us are going to be racing in THAT little thing?" asked Dylan.

"Oh, it's no problem." said Wayne. "Two in the front, three in the back."

"Can you control yourself for just one second?" asked Alex.

"Yeah, you're right." said Wayne. "Excuse me while I turn down the machismo." He then grabbed his nose and pretended to turn it like a knob. "Garth, I gotta do you as well." he added before doing the same to Garth.

"That's better." said Natalie. "But just to be on the safe side, you two ride up front."

"What?" exclaimed Alex and Dylan.

"It's that or someone has to sit with them in the back." said Natalie.

"Let's go, guys." said Garth. "Boston is some ways away."

The Angels climbed into the back seat, then Wayne jumped into the driver's seat. Garth took shotgun. A few seconds later, they were off.

"So," said Wayne "how about a little 'Bohemian Rhapsody'?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In Coolsville...

"Well, gang, here's the vehicle Scoobs and I made for the Cannonball." said Norville Rogers, a.k.a "Shaggy".

"Where is it?" asked his friend, Freddie Jones.

"Yeah, all I see is an ice cream truck." said another of his friends, Daphne Blake.

"It is the ice cream truck." said Shaggy. "We call it the Flurry."

"Reah, rat's what re're riving." said Shaggy's dog, Scooby Doo.

"Shaggy, after what happened last year, how can you even look at an ice cream truck?" asked another of his friends, Velma Dinkley.

"Hey, I don't want to look at it, I just want to race it." said Shaggy.

"Besides, I can forgive any vehicle built to sell food."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time someone entered an unusual vehicle in the Cannonball." said Daphne.

"Can't be any worse than the Burrito." said Velma.

"Reah!" said Scooby. "Rey!"

"Can this vehicle perform?" asked Freddie.

"Sure!" said Shaggy. "Come on, get in."

With that, the gang piled into the Flurry. Freddie, Daphne, and Velma sat in back as the truck pulled away and started picking up speed.

"It accelerates nicely." said Velma.

"And it seems to be attaining a decent top speed." said Daphne.

"Hey, Shaggy!" said Freddie. "Nice work!"

"Why, thank you!" said Shaggy as he turned around.

"Shaggy, shouldn't you be watching the road?" asked Daphne.

"Of course not, Scoobs' driving." said Shaggy.

"What?" yelled Freddie, Daphne, and Velma.

In the driver's seat, Scooby laughed.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Dublin, the twelve-year-old criminal mastermind known as Artemis Fowl sat at a table at a sidewalk cafe with his personal assistant Butler.

"So, Butler." he said. "Once our teammate gets here, we'll be ready to head off to America for the Cannonball Run."

"Are you sure our vehicle is up to the challenge?" asked Butler.

"Quite positive." said Artemis. "I spent a while finely tuning the engine to a point where it could be used in a vehicle that would not attract attention."

"I know." said Butler as he looked at a red newspaper van. "I'm looking right at the Crown Mail and I still don't buy it as a racing vehicle."

"I believe this is our teammate." said Artemis as a frizzy-haired man in doctor's scrubs walked over to them.

"Excuse me, young man." he said. "I'm looking for an Artemis Fowl."

"That would be me." said Artemis. "I'm quite used to people not expecting me. Dr. John Dorian, I presume?"

"You can call me 'J.D.'" said Dorian. "What's up?"

"I'm taking part in the infamous Cannonball Run." said Artemis. "As you can tell, I'm too young to have a driver's license."

A waiter walked over and asked "Would you like something to drink?"

"Sprite. Leave the bottle." said J.D.

"Butler will be doing the driving chores," said Artemis "but he was seriously injured recently. I'll be needing a medical professional, namely yourself, to keep an eye on him."

"How serious are the injuries we're talking about?" asked J.D. as the waiter brought him his Sprite.

"We've had some fairy magic to heal him." said Artemis. "However, he still aches once in a while. I ask you to keep an eye on that."

"What kind of compensation can I expect?" asked J.D.

"You will be given a fair share." said Artemis. "A decent third of the 250,000,000 prize. That would be around 80,000,000."

"Sounds good, I accept your offer." said J.D.

As he tried to open his bottle of Sprite, J.D. thought "When I think of what I can do with that money..."

(Cue daydream)

J.D. sat on a pile of money throwing it into the air and letting it float back down to him. In the background, wind instruments were playing "We're In the Money". The janitor from J.D's hospital, Sacred Heart, walked by sweeping up the money.

(End daydream)

"No, that's not right." thought J.D. as he got the bottle open and started to pour his Sprite. "It's too old-fashioned, too cliched. I need something more flashy, more modern, more...like a music video!"

(Cue daydream)

J.D. quickly threw on a Scarface-type suit as pop music played in the background.

**Push it to the limit.  
Walk along the razor's edge.  
But don't look down, just keep your head  
and you'll be finished.**

J.D. joined his friends Elliot Reed, Christopher Turk, and Carla Espinosa and walked towards a waiting limo.

(AN:To those not familiar with "Scrubs", Elliot's a woman.)

**Hit the wheel and double the stakes.  
Throttle wide open like a bat out of Hell  
and you crashed the gates. (Crashed the gates!)**

J.D. wrote the name Nikki on one of those "Hi, my name is " tags and called over his superior, Dr. Perry Cox, who was wearing a nametag that read "Hi, my name is Courtney". When Dr. Cox reached him, J.D. took off the "Courtney" nametag and replaced it with the "Nikki" nametag.

**Going for the back of beyond.  
Nothing gonna stop you.  
There's nothing that strong.  
So close now, you're nearly at the brink so push it! (Oooh yeah!)**

J.D. led his friends into his mansion's back yard. He showed them his latest purchase: an elephant that was sitting on Turk's Volvo.

**Welcome to the limit.  
Take it maybe one step more.  
The power game's still playing so you'd better win it.**

**Push it to the limit.  
With no one left to stand in your way.  
You might get careless, but you'll never be safe while you still feel it.**

**Welcome to the limit.  
Standing on the razor's edge.  
Don't look down, just keep your head and you'll be finished.**

J.D. and his friends sat at a dining room table as the new butler carried over a bottle of champagne. When he reached J.D, the butler turned out to be Sacred Heart's janitor. He took out his penknife, cut the cork off the bottle, and poured the champagne into J.D's lap.

**Push it to the limit.**

-"Scarface (Push It To The Limit)" by Paul Engemann

(End daydream)

J.D. snapped back to reality and discovered that his Sprite had overflowed his glass and was now spilling into his lap. He tried mopping it up with his napkin and asked Artemis "Do you have a sponge?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In Los Angeles, Charlie Croker and his gang of thieves were gathered around a purple '78 Monte Carlo. The roof had been chopped, a huge intake had been grafted into the hood, and a small spoiler was on the trunk. The car had been painted in traditional lowrider style with pinstripes and panels on the sides and hood and a mural of twenty dollar bills on the trunk. The car sported American Racing Torq-Thrust D rims and gold plated trim all around.

"Okay, guys." said Charlie. "The Cannonball's coming up and we have to get this car ready. Left Ear, I'd like to thank you for giving us the Grifter."

"Hey, no problem." said Left Ear, the crew's half-deaf explosives expert. "There's just a few things I have to explain to you."

"Okay, let's get started." said Charlie. "Wrench, how's the engine?"

"As good as it's gonna get." said Wrench, the crew's mechanic, from under the hood. "Supercharger, headers, intake. Added a little computer system to assist."

"Lyle, how's the computer coming?" asked Charlie.

Lyle, the crew's computer expert, didn't answer.

"Lyle?" asked Charlie.

Lyle still didn't answer.

"Napster?" asked Stella Bridger, the crew's safecracker.

"Computer is fully programmed with the proper fuel map." said Lyle.

"See?" asked Stella. "Nothing to it."

"Handsome Rob, what do you think?" asked Charlie.

"Well, I can't say much for Left Ear's sense of style..." said Rob, the crew's wheelman.

"Hey!" said Left Ear.

"...but if we know how this thing has been modified, no problem." said Rob.

"Then allow me to demonstrate." said Left Ear as he climbed in. "Now, aside from the engine mods Wrench spoke of, I've also got this thing rigged up with a gear kit, clutch, racing tires, sway bars, and the best brakes."

"Sounds like it may be a little too perfect." said Stella.

"And that's not all." said Left Ear. "Watch your feet cause it's also got...airbag suspension!"

Left Ear flipped a switch on the dashboard and the car dropped. Handsome Rob let out a loud scream. Realizing what happened, Left Ear flipped the switch again and raised the car, lifting the side pipe off Handsome Rob's foot.

"Whoa, let's take a look at that." said Charlie.

"Sorry sorry sorry!" stammered Left Ear.

Handsome Rob sat on the workbench while Wrench tried to get his shoe off.

"Why didn't you warn us you were going to do that?" yelled Handsome Rob.

"I did!" said Left Ear. "What do you think I meant by 'watch your feet'? Damn, I'M deaf!"

"How bad is it?" asked Charlie.

"Bad bad." said Wrench. "Sucker's got two broken toes. That's gonna mess up his driving ability."

"All thanks to you, Left Ear." said Charlie.

"Sorry!" said Left Ear.

"Well, who's gonna drive now?" asked Lyle.

"I'll do it." said Stella.

"Think you can handle it?" asked Charlie. "I mean this isn't a Mini Cooper."

"I can handle it." said Stella. "I learned to drive in one of these."

"Okay, Stella drives." said Charlie. "Left Ear, because you got Handsome Rob out of the driver's seat, you're staying here to take care of him."

"Aw, do I have to?" asked Left Ear.

"Lyle...I mean Napster, you're still coming with us." said Charlie.

"I'm on it." said Lyle.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Blister Canyon, a tough crawled from the wreckage of his dune buggy as "Mad Max" Rockatansky walked over with a crowbar.

"Oh, come on!" growled the tough. "It's not worth that!"

"Sorry, mate." said Max. "But I need this more than you do." He then went about prying the car's rear axle off and pulling the engine out. "These will go much better in the Baja Buggy than your Drifter."

"If I were you, I'd put those back in the Drifter." said one of the tough's fellow gang members. "Keep in mind this is Talon turf."

"I kept that in mind." said Max as he started winching the axle and engine assembly into his van. "That's why I brought friends." he added as a gyrocopter few overhead. The pilot dropped a few smoke bombs on the Talons. Max ran to his van, started it, and drove off in the chaos.

"Nice to see you made it." said the Gyro Captain.

"Thanks, but I don't know if the Shag can last until we reach the garage." said Max.

"Then you'll be happy to see them." said the Gyro Captain as he pointed to a Lotus and a diesel truck. "Say hello to Mason and Spike in the Omega and Highway and Jetto in the Rigg."

"Looks like the Gyro Captain's friend has company." said Spike from the Lotus' passenger seat.

"Good thing the Omega is a company car." said Mason.

"G'Day, mate!" cheered Jetto from the truck's turret. "We're here to help."

"Don't get too cocky, Jetto." warned Highway, driving the truck.

"Hang on, you guys!" said Max. "The garage is just over this bridge and through that mountain."

After crossing the bridge, the cars drove through the tunnel under the mountain.

The Gyro Captain dove a little and swerved to avoid the Rigg and Omega, which were stopping.

"Let's close the tunnel." said Spike. "It'll take them hours to go around the other way."

He and Jetto fired on the rocks above the tunnel and it quickly collapsed.

"Oy!" yelled Jetto. Max drove to the garage and used the engine hoist in the back of the Shag to move the engine/axle assembly into the garage. Already in there was an orange sand rail. The only pieces missing were the ones Max had just acquired.

"What is this?" asked Highway.

"This is the Baja Buggy." said Max as he started to wheel the assembly over to the rest of the vehicle. "It's my entry in the Cannonball Run."

"Need help?" asked Highway.

"If you got any." said Max. "The way I figure it, the Talons will have to get here by going around the long way. Plus, they'll have to go through Section Eights territory. I should have enough time to bolt this thing into place. If it holds, I can weld it at a more opportune moment."

"We'll cover you." said Mason. "All the way to Boston if we have to."

Outside, a brown Buick Riviera parked across the street. The driver looked at the garage and said "Where are you, Max?"

An hour later...

"It's a good thing the Section Eights were being reasonable today." said one of the Talons. "Now, let's find that guy and get our junk back."

Just then, the Baja Buggy raced out of the garage. Max was driving while Highway rode in the back. "Let's get out of here!" yelled Highway.

"I know the way." said Max as he steered towards the bridge that was in pieces leading away from the tunnel. He started jumping the large gaps with the Omega and Rigg right behind him. The Talons stopped and shook their fists. They couldn't follow.

"Time to dance." said the Buick's driver as he started after them.

"Now, it's party time." said Highway.

(Note to Roadkill fans: I bet you were wondering where that bridge went.)

XXXXXXXXXX

In Florida, a group of cars drove down the highway. The driver of an Oldsmobile Cutlass, the Sabre, answered his ringing cell phone.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Is this Dane Korpi?" asked Tanner on the other end.

"Yes."

"Hold on a second."

A second later, the cell phone of the driver of the Mustang, a.k.a. the Stallion, next to Korpi rang and the driver answered.

"Yello?"

"Is this Scott Darden?" asked Tanner.

"Yeah."

"Now that I've got you both on the line, I have a proposition for you." said Tanner.

"Go ahead." said Korpi.

"I'm sure you're both familiar with the Cannonball Run." said Tanner.

"Yeah." said Darden.

"Well, here's the deal." said Tanner. "We'd like to hire the two of you to help my boss do something about it, if you catch my drift."

"Yeah, I catch your drift." said Darden.

"Where should we meet?" asked Korpi.

"You're near Miami, right?" asked Tanner. "How about South Pointe Park?"

"Sounds good." said Darden.

"We're there." said Korpi.

"Good." said Tanner. "I've got some other guys meeting us there as well. I'll see you there."

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York City...correction: UNDER New York City...

"I'm still surprised we got asked to be in the Cannonball." said Leonardo.

"Whoa, you said it, dude!" replied Michaelangelo. "I can't believe they asked four giant, talking turtles who practice ninjitsu to boogie this bash."

"I'm ready to kick some serious shell." said Raphael. "Might even stop people from associating turtles with 'slow'."

"Patience, my turtles." said their rat sensei, Splinter. "Nothing will be gained by rushing into the fray recklessly. Although I do wish for your victory."

"We'll be able to practice when Donatello gets back with the car." said Leonardo. Just then, he heard a low rumble coming from the tunnels outside. He, Michaelangelo, Raphael, and Splinter rushed out to see what had shown up. They found Donatello driving a tricked-out but rather junky Ford Escort.

"Hey, guys!" said Donatello. "I rescued it from the junkyard. What do you think?"

"Whoa, nice wheels, dude!" said Michaelangelo.

"Yeah, wish I could say the same for the rest of the car." said Raphael.

"Come on, guys!" said Donatello. "The Cocotte wasn't in that bad condition and the junkyard didn't have anything else on our budget."

"It's nice, Donatello." said Leonardo. "But you should have made the roof at least two feet taller."

"Why?" asked Donatello.

"So I can practice while we're driving." said Leonardo as he drew his katana blade.

"Are we doing this or what?" asked Raphael.

"Yeah, guys." said Donatello. "Let's go."

"Master Splinter, I swear that we will honor your training and perform to the best of our ability." said Leonardo.

"Good luck, my turtles." said Splinter. "May your long and challenging road lead to victory."

The turtles climbed into the Cocotte and Donatello started the car. He went to put the car in gear, only to have the gear shift break off in his hand.

"Uh, does anyone have any chewing gum?" he asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Boston, Massachusetts tavern known as Cheers...

"Reports from all over the world are saying that people are stepping up for the Cannonball Run." announced the reporter on television. "The racers are reporting to a cruise ship docked here in Boston for the pre-race party."

"Hey, Sam." said bartender Woody Boyd. "Everyone else is going to the starting place. Shouldn't we?"

"I wish we could." said head bartender Sam Malone. "Unfortunately, we can't use the Corvette because it only seats two and we don't have anything else that we could use."

"The post office is giving me some time off." said postal worker and bar regular Cliff Clavin. "Maybe we can negotiate the use of a brand new postal vehicle."

"That's great." said waitress Carla Tortelli. "Then you can be the first team to the wrong address."

Just then, another bar regular, accountant and painter Norm Peterson, entered and said "Afternoon, everybody."

The entire bar responded by calling out "Norm!"

"Like something with a head, Mr. Peterson?" asked Woody.

"Hopefully, the head of my last client." groaned Norm as he sat on his usual barstool.

"Care to talk about it?" asked Sam.

"Well, the guy can't pay me," said Norm "so he offers me first dibs on his car. He's selling it for ten grand."

"Wait, he wants you to pay him for you working for him?" asked Woody.

"Yeah." said Norm.

"Wow, just like back in Hanover." said Woody. "A friend of mine painted the police station and they asked him to pay them for the job."

"Woody, did the police ask him to paint the station?" asked Sam.

"No." said Woody. "Oh!"

"What kind of car is it?" asked Cliff.

"It's a Honda Civic." said Norm. "One of those street racer ones. He gave me a picture to think it over." Norm took out a picture of the car and showed it to the guys.

Sam looked at the picture. It showed a white Honda Civic with sky blue side stripes. "Not bad." he said.

Cliff looked at it and said "It's not American, but I like it."

Woody gave it a look and said "Wow, makes a normal one look...you know, normal."

"He calls it the Citi." said Norm.

"I think we should buy this car." said Sam. "Then we can use it in the race."

"He's not selling it to anyone unless I say so." said Norm.

"I'll give you the money." said Sam.

"Yeah, but...it's the principle of the whole thing." said Norm.

"I'll clear your tab for the past year." said Sam.

Norm jumped off his stool and ran for the door. "If we hurry, we can get there before the bank closes." said Norm. Sam ran out from behind the bar and after Norm. Cliff followed. Woody jumped over the bar and followed them.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in time and space...

"Okay, Mike." said Pearl Forester. "Let's see what you're up to this time."

Pearl then opened a communications channel to an orbiting space station called the Satellite of Love. Instead of finding its captive residents, she found a few pieces of junk made up to resemble two robots and a crash dummy wearing a green jumpsuit.

"What is going on here?" she asked.

"Pearl, it looks like Mike and the bots have made another escape attempt." said the Observer, a disembodied brain held by the pale white body he controlled. "And it looks like they succeeded this time."

"I dunno." said Professor Bobo, an intelligent gorilla in a purple lab coat. "I think they're looking pretty good."

"Brain-guy, where are they?" asked Pearl.

"There appears to be an escape pod missing." said the Observer. "I'll have that onscreen...now. Oh no!"

On the screen, the escape pod was seen plummeting through the Earth's atmosphere and burning up. Bobo screamed in shock. The Observer just repeated "No!" numerous times.

Pearl started to cry and wimpered "They chose to die instead of staying on the satellite. Why? What did I ever do to them?"

"Well, there is the experiment." said the Observer.

"Oh, hush!" yelled Pearl. "And give me the phone book! We need to find replacements."

In outer space, a green Volkswagen Passat with a heat shield welded to the front bumper drifted towards the Earth. Inside were Mike Nelson and his robot friends.

"I think we pulled it off, guys." said Crow, a gold-colored robot whose head was made up of a lacrosse helmet and a split bowling pin for a nose.

"Yeah, we're well on our way to Earth and the Cannonball." said Tom Servo, a red robot whose head was a gumball machine and whose legs were replaced by a hover skirt.

"Present course will take us to Boston in about two days." said Gypsy, a female robot colored gray and purple. She had a long metal tube for a neck/body, a discarded baby seat for a head, and a flashlight for an eye.

Mike opened a communications channel to Joel Robinson, his predecessor on the satellite. "Thanks, Joel." said Mike. "You really got us out of that one."

"Anytime, guys." said Joel. "You know, I'm still surprised I got an entire Volkswagen Passat through the Umbilicus."

"Well, we're out and ready to rock." said Mike. "The car has been completely modified and we're all set for the race."

"Don't you worry, guys." said Joel. "The Emu is one of the best vehicles I could find. You'll do well, mark my words."

"Okay, bye." said Mike as he closed the channel. "So, what can we watch until we touch down?"

"Ooh! 'The Fast and the Furious' is on." said Crow.

Mike turned on the monitor and they started watching the movie.

Onscreen, Jesse asked "Was that fun?"

"No, I lost!" snapped Tom.

Jesse popped the hood and was greeted by a cloud of smoke.

"Well, I see the fries are just about done." joked Mike.

"What are you smiling about?" asked Dom onscreen.

"I made tinkles." giggled Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in California, street racing documentarist Dustin Worles sat on the hood of his Mazda MX-6. He was in the parking lot of the company that produced and distributed his "Mischief" series, Teckademics. Next to him was his usual "partner in crime", photographer Dado Carvalho and his BMW M3.

"Okay, in five, four, three, two..." said Dustin as he counted down with his hand. "Hello, I'm Dustin."

"And I'm Dado." said Dado.

"And welcome to Mischief: Overdrive." said Dustin. "This time, we're about to enter the Cannonball Run Worldwide, a high speed road race spanning the entire globe, including Antarctica. At first, we were going to take Dado's BMW M3 on the race. Unfortunately, most of the world's police forces are no doubt looking out for it."

"Therefore, we've asked Reza from Elite Imports to supply us with a vehicle." said Dado. "He should be here any...minute. Here he comes."

"Oh my god." said Dustin.

The camera panned over to show exotic car dealer Ray "Reza" Motarefi pulling up in a barely running '81 Camaro. The decals were peeling off, dents and rust adorned the body, and something was dragging. As Reza made the turn into the parking lot, the engine died. He tried to restart, but failed. He tried again and the engine caught, but a backfire resulted. He drove it a few more feet before it died again. Finally, Reza climbed out.

"Hi, I'm Reza and this is the car Team Mischief is taking on the Cannonball." said Reza.

Dustin walked over to the Camaro and stared in disbelief. He asked "Reza, what the f..."

Reza laughed. "Just kidding!" he said. "This car is to be used in an upcoming Auto Abuse as requested by Daniel. THAT is the car we're taking on the Cannonball." he added as he pointed to the entrance.

"Oh, sweet!" said Dustin as an assistant drove a silver Mercedes into the lot and parked next to the Camaro.

Dado walked over and gave the car a look-over. He flashed a thumbs-up as he walked away.

"So, Reza." said Dustin. "Tell us about this car."

"This car is called the Hammerhead." said Reza. "It is a Mercedes CL55 AMG. It has a Lexani body kit, chrome Lexani Virus rims, and as you can see, gold trim. It is painted metallic silver and has a pair of Borla exhausts."

"How many miles on it?" asked Dustin.

"Just forty-two." said Reza.

"That's it?" asked Dustin.

"Yeah, and most of that was just driving here from Elite Imports." said Reza.

Dado walked over with a windshield banner.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Dustin.

"Just making it part of the team." said Dado. He placed the banner onto the Hammerhead's sunvisor and gave it a rubbing. He then peeled off the backing and revealed the banner which read "Mischief" in olde style letters.

"The Hammerhead, ladies and gentlemen." said Dustin. "The Hammerhead."

XXXXXXXXXX

Los Angeles, California. Buffy Summers and her friends were attending a local street race.

"'57 Chevy." said Buffy's friend, Xander Harris, as he showed off his uncle's car. "This is a real classic."

"I see that." said the street racer Xander was trying to impress. "Tell me something. Can it waste the Torrida?"

"The Torrida?" asked Xander.

"Uh, my car." said the racer as he pointed out an orange Acura Integra.

"Nice." said Buffy. "How about a race between you two?"

"Sounds great." said the racer. "Let's go."

"Not now." said Buffy's other friend, Willow Rosenberg. "How about tomorrow morning at eleven?"

"Morning's no good." said the racer. "Now."

"Oh, what's wrong?" asked Willow. "Working? College?"

"No, I think it's because the sun does really nasty things to the undead." said Buffy.

"No, it's not because of that." said the racer.

"Then why didn't your reflection show up in my compact?" asked Willow.

Confronted with the new evidence, the racer showed his true form, that of a vampire. "So you discovered my little secret. But I don't think you'll..."

He was cut off when Buffy tossed a stake into his heart and disintegrated him.

"If you're going to kill, then kill." Buffy told the dust pile. "Don't talk."

"Let's get his car." said Willow.

"Get his car?" asked Xander.

"I'm taking part in the Cannonball again and none of my previous teammates are available." said Buffy. "I've decided to bring you and Willow and we're going to use this guy's car."

"What about my uncle's car?" asked Xander.

"Xander." chimed Buffy as Willow climbed into the backseat of the Torrida.

Xander tapped the hood of the Chevy and said "Catch ya later, bud."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Long Beach, Dominic Toretto drove to a small garage with an old Shelby Mustang parked next to it. He climbed out of his car and entered the garage to find his Cannonball partner Randall "Memphis" Raines standing next to an old muscle car. Two legs were sticking out from under the car swaying side to side as ratcheting sounds were heard.

"So, I see you've got a new car for us." said Dominic.

"Yeah, what do you think?" asked Memphis.

"Lookin' good." said Dominic. "1971 Bestia, right?"

"Yeah, nasty little sucker." said Memphis. "Hopefully, we'll do better than second this year."

"Nasty is good for the Cannonball." said Dominic. Suddenly, the ratcheting sounds stopped.

"Yeah, it had better be since 250,000,000 is on the line." said Memphis. A clatter sounded as the mechanic dropped his wrench.

"And we're just about ready to go." said Dominic. The mechanic then rolled out from under the car and jumped to his feet.

"Oh, Dom. Let me introduce you to our mechanic." said Memphis. "But I don't think he needs an introduction."

"Jesse James!" said Dominic as he shook the man's hand. "I watch 'Monster Garage' all the time."

"You're kind of a legend yourself, Mr. Toretto." said Jesse. "King of the streets. Live your life a quarter mile at a time."

"This is the guy who pumped up the Bestia." said Memphis. "Now, she's ready for war. So, Jesse, what are the damages?"

"Well, you've got a choice." said Jesse. "First, you can take me with you."

"What?" asked Memphis.

"Make this a three-fer." said Jesse. "The Cannonball has always been a dream of mine."

"Uh, gee, I'm not sure." said Memphis.

"What if we don't bring you?" asked Dominic. "What's our other choice?"

"A million bucks, right here, right now." said Jesse as he held out his hand, displaying a tatoo of a dollar sign and the words "Pay up, sucker."

"We gotta take him with us." said Memphis.

"Alright, but you're driving." said Dominic.

The three men climbed into the Bestia. Jesse climbed behind the wheel and started it.

"I put most of the car's equipment in the back." said Jesse.

"To improve the weight distribution?" asked Dominic.

"Yeah, but mostly to do this." said Jesse.

He floored the accelerator and popped a wheelie as he tore out of the garage.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, girls." said Isabelle, an android modeled after a blonde woman. "It's time to leave for our vacation."

"Where are we going?" asked another android, a brunette named Brooke.

"Anywhere we'd like." said Isabelle. "I thought we were due for a vacation, so we're going several places around the world."

"Are you aware that the Cannonball is going on right now?" asked Jennifer, another brunette android.

"I am." said Isabelle. "The media coverage is going to be intense. This way, we can avoid the coverage."

"And any reminders of the debacle last year." said Vivien, another brunette android.

"Exactly." said Isabelle. "This will be a vacation to remember."

"I've finished packing." said Sayuri, an Asian android. "As soon as the taxi arrives, we can go."

"So, where are we going first?" asked Natassja, another android.

"Our first stop is Miami." said Isabelle. "The taxi has arrived. Ladies, let's go."

"Miami, here we come." said Elizabeth, another android.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Highland...

"They're running the Cannonball again." said Butthead. "Too bad Corvax has new teammates."

"Maybe we should enter by ourselves again." said Beavis.

"We need a car, dumbass." said Butthead.

"Let's enter the lawn mower." said Beavis.

"Shut up, buttmunch!" said Butthead.

"Hey, what's that place?" asked Beavis.

"I dunno." said Butthead. "Let's check it out."

The two walked over to a row of garage doors.

"I never saw this place before." said Beavis.

"Me neither." said Butthead. "They must've just put it in."

They walked past a sign that read "Highland Auto School. Est. 1972".

They entered the building and found Mr. Van Dreisen leading the class. A silver Honda S2000 sat in the middle of the room.

"Welcome to our auto tuning class, students." said Mr. Van Dreisen. "And thanks to Billy for bringing in his Honda 2000, the Interna."

"Huh huh, he said 'Intern'." laughed Butthead.

"Yeah! Yeah!" laughed Beavis. "Intern. Heh heh!"

"Let's get in." said Butthead.

Beavis and Butthead snuck over and climbed into the car.

"Do any of you have any questions for Billy?" asked Mr. Van Dreisen.

"I do." said one student. "What kind of modifications did you put into the car?"

"I made many modifications." said Billy. "I added a turbocharger, cold air intake, and new ECU. I also lightened it a little and beefed up the suspension."

"Heh heh, he said 'beef'." laughed Beavis.

"Watch this." said Butthead. "So, how do you start this thing?"

"Oh, that's easy!" said Billy. "You just push the start button."

"Thank you." said Butthead as he pushed the start button.

"Hey! Wait!" yelled Mr. Van Dreisen as Butthead drove out of the garage.

On the road, Beavis and Butthead laughed about their stunt.

"That was cool!" said Butthead.

"Let's try the radio." said Beavis. He turned on the radio and they started headbanging to the music.

"This rocks!" said Butthead. "What is this?"

"Sounds familiar." said Beavis. "Ah! It's Winger!"

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" yelled Butthead.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Springfield, the Squeaky-Voiced Teenager was driving home. Suddenly, he found the street blocked off by Apu's Longhorn.

"What the hell is going on here?" yelled the teenager.

"I'm terribly sorry, but the street is closed." said Apu. "I'm afraid you'll have to find another way home."

"Damn street racers!" said the teen. "I'm calling the cops on you."

"Street racing downtown, eh?" said Chief Wiggam into his radio. "I'm in the area. I'll look into it." He then climbed out of his police car which had lowered suspension, neon underglow, and a snazzy body kit. "Okay, people! Let's fire it up!" he yelled.

Principal Skinner pulled up to the starting line in a fully modified Honda Civic. "I'm ready to educate this guy a new one." he said.

"But, Seymour, you put up the title on the Citi Turbo for this race?" asked his ex-fiance, Edna Krabappel. "Why would you do that?"

"Trust me, Edna." said Skinner. "If I should win, the reward will be invaluable."

"Dad, why did you promise to help me with my homework if you lost?" asked Bart Simpson.

"It was the only wager he would accept." said his dad, Homer. "Joke's on him. Within a week, he'll be begging me to stop helping you."

Snake closed the hood on his Li'l Bandit and turned to Homer. "Okay, she's all ready to run." he said. "You can have her for this race, but I get her right back."

"Relax, I'll treat it like it was mine." said Homer. He then pulled up next to Skinner. "Sucker." he said.

"Okay, the parameters of this race are so simple, even a Pakled can understand them." said Jeff Albertson,the manager of a local comic book shop, the Android's Dungeon. "The next intersection is exactly a quarter-mile from this one. You go when I say and the first one there is the winner. Are you ready?"

Homer and Skinner revved their engines. Jeff held up his hands. "Ready! Go!" he called as he dropped his hands.

Both cars raced off of the line. The Li'L Bandit took a quick lead.

"Go, Homie!" cheered Homer's wife Marge as she held their infant daughter Maggie.

"Yay, Dad!" cheered Homer's other daughter, Lisa.

Homer continued to power down the street keeping a slight lead on Skinner. The two cars raced across the finish line within seconds with Homer in the lead. After winning, he jumped out of the car and started dancing around and chanting "Two, four, six, eight! You suck, I'm great! La da! La da! You I hate!"

Skinner climbed out of his car. "Oh, I almost had you." he groaned.

"You almost had me?" replied Homer. "You never had me! You never had your car! Granny shifting, not double-clutching like you oughta. Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning is winning."

"Worst...impression...ever." pronounced Jeff.

"Fellow Springfielders, I plan to bring glory to this town by defending my win in the Cannonball Run." said Homer. "I plan to bring my family and use my new car."

The people of Springfield cheered as Homer's family joined him. Skinner just laughed. "Do you really think I'll actually be held to your wager?"

A few minutes later, the Simpsons were driving off in the Citi Turbo, leaving Skinner standing on the corner fuming. Local youth Nelson Muntz walked over and laughed "HA ha!"

XXXXXXXXXX

At a service station in San Fierro, San Andreas, the radio was tuned to the state's talk channel, WCTR. A travel program called "The Wild Traveler" was on.

"We are taking your calls, yes we are." said the show's host, James Pedeaston. "Hello, you're on 'the Wild Traveler'."

"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you about an amazing vacation." said the man listening to the radio, crime lord Carl Johnson. "It's called the Cannonball."

"Ah yes, the Cannonball." said James. "Racing down international highways at breakneck speeds, spending day after day behind the wheel of a fine automobile, running afoul of the law at every turn...hey, wait a minute! You're speaking illegality!"

"Fluently." said Carl as he went to hang up.

He turned off the radio and walked into the service bay. A metallic green Cadillac Escalade sat on the lift. The truck had been customized with a full body kit and some Konig Absolute rims. The trim had been plated bronze and yellow, red, and orange vinyl graphics had been applied to the sides.

"How's the Beast lookin'?" asked Carl.

"Lookin' good, ese!" said Carl's brother-in-law, gang member Cesar Vialpando. "I think we're going to kick some major butt with this."

"Always good to hear." said Carl.

Carl's brother Sean, a.k.a. Sweet, looked at the Beast. "We did some nice work, bro." he said.

"Are you sure you want to come with us?" asked Carl. "Keeping watch on Grove Street is usually your thing."

"Hey, even I need a vacation every once in a while." said Sweet.

"Relax." said Carl and Sweet's sister, and Cesar's wife, Kendl. "The Ballas and the Vagos are pretty much under control. I can handle it with the rest of the Families."

"That's my girl." said Carl. "We just about ready to go?"

"Almost." said Sweet. "Don't we have another team member coming?"

"I asked Woozie, but he was busy with something else." said Carl.

"No problem." said Cesar. "I called someone else."

Just then, mob henchman Claude Speed entered the garage.

"What is he doing here?" asked Carl.

"That's who I called." said Cesar.

"You called him?" asked Carl. "This is the guy who put up this place in a street race and stole your cousin from me."

"Hey, this place isn't that bad." said Sweet. "We've fixed it up into something special."

"Besides, it's over with him and my cousin." said Cesar. "Things ended pretty badly. REAL badly."

"For real?" asked Carl. "I guess you can come with us. Claude, was it?"

Claude nodded.

"Alright, let's go." said Sweet.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in California, a street race among motorcyclists was raging.

"Alright!" yelled one biker. "While the motor madmen of the world are heading off to run the Cannonball, we are here to show who's best among the riders of this city."

The others cheered. "We'll show them who the real riders are." said another. "I'll take the first race."

"I'll take you on that." said another. Everyone recognized him as Jaleel, a.k.a "the Kid", the leader of the Biker Boyz motorcycle gang.

"You want it, Jaleel?" said the biker. "You got it. Whatcha running?"

"This bike right here." said Kid as he showed off a yellow motorcycle. "Meet the Cohete."

"I'll be saying 'see ya' to it in a second." said the biker.

Kid and the other biker pulled up to the starting line. Another stood between them to start the race. Kid looked down the street and focused it into a tunnel. A second later, the race was started.

The two ran their bikes as quickly as they could, but Kid took a quick lead. His rival tried to keep up, but he still fell back. Within seconds, Kid had won the race.

"Good race, man." said Kid.

"You got lucky." said his opponent.

"Let's see how lucky I am in the Cannonball." said Kid.

"What was that?" asked his opponent.

"I was just seeing if the Cohete was worthy for the Cannonball." said Kid. "I'm on my way."

"You've got your skills." said a voice. "Hopefully, you can keep your focus."

Everybody turned to see whose voice it was. It turned out to be Kid's former rival...

"Smoke." said Kid.

"If you remember what your father taught you, you'll be unstoppable." said Smoke.

"I got it." said Kid. "Wish me luck."

"Fine, good luck." said Smoke. "And remember: burn rubber..."

"...not your soul." said Kid.

"Good." said Smoke as he knocked hands with Kid. "Knock 'em dead."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else...

"Where is it?" asked the professor.

"It's in here." said the assistant. "Let me get that for you." The assistant punched in the code to open the door and revealed a red Mazda RX-7.

"So, this is the Monstruo." said the professor. "It's everything I heard."

"And so much more." said the assistant. "Would you like to work alone?"

"Yes, that would be fine." said the professor.

"Very well." said the assistant as he left. The professor went to work hooking up his laptop to the Mazda's onboard computer.

"I have to disarm this bomb." he muttered to himself.

Behind him, a grate fell open and a tough-looking guy crawled out.

"How's it look, Ethan?" asked the man, the legendary Solid Snake.

The professor pulled off his mask and revealed himself to be IMF agent Ethan Hunt. "This thing's got a bomb on board that could put a serious hole in the world." he said. "I'm trying to disarm it."

"Are we going to use this in the Cannonball?" asked Snake.

"If I don't blow us up first." said Ethan. "There, I got it." He packed up his laptop and got into the car.

"It's not gonna...blow?" asked Snake.

"It's perfectly safe." said Ethan. "Come on."

"Alright." said Snake. He climbed into the car and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Texas, a red Dodge Viper race car sat in the desert with scientific personel all around it.

"What does Doctor Banzai say it'll do?" asked a scientist.

"Nearly two hundred." said another. "Here he comes."

At that moment, the project leader, Buckaroo Banzai, walked to the Viper. He opened the door and climbed in.

"This is Doctor Buckaroo Banzai beginning the field test of the Jersey XS."

"Copy, Buckaroo." said the scientist. "Prepare to start."

Buckaroo started the car and pushed it into gear. "Car is started. Preparing to go."

"That's an affirmative, Buckaroo." said the scientist. "Ready? Three, two, one, go!"

Buckaroo floored the accelerator and the car took off. Buckaroo continued to accelerate until he reached a high rate of speed. A minute later...

"A hundred and ninety has been achieved." said Buckaroo. "Initiating phase two."

"Phase two?" asked the scientist. "Clarify, Buckaroo. What's phase two?"

"That's a big no-can-do." said Buckaroo as he activated a switch on the dashboard. The car's headlights glowed yellow and the car jumped to an incredibly fast speed.

Some distance away, two of Buckaroo's Hong Kong Cavaliers, Perfect Tommy and Sydney "New Jersey" Zweibel were waiting for him.

"Where is he?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"He'll be here." said Sydney as he rubbed his ankle with an electronic bracelet around it.

Just then, the Jersey XS returned to normal speed and stopped in front of the two.

"How'd it work, Buckaroo?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"The Hyperthruster worked perfectly." said Buckaroo. "I checked the rules and it's completely legal."

"Don't remind me." said Sydney as he held up his leg so Buckaroo could see his ankle bracelet.

"Keep in mind that's for bringing the Overthruster last year." said Buckaroo.

"So, are we going?"

"Yeah." said Perfect Tommy.

"I got shotgun." said Sydney.

"Boston, here we come." said Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

In L.A...

"We've got these two for breaking and entering." said the cop as he stuck Regis into the police cruiser. "Let's see if we can find more evidence on them."

"Wait, we're innocent!" cried Regis.

"Sure you are." said the arresting officer. "Sure you are."

"You had to pick this apartment, didn't you?" said Regis' brother, Marcus.

"Well, how was I supposed to know this would be the next place to be robbed by the L.A. Bandit?" asked Regis.

"Looks like we're going to be out of the action for a while." said Marcus.

Just then, a report came over the radio. "Be on the lookout for Cannonballers. The race is starting up again. Over."

"Did you hear that?" asked Regis.

"We have to get out of here if we're gonna make the start." said Marcus.

"Okay, at the count of three." said Regis as he and Marcus crawled up to the cage between the front and rear seats. Their action was a little harder than usual due to the handcuffs on their wrists. "One! Two! Three!" Then he and Marcus shoulder rammed the cage and knocked it out of the space.

"Come on!" said Marcus. Regis climbed into the front passenger seat and Marcus stumbled into the driver's seat. He accidentally hit Regis in the back of the head and muttered "Sorry."

"Hey, they left the keys in the ignition." said Regis.

"Good." said Marcus as he bit the keys and started the car. Then he bit the gear selector and put it into overdrive. "I'll steer. You work the pedals."

Right then, the cops stepped out of the building. The one who arrested Marcus and Regis asked "So this piece of evidence exonerates them?"

"Sure does." said the other. "Let's go let them go."

Just then, the L.A. Cop Car raced by with the two brothers driving.

"Hey!" yelled the cop as the car raced away.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Apone Team Racing in Atlanta, Apone was working on a '49 Chevy Fleetline when he heard the footsteps of someone behind him. He turned to look and saw international assassin Beatrix Kiddo, a.k.a. "The Bride", in his shop.

"Hey, wassup?" he asked.

"Is it ready?" she asked.

"You bet." said Apone. "Right this way."

He led her over to a metallic blue Saleen SR. The wheels sported Gianelle 6 Oval rims in blue and yellow crescents were on the sides.

"Like it?" asked Apone.

"So far." said Beatrix. "What can you tell me?"

"As you know, Steve Saleen is perhaps the country's top Mustang modder." said Apone. "This example is one of his best. The engine is so hotly tweeked, you'd better have a pilot's license. Just check it."

He opened the hood and showed off the engine.

"Wow." said Beatrix. "This engine looks kind of complicated. What if there's engine trouble?"

"No problem." said Apone. "Hey, Scott!"

"Yeah?" asked a smallish man looking over the Fleetline.

"Got a special job for you." said Apone. "Come here."

Scott walked over to them.

"Scott, this is Beatrix Kiddo." said Apone. "She asked us to make her this Saleen so she can drive it in the Cannonball Run. Beatrix, this is Scott Alukab. He's one of my best. Scott, for the next few weeks, you're going to be riding with Ms. Kiddo. If something should happen to the car, we're counting on you to fix it."

"I got it." said Scott.

"Ready, Scott?" asked Beatrix.

"All set." said Scott.

The two climbed into the car. Beatrix started it and drove out of the garage.

"Hey, is it true you used to be a member of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad?" asked Scott.

"I was." said Beatrix. "I was also the one who had to kill them."

"Oh, just wondering." said Scott. "You see, international killers for hire have long been a fascination of mine and when I heard it was you, I gave the car a special name. Apone doesn't know I know it was you."

"Really?" asked Beatrix. "So, what did you call the car?"

"The Mongoose." said Scott.

"Perfect." said Beatrix.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami's South Pointe Park, Tanner leaned against a blue BMW 535i, the Sentinel, as the Sabre and Stallion pulled up. The two thugs climbed out.

"Darden and Korpi, I presume?" asked Tanner.

"That's us." said Korpi.

"What's up?" asked Darden.

"My boss, drug dealer Jimmy DeMarco has heard of the Cannonball Run." said Tanner. "He thinks the prize money would be better used by him than by any of the participants. I decided that his plan to relieve the race organizers of the money would go better if you two and your gang, the Highway Hunters, were on the job.

"Jimmy DeMarco?" asked Darden. "Where have I heard of him?"

"He's the one they call 'Dr. Feelgood'." said Korpi.

"Hey, are you talking about my boss or are you singing a Motley Crue song?" asked Tanner. "Anyways, you guys will make a great contribution to the plan by keeping the racers busy while we sneak in and abscond with the cash."

"Who's we?" asked Darden.

"I hired some others to help us out." said Tanner.

"Like us." said one of a group of hot looking young women in black jumpsuits. They all had dark hair and nice, even tans and obviously made sure they looked their best.

"Who are you guys?" asked Korpi.

"We are not guys." said another girl. "We are hot chicks."

"Apparently, there's been some talk in the outer edges of the galaxy." said Tanner. "These ladies, who say they're aliens, have a beef with one of the teams that are said to be in the race. They stepped up and joined our group with little hesitation."

"Great, I can't wait to work with these broads." said Darden.

"Are we waiting on anyone else?" asked Korpi.

"Yes, but here he comes now." said Tanner as a blue and white ice cream truck, the Mr. Whoopie, pulled into the park and sounded a cavalry charge with its horn. It stopped and a man looked out the service window.

"Tanner?" he asked with a high, goofy voice.

"Yeah, that's me." said Tanner.

"Our mutual friend told me where I could meet you." said the man. "Capt. Tom Everett, U.S. Marine Corps."

"Who is this guy?" asked Korpi.

"I've been working for various underground clients since the 'Nam." said Everett. "Mostly building upon my military expertise. Demolitions, weapons, wetwork, that sort of thing."

"Okay, your task is to assist us with stealing the prize money for the Cannonball Run." said Tanner. "While Darden, Korpi, and these Hot Alien Chicks are keeping the racers busy, we will be infiltrating their race headquarters."

"Did you say 'The Cannonball Run'?" asked Everett.

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Tanner.

"I think I know the perfect person to call for this mission." said Everett. "Have you heard of former Commander Alice J. Foyt?"

"I have." said Darden. "I think we can go get her if you want."

"Yeah, DeMarco asked me to look for her." said Tanner. "You guys go get Ms. Foyt and I'll introduce these guys to Mr. DeMarco."

"I'll see you later." said Everett as he restarted his truck.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Boulder Hill, Nevada, Matt Trakker walked into MASK headquarters and met with Bruce Sato.

"Bruce, you wanted to see me?" he asked.

"Yes, Matt." said Bruce. "I'm sure you're aware the Cannonball is taking place once again."

"Yes, I'm aware of that." said Matt. "Have you found out how the participants managed to obtain all of our designs two years ago?"

"No, I'm still working on that." said Bruce. "I'm afraid we have no choice but to enter the race ourselves to investigate."

"Not that entering the Cannonball isn't exciting enough." said Matt.

"Of course." said Bruce. "I've already rigged up a vehicle with Buddy." He then pushed a button and a silver Ford Puma rolled into the room.

"Looks good." said Matt. "Does it have a vehicle code name?"

"I call it the Boost." said Bruce.

"Great, but we might need some help." said Matt. "Computer, select MASK agent best suited for this mission."

"Personel: Gloria Baker." said the computer. "Champion race car driver."

"Personel approved." said Matt. "Assemble Mobile Armored Strike Kommand!"

XXXXXXXXXX

In New England...

"Dr. Fred! Dr. Fred!" called Bernard Bernoulli. "Are you here?"

"Ah yes, Bernard." said Dr. Fred Edison as Bernard entered his mansion. "I believe you're familiar with the Cannonball Run."

"You want me to enter the Cannonball?" asked Bernard.

"Of course." said Dr. Fred. "Who else is stup...gutsy enough to drive it?"

"And you thought of me?" said Bernard. "I'm honored."

"Of course, you can't do this without a car." said Dr. Fred. "Come."

Dr. Fred led Bernard into the garage. A pink Ford Escort Cosworth sat on the lift with a giant orange demon working on it.

"Behold!" announced Dr. Fred. "The Bryanston V! Oh, this is our chief mechanic, Glottis."

"Hey, man!" squealed Glottis. "How do you like the car?"

"It's...pink!" gasped Bernard.

"Yeah! But it's real fast!" gushed Glottis. "This thing has serious power!"

"And it's yours." said Dr. Fred.

"Wow, me alone with this car." sighed Bernard.

"Oh, you won't be alone." said Dr. Fred. "I hired someone for your protection." A motorcycle engine was heard and Dr. Fred added "Here he is now."

A custom motorcycle pulled into the garage. The rider climbed off and walked over to the others.

"I, uh, got your call." said the biker.

"Bernard, meet Ben." said Dr. Fred. "He'll be your protector-slash-codriver."

"Hi, I'm Bernard Bernoulli." said Bernard. "Who are you?"

"Ben." said Ben.

"Before we go any further," said Dr. Fred. "you have to go."

"Okay, wish us luck!" said Bernard.

"You drive." said Ben. "I don't like anything with more than two wheels."

Ben and Bernard climbed into the Bryanston V and drove off.

"There go two very crazy individuals." said Dr. Fred.

Suddenly, an old DeSoto police car crashed through the wall. A dog wearing a suit and hat climbed out of the driver's seat and a vicious looking rabbit climbed out of the passenger seat.

"Hello!" said the dog.

"This looks like the place, Sam." said the rabbit.

"Looks like the car isn't here, Max." said Sam, the dog.

"Uh oh." said Dr. Fred. "What's wrong?"

"I'm Sam and this is Max." said Sam. "We believe that you recently purchased a stolen car, an Escort Cosworth."

"Oh, uh, yes." said Dr. Fred. "But I didn't know it was stolen."

"That's what they all say." said Max, the rabbit.

"Are you questioning my work, bunny?" asked Glottis.

"You bet, big, orange, and ugly." replied Max.

"Bring it on, wabbit!" said Glottis.

"You got it!" said Max. Max then pounced on Glottis, but the big demon just grabbed him and dropped him into his mouth.

"Uh, while your friend is digesting my friend," said Sam "maybe you can answer some questions. First off, where's the car?"

"On the road." said Dr. Fred. "It was entered in the Cannonball Run."

"Where's that starting from?" asked Sam.

"A cruise ship currently docked in Boston." said Dr. Fred. "After they're done partying in the Bermuda Triangle, the race starts."

"When does the ship leave?" asked Sam.

"Tomorrow morning." said Dr. Fred. "If you want to catch them, you might want to leave now. Traffic, you understand."

"Thanks, we're on our way." said Sam. He walked over to Glottis and whispered something into his ear. Glottis suddenly looked very nauseated and spit out Max.

"Let's go, Max." said Sam. "We've got a car to recover."

"What did you say to the big nasty?" asked Max. Sam whispered in his ear and Max replied "That's gross, Sam!"

XXXXXXXXXX

In the middle east, Corvax was working on a dark blue BMW 760iL while wearing headphones.

"Sharif don't like it!" he sang. "Rock the casbah! Rock the casbah!"

Suddenly, electricity started to crackle around the courtyard. Then, there was a bright flash of light and a man in a police uniform appeared where the engine of another car had once been.

"I take it you're one of the bodyguards I hired." said Corvax.

"That I am." said the "man". "Terminator designation T-1000 at your service."

"Good to see you." said Corvax. "Come into my study and we'll discus our race plans."

"There is no time to waste." said the T-1000. "We must leave as soon as possible."

"There will be time for rushing during the race." said Corvax. "We can afford to be patient now."

"No, we must leave." said the T-1000. "We must hurry or..."

Just then, more electricity crackled followed by another flash of light. When it cleared, a woman was standing near them.

"Terminator designation T-X at your service." she said. "I was hired by a man named Corvax."

"You must be my other bodyguard." said Corvax. "Good to see I'm getting my money's worth."

"Mr. Corvax, you're wasting your money on her." said the T-1000. "She will leave you with a messed up mind and a badly bruised heart."

"Still bitter I see." said the T-X.

"Bitter?" yelled the T-1000. "You cheated on me with a T-600!"

"You cheated on me with a Toyota." replied the T-X.

"It was lonely!" replied the T-1000.

"Enough!" called Corvax. "We need to discus our plans and we don't need to be arguing about useless things."

"Then, fire him." said the T-X.

"No, her!" said the T-1000.

"Here's the deal." said Corvax. "You will both attempt to get into my car, the Schneller V8. Whoever doesn't get into the car will be fired."

"No problem." said the T-1000. He walked over to the car's grill and put his hand against it. In short order, his hand oozed through the grill and pulled the hood latch. The hood opened and revealed the engine.

"Allow me." said the T-X. She walked over and turned her hand into an antenna. She touched the ECU and a spark flowed into it. The doors then unlocked.

"Ah, good work!" said Corvax. "Since you both managed to get into the car without problems, neither one of you is fired. Come, we plan."

"I got the doors open." said the T-X.

"Just remember who got the hood open." said the T-1000. The T-X responded by punching the T-1000 in the face. Her fist went right through his liquid metal head. "Oh, that's mature." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere over Iowa...

"Hi, folks! Super Dave Osbourne here! Working together with my chief stunt co-ordinator Fuji Hakayito, I have been planning and preparing for the Cannonball Run. This is a very dangerous and challenging race and will be a true test of my abilities. To promote my participation in the race, I will be performing a parachute jump in the car I will be using in the race, the Alarde."

Super Dave held out his hand to display a yellow Lotus Elise. It had parachutes attached to the front and rear bumpers.

"Fuji, can you give out the details on the parachute jump?" asked Super Dave.

"Of course, Super." said Fuji. "After you drive out of the plane, you pull the ripcord on the dashboard and guide the car towards the bullseye. When you land, pull the switch and the parachutes will detach. And that's all there is to it."

"Thank you, Fuji." said Super Dave. "Are we ready?"

"Yes." said Fuji. "You may proceed."

"Thanks again." said Super Dave as he entered the car.

"Ready?" said Fuji. "Go!"

Super Dave drove the Alarde out of the plane's cargo bay. It tumbled through the air towards the bullseye on the ground.

"I'm checking the altimeter and I'm approaching the ideal altitude to pop the chutes." announced Super Dave. "Here goes."

Super Dave pulled the ripcords, but only the rear one worked.

"Wait, we've only got one chute!" yelled Super Dave. "The front one didn't..."

The rear parachute deployed and the car pitched forward. Super Dave was ejected from the driver's seat and plummeted towards the ground.

"I think I should've taken that emergency chute!" screamed Super Dave in mid-freefall.

A couple of seconds later, he slammed into the bullseye. A moan swept through the crowd.

"Boy, wasn't that something?" asked a redneck.

"Are you kidding?" asked a woman with him. "That was the dumbest thing since that dimwit tried to jump off the CN Tower."

"That was him!" said the redneck.

Super Dave moaned as he tried to pick himself up. "Oh, Fuji." he groaned. "Call me a paramedic."

"Okay, Super." said Fuji as he took out his remote and hit a button. "I'll just...oops." He then pushed another button and said "Sorry, I accidentally released the chutes."

"Released the what?" asked Super Dave. Suddenly, the Alarde dropped out of the sky and landed on him. "Ow, record pain!" he groaned.

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York City, true believers...

"Hey, I know you!" said newspaper reporter Peter Parker. "You're Frank Castle! You were with the NYPD when your family was killed."

"Yes, I was." said Frank. "How did you know that?"

"I was the reporter who covered it." said Parker. "Peter Parker, Daily Bugle."

"Then, you know who I am, right?" asked the young green-eyed woman who walked in.

"You're Elektra Natchios!" said Peter.

"Wait, Natchios?" asked Frank. "As in Nikolas Natchios?"

"That's the one." said Elektra.

"What are you doing here?" asked Peter.

"The same as you, I assume." said Elektra. "I was given an invitation to take part in the Cannonball Run and told to report here."

"So was I." said Peter.

"Me too." said Frank. "Who is our mysterious host?"

"That would be me." said the man who entered the room, scientist Bruce Banner. "I see you all made it."

"We sure did." said Peter.

"So, you're the one who organized this." said Frank.

"I am." said Bruce. "Now that you're here, would you like to take a look at the vehicle?"

"Of course." said Elektra.

"Very well." said Bruce. "Come along."

Bruce led them into the garage.

"Welcome to my lab, fellow Cannonballers." said Bruce. "I think you'll find this vehicle I've built for the race to be just perfect."

"Yeah, nice." said Peter. He looked over the dark gray Hummer H2 in the center of the room. Chrome American Racing Hopster rims with gigantic tires were mounted to the wheels. The truck sported a decent body kit with a heavy duty brush guard. The front and doors were painted in a blue and purple flame job and the windshield banner read "Excelsior" in orbit font.

"We can probably win just by ramming the others out of the way with this." said Frank.

"I know that's probably your style," said Bruce "but the Warhawk is built for speed, not combat."

"Speed? It's an SUV." said Elektra. "You're probably not going to get that thing going too fast before it rolls over."

"That's where you're wrong." said Bruce. "I modified the frame so that the center of gravity was lowered. The vehicle should handle almost like a sports car."

"It looks like it hasn't lost any off-road capability." said Peter. "Has it?"

"No it hasn't." said Bruce. "So, are we ready to go?"

"I am." said Peter.

"So am I." said Frank.

"Me too." said Elektra.

"Alright, let's go then." said Bruce.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in America, a teenage boy named Malcolm walked up his driveway. "It's still unbelievable, but they're letting us take part in the Cannonball Run." he said, to the audience apparently. "Normally, Mom and Dad wouldn't let us do this, but they're letting us due to the family's financial situation. Luckily, Francis' boss Otto gave us his old Volkswagen Golf as a severance gift and let us fix it up and use it in the race. Unfortunately, Francis and Reese don't seem to have any idea what they're doing."

Malcolm came upon his older brothers Francis and Reese working on the Volkswagen. They weren't doing very well. "Look, just try to get this thing running." demanded Reese.

"I'm doing the best I can." said Francis. "What makes you think I know how to work on one of these things?"

"Well, you look like that Paul Walker guy." replied Reese.

"As I said, it's not going well at all." said Malcolm.

"Can't you at least give me those instructions?" asked Reese.

"Won't do you any good." said Francis as he handed the instructions to Reese. "I checked. There's several pieces missing."

"How's it going?" asked Malcolm.

"Not well." said Francis. "We're trying to figure these instructions out and they're written in geek."

"What are you trying to install?" asked Malcolm.

"A fuel delivery system." said Reese. "Unfortunately, we appear to be missing several parts."

Just then, their younger brother Dewey walked out of the house with the fuel delivery system. "Hey, guys." he chirped.

"Dewey, is that the fuel delivery system?" asked Malcolm.

"Yeah." said Dewey. "I was bored, so I decided to work on something."

Malcolm checked the instructions. "This is absolutely perfect." he said. "Dewey, thank you."

"Anytime." said Dewey. "I just wanted to help out and I'm too young to have a driver's license."

"I'll put it into the car." said Francis. Within a few minutes, the fuel delivery system was installed in the car.

"Okay, let's go." said Francis.

"Did we name this thing yet?" asked Reese.

"I thought we'd name it something French to give it class." said Francis.

"Oh, come on!" said Reese. "We need to give this car a real cool name like 'Villain', or 'Assassin', or 'Rogue'."

"Why don't we compromise?" asked Malcolm. "We'll give it a cool, dangerous name, but translate it into French. For example, 'Rogue' in French is 'Fripon'."

"That's great." said Francis. "Fripon."

"Ooh, better." said Reese. "Fripon X!"

"Yeah, that's perfect." said Malcolm. "Let's go."

"Goodbye, guys." said Dewey as his older brothers climbed into the car. "Good luck."

Francis started the car and drove out of the driveway towards the meeting place.

Dewey ran out into the street after them and waved as his hamster ran by in its exercise ball.

XXXXXXXXXX

In upstate New York, Lara's team stopped at a gas station to refuel.

"THAT'S your jumpsuit?" asked Chun Li as she climbed out of the Zender.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" asked Cate as she followed. She was wearing a bright orange and white jumpsuit.

"Well, it's going to be hard to remain inconspicuous in that." said Chun Li. "When you said you wore it on missions, I thought it would be black. I mean you're a secret agent, but you'd stick out wearing that."

"So? You girls don't exactly blend in yourselves." said Cate.

"Lara, I've been thinking." said Joanna. "Maybe we should get a little more practice before the Cannonball."

"I think you're right." said Lara. "Now, all we need is someone to practice against."

"Did somebody mention the Cannonball?" asked a man in orange and black motorcycle leathers that said "Carpe Diem" across the front.

"Why, yes." said Lara. "You know of it?"

"I'm in it." said the man. "Cary Ford. Nice to meet ya."

"We're looking for a little practice." said Joanna. "You think you can take on the Zender Alpha?"

"Zender Alpha?" asked Ford. "Bet it doesn't stack up against the Monsoni." He pointed to a black motorcycle.

"You're on." said Lara.

The girls paid for their gas and returned to the highway. Ford was right behind them on the Monsoni. He signaled to them to start the race.

"Let's go!" yelled Joanna who was driving. She took a brief lead, but Ford destroyed it a second later.

"Lighter and thinner." said Ford as he patted the bike.

"Joanna, punch it!" begged Cate. "You can't let us lose to an upstart."

"Who said I was LETTING us lose?" asked Joanna. "Hang on!"

Joanna turned to the shoulder and used it to pass the traffic, which was getting heavier. Ford was starting to be held back by the traffic.

"Not this time." he said.

He popped a wheelie and rode up the back of a New Beetle. He ramped off the car and landed on the back of a flatbed truck. He then rode up a bunch of wooden A-frames the truck was carrying and jumped the bike onto a nearby bus. He rode the length of the bus and jumped onto a trailer truck. After reaching the front end, he dropped back to the highway and rode out of the traffic congestion. The Zender was right next to him.

"You see, a bike can zip through even the densest of traffic." explained Ford. "That's one advantage over a car."

"Not bad." said Lara. "But we'll see how you do in the real race."

"I look forward to it." said Ford.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Liberty City, Joey Leone was working under the hood of a '70 El Camino. It was painted metallic orange with yellow flames, had a gold-plated roll bar and gold trim, gold-plated American Racing Rebel rims, an airscoop sticking through the hood, and side-exit exhausts.

"So, when are you gonna finish with this thing, huh?" asked his girlfriend, Misty.

"Just give me a second." said Joey. "She'll be done before you know it."

"If you need help, just say something." said Misty.

"Yeah, could you get me the 5/8 wrench from the workbench?" said Joey.

Misty walked over to the workbench. Joey continued to work on the El Camino's engine. He looked up from his work to see a tall, muscular man with curly hair standing in the doorway. He adjusted his suit, then approached Joey.

"Okay, I got your wrench." said Misty as she walked into the path of the tall man. He tried to step around her, but she stepped into his path and said "No, this is a 5/16 wrench." He tried to step around her again, but she stepped into his path and said "I guess you could use it as..."

Finally, the man shoved Misty into a stack of tires and kept going.

"Hey, that was rude!" yelled Misty.

"Vic." said Joey nervously.

Vic clamped his hands onto the El Camino's fender. "You're in big trouble, Joey." he said. "I gotta kill ya."

"Look." said Joey. "I know Big Wally. He wouldn't ask you to kill me right away. He probably just sent you here to arrange a payment plan."

"That's not what this says." said Vic as he took a piece of paper out of his pocket. It said "Vic, kill Joey."

"I'll try to get the money, Vic." said Joey. "I just need some time. I've got a major bet coming up."

"You're fifty grand in the hole, Joey." said Vic. "This bet had better come through. What is it?"

"The Cannonball Run." said Joey. "I've got a shitload of money on one of the teams. I know they're going to do well."

"And if they don't?" asked Vic.

"Well then, you kill me." said Joey.

"You're betting your life on a car race?" asked Vic. "That sounds like a long shot."

"Yeah, I think it is." said Joey. "I was desperate. If only there were a way to ensure a victory."

"Maybe there is." said Vic. "If we head to the starting line and sabotage the teams you bet against, your team just might come through."

"Isn't that a little thing we call cheating?" asked Joey.

Vic just laughed.

"Well, great." said Joey. "Let's do it."

"We'll take your car." said Vic.

"I call it the Assassin." said Joey. He and Vic got into the El Camino.

XXXXXXXXXX

In California, Jesse Richmond and Chester Greenburg stepped out of their house in the suburbs.

"Cannonball, here we come." said Jesse.

"Hey, you think your old car is up to the challenge?" asked Chester.

"I dunno." said Jesse. "Guess we'll find out in a little bit." He looked away from Chester and looked at the empty space where his car was usually parked, only it wasn't there. "Dude, where's my car?" he asked.

"Where's your car, dude?" asked Chester.

"Dude, where's my car?" asked Jesse.

"Where's your car, dude?" asked Chester.

"Do you feel like we've had this conversation before?" asked Jesse.

"Yeah, but I can't remember where." said Chester.

"Come on, man." said Jesse. "Where's my car?"

Just then, a delivery van drove away from the house across the street. When it did, it revealed an orange Renault Clio Sport with a sign on the side reading "Jesse and Chester".

"Who cares?" asked Chester. The two walked over to check out the car.

Jesse picked up the sign and discovered writing on the back. "Dear Jesse and Chester." he read. "We're very sorry, but we had to borrow your car again. We know you're going to attempt the Cannonball, so we gave you a better car for the race. It's called the Stadt. We're confident you will do well and we wish you good luck. Signed, the Nordic Dudes. P.S: We left a little surprise in the back."

"What did they need our car for?" asked Chester.

"They didn't say." said Jesse. "But with what they gave us, who cares?"

"Right, we're gonna kick some ass." squealed Chester.

The two then wiggled their fingers together and chirped "Shibby!" They then got into the car and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

In London...

"Ah, James." said R. "Glad you could make it."

"Well, I'm glad Q Branch is supporting me in the Cannonball." said Agent James Bond. "I believe you have something to show me."

"Yes, of course." said R. "Your car is right over here."

R led James to the vehicle bay. In the center was a silver Aston Martin Vanquish.

"James, meet the Victory." said R.

"Well, with this thing, I should meet victory." said James. "What kind of equipment have you given me?"

"Since there's a ban on weapons this year, you won't find those." said R. "You do have some nice gadgets though. For example, the Q Wedge will give you the ability to tilt onto your side wheels. The Q Smoke might be considered a weapon, but if not, you can use it to envelop anyone behind you in a thick cloud of smoke. And the Q Vision will give you night vision when you need it."

"Smashing." said James. "But no weapons, you say."

"Only personal weapons, James." said R. "You may bring your PPK. Oh, I'd like you to meet your partner."

"Hi there." said a voice. James turned around and saw a seven-foot-tall giant with stainless steel teeth.

"Jaws!" yelled James as he went for his gun. R stopped him.

"It's alright, James." assured R. "He's on our side now."

"Really?" asked James.

"Yeah, I used to be a real jerk." said Jaws. "But I'm much better now."

"Oh, well, if you say so." said James. "Shall we?"

"By all means." said R. James and Jaws got into the car.

"Did you hear?" asked James. "They're not letting us put weapons on the cars. They are, however, letting us use personal weapons."

"That's good." said Jaws. "Every time I show these to a dentist, he runs away screaming."

XXXXXXXXXX

After driving around Atlanta a little, Beatrix and Scott drove north. When they reached the Washington, D.C. beltway...

"The car seems to handle well." said Beatrix. "I think we have a chance."

"Hey, I was thinking." said Scott. "We've been driving against the clock most of the way, but we really haven't taken on anyone directly. Maybe we should race someone for practice."

"Good idea." said Beatrix. "But who?"

"How about this Lotus?" asked Scott. He pointed to a green Lotus Esprit just ahead of them. The car had green neons and window tint and sported chrome Privat Zwanzig rims and side graphics that faded from yellow to light green.

"You've got it." said Beatrix. She pulled up behind the Lotus and started flashing her lights.

In the Lotus, professional assassin Nina Williams was behind the wheel when she saw the Mongoose flashing its lights. "I think this boyo wants to race." she said.

"Are you going to oblige them?" asked her passenger, her sister and fellow assassin Anna Williams.

"That I am." said Nina. "Time to see what the Boomerang can do."

"Looks like he's agreeing to a race." said Scott.

"Hold on." said Beatrix.

The Mongoose roared into action and passed the Boomerang. Nina responded by taking the Boomerang to the next gear and keeping up with it.

"Watch out." said Anna. "Traffic's getting thicker."

"Don't worry." said Nina. "Paul gave me some tips for driving in this country."

Beatrix swerved to the left while Nina went right. Both ended up driving on the shoulders.

"Whoa, look out." said Scott. He pointed to a stalled car ahead of them.

Beatrix swerved back into normal traffic under a semi trailer. She came out from under the trailer and navigated through the mess to come out ahead of the Boomerang.

"You are awesome!" said Scott.

"Thank you." said Beatrix.

"How did they do that?" asked Anna.

"Probably not like this." said Nina.

She pushed the pedal to the floor and caught up with the Mongoose. She then swerved around another tractor-trailer and snuck past them. After passing the truck, she swerved in front of the Mongoose and shook the car's tail end.

"What the hell?" asked Scott.

"Wait, I know who that is." said Beatrix. She pulled alongside the Lotus and rolled down her window.

"Well, nice to see you're in the game as well." said Nina.

"Why not?" asked Beatrix. "I take it you're also Cannonballing."

"Aye, we are." said Anna. "See you at the start."

"Not if I see you first." said Beatrix.

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York...

"We're going to be in the Cannonball!" cheered Peter Venkman, one of the paranormal enforcers known as the Ghostbusters.

"That's great, Peter." said Egon Spengler, his fellow Ghostbuster. "But who's going to fight ghosts while we're out racing around the world?"

"Well, I didn't say we were all going to go." said Peter. "I'll need one partner, maybe two, and the rest of you guys can stay here and prevent New York from becoming a paranormal madhouse."

"Okay, but who?" asked Ray Stantz, another Ghostbuster.

"I'll go." said Winston Zeddmore, the other Ghostbuster. "You know how much I love cars."

"Okay, but we'll need another." said Peter.

"Don't look at me." said Egon. "I can't let Ray do this alone."

"Yeah, and vice versa." said Ray.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Winston." said Peter.

"Hey, guys!" said the team's lawyer, Louis Tully. "I heard you were doing the Cannonball. Is that true?"

"Absolutely." said Peter. "Hey, we need a third. You wanna come with?"

"Did you just ask me to come along?" asked Louis.

"Of course." said Peter. "You in?"

"Wow, thanks." said Louis.

"What about your car?" asked Egon. "You're not taking the Ecto-1, are you?"

"No, we know you need it." said Winston. "I think we'll take the Modo Prego."

"You mean that car we were given by that millionaire guy?" asked Ray. "Our gift for ridding his mansion of ghosts?"

"It was the least he could do." said Peter. "After all, we did help him with his former business partners."

"Don't we need to work on the car?" asked Louis.

"I don't think so." said Peter. "I mean, look at it." He pointed out a yellow Porsche 911 GT3.

"Okay, we're off." said Winston.

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Francisco, police inspectors Nash Bridges and Joe Dominguez sat on the hood of Nash's '71 Hemi'Cuda in a downtown parking garage.

"When's that guy supposed to get here?" asked Joe.

"Soon." said Nash. "Then, it's off to the Cannonball."

"Are we gonna use the 'Cuda?" asked Joe.

"Nah, I don't want to risk damaging it." said Nash. "Our companion's bringing a car."

"How did he get a car?" asked Joe. "I thought he didn't like cars."

"Well, the Paris police gave it to him as a gift." said Nash. "Apparently, he helped them solve a murder they were having trouble with."

"When did he go to France?" asked Joe.

"He didn't." said Nash. "He solved the crime just by reading a newspaper right here in San Francisco. Here he comes."

A symphony of car horns sounded as a Citroen police car crept along with a long line of traffic behind it. The Citroen turned into the parking garage and parked a few spaces away from the 'Cuda. Then, it backed up and drove forward until it was exactly in between the lines. Then, a nervous-looking man climbed out.

"Adrian Monk." said Joe.

"Yo, Adrian!" called Nash.

"Nash, good to see you." said Monk as he approached. "I think you should be careful driving out there. Everyone's being so impatient."

"Yeah, I see that." said Nash. "How's the car?"

"Good." said Monk. "I just gave her a once-over. All the screws and bolts have been tightened. I refilled the oil, windshield washer, radiator, fuel."

"How often do you do that?" asked Joe.

"Every time I take it out." said Monk. "Why don't we go now?"

"Alright, but I'm driving, bubba." said Nash.

"Okay, fine with me." said Monk.

Nash got into the driver's seat, Joe sat next to him, and Monk climbed in back. "Remember to drive carefully." said Monk. "Don't go too fast."

"Adrian, this is racing." said Nash. "There's no such thing as 'too fast'."

Then, Nash threw the Paris Cop Car into reverse and peeled out. Nash then performed a bootlegger and sent Monk into a whimpering panic.

XXXXXXXXXX

In an insane asylum in upstate New York...

"Ah yes, I can show you to Commander Foyt." said Dr. Peter Silberman. "Poor lady went crazy after last year's Cannonball."

"Yeah yeah yeah." said Korpi. "Just show her to us."

"As you wish." said Silberman. He showed Darden and Korpi to Foyt's room. "That's her. Commander Alice Foyt."

"You are maintaining the speed limit, aren't you, doc?" asked Foyt.

"I haven't driven since you last asked me." said Silberman. "She's like this all day. The Cannonball must have really taken its toll."

"Sounds brutal." said Darden. "We must put a stop to these motorized hooligans."

"Yes, she must have been subjected to some severe mental trauma." said Silberman. "Like we all have from time to time..."

"If it's okay with you, we'd like a minute with her." said Korpi.

"Fine." said Silberman. "Be sure to let me know when you're done."

After Silberman left, Darden and Korpi entered Foyt's room.

"Alice J. Foyt?" asked Darden.

"Have you been obeying the speed limit?" asked Foyt.

Korpi just laughed maniacly. Darden lightly hit him in the chest.

"What brings you here?" asked Foyt.

"We're here with a job offer from a prestigious client." said Darden.

"Who is this prestigious client?" asked Foyt.

"You'll find out." said Korpi. "Of course, we're talking about a lot of money."

"I reject your offer." said Foyt. "I smell a rat. I want nothing to do with your client or his offer."

"It's really simple." said Darden. "We're just going to try to steal the prize money for the Cannonball Run..."

"The Cannonball?" said Foyt. "The Cannonball is the reason I'm in here. The Cannonball is the reason I went crazy. I want in."

"Good." said Darden. "The first thing we're going to do is get you out of here."

Darden and Korpi left Foyt's room with her. "I'll get the Stallion, you get her into position." said Darden.

"Gotcha." said Korpi. He started to walk towards the roof stairs with Foyt when Silberman noticed him.

"Hey, where are you going with her?" asked Silberman.

"Uh, taking her for a walk." said Korpi. "You know, let her stretch her legs, probably take a pee..."

"Ms. Foyt is an extreme flight risk." said Silberman. "She cannot be permitted to leave the building."

"How about this?" asked Korpi. He punched out Silberman and ran for the stairs with Foyt.

Korpi and Foyt climbed the stairs and found themselves on the roof.

"Now where do we go?" asked Foyt.

"Watch." said Korpi. He led her over to the side of the roof and showed her Darden pulling up to the side of the building in the Stallion.

"Happy landings." said Korpi as he pushed Foyt off the roof. She landed in the back of the Stallion.

"You okay back there?" asked Darden.

"Yes, now get us out of here." said Foyt.

"Here I come!" yelled Korpi. He jumped off the roof.

"Let's go." said Darden as he pulled away. Korpi then slammed into the road behind him. "Oh sorry, Korpi. You okay?" asked Darden as he stopped.

"Yeah yeah." said Korpi as he jumped into the back of the car. "Go!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the American heartland...

"And then the aliens rumaged through my notes looking for what I'd said." said the kid.

"Just what did you say?" asked former FBI Agent Fox Mulder.

"They were interested in finding out how those kids in Ohio defeated the alien faculty at their high school." said the kid.

"Why were they interested in that?" asked Mulder.

"They didn't say." said the kid. Just then, the two were interupted by an electric roar and a loud rattle. They turned to see the garage door opening.

"I thought you lived alone." said Mulder.

"I do." said the kid as a black sedan pulled into the garage.

"Do you know anyone who drives a Lexus?" asked Mulder.

The front doors opened and two men in black suits climbed out.

"The Men In Black." said Mulder. "I suppose I should've seen this coming."

"What has this kid been telling you, Fox?" asked Agent J.

"He's told me quite a story." said Mulder as he handed the MIBs his notepad. "Here, take a look."

"I know these guys." said Agent K. "They're nothing to worry about."

"What are they?" asked Mulder. "The FBI of space?"

"No, tabloid reporters." said K.

"Fox, are you aware that the Cannonball is being run again?" asked J.

"It is?" asked Mulder.

"That's why we're here." said K. "To find you."

"Is this our car?" asked Mulder. "It looks nice."

"The MIBs would have nothing less." said J. "The Lusso XT is the finest in human design and alien tuning."

"Great, let's go." said Mulder.

"One thing first." said K as he pulled out a pen-like object and popped on his sunglasses. "Young man, is this thing glowing blue?"

"Yeah, it is." said the kid as J and Mulder put on their sunglasses. Suddenly, the kid was stunned by a brilliant flash of light.

K returned to the car and said "As far as he's concerned, we were never here."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, an orange fox with two tails drove along a highway in a gold Nissan 350Z. Next to him was a red echidna.

"How's the RSMC 15 doing?" asked Kuckles, the echidna.

"It's doing great." said the fox, Miles "Tails" Prower. "When the Cannonball starts, I think we're going to do well."

"It should." said Knuckles. "I spent all week working on it. It's probably the fastest thing on the highway."

Just then, he looked in the rearview and saw a blue blur coming up fast.  
"Except for you-know-who." added Knuckles.

The blue blur caught up to the car and matched its pace. It turned out to be an extremely fast hedgehog.

"Sonic!" exclaimed Tails. "You made it!"

"You know I did." said Sonic, the hedgehog. "I wouldn't miss an opportunity to show off my speed. I also wouldn't give that plumber the satisfaction of knowing I didn't show up."

"You must be tired running this fast." said Knuckles. "Want a lift?"

"I'm actually not the least bit tired." said Sonic. "But okay." He jumped into the Nissan and they drove off together.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Chicago, Todd Chester walked back into his house after checking his mail.

"Did it come?" asked his wife, Margo.

"I'm looking." he said. "Phone bill, electric bill, water bill, Publisher's Clearing House, insurance bill."

"You're finally getting invited to be in the Cannonball." said Margo. "I know this is special for you"  
"Here it is!" yelled Todd. "Oh wait, that's something for Griswold. My mistake. Wait a minute, this is all Griswold's mail!"

"Oh no, the new mailman must've screwed up the addresses again." said Margo.

"Ah, don't worry." said Todd. "Griswold's a good neighbor. I'm sure he'll give us back our mail."

Next door...

"Let's see." said Clark Griswold while sorting through his mail. "Bill, bill, bill, Ed MacMahon, what's this?" Clark opened the letter and his eyes got wide. "Guys!" he yelled.

Immediately, his wife Ellen, son Rusty, and daughter Audrey ran into the room. "Clark, what is it?" asked Ellen.

"Apparently, we've been invited to be in the Cannonball!" said Clark. "I was going through the mail and I found this. Ellen, did you sign us up for this?"

"No." said Ellen.

"Russ?" asked Clark.

"Wasn't me, dad." said Rusty.

"Audrey?" asked Clark.

"Uh uh." said Audrey.

"Ah, who the hell cares?" said Clark. "It's about time we had another vacation anyway."

"Uh oh." said Rusty and Audrey together.

"What?" asked Ellen.

"Well, it's just that everytime we take a vacation," said Rusty "insurance companies start to go bankrupt."

"Yeah, there are countries that still shudder when our name is mentioned." said Audrey.

"Russell and Audrey, that's not nice." said Ellen. "True, but not nice."

"Relax." said Clark. "Maybe this time will be different."

"We don't even have a decent car." said Audrey.

"What about that station wagon Aunt Regina let us borrow?" asked Rusty.

"Sounds perfect." said Clark. "Let's go."

"Russ!" said Audrey as her parents walked out back.

"Audrey, relax." said Rusty. "Maybe dad will see the insanity of this and change his mind."

Rusty and Audrey followed their parents outside where a maroon Ford LTD Country Squire was parked. The wood panelling had been painted yellow and mag wheels were mounted.

"Kids, I think your Aunt Regina is a little loose in the head." said Clark. "I mean look at this thing."

"Dad, are you sure about this?" asked Audrey.

"Come on, kids." said Clark. "This isn't Wallyworld, it's the world."

"Does this car have a name?" asked Ellen.

"No, it doesn't." said Clark. "I think we need to come up with one."

"Wait, this car came from Aunt Regina, right?" said Rusty. "Maybe we should name it after her."

"Ah, good idea." said Clark. "We'll call it the Regina."

"The Regina." said Ellen.

"Well, folks." said Clark. "Let's go!"

The Griswolds piled into the Regina and drove off. A familiar song started to play.

**I found out long ago.  
It's a long way down the holiday road.**

**Holiday Road.  
Holiday Road.**

**Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.  
Take a ride on a West Coast kick.**

**Holiday Road.  
Holiday Road.  
Holiday Road.  
Holiday Road.**

**I've come back long ago.  
Long way down the holiday road.**

**Holiday Road.  
Holiday Road.  
Holiday Road.  
Holiday Road.**

-"Holiday Road" by Lindsey Buckingham.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Japan...

"We managed to tune the car to your liking." said Makoto. "If you enter the Cannonball with this, I'm sure you will win."

"Thanks." said Jarod as he looked over the white MR2. "From what I've heard, I'm going to need this car."

"You are getting quite a deal from us." said Ichiro. "Many street racers have visited us for equipment and come away winners."

"I'll do my best to honor your work." said Jarod.

Just then, Nikko ran in and squealed "Not so fast, squidhead! I know your secret."

"Be careful how you talk to our friend, Nikko." said Makoto. "Mr. Walker here has just finalized a deal to purchase the Vortex."

"Walker? I thought his name was McQueen." said Ichiro.

"He told me his name was Reynolds." said Nikko. "He infilatrated our circle to bring down Kenichi. Then he left me in a trap with no apparent escape. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of a riceboy, stupid squid."

"What do you think, Ichiro?" asked Makoto.

"I think he will be surrendering something." said Ichiro.

"I agree." said Makoto.

"I think I should warn you." said Jarod. "I can instantly learn martial arts...among other things."

"And I think I should warn you." said Ichiro. "I don't care."

Just then, the car's driver's seat was thrown at Makoto and knocked him down. Everybody looked to where the seat originated from and saw a little robot sitting in the car.

"Hurry!" said the robot. "We must escape!"

Jarod ran over to the MR2 and jumped into the passenger seat. The robot started the car and drove out.

Jarod looked over his shoulder at the pursuing street racers and said "I think we have maybe a minute before those guys get to their rice rockets and come after us."

"Think again." said the robot as they drove past the frames of the racers' cars surrounded by their other parts neatly arranged. "Rice rockets disassembled." added the robot.

"You know, you're literally the last thing I expected to show up." said Jarod.

"Well, I thought if I got in your good graces, you might let me join your team." said the robot.

"You are in my good graces and welcome to the team." said Jarod. "My name's Jarod. Don't worry about the last name. It changes all the time."

"You can call me Johnny Five." said the robot. "So, what did they call this car?"

"Makoto called it the Vortex." said Jarod. "He built it for me to drive in the Cannonball Run before things went south."

"The Cannonball Run." said Johnny Five. "I may be wrong, but wasn't there a car in the qualifying run called the Vortex?"

"Yes, there was." said Jarod. "I think we should call it something else like Vortex 2 or Vortex Jr."

"How about...Vortex 5?" asked Johnny Five.

"Perfect." said Jarod.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Nintendo headquarters, Mario was preparing for battle.

"Okay, paisans." he said. "The Cannonball is coming soon and we need to prepare."

"I agree, brother." said his brother Luigi. "But how?"

"Link is working on something right now." said Mario. "Soon, we can pick it up and get ready to go."

"And we can show that hedgehog a thing or two." said Luigi.

Mario then heard a chime that usually sounded when Link found an item. "Ah, it's ready."

Mario and Luigi headed to the loading dock to find Link working on a red Supra.

"Welcome to my lab." said Link. "Here's your first look at the Saikou. Like it?"

"It's-a ready!" said Mario. "Link, you've outdone yourself."

"Let's get ready to go." said Luigi.

The elfen warrior jumped into the car with the two Italian plumbers and the car was started.

"Hey, do you think we have a chance?" asked Link.

"Of course." said Mario. "If the machine should fail, and I'm sure it won't, we can rely on our skills."

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Mojave Desert, Michael Knight drove a silver Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution down the highway.

"So, what do you think of your new form, buddy?" he asked.

"I like it." said KITT, the car's computer. "It's practical, sleek, cozy."

"Cozy?" asked Michael. "KITT, if you don't like being small..."

"Oh, it's okay." said KITT. "Small is in. Small is, how you say, cool."

"Hey, who's that?" asked Michael as he spotted two men walking along the side of the road.

B.A. Baracus and Howling Mad Murdock walked down the highway.

"I'm telling you, we should have kept the SLF450X as a plane." said Murdock. "But no, Mr. Flying-Is-Too-Scary. We had to make it into a car. A car that caught fire when we started it and I think Billy was in there."

"Shut up, fool!" yelled B.A. "You know I hate flying!"

"Look, just because you're scared..." said Murdock.

"I ain't scared of nothin'!" yelled B.A. "Here comes a car. Let's get some help."

Michael pulled over. B.A. and Murdock were met with an open window. "Hey, you need a lift?" asked Michael.

"Hey thanks, man." said B.A. "We were getting ready for the Cannonball Run, but our car had a problem."

"Yeah, the problem was that the car was too on fire." said Murdock. "This set of wheels is nice. It doesn't sound stock, though."

"The Knight is far from stock." said Michael.

"Michael, I just ran a check on these two." said KITT. "They are B.A. Baracus and 'Howling Mad' Murdock, two members of the infamous A-Team."

B.A. looked at the dashboard in shock after realizing the car had just talked.  
"Hey, who are you calling infamous?" asked Murdock. "We're members of the FAMOUS A-Team. If you have a problem with that, I'll take you apart piece by piece."

"He's on the jazz again." said B.A.

"I've heard of you guys." said Michael. "I'm also taking part in the Cannonball and I could use a couple of guys like you on my team."

"Michael, you're giving an offer to MEN?" asked KITT. "I thought you only gave offers to WOMEN."

"Right now, they're our best chance." said Michael. "So, what do you say?"

"I'm in." said B.A. as he climbed into the Knight.

"Me too." said Murdock as he jumped into the backseat.

"I'm Michael Knight, by the way." said Michael. "And this is KITT."

"We're in the Cannonball!" cheered Murdock.

"And we ain't flying!" chimed B.A.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Warioware Inc, Wario was preparing for battle.

"Okay, youse mugs." he said. "The Cannonball is coming soon and we need to prepare."

"I agree, brother." said his brother Waluigi. "But how?"

"Link is working on something right now." said Wario. "Soon, we can steal his idea and get ready to go."

"And we can show that other plumber a thing or two." said Waluigi.

Wario then heard a chime that usually sounded when Mario was defeated. "Ah, it's ready."

Wario and Waluigi headed to the dungeon to find Bowser watching a closed-circuit TV showing Link working on a red Supra. Next to Bowser was a blue Supra with a wide body kit.

"Welcome to my lab." said Bowser. "Here's your first look at the Saikou XS. Like it?"

"It's not ready!" said Wario. "Bowser, you incompetent moron!"

"Gimme a break! I was trying to copy what Link was doing." said Bowser. "I couldn't work on the car while I was watching him. What if I missed something?"

"We don't have time to fix it. We must get ready to go." said Waluigi.

The giant turtle-creature jumped into the car with the two evil plumbers and the car was started.

"Hey, do you think we have a chance?" asked Waluigi.

"Of course." said Wario. "If the machine should fail, AND I'M SURE IT WILL, we can rely on our secret plan."

XXXXXXXXXX

In St. Louis, a man known as Wily walked into a local youth center where he was a counselor.

"Okay, guys." he said. "I know you and Puck have spent a while working on this car. Now, it's time to see how you guys made out."

"Don't worry, Mr. Wily." said one of the kids. "You and Mr. Puck trained us well."

"Yeah, we'll see." said Wily. He walked into the garage and saw what he was looking for. His fellow counselor Puck was polishing a purple '64 Chevy Impala. The trim had been plated gold as had the Asanti AF122 rims. The top had been chopped, a set of side exhausts had been attached, and a mural had been painted in green on the sides and down the center as two stripes.

"Hey, what's up, Wily?" asked Puck.

"How's the car?" asked Wily.

"Nice." said Puck. "When we show up at the start, people's jaws are going to drop."

"That's cool." said Wily. "Kids, the fact that this car is working so well is a testament to your growing skills. To show off how well you did, Puck and I are going to enter it in the Cannonball Run."

The kids cheered.

"So then, Puck." said Wily. "Do we have a name for this car yet?"

"I struggled with that for a while, but then the answer was obvious." said Puck. "Since we took a Nova and made it into something incredible, I thought it would be only appropriate to call it the Supernova."

Wily was taken slightly aback. "Uh...yeah." he said. "That's a good name. It's pretty cool."

"Hey, are we going to do this or what?" asked Puck.

"Oh, sure. Sure." said Wily. "Kids, wish us luck and we'll make you proud."

"Bye!" yelled the kids in unison. Some added a little "Good luck!"

Wily climbed into the front passenger seat and Puck took the wheel. A minute later, the garage door had opened and the car rolled out.

While they were on the highway out of St. Louis, Puck asked "Hey, don't you think it's kind of a bad thing that we got the kids to help us with something we're using to do something illegal?"

"Not really." said Wily. "We could be doing worse. Puck, there's something I wanted to discus with you about the car's name."

"I knew it!" said Puck. "You don't like it. Why doesn't this surprise me? I come from a long line of bad namers. Shit, I was named after a piece of hockey equipment!"

"No, no, the name's fine." said Wily. "It's just that...this isn't a Nova, it's an Impala."

"Oh." said Puck. "It is a good name, right?"

"It is." said Wily.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Japan's Kitchen Stadium...

"(With the Cannonball Run fast approaching, I have had to organize my effort quickly.)" announced Chairman Kaga. "(I have tested my personel thoroughly and my best driver is none other than one of my Iron Chefs. He is one of the best Italian chefs in Japan and a truly daring individual. Without further delay, I must introduce my driver for the race, Iron Chef Italian Masahiko Kobe"  
(Translated from Japanese.)

The curtains parted and Masahiko Kobe entered the arena. He walked up to the Chairman and shook his hand.

"(Iron Chef Kobe, thank you for coming.)" said the Chairman.

"(A pleasure to be here.)" said Kobe.

"(Now, Kobe.)" said Kaga. "(I'm sure you realize that a race around the world is an arduous task for two men. We will require a third team member for the journey and we will select him from your fellow Iron Chefs. And so, I summon the Iron Chefs!)"

Everyone's attention was focused on the elevating platforms at the back of the arena. On the platforms were Iron Chef French Hiroyuki Sakai, Iron Chef Japanese Masaharu Morimoto, and Iron Chef Chinese Chen Kenichi.

"(Since I have selected you as the primary driver, I shall allow you to decide our teammate.)" said Kaga. "(So, tell me. Who will it be!)"

"(Chen-san, please!)" called Kobe.

Chen smiled and stepped off the platform. He walked over to Kobe and shook hands with him.

"(Welcome to the team.)" said Kobe.

"(This will be fun.)" said Chen.

"(A special team requires a special car.)" said Kaga. "(And we have such a car for this team. We unveil the car!)"

He removed a cover from a frame at the center of the stage. A gunmetal grey Nissan Skyline rose on an elevating platform. Kobe and Chen looked at it and smiled.

"(The Cannonball car...Torque JX.)" said Kaga.

The Chairman and his Iron Chefs climbed into the car and got it started.

"(Let's add the Cannonball to our list of victories.)" said Chen.

"(Then, we're off.)" said Kobe.

"Allez racing!" called Kaga as they drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Sunshine Autos, Vice City, Florida...

"Hello?" asked Max Payne. "Is anyone here?"

"Looking for me?" asked the man in the flowered shirt.

"I was the top finisher in the Cannonball qualifying run." said Max. "I was told I'd be teamed with you."

"That's true." said flowered shirt man. "My partner from last year decided to bow out of this one. Tommy Vercetti. Nice to meet you."

"Max Payne." introduced his teammate. "So where's the car?"

"Come on." said Tommy. "Let me show you."

The two men walked out of the showroom and down a ramp to the storage garages. Tommy led Max to one garage and opened it. Inside was a yellow sports car.

"Wow!" said Max. "That's a Saleen S7!"

"I call it the Veloci." said Tommy.

"Call it what you want, it's cool." said Max.

"Shall we?" asked Tommy as he flipped open the Veloci's door.

"We shall." said Max as he climbed in.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in America, a skylight was pried open. Beneath it was a room full of police cars from around the world. The man who had done the prying stuck his hand through the gap and pointed around while making whirring sounds. Then, he and his partner dropped into the room.

"All clear." said Larvell Jones.

"Okay, guys." said Carey Mahoney. "It's safe."

Jones and Mahoney were followed by fellow police officers Eugene Tackleberry, Moses Hightower, Laverne Hooks, and Zed who all jumped on to the platform they were on and climbed down to the floor below. Officer Douglas Fackler climbed through the skylight and fell onto the car next to the platform, collapsing the suspension.

"I guess we won't use that one." said Mahoney.

"What are we doing here?" asked Hooks.

"They're running the Cannonball again and the organizers asked me to put together a protection force." said Mahoney. "We're here to get some cars."

"What about guns?" asked Tackleberry. "Where do we get guns?"

"Easy, Tack." said Hightower.

"Hey, Mahoney." said Jones. "Let's take this one." He pointed at a Crown Victoria police car from New York City.

"Nice choice, Jonesey." said Mahoney.

"I think this one will be ours." said Tackleberry as he looked at a Vauxhall Vectra police car from London.

"Looks nice." said Hightower. "Let's go."

"Ooh, I like this one." said Hooks as she looked at a Nissan 300ZX police car from Tokyo.

"Yeah, this one is pretty neat!" said Zed as he pointed at the Z emblem on the hood. "Hey, look. It's got my name on it. At least it would if this were England."

"Wait for me." said Fackler.

"Okay, guys." said Mahoney. "I'm honored that you all decided to join the protection team. There are some fine racers out there who need our help to avoid being the victims of somebody's evil schemes. So, let's go and meet our teammates and head for the starting line."

The officers climbed into their cars and drove out of the room. Outside, they found a man in a cowboy hat and a man in a varsity jacket waiting for them.

"Guys, meet your teammates." said Mahoney.

"Hi, folks." said the cowboy hat guy. "Cordell Walker, Texas Rangers."

"You can just call me Flash." said the varsity jacket guy.

"I understand we're going to be protecting the Cannonballers." said Walker. "We have no time to waste."

"Let's go." said Flash as he climbed into the London Patrol Car.

Walker climbed into the New York Police Car and they took off.

"So, tell me." said Walker. "Why do the Cannonballers need protection? They've never needed it before."

"Well, they've had problems two years in a row, so they kinda figured." said Mahoney. "Besides, one of the organizers was tipped off about a possible threat, so they're taking it seriously."

XXXXXXXXXX

In their office, Brock, J.J, and Victor made their plans.

"So, the Cannonballers have been notified?" asked Brock.

"They're on their way." said J.J.

"And the bridges?" asked Brock.

"They're up and heavily protected." said Victor.

"Good, I don't want a repeat of last year." said Brock.

"The ship has been chartered as well." said J.J.

"Excellent." said Brock. "What about our hosts and announcers?"

"We've got who we need." said Victor. "Here's one now."

Just then, "Amazing Race" host Phil Keoghan entered the office.

"Mr. Yates, the wild cards have been chosen." he said. "The qualifying run was a complete success."

"That's good to hear." said Brock. "Phil, how would you like to host the race?"

"I would be honored." said Phil.

"I must warn you that you will be sharing hosting duties with three others." said Brock. "In fact, two are here right now."

A large, muscular man and a smaller man wearing a fedora entered the office.

"Hello, Cannonball fans!" said the larger man. "Big Schwag here ready to host. And with me to cohost is my faithful companion, Frankie Whiteside."

"Thank you, Schwag." said the smaller man. "And we are in the office of race organizer Brock Yates."

"Guys, I would like you to meet your co-host." said Brock as he pointed out Phil.

"Wow, Phil Keoghan!" said Frankie.

"As well as the Big Schwag and Frankie Whiteside." said Phil. "Your work on 'Monster Garage' is exceptional."

"Hey, Phil." said Schwag. "Could you, you know, eliminate us?"

"Only if you express your disbelief." said Phil.

"Sure." said Schwag.

"Schwag and Frankie." said Phil. "You're the last team to arrive."

"What? No!" said Frankie.

"I'm sorry to tell you that you've both been eliminated from the race." said Phil.

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag.

The men laughed and shook hands. "So, who and where is our other host?" asked Phil.

"Mr. X is bringing him now." said J.J. "It's none other than Shadoe Stevens from 'Hollywood Squares'."

Just then, Mr. X walked in with a rolled-up carpet over his shoulder.

"Guess who I have in here." he said.

"Going out on a limb." said Brock. "Shadoe Stevens?"

"Oh yes." said Mr. X. "He wouldn't give me the time of day, so I had to use the carpet. And here he is."

Mr. X then unrolled the carpet and a small, blonde man tumbled out.

"Wha? What's going on here?" whined the man.

"Uh, excuse me." said Phil. "But isn't Shadoe Stevens taller?"

"And isn't his voice much deeper?" asked Schwag.

"And isn't his hair brown?" asked Frankie.

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Victor. "That's not Shadoe Stevens! It's David Spade!"

"What's going on here?" asked David Spade.

"Mr. Spade, welcome to my office." said Brock. "Would you like a drink?"

"Root beer if you got it." said David. "Now what's going on?"

"Have you heard of the Cannonball Run?" asked Brock.

"I've heard of it." said David as Victor gave him a root beer in a glass. "I'd only love to really take part in it somehow. What about it?"

"We're running it again and we need another host." said Brock. "And since we don't have time to go after our original choice, we'd like you to host and announce."

David dropped the glass. "Seriously?" he asked.

"Along with Phil, Schwag, and Frankie, we'd like you to host." said Brock.

"Really?" asked David as he started to shed tears of joy. "I mean, really really?"

"Really." said Brock.

"Are you crying?" asked J.J.

"No." cried David.

"Brock, we have a problem." said Mr. X. "One of my insiders has informed me that a drug kingpin named Jimmy 'Dr. Feelgood' DeMarco plans to steal the prize money."

"How reliable is this insider?" asked Brock.

"He's untouchable." said Mr. X. "He's also undercover working for DeMarco, so he has easy access to the information."

"Do you have any ideas how to handle this situation?" asked Brock.

"Already done." said Mr. X. "I've contacted Officer Mahoney and his classmates from the Police Academy. They, in turn contacted a couple of other law enforcement agents to help them protect the Cannonballers. We also have one team that's actually working undercover to root out DeMarco's men. One final measure was to contact an old friend of mine."

"What's his name?" asked J.J. "Mr. Y?"

"No, he calls himself the 'Lone Wolf'." said Mr. X. "It wasn't easy tapping him. He doesn't usually perform missions like this. When he heard it was about the Cannonball, he stepped right up."

"Where is he now?" asked Victor.

"On his way to the meeting place." said Mr. X. "We're all set."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in New England, the Lone Wolf rode towards the meeting place on his motorcycle.

"The Cannonball." he thought. "The ultimate auto race. It's hard to believe Mr. X has been working with the organizer Brock Yates. There are few in this world I can call 'friend'. Mr. X and my bike, the Nousagi, immediately come to mind. Now, he needs my help. I owe him much, I can't say no."

**It's all the same, only the names will change.  
Everyday it seems we're wasting away.  
Another place where the faces are so cold.  
I'd drive all night just to get back home.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
On a steel horse I ride.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.  
Wanted dead or alive.**

**Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days.  
And the people I meet always go their separate ways.  
Sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink.  
And times when you're all alone all you do is think.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
On a steel horse I ride.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.  
Wanted dead or alive.**

**I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back.  
I play for keeps, cause I might not make it back.  
I been everywhere, still I'm standing tall.  
I've seen a million faces, and I rocked them all.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
On a steel horse I ride.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
I got the night on my side.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.  
Wanted dead or alive.**

-"Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi


	3. Party Time

Cannonball Run 5: Special Edition

Part Three: Party Time!

AN:I'd like to thank the Turbo Man for giving me some ideas where I was blocked.  
One thing to address: I don't follow "Viva La Bam", so I wouldn't know how to write Don Vito even if he didn't have a brush with the law. There's a reason it's called FAN fiction.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Cannonballers gathered at the port of Boston as the Sea Phantom pulled into port. A helicopter flew overhead with the announcers and hosts on board.

"Wow, look at all those racers." said David Spade.

"We've got several returnees and a lot of new faces as well." said Phil Keoghan.

"Hey, Schwag! Look! It's Jesse!" yelled Frankie Whiteside.

"Really? Where?" said the Big Schwag.

"Next to that purple muscle car." said Frankie.

"Thanks, I see him now." said Schwag.

"Oh yeah, next to that guy with the shiny helmet." said David.

"Uh, he's not wearing a helmet." said Phil.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the ground, the occupants of the Mongoose and Boomerang climbed out of their cars.

"So, Beatrix." said Nina. "That was some fancy driving back in Washington."

"Thanks." said Beatrix. "You weren't so bad yourself."

"Should we go register for the race?" asked Anna.

"Sure, let's." said Nina.

"Scott, watch the cars." said Beatrix.

"Got it." said Scott.

Beatrix, Nina, and Anna walked off to register for the race. Meanwhile, Scott took in the scene. He leaned against the car, smiled at the usual passerby, and looked at the cars that were parked around the Mongoose.

Suddenly, a wave of blue electricity passed through him with a flash. When the flash disappeared, Scott had been replaced by another man, quantum physicist Sam Beckett. However, nobody noticed because they still saw him as Scott.

Confused, Sam looked around to get his bearings. He then looked at his reflection in the Mongoose's windshield. He saw Scott looking right back at him.

"Scott." said Beatrix as she returned. "Something wrong?"

It took a second for Sam to realize she was talking to him. "No, I just thought the windshield had a crack in it." said Sam. "I guess it was an optical illusion created by the light."

"Good thing you checked." said Beatrix. "Can't have windshield cracks during the Cannonball."

"The Cannonball?" said Sam, surprised. He looked around and saw a banner that read "Welcome Cannonballers!"

Sam looked away and sighed "Oh boy."

XXXXXXXXXX

The helicopter landed on the ship and the hosts climbed out. J.J, Victor, Brock, and Mr. X stepped up to meet them.

"Welcome to the starting line." said Brock.

"Not to mention the site of the pre-race party." said J.J.

"Good to be here." said David.

"Hey, X, when does your friend arrive?" asked Victor.

"There he is." said Mr. X as he pointed to a motorcycle that was racing across the roof of a nearby warehouse.

Lone Wolf leaped the Nousagi from the warehouse to the boom of a gantry crane. From the boom, he jumped onto the deck of the ship. He steered towards the men and slid to a stop on his front wheel. After returning to both wheels, he climbed off his motorcycle and removed his helmet.

"Folks, meet Lone Wolf." said Mr. X.

"Hey, how you guys doing?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Pretty good now that you're here." said Brock. "Mr. X speaks highly of you."

"He does?" said Lone Wolf. "Whoa, I hope I live up to the hype."

"Hey, you wanna meet the band?" asked J.J.

"Oh, sure." said Lone Wolf.

"That would be nice." said David.

"Then come along." said Victor.

The men entered the ship's lounge and found Beck talking with the members of Coldplay. He was comparing baby pictures with Chris Martin.

"Here we have Apple just before we took her home from the hospital." said Chris.

"Very nice." said Beck. "One question: Apple?"

"Ask Gwyneth." said Chris.

"Aren't you afraid she's gonna get some teasing when she's older?" asked Beck. "Like they'll ask if she has a brother named Orange?"

Lenny Kravitz was talking with the members of Blues Traveler. Lead singer John Popper was showing off his harmonica.

"All you have to do is this." said John. He blew a note and added "And there ya go. With some practice, you could be very proficient within a year."

"Thanks, that's great." said Lenny. "You know, 'cause I was thinking of using a harmonica on the next album."

The Counting Crows were having a chat with LL Cool J.

"Can you explain how you were 'going back to Cali' when you're from New York?" asked Crows lead singer Adam Duritz.

"Hey, as soon as you explain who Maria is." said Cool J.

The members of Love Fist were having a conversation with Slash and Meat Loaf.

"So, tell us." said Meat Loaf. "Are you guys actually gonna sing or are you gonna pull an Ashlee Simpson?"

"Of course we're gonna sing." said Jezz Torrent.

"I'll believe that when I see it." said Slash.

"You mean you actually have a face under that hair?" asked Jezz.

The members of Better Than Ezra were looking out the window at the field of cars.

"Hey, there's a Lotus." said lead singer Kevin Griffin.

"Nice to see you guys again." said a woman. The guys turned to see Sheryl Crow walking towards them.

"They called you too, huh, Sheryl?" asked Kevin.

"Are you kidding?" replied Sheryl. "I'm surprised they didn't call more than who's in this room."

"May I have your attention please?" asked Mr. X. The musicians all gathered around.

"So, this is our band." said J.J. "Let's see. Beck, Better Than Ezra, Blues Traveler, Coldplay, the Counting Crows, Sheryl Crow, Lenny Kravitz, LL Cool J, Love Fist, Meat Loaf, and Slash. Is this everyone?"

"No, it's not." said another man. Everyone turned to see...

"Brad Turner." said Victor.

...coming out of the restroom.

"I've got friends in the race." said Brad. "I had to come."

"We're just about ready to let the racers on board." said Brock. "Somebody want to give them some music?"

"I'll do it." said Kevin. "Guys?"

Tom Drummond and Travis MacNabb followed him.

"Need help?" asked Sheryl.

"Yeah and we also need a piano player." said Kevin.

"That's me." said Chris.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin sat on the hood of the PT Phoenix and laughed at Team Rocket in the Pirahna PDQ.

"What's so funny?" asked James.

"I can't believe they let you come back a third time." said Stone Cold. "You gonna bomb this one like the last two?"

"Guess again." said Jessie. "This is the Pirahna PDQ. You know what that stands for? Pretty Damn Quick."

"May I have your attention please?" asked Brock over the loudspeaker.

"No." joked Max Payne.

"We're just about to let you board the ship." announced Brock. "But first, some entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, Better Than Ezra featuring Sheryl Crow and Chris Martin."

"Okay, this one's going out to some friends of ours." said Kevin. "They're an up and coming band out of the French Quarter called Highway Outlaw. They have to be the biggest Cannonball fans out there."

A cheer swept through the crowd as Chris started on his piano. Kevin followed with a guitar riff and his vocals.

**Raindrops bead again.  
Make a tidepool on your summer skin.  
Shoplift the corner store.  
Shoulda got, shoulda got some more.  
How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?  
Baby, I don't know.**

**God, how you look the same.  
I recognize the face, but not the name.  
Pull over, never stop.  
A carmel-colored girl in a halter top.  
How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?**

**She says  
Me and you got a lot to do.  
We go rolling from Friday to Sunday noon.  
Stop, start a letter, rent-a-saint in back.  
Wanna hit the interstate in a Cadillac,  
and we're rolling.  
Yeah, we're rolling.**

Several cars paraded through the crowd. Just then, the Kid stopped and held out his hands. When he had a clear path, he raced down the strip doing a wheelie.

**Could it be that hard?  
Never mind the rent and you quit your job.  
Flying at what cost?  
Shout outs to the ones we lost.  
How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?  
Oh.**

**Don't mind me. Me, I'm fine.  
Just get a little lost sometimes.  
What I really meant to say,  
I couldn't live without you another day.  
How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?**

**She says Me and you got a lot to do.  
We go rolling from Friday to Sunday noon.  
Stop, start a letter, rent-a-saint in back.  
Wanna hit the interstate in a Cadillac.  
And we're rolling.  
Yeah, we're rolling.**

**Are you just worried to see me?  
Are you just worried to need me?**

Jesse and Chester rolled past the Torrida. When he saw the Stadt, Xander smiled and made a gun motion. Buffy followed with a thumbs-up, and Willow waved her hand.

Francis drove by the Bestia next. Memphis lowered his sunglasses, Dominic nodded, and Jesse gave an "Ozzy Osbourne salute".

**She says,  
Me and you got a lot to do.  
We go rolling from Friday to Sunday noon.  
Stop, start a letter, rent-a-saint in back.  
Wanna hit the interstate in a Cadillac.  
And we're rolling.  
Yeah, we're rolling.  
On a Sunday afternoon.  
Me and you, we're rolling.**

-"Rolling" by Better Than Ezra

XXXXXXXXXX

The ship's loading ramp lowered and the cars started to drive aboard.

Super Dave pulled into a parking space. "I'll wait here." he said. "You sign us up."

"Okey dokey, Super." said Fuji as he climbed out and ran to the registration desk.

"Once that's taken care of, we're all set." said Super Dave.

Just then, the LA Cop Car raced up the ramp behind the Alarde. Marcus was still steering while Regis was working the pedals.

"Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!" yelled Marcus.

"I can't reach them!" yelled Regis.

The LA Cop Car plowed into the rear end of the Alarde and crushed it against the wall.

As Super Dave squealed for help, Marcus and Regis crawled out of the Cop Car. They still had their hands cuffed behind their backs.

"Hey, look who's here!" said Mad Max Rockatansky.

"Who?" asked Highway.

"Highway, meet Marcus and Regis Ellenstein." said Max. "Marcus, Regis, meet Highway, the Highwayman."

"Nice to meet you guys." said Highway.

"Nice to meet you too." said Regis. "I'd shake hands, but..." He and Marcus turned around to show them their handcuffs.

"Could somebody please get these off?" asked Marcus.

"Sure, no problem." said Max as he took out a hacksaw. "So, which hand do you write with?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash Bridges signed the necessary forms and asked the official "Do we really have to do this? We were in the qualifying run."

"I'm sorry, sir." said the official. "But everybody has to."

"Alright, just checking." said Nash as he handed the form to Joe. "Okay, let's sign the thing so we can get to the pre-race party."

"And then what?" asked Monk.

"And then your Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder kicks in." said Joe as he finished signing the form.

"Oh please! My OCD is not that bad." said Monk as he started to sign the form. "Could I have another pen? This one's dead."

"Of course." said the official as he handed him another pen. He started to sign his name again, then stopped again.

"Could I have another pen please?" he asked. "This one's the wrong color."

"Oh, we don't penalize for that." said the official.

"I think you'd better honor his request, bubba." said Nash. "He's already two stages beyond anything we've seen before."

Sam Malone signed Team Cheers into the race. "You know, we were in the qualifying run too." he said. "That's how we got in."

"Yes, sir." said the official. "Welcome to the race."

Sam returned to the team and said "Okay, guys, we're all signed up. I think it's time we took in the pre-race celebration."

"Yup, got a party to attend." said Cliff.

"Right behind you, Mr. Clavin." said Woody.

"I think I'll surprise everyone and go to the bar." said Norm.

Sam laughed as Norm walked off to the bar. Norm opened the door, entered the bar, and was greeted by a cry of "Norm!"

Sam stared in surprise.

"He's got a rep, Sammy." said Cliff.

XXXXXXXXXX

"The cars are currently boarding the ship." said David. "I guess it won't be long before we can set sail."

"I think this race is going to be an all-timer." said Phil.

"I think you're right." said Frankie. "There's a shooting star."

Schwag looked up at the shooting star. "That shooting star looks a lot like a Volkswagen." he said.

The Emu plunged through the Earth's atmosphere towards the ship. "Well, the good news is that we're almost through the Earth's atmosphere and I don't think we'll need the heat shield anymore." said Mike.

"That's good." said Tom. "Because the heat shield has COMPLETELY BURNED AWAY!"

"Michael J. Nelson, now would be a good time to use that parachute." said Crow. Gypsy just screamed in terror.

"Hold on." said Mike. He pulled a switch and a series of parachutes deployed.

"Descent has slowed to to point where we can make a safe landing." said Gypsy, now calm.

"Looks like we should prepare for a water landing." said Tom.

"Oh no, I forgot my rubber duckie." moaned Crow.

"No problem." said Mike as he pulled another switch and an inflatable raft enveloped the car's bottom.

The Emu glided gracefully through the air for a few more minutes, then touched down on the water with a light splash. The parachutes drifted down and covered the car.

"Splashdown has occurred." said Mike. "Welcome to Earth!"

Gypsy, Tom, and Crow cheered. "Okay, next on our list." said Mike. "We somehow get to shore, somehow get on the ship, and somehow register for the race.

Just then, Phil and David pulled the parachutes off the car and looked into the passenger compartment. It turned out they had landed in the ship's swimming pool, not the ocean.

"Or we can just skip to registering for the race." said Tom.

XXXXXXXXXX

After all the Cannonballers pulled on board, the protectors followed. Tackleberry pulled into the ship's cargo bay.

"London Patrol Car, Eugene Tackleberry." he said.

"Congratulations, you managed to take the last space." said the official.

"Thank you." said Tackleberry as he drove into the cargo bay to take his space. Mahoney pulled in next.

"New York Patrol Car, Carey Mahoney." he said.

"I'm sorry, officer." said the official. "He took the last space."

"What do we do now?" asked Walker.

"You guys get out here." said Mahoney. "I'll take care of it."

Jones and Walker climbed out of the car and Mahoney drove off.

"I don't know what he's looking for." said Jones. "All the spaces are clearly taken.

Mahoney raced around the cargo bay, then raced back towards the entrance. Along the way, he drove over a ramp and tilted the car onto its side wheels.

"Of course, he also has been known to do many things no one else..." said Jones as Mahoney drove by.

Walker saw him and yelled "Holy shit!"

Jones looked and yelled "Jesus!"

Mahoney then wedged the police car between the Victory and the Modo Prego and climbed out the window. "It fits!" he yelled. "Damn thing fits! And I thought there were no more spaces. Am I an idiot or what?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In the lounge, the betting parlor was set up. The band members gathered around to place their bets.

"I'd like to place a bet on the Torrida." said Chris Martin.

"A million dollars on the Knight." said Adam Duritz.

"I'm putting up a hundred grand on the PT Phoenix." said Sheryl Crow.

"Settle down, people!" called the pit boss, a black woman with a British accent.

"My name is Nessa. I will be managing the betting on this race with the help of Chloe here." She pointed to a grumpy-looking blonde woman sitting in front of the computer. Chloe just waved. "Now then, if we can conduct the betting in a civilized manner, we shall get underway. Chloe, I believe Mr. Turner has a bet to make."

"Mr. Turner, what is your bet?" asked Chloe.

"I'll match Miss Crow's bet of a hundred grand." said Brad Turner.

"On who?" asked Chloe.

"On who else?" asked Brad. "The Boost. Those are my friends."

"Fine." said Chloe as she entered the information into the computer.

"Everybody, we are preparing to set sail soon." said Nessa. "If you'd like to wave goodbye to the fans, now is the time."

XXXXXXXXXX

Mr. X walked away from the ship and climbed into a black Ford Model B hot rod. He started it and drove off. He looked in the rearview at the Sea Phantom setting sail and said "Bon voyage."

The cruise ship pulled away from the dock and set sail for the Bermuda Triangle.

The spectators waved to the ship while cheering. Within minutes, the ship was a good distance away.

It was then that an old DeSoto police car and a Buick Riviera pulled up to the docks. Sam and Max jumped out of the DeSoto.

"Consarn it! We missed the boat!" yelled Sam.

"Maybe we shouldn't have stopped for corndogs." said Max as he took another bite from his corndog.

"We need a plan." said Sam. "We have to get on that boat."

"Maybe we can rent a plane to fly us out there." said Max.

"Are you nuts?" asked Sam. "That boat's going to the Bermuda Triangle. No one's crazy enough to fly there."

"I know of someone." said Max. "We have to go to Miami."

"Time's a wasting." said Sam as he got back into the car. The driver of the Riviera watched them drive off and gave chase.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the ship, the Cannonballers began the pre-race party.

Richard Parker and Larry Wilson sat next to the late Bernie Lomax in deck chairs.

"You know, I don't think it'll be so bad travelling with Bernie." said Richard.

"Yeah, it's not like he's gonna talk our ears off." said Larry as he took a flyswatter and whacked a fly that landed on Bernie.

"We'll just leave him in the backseat and keep the air conditioner on full blast." said Richard.

"Maybe we should bring extra formaldahyde." joked Larry.

"Right now, I think we should get extra drinks." said Richard.

"I'm with you." said Larry. "Hey, Bernie. You want anything?"

Bernie said " "

"Guess not." said Larry.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sam Beckett walked around the crowd, then strolled close to the ship's forecastle. He heard someone saying "Oh yeah. Very nice."

"Nice to hear you're enjoying yourself, Al." said Sam.

After that, a hologram of a man wearing a dark green suit and holding a multi-colored PDA-like device walked through the wall. "Women's restroom." said the man, Al Calavicci.

"So, what's going on?" asked Sam.

Al checked his device. "Your name is Scott Alukab." he said. "You're an auto mechanic who was born in Atlanta twenty-five years ago...and you die in Mongolia in a week."

"What?" asked Sam.

"You and your partner, international assassin Beatrix Kiddo," said Al "will die in a firey car wreck caused by someone trying to stop the race. Eyewitnesses said that the assailant was driving a Chevelle...or a Mustang...or a Charger."

"Good to know what to look for." said Sam.

"There's another way you can avoid getting killed." said Al.

"What's that?" asked Sam.

"Avoid Mongolia." said Al.

"Sounds like a plan." said Sam.

XXXXXXXXXX

Agent K walked over to Mulder and said "I was just talking to the captain and he says we just entered the Bermuda Triangle."

"That's interesting." said Mulder. "Say, is it true that aliens cruise the Bermuda Triangle and perform abductions?"

"Nah." said K. "You listen to too many stories."

Suddenly, a flying saucer flew over to the side of the ship and an alien climbed out the top. "Excuse me." it said. "Do you know where I can find Roswell?"

"Oh yeah, it's about three thousand miles to the west." said K. "Just look for Marty's. Can't miss it."

"Thank you!" said the alien. The flying saucer flew off.

"What was that?" asked Mulder.

"What was what?" asked K. "I didn't see anything."

XXXXXXXXXX

Back in Liberty City...

"And then the guy shoves me into the tires and threatens Joey." said Misty.

"Can you describe him?" asked the brown-haired man she was talking to, Donovan "Van" Ray.

"Well, Mr. Ray," said Misty "he was a bit more than six feet tall and had a very dated perm."

"So, you're saying he had curly hair?" asked the black man she was talking to, Deaqon "Deaq" Hayes.

"Yeah, that's right." said Misty.

"Did he have a name?" asked Van.

"I think it was something like Vince or Vance. Vic!" said Misty.

"Thanks." said Deaq. "That was a great help."

The two men walked outside to a red metallic '69 Dodge Charger with black racing stripes, a Holley airscoop for the supercharger, side exit exhausts, and Davin Speed 1 rims.

"You heard that description, Deaq." said Van. "Who does that sound like to you?"

"Vic DeRubis." said Deaq. "He's one of Big Wally's top enforcers."

"Misty said something about the Cannonball." said Van. "She said Joey had money on the race and they were going to make sure he won."

"You think they're going to try to fix the race?" asked Deaq.

"Yeah, that's what it looks like to me." said Van.

"Guess we gotta open a can of whoop-ass on him." said Deaq as he started to get into the Charger.

"You bet we do." said Van as he got in. "And that can is a Charger we call the Speedway."

He then started the supercharged Hemi engine and raced off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Out by the pool...

"Looks like everything's in order here." said Tackleberry.

"Yeah, the Cannonballers are behaving themselves." said Hightower.

"Hey, guys!" yelled Zed. "Look what I found!" He climbed out of the pool and held up a bikini top.

"Where did you get that?" asked Hooks.

"It was just floating there." said Zed. "Someone must've taken it off someone."

"What do you got there?" asked Flash as he walked over.

"It's someone's bikini top." said Tackleberry.

"Guys, why is there a gulper eel in the pool?" asked Hooks.

The "gulper eel" surfaced. It was Gypsy. "Okay! Who took off my bikini top!" she demanded.

"Hello, Cannonballers! Big Schwag here ready to host the watersports competition as part of the pre-race party. We are currently accepting entrants for the competition, so if you think you got what it takes, step right up!"

The T-X morphed her outfit into a swimsuit and dove into the pool. "Come on in. The water's fine." she said.

"I will not." said the T-1000. "I detect the water is very cold and will cause a temperature sensor overload if I were to dive in."

"Did this guy just say he's not getting in the pool?" asked Jesse Richmond.

"Yeah!" said Chester. "Let's change his mind."

They picked up the T-1000 and carried him to the pool. Despite his protests, they threw him in. The T-1000 thrashed around in sensory overload, rewinding through his various transformations until he got used to the temperature and morphed into a swimsuit.

"Ten points off for horseplay!" called Schwag.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Cannonballers, lend me your ears." said Phil. "Welcome to the latest running of the Cannonball Run. A new race is waiting in the wings. No fewer than fifty two teams are preparing to take part and show off how we..."

He was cut off by a woman's scream. Everybody looked to see Animal chasing Velma through the crowd while yelling "Woman! Woman!"

XXXXXXXXXX

At his home in Los Angeles, Shadoe Stevens watched the party while making lunch.

"Boy, I wish I could do announcements for that someday." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Phil continued "Shortly, we shall be ready to run the race. I'm sure you're all itching to try out those killer strategies and devious plans, but for now, it's time to celebrate. And now, we give you the Cannonball band, featuring Beck, Better Than Ezra, Blues Traveller, Coldplay, Counting Crows, Sheryl Crow, Lenny Kravitz, LL Cool J, Meat Loaf, Love Fist, Slash, and Brad Turner. Here, we have a little party song to get things started. This is, of course, 'Party Hard'."

Richard and Larry returned to the deck. "It's party time." said Richard.

Larry looked at their deck chairs and said "Richard, where's Bernie?"

Richard looked and saw the deck chair was empty. "Oh God, we have to find him." he said.

"Right." said Larry. "I'll take port, you take starboard!"

**When it's time to party, we will party hard.  
Party hard.**

**You,  
You work all night (all night)  
And when you work, you don't feel alright.**

**And we,  
We can't stop feeling alright. (alright)  
And everything is alright.**

**'Cause we will never listen to your rules. (No)  
And we will never do as others do. (No)  
We do what we want and we get it from you.  
We do what we like and we like what we do.**

**So, let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard. (Party hard)  
****  
Let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
When it's time to party, we will always party hard.**

Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.  
Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.

Richard and Larry returned to the deck.

"Did you find him?" asked Richard.

"Not a trace!" said Larry.

"Keep looking!" said Richard.

Larry turned and said "I found him."

"Where?" asked Richard.

"There!" yelled Larry as he pointed into the crowd. Bernie was crowd surfing.  
Richard and Larry stared in horror as the crowd tossed Bernie into the air repeatedly.

**Alright.  
You.  
You break the thing.  
And when you play, you feel alright.**

**But we,  
we can't stop feeling alright. (alright)  
And everything is alright.**

**'Cause we will never listen to your rules. (No)  
And we will never do as others do. (No)  
Know what we want and we get it from you.  
We do what we like and we like what we do.**

**So, let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard. (Party hard)**

Let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
When it's time to party, we will always party hard.

Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.  
Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.

-"Party Hard" by Andrew W.K.

The crowd cheered. "Alright." said Phil. "I'm sure that's got you going. Take in the party, because in short order, it will be time to race and that's when the real fun begins. I understand Chairman Kaga is holding a cooking competition in the ship's dining hall. For that, we go to Frankie Whiteside."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Thanks, Phil." said Frankie. "As you mentioned, the Chairman is in fact holding a cooking competition here in the dining hall. As expected, the competition will be performed 'Iron Chef' style. Hold on, here he is."

Chairman Kaga walked in to the applause of the field of racers. "If my memory serves me correctly," he said "there are both master and amateur chefs in this race. We have brought in not one, but two of those racers to compete in this makeshift Kitchen Stadium. These are two radically different competitors and they are here. For the first three-way Iron Chef battle, I introduce the first of the two competitors. Please give a welcome to...REESE!"

Malcolm's brother Reese walked into the Stadium and waved to the crowd. He walked up to the Chairman and shook his hand.

"Welcome, Reese." said Kaga.

"Nice to be here." said Reese.

"Before we go any further," said Kaga "I would like to introduce your competition. Everybody, I introduce...MICHAELANGELO!"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michaelangelo entered the Stadium and gave a dual peace sign to the audience. He then walked up and gave the Chairman a handshake so elaborate, you'd think it was a gang initiation.

"Welcome, Michaelangelo." said Kaga.

"Mahalo, dude." said Michaelangelo.

"Now that we have introduced the competitors, we shall get into the competition." said Kaga. "I summon the Iron Chefs!"

Chen Kenichi and Masahiko Kobe walked out on stage.

"I believe it was Michaelangelo who won the coin toss backstage." said Kaga. "So, tell me. Who will it be!"

"Kobe-dude!" yelled Michaelangelo.

Kobe shook hands with Chen and walked out to take his place in the kitchen.

"With a worldwide race in the wings," said Kaga "it is only appropriate to use an ingredient that is revered worldwide. And so, we reveal the ingredient." He pulled the cover off of a table full of tomatoes. "Today's theme ingredient...tomatoes."

"Ah." said Kobe.

"Okay." said Reese.

"Rock!" yelled Michaelangelo.

"And now, we begin." said Kaga. "Ready! Set! Allez cuisine!"

The gong rang and the three chefs ran up to get some tomatoes.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dustin sauntered through the bar aiming his camera at anything that moved. He pointed it at Lara and her team, then at Perfect Tommy who made a dual gun motion and winked, then he pointed it right in Balki's face.

"Hi." said Balki.

"Hi yourself." said Dustin. "So, what's your name?"

"Balki."

"I like your accent." said Dustin. "Where are you from?"

"I come from Mypos." said Balki. "You know, back there we have our own Cannonball Run."

"Really?" asked Dustin.

"Yes." said Balki. "The locals would get into their carts and run from one coast to the other. However, Mypos is so small, the race is usually over in an hour."

"Are you taking part in this Cannonball?" asked Dustin.

"Of course I am, don't be ridicalus." said Balki.

"Alright." said Dustin. "Good luck out there."

Dustin gave Balki a quick pat on the back. As he walked away, Dustin kept his camera on him. He had placed a bumper sticker reading "Street Racing Is Not a Crime." on Balki's back.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the deck, Lone Wolf walked through the crowd smiling and evaluating the various Cannonballers. "Possible come-from-behind." he said. "Definite top five...Strong contender...Snowball's chance in Hell..."

He walked past Buffy, Willow, and Xander sitting on deck chairs. "Hey, Will." said Buffy. "Isn't he cute?"

"Hello?" said Willow. "Gay now."

"Oh, sorry." said Buffy. "Xander, isn't he cute?"

"Very funny." said Xander.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the ship's bar, Beatrix walked up to Lara's team while talking with Nina and Anna. Sam and Al followed.

"Well, it's nice to see you've returned." said Nina.

"Just try to keep us away." said Joanna.

"Wish I was going with this team." said Al.

"I'm sure you'll give us a major challenge." said Beatrix.

"We'll see." said Cate.

"Hello, ladies." said Regis. "Looking for something special?"

"Yeah." said Lara. "Let us know when you find it."

Lara and her team walked away laughing.

"Man after your own heart, huh Al?" asked Sam.

"You don't know the half of it." said Al.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Quite the ladies' man, huh?" asked Marcus.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Your problem is that you're trying too hard." said Marcus.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Does that happen to you often?" asked Cate.

"More often than we like." said Chun Li. "Just once, I'd like to run across a guy who isn't a complete moron."

"Good afternoon." said James Bond.

"Well, if it isn't the legendary James Bond." said Joanna.

"Nice to meet you, ladies." said James. "I assume you're familiar with my friend here, Jaws."

"Hi, girls." said Jaws.

"It's like a superspy reunion." said Cate.

"I haven't seen you since the race two years ago." said James.

"Did you say you were in the race two years ago?" asked Matt Trakker.

"Yes, I did." said James. "Why do you ask?"

"Many of the vehicles used were based on our designs." said Bruce Sato. "We're trying to find our information leak."

"I'd have to talk to R about that." said James.

"I'm afraid I don't have any information for you either." said Lara. "My teammates were responsible for the construction of the Stiletto."

"Thanks anyway." sighed Matt.

"So, are there any other people from the intelligence community in the race?" asked Joanna.

"Well, I heard that Ethan Hunt and Solid Snake were in the race as well." said James. "I wonder where they are."

XXXXXXXXXX

In the cargo hold...

"I used these to find and disarm bombs on that oil rig." said Solid Snake as he held a bomb sniffer and a can of coolant. "Maybe we can use them to get that bomb out of the car."

"Hope so." said Ethan. "Don't want this thing blowing sky high with us in it."

"Who's there?" yelled someone. A tough looking guy entered the hold with his gun pointed at Ethan and Snake.

"I'm Ethan Hunt and this is Solid Snake." said Ethan. "Who are you?"

"Danny McCoy, security chief at the Montecito in Vegas." said the man. "I came with Nessa to manage security at Cannonball headquarters. What are you doing here?"

"We're performing a little maintenance." said Snake. "We're removing something the car's previous owner left in the car. It might cause a few problems down the road."

"Okay, but I'm having someone watch you." said Danny. "He'll be along shortly."

"Thank you." said Ethan. "We won't disappoint you."

XXXXXXXXXX

Back in the bar...

"I am here with one member of last year's winning team." said Phil as he stood next to Homer Simpson. "Mr. Simpson, I understand you were with the victorious team last year."

"I was!" yelled Homer.

"Yes, you were." said Phil.

"Yes, I was." said Homer.

"What do you think are your chances for winning this race?" asked Phil.

Homer scoffed. "Child's play." he said. "I am completely certain that my family will once again taste victory. Mmmmm...victory."

Norm was sitting at the bar. "I'm telling you," he said "we have absolutely no place like this in Boston."

Lara and her team sat at a nearby table. "So, what do you think of our competition this year?" asked Lara.

"No trouble at all." said Joanna. "I think we might have a better chance this year."

"I agree." said Chun Li. "Our previous experience will come in pretty handy."

"Don't ask me." said Cate. "I'm a rookie here."

Just then, Lone Wolf entered. He walked around, smiling at everyone.

"Hello." said Cate.

"Who's the hunk?" asked Joanna.

"I dunno, but I hope he comes over here." said Chun Li.

"And you must be Lara Croft." said Lone Wolf.

"Well, I guess you've done your homework." said Lara.

"Actually, figuring out who you were was no trouble." said Lone Wolf. "Mr. X described you nicely."

"Mr. X?" asked Joanna.

"Yes, he hired me as part of the protection force." said Lone Wolf.

"So, you're not a competitor." said Chun Li.

"No, I'm not." said Lone Wolf.

"Well, nice to know there's no conflict of interest." said Lara.

"I see." said Lone Wolf. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have more patrols to perform."

Lara and her team talked about Lone Wolf as he walked away. "Nice girls." he thought.

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Muppet stood on the observation deck.

"I guess we're doing this for fun then." said Fozzie.

"We can try for victory anyway." said Kermit.

"No one's gonna say we didn't try." said Gonzo.

Charlie Croker and his team walked over. "Hey, what's with all the doom and gloom?" he asked.

"We just got a good look at our competition." said Kermit.

"We saw that their vehicles are much more powerful than ours." said Gonzo.

"Well, what are you driving?" asked Stella.

"Mini Cooper." said Fozzie.

"Oh!" said Charlie and Stella.

"I wouldn't sell the Mini Cooper so short just yet." said Charlie.

"Yeah, it wasn't so long ago we used three Mini Coopers on a project." said Stella.

"Oh, so you do racing with the Mini." said Kermit.

Charlie and Stella laughed. "Something like that." said Stella.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the Lido deck, Nash entered the stateroom he was sharing with his teammates. He found Joe sitting on the bed and Monk staring out the window.

"Adrian, you're back already?" asked Nash.

"He never left." said Joe.

"Is this one of those viral outbreak ships?" asked Monk.

Nash looked into the hallway, then closed the door. "Alright, let's get down to it."

"Okay, what's the deal?" asked Joe.

"The truth is that we are not an official entry." said Nash. "We're actually in this as an undercover security team."

"We're working with the other security teams to help protect the racers from someone trying to steal the prize money." said Monk.

"Why are you so concerned?" asked Joe.

"Last year, a cabal of supervillains attempted to steal the prize money too." said Nash. "In the process, they tried to kill or slow down the racers to buy themselves enough time to pull off their heist."

"There was a nasty gun battle in Australia." said Monk. "Because of it, there was a ban on vehicle-mounted weapons this year."

"The racers are only allowed to have personal weapons." said Nash.

"Do we have any idea who this guy is?" asked Joe.

"Not a clue." said Monk.

"Mr. X knows, but we can't talk to him." said Nash. "If we are seen talking to him, someone's going to find out we're in cahoots and our cover is blown."

"So, what do we do?" asked Joe. "Race until someone attacks us and then try to stop them?"

"That's the plan." said Nash.

"That's great." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

David stood in the bar with Wily and Puck. Puck was drinking a root beer.

"I am standing here with two new entrants into the race." said David. "These guys are youth counselors from St. Louis. After building a trick car out of a '64 Impala, they are ready to make an example for their kids. So, tell me, Mr. Wily. Do you think the kids at your center will be impressed by your work here?"

"I really think so." said Wily. "We always tell them to dream big. You can't dream much bigger than this."

"You do realize that you're taking part in something illegal here." said David.

"There's a lot more than an illegal activity here." said Wily. "There's a lot of planning, preparation, and skill involved with this. If you can do this, there's no stopping you."

"Did the kids help you out at all?" asked David.

"They got in a little mechanical training." said Wily. "They did a good job, too. The car runs like a dream."

"Your teammate has been a little less than verbose." said David. "Sir, is there anything you'd like to add to the conversation?"

David held the microphone up to Puck. Puck leaned over and let out a loud burp.

"And back to you." said David.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the bar, Mario's team found Sonic's team.

"Well, it looks like this little game continues." said Sonic.

"Si, si." said Mario. "Perhaps this-a time, there will be a clear winner."

"And we all know who that will be." said Knuckles.

"Yeah, us." said Link.

"Not necessarily." said Tails.

"Face it, it's gonna be us to win." said Luigi.

"Or maybe a third party." said another voice.

Everyone turned to see...

"Wario!" said Mario.

"Yes, indeed." said Wario. "I plan to show up my old friend by snatching victory away from him. I also plan to embarrass him by besting his nemesis Sonic. It will be glorious."

"No chance!" said Sonic. "You'll have to beat me first."

"No, he'll have to beat-a me first." said Mario.

"We're the ones he's gotta beat." said Knuckles.

"Here we go again." said Luigi.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, Butler." said Artemis Fowl. "Do you think I can take that climbing wall?"

"Of course, sir." said Butler. "Just remember to pace yourself."

"Is that a biplane?" asked Artemis.

"Looks like it." said Butler. "What is it doing here?"

On the biplane, Sam and Max rode in back as the plane approached the ship.

"I love the Triangle." said the pilot.

"I don't see much to impress me yet." said Max.

"Hey, I've got a joke." said the pilot. "Why do they call this a biplane? Because you never know if it's coming back."

Sam and Max let out a groan. "Hey, there's our destination!" said Sam.

"That's what the parachute's for." said the pilot. "Happy landings."

Sam picked up Max by the ears and jumped out of the plane. In mid-freefall, Sam pulled the ripcord and glided towards the ship. The parachute got hung up on the railing of the ship's top deck. Sam and Max were left hanging over Artemis and Butler.

"That's quite an entrance." said Artemis.

"Thanks." said Sam. "We're looking for someone who might be driving a Ford Escorth Cosworth in the race. Know where we might find them?"

"That sounds like that nerd and that biker." said Butler.

"Nerd? Biker?" said Sam. "Any names?"

"Bernard and Ben, I believe." said Artemis.

"He looks good, Sam." said Max. "Can we hang him in the den?"

Sam punished his friend by letting go of his ears and dropping him face-first onto the deck.

"You suck, Sam." said Max.

"Thanks, we'll poke an eye out." said Sam.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, ladies." said James from Team Rocket. "I'm going to hit the can."

"I think I'll go to the litterbox too." said Meowth.

When the male members of Team Rocket left, the girls started talking to each other. "Do you really think we have a chance this year?" asked Jessie.

"Not a chance." said Annie. "Don't you know our history?"

"She's right." said Oakley. "I don't even know why we're taking part."

Just then, Lone Wolf walked into the bar.

"I stand corrected." said Oakley.

"Ooh, I like." said Jessie.

"Hey, ladies." said Lone Wolf. "How's it going?"

"Very well now that you're here." said Annie.

"So, what team are you with?" asked Lone Wolf.

"We're Team Rocket." said Jessie proudly.

"Oh, I've heard of you." said Lone Wolf. He then thought "Oh my God! Not THESE guys! Mr. X warned me about them!"

"And what team are you with?" asked Oakley.

"Oh, I'm not with a team." said Lone Wolf. "I'm actually part of the governing body. I'm one of the protectors."

"Really?" asked Jessie.

"Well, nice talking with you all." said Lone Wolf. He walked away just as James and Meowth returned.

"Did I miss anything?" asked James.

XXXXXXXXXX

Lyle was elsewhere in the bar. He was looking at a pretty girl.

"Hi." he said. "You probably wouldn't know it, but I'm the guy who created Napster."

The girl got up and walked away.

"No, really!" said Lyle.

"Wait, did you just say you were the real Napster?" asked Audrey.

"Why, yes I am." said Lyle.

Audrey slapped him. "Do you think stealing music is funny?" she asked. "These artists work hard to create these songs and you're taking the money from their wallets!"

"Let me guess." said Lyle. "You're a Metallica fan."

"Damn right." said Audrey. "I'm fairly certain Lars would like to spend about ten minutes with you."

"Whoa, whoa, Audrey." said Rusty as he walked over. "Easy, easy."

"But this is the guy who created Napster." said Audrey.

"Relax, okay?" said Rusty. "They shut him down. The piracy is over."

"You think?" asked Audrey.

"Yeah." said Rusty.

They walked over to their parents who were talking with Peter Parker and Frank Castle.

"And they just let you in?" asked Peter.

"Apparently, pointing a BB-gun at a security guard works wonders." said Clark.

"I wonder how much more effective a real gun would be." said Frank.

"Hey, dad." said Audrey as she and Rusty walked over.

"Well, we've got a few other folks to see." said Peter.

"See you at the finish line." said Frank.

Rusty watched Peter leave. "He looks familiar." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Out by the pool...

"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Schwag "the swimming competition is about to get underway. Our competitors are...Jesse Richmond and Chester Greenburg"  
Jesse and Chester sat at the edge of the pool wearing red and blue bathing suits.

"...the T-1000 and T-X..."

The T-1000 sat near Jesse and Chester in a yellow bathing suit while the T-X sat near him in a purple bikini.

"...and Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo."

Crow sat near them wearing green swim trunks and orange floaters on his arms. Tom sat next to him in a pink bikini.

"Damn you, Crow." muttered Tom. "Why do you always have to dress me in women's clothing?"

"The first part of the event will be a relay race." announced Schwag. "First, one member of the team will swim across the pool and back, then his or her partner will repeat said action. The first ones are Jesse Richmond, the T-1000, and Crow T. Robot."

Jesse, the T-1000, and Crow took their marks.

"Ready." said Schwag. "Set. Go!"

The three dove into the pool and started swimming. The T-1000 took an early lead by morphing into a dolphin. Crow fell into last because his hands were just frames.

Not surprisingly, the T-1000 completed his lap first and the T-X took over for him. Jesse followed shortly afterward and let Chester have his turn. Chester did a belly flop and started swimming.

Crow finally reached the end of his lap and said "Go get 'em, Servo! And see if you can find my lost floater."

"I'm on it, Crow." said Tom as he hopped into the pool. Tom propelled himself across the pool with his hover unit until he stopped and started to sink.

"Crow, I found your floater! It's up my hoverdrive!" he yelled.

"As you can see, we have a little trouble out there." said Schwag. "Over to you, Dave, until we can sort this out."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Thanks, Schwag." said David. "Hello, folks. David Spade here. The party is fully underway. We are seeing some incredible entertainment both from and for our racers. Meanwhile, the transcontinental bridges are under construction. We now go to our reporters on the scene."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Alaska, several construction vehicles were driving away from a freshly-built bridge. A crane had its boom up and was holding a spreader bar with a banner reading "Mission Accomplished".

A man and a woman stood nearby. "This is Jack O'Neil and Heather Scott reporting from Alaska." he said.

In California, amateur magician-turned construction company head George Oscar "Gob" Bluth watched the report. His brother Michael walked in.

"What's up?" asked Michael.

"Michael, I want you to see this." said Gob. He grinned as he directed Michael to the television.

Michael walked over to watch the report.

"And these bridges are to be used in the Cannonball Run?" asked Heather.

"That's correct." said the foreman. "We have constructed these bridges as part of the race. All continents have been connected."

"That sounds like a massive undertaking." said Jack.

"Indeed it was." said the foreman. "That's why the race organizers contacted our company to build them."

"What company was that?" asked Heather.

"Why, the Bluth Company of course." said the foreman.

"No way!" said Michael. "You got the contract to do the bridges for the Cannonball? How did you swing that?"

"It was..." said Gob before whipping his hand and making a bouquet of flowers appear in his hand. "...magic!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Now, I understand there are several new participants in addition to the returnees, right?" asked David.

"You are correct." said Phil. "I am here with three of the new competitors in the race whom I shall interview now." He walked over and asked "Sir, what's your name, hometown, and occupation?"

"My name is Hank Hill. I'm from Arlen, Texas. I sell propane and propane accessories."

"What vehicle are you driving in the race?" asked Phil.

"I am driving the Jones J450." said Hank. "It's a fine performance truck which I am driving with my son and three of my friends."

"Hey, Hank!" yelled Dale. "Tell them about your narrow urethra!"

"Dangit, Dale!" yelled Hank as he went after Dale.

"While he goes to reduce the membership of his team," said Phil "let's move on to this fine gentleman who needs no introduction. Mr. Jesse James."

"How's it going, Phil?" asked Jesse.

"Very well, Jesse." said Phil. "What car is your team in?"

"The 1971 Bestia." said Jesse. "Nine-hundred horsepower of American muscle."

"Tell me, what is your motivation for entering the Cannonball?" asked Phil.

"Are you kidding?" asked Jesse. "High speed driving? Incredible danger at every turn? It's just the chaos of this all that makes it so cool."

"I knew you'd understand." said Phil. "And you, sir?"

"Cliff Clavin, U.S. Postal Service in Boston."

"What team are you with and what car?" asked Phil.

"Team Cheers and the Citi." said Cliff.

"Do you think you have a good chance?" asked Phil.

"Does anybody really?" asked Cliff.

"Very confident." said Phil. "Well, thank you very much."

"You know, it's a little known fact," said Cliff "but the original Cannonball Run was a simple balls-to-the-wall cross country sprint. The full name was the Cannonball Baker Sea-To-Shining-Sea Memorial Trophy Dash."

"Thank you, sir." said Phil.

"The ideas were first plotted back in 1965." said Cliff. "Back then, Brock Yates was talking with other journalists about high speed cross country runs."

"Thank you very much, sir." said Phil as he took a step away from Cliff.

"The first run was performed in '71." said Cliff as he followed. Phil broke into a jog with Cliff right behind him. "Brock drove with his son and two other drivers in a van called _Moon Trash II_." He and Phil upgraded to a run. "The initial run was a somewhat disappointing forty hours and fifty-one minutes."

"We've never had a foot pursuit before!" said David as Cliff chased Phil past him. "Anyways, we have a cooking competition going on. Over to you, Frankie."

XXXXXXXXXX

"It is now ten minutes into the cooking competition." said Frankie. "So, let's meet the judges. First up is paranormal enforcer Peter Venkman."

"How you doing, Frankie?" asked Peter.

"Just fine." said Frankie. "Are you looking forward to the race?"

"You bet I am." said Peter.

"Alright." said Frankie. "Next up, we have race car driver Gloria Baker."

"A pleasure to be here." said Gloria.

"You drive race cars for a living." said Frankie. "Do you think that gives you and your team an advantage?"

"Possibly." said Gloria. "Of course, it's been a while since I've raced around the world on public roads."

"Good answer." said Frankie. "Over here, we have Tommy Vercetti. He has done so much in Vice City, we can't even list it all."

"Nor should you." said Tommy.

"Tommy, you were in the race last year." said Frankie. "Do you think your additional experience will give you a better chance?"

"All I know is I've got a car, it's fast, and I'm not laying down." said Tommy. "How does that sound?"

"Pretty confident if you ask me." said Frankie. "And finally, we have Buckaroo Banzai. Particle physicist, rock musician, brain surgeon. Is there anything he can't do?"

"In due time, we'll see if I can't win this race." said Buckaroo. "The competition is really fierce this year."

"Last year, there was some controversy over your team's use of the Oscillator..." said Frankie.

"You mean the Oscillation Overthruster." said Buckaroo. "Yes, that was kind of unfortunate. However, we plan to play by the rules this year, so there should be no controversy."

"Thank you very much." said Frankie. "We shall see who wins the race, but for now, we'll see who wins this cooking competition. Whose cuisine will reign supreme?"

Just then, Michaelangelo walked over, dropped a pizza on the table, and said "Tada!" Everybody stared at him in surprise. "What? I thought this was a race." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Thank you, Frankie." said David. "Now, I'm sure you all would like to meet this next guy. He's the guy who managed to get the word out about this race. He's also the reason the people at home are watching. Please give a warm welcome to George Newman."

The crowd went crazy as George walked out on stage.

"I know this guy." said Dr. John Dorian. "He's got a music show on U62."

"Get out. You watch U62?" asked Agent J.

"Oh yeah." said J.D. "It's the only channel they let us watch on break at Sacred Heart."

"I watch it for a friend." said J. "He's developed a formula to turn ordinary household items into plutonium. He used to work at U62."

"You ever watch this guy's show?" asked J.D. "It's really bizarre. He takes popular songs and sets them to polka music."

"Yeah, it's nuts." said J. "I still remember the time he took songs by the Stones and made a medley set to polka music."

"Mr. Newman, I understand you are taking part in the race yourself." said David.

"That is correct." said George. "I am in fact taking part in the race with Stanley and Kuni. Our car is the Super Taxi and like everyone else, we'll try our best."

"Do you have anything planned for entertainment?" asked David.

"Funny you should ask." said George. "I actually have something I was going to ask to do. Kuni?"

Kuni walked through the crowd with a box.

"I wonder what's in the box." said J.D. "Oh no. He wouldn't."

Kuni handed the box to George. George opened it and took out an accordian.

"He shouldn't!" said J.

"Alright." said George. "I'm going to try to break my record for most songs in one of my medleys."

"What's the current record?" asked David.

"Twenty-seven." said George "So anyway. Polka!"

The drummer let out a long drum roll, then the rest of the band followed. Urkel ran up onstage and started dancing alongside George. George looked over at him and stared in shock.

**One foot on the brake and one on the gas.  
There's too much traffic, man, I just can't pass.  
I try my best illegal move,  
then a black and white come and touch my groove again.**

**Go on and write me up for one-twenty-five.  
Post my face 'Wanted: Dead or Alive'  
Take my license and all that jive.  
'Cause I...can't...drive,  
fifty-five!**

**We're gonna make it.  
We'll reach the top!  
We're gonna make it.  
And then,  
We're never gonna stop.**

**I'm a mean machine.  
I'm the kind you don't wanna meet.  
My middle name is trouble.  
I'm a danger in the street.  
Here I come.  
Better step aside.  
Here I come.  
Comin' atcha live.**

**Coming at you live.  
I'm comin' atcha live.  
Coming at you live.  
I'm comin' atcha live.  
Coming at you live.  
You better step aside.  
Coming at you live.  
Ow! Ow!**

**I'm heading out to the highway.  
I got nothing to lose at all.  
Going to do this my way.  
Taking a chance before I fall.  
I got nothing...to lose...at all.**

**We can't afford to be innocent.  
Stand up and face the enemy.  
It's a do or die situation.  
We will be invincible.**

**And with the power of conviction,  
there is no sacrifice.  
It's a do or die situation.  
We will be invincible.**

**Get your motor running.  
Head out on the highway.  
Lookin' for adventure,  
and whatever comes our way.**

**Yeah, baby. Go and make it happen.  
Take the world in a love embrace.  
Fire all of your guns at once,  
and shoot off into space.**

**Like a true nature's child,  
we were born, born to be wild.  
We can climb so high,  
we're never gonna die.**

**Born to be wild!  
Born to be wild!**

**Nobody thinks the way I do.  
I guess that nobody cares.  
Your head's so full of things,  
so set your mind free of them.  
I'm breaking the rules.**

**Sprung from cages on highway nine,  
chrome-wheeled, fuel-injected and stepping out over the line.  
Baby, this town rips the bones from your back.  
It's a death trap. It's a suicide rap.  
We gotta get out while we're young.  
'Cause tramps like us, baby, we were born to run.**

Then George slowed it down to a lounge beat.

**California knows how to party.  
California knows how to party.  
In the city of L.A.  
In the city of good ol' Watts.  
In the city of Compton.  
We keep it rockin'  
We keep it rockin'**

George then switched back to polka and said "I like this one."

**I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes,  
and before long, they were cloning DNA.  
Now I'm being chased by some irate velociraptors.  
Well, believe me. This has been one lousy day.**

**Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark.  
All the dinosaurs are running wild.  
Someone shut the fence off in the rain.  
I admit it's kind of eerie,  
but this proves my chaos theory,  
and I'm never coming back this way again.  
Oh no!**

**Oh, on I burn.  
Fuel is pumping engines.  
Burning hard loose and clean.  
Churning my direction.  
Quench my thirst with gasoline.**

**Gimme fuel, gimme fire,  
gimme that which I desire.**

**It's amazing.  
With the blink of an eye,  
you finally see the light.  
It's amazing.  
That when the moment arrives,  
you know you'll be alright.  
It's amazing.  
And I'm saying a prayer,  
for the desperate hearts tonight.**

**Pinning the needle.  
Cruising for midnight thrills.  
Stuck in the middle.  
We were just spinning our wheels.  
Pushin' the pedal.  
Listen to the tires squeal.  
We were layin' rubber (layin' rubber)  
Layin' rubber (layin' rubber)**

**Laying in your bed and on a Saturday night.  
You're sweating buckets and it's not even hot.  
But your brain has got the message and it's sending it out  
to every nerve and muscle you've got.**

**You and me, we're goin' nowhere slowly,  
and we've gotta get away from the past.  
There's nothing wrong with goin' nowhere, baby,  
but we should be goin' nowhere fast.**

**We've gotta pull ourselves together,  
hey hey hey, that's what I say.  
We've gotta pull ourselves together,  
hey hey hey, now hear me say.  
We've got to drive right into the fire,  
and start burning, burning, burning.  
We're motorvatin.  
We're motorvatin'.**

**Faces come, the faces go,  
all looking for someone to be.  
I don't mind. I do fine.  
There's nowhere that I'd rather be.  
It's a mainline,  
fast road to nowhere.**

**End of the week, cut me loose.  
Head for the town tonight.  
Fuel injected flat black chrome.  
It's enough to start a fight.  
Looking for girls, looking for love,  
looking for a little fun.  
If you're looking for trouble, just get in my way,  
'Cause I'm looking out for number one.**

**Drive down.  
Saturday night's the best.  
Only way around.  
Is my mean street machine.  
Drive down.  
Saturday night's the best.  
Only way around.  
Is my mean street machine.**

**I can hardly wait to hold you,  
feel my arms around you.  
How long I have waited,  
waited just to love you.  
Now that I have found you,  
don't ever go.**

**Life in the fast lane,  
surely make you lose your mind.  
Life in the fast lane,  
everything all the time.  
Life in the fast lane,  
un huh.**

**Soon it will be time to go.  
I don't want to leave, I guess you know.  
Maybe something new will come up,  
and I can come home for just a few more days.**

**Get off this two-lane highway.  
Goin' my way,  
movin' fast.  
Two-lane highway.  
is taking me home,  
home at last.**

**(Speed Demon)  
Speedin' on the freeway.  
Gotta get a leadway.**

**(Speed Demon)  
Doin' it on the highway.  
Gotta have it my way.**

**(Speed Demon)  
Mind is like a compass,  
I'm stoppin' at nothin'**

**(Speed Demon)  
(He'd say) Pull over boy,  
and got your ticket right...**

**Road trippin' with my two favorite allies.  
Fully loaded, we've got snacks and supplies.  
It's time to leave this town.  
It's time to steal away.  
Let's go get lost.  
Anywhere in the U.S.A.  
Let's go get lost.  
Let's go get lost.**

**Sometimes when your hopes have all been shattered,  
And there's nowhere to turn,  
You wonder how you keep going.  
Think of all the things that really mattered,  
And the chances you've earned.  
The fire in your heart is growing.**

**You can fly, if you try leaving the past behind.  
Heaven only knows what you might find.**

Dare-dare to believe you can survive.  
You hold the future in your hand.  
Dare-dare to keep all your dreams alive.  
It's time to take a stand.  
And you can win, if you dare.

**You got the touch.  
You got the power.  
After all is said and done.  
You've never walked, you've never run.  
You're a winner.**

**You got the moves, you know the streets.  
Break the rules, take the heat.  
You're nobody's fool.  
You're at your best when the going gets tough.  
You've been put to the test, but it's never enough.**

**We want fun and you better believe it.  
We want fun 'cause we desperately need it.  
We want fun, but you don't understand.  
...you gotta Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Make me a man.**

**We want fun and you better believe it.  
We want fun, either take it or leave it.  
We want fun and we're gonna get pasted.  
We want to have fun and we want to get wasted.**

**Get a grip on the action.  
Moving heaven and earth.  
Gotta get a reaction.  
Push for all that you're worth.**

**Rock hard!  
Ride free!  
All day, all night.  
Rock hard!  
Ride free!  
All your life.**

**All around the world.  
Gotta spread the word.  
Tell them what you heard.  
We're gonna make a better day.**

**All around the world.  
Gotta spread the word.  
Tell them what you heard.  
You know it's gonna be okay.**

**Take...on...me.  
Take on me.  
Take...me...on.  
Take on me.  
I'll...be...gone.  
In a DAAAAAAAYY!**

Glass breaking was heard.

**Woo hoo!  
When I feel heavy metal!  
Woo hoo!  
And I'm pins and I'm needles!  
Woo hoo!  
Well, I lie and I'm easy,  
all of the time, but I'm never sure,  
why I need you.  
Pleased to meet you!**

**And it all begins where it ends.  
And she's all mine, my magic friend.**

**She says:  
Hello, you fool.  
I love you.  
Come on, join the joyride.  
Join the joyride.  
Hello, you fool.  
I love you.  
Come on, join the joyride.  
Be a joyrider.**

**It's okay, don't apologize.  
You don't know what you're striving for.  
You never seem to try.  
It's too early, go live your life.  
Keep on moving, it's time to,  
Ride!  
Ride!  
Ride!  
Now, it's time to ride!  
Ride!  
Ride!  
Ride!**

**We're on a road to nowhere.  
Come on inside.  
Taking that ride to nowhere.  
We'll take that ride.**

**Feeling okay this morning and you know.  
We're on a road to paradise.  
Here we go.  
Here we go.**

**We're on a road to nowhere.  
Hey!  
Hey!**

**We're on a road to nowhere.  
Hey!  
Hey!**

**We're on a road to nowhere.  
Hey!  
Hey!**

**We're,  
on,  
a,  
road to nowhere.  
Road to nowhere.  
Road to nowhere.  
Hey!**

-"Cannonball Polka", a compilation of songs from "Cannonball Run 4", all chosen by Turbo Man for that fic, except for the last five which were chosen by me for the qualifying run.

The crowd cheered. "Alright, people!" called David. "Stick around! We've got more to come!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Isabelle and the Dolls walked off the plane from Tokyo into the Miami airport.

"Okay, girls." said Isabelle. "We'll just get our luggage and catch a cab to the airport."

"Good, I can't wait to get settled." said Elizabeth.

Someone walked up to them. "Hey, are you in town for the Cannonball?" he asked.

"Absolutely not!" said Brooke.

"Um, okay." said the someone.

"Wait." said Sayuri. "What was that about the Cannonball?"

"Didn't you hear?" asked the someone. "The Cannonball is setting down in Miami and the race will start from here."

"Where exactly?" asked Jennifer.

"Dodge Island I think." said the someone. "After that, they're tearing it across the country."

"Okay, thank you." said Vivien.

The someone left.

"Well, this is going to be a nightmare." said Natassja.

"Not exactly." said Isabelle. "Come and let me show you."

She led them over to a map of Miami on the wall.

"As you can see here," explained Isabelle "Dodge Island is in the middle of Biscayne Bay."

"I wonder if they chose to land there because both locations bear the names of cars." said Elizabeth.

"As I was saying," said Isabelle "to get to the rest of the country, you have to go through mainland Miami. However, Miami Beach is a dead end, so none of the racers would go that way."

"I see what you're saying." said Jennifer. "If we visit the sights in Miami Beach when the race is starting, we can stay out of the way of the race route."

"Exactly." said Isabelle. "Thus, we can relieve a little stress."

"But what if one of the racers goes into Miami Beach by mistake?" asked Vivien.

"Get real." said Isabelle as Clark Griswold was interviewed on the television behind them. "Who on Earth would be stupid enough to do that?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Come on, Ben." said Bernard after he had changed into a swimsuit.

"I'm not coming out." said Ben from their stateroom.

"Come on, it'll be fun." said Bernard.

Ben groaned and walked out of the room wearing a swimsuit.

"I'll hold you to that." said Ben.

"Are you Ben and Bernard?" asked Sam as he and Max entered.

"Yes." said Bernard. "May I ask why?"

"It's just that your car is stolen and we'd like to return it to its rightful owner." said Sam.

"Stolen?" asked Bernard.

"I'm innocent." said Ben.

"Yeah, and I'm peaceful and kindhearted." said Max.

"What did you say?" asked Ben.

"Not again!" said Sam.

"What's this about the car being stolen?" asked Bernard.

"Look, just give us the keys and we'll be on our way." said Sam.

"We can't." said Bernard. "It's our entry in the Cannonball and there's 250,000,000 on the line."

"Did you say 250,000,000?" asked Sam.

"Yes, he did." said Ben.

"You know, I'm a little apprehensive about taking the car off your hands now." said Sam.

"I'm sure our clients can wait." said Max. "After all, they don't deserve such a nice car."

"Need two more?" asked Sam.

"Terrific." groaned Ben. "Now we have to split it four ways."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, after three events," said Schwag "it's unbelievable, but we have a tie! The T-1000 and T-X took home a victory in the swimming relay, but faltered in the syncronized swimming event and were dead center in the three-way water polo event. Jesse and Chester finished second in the swimming relay and won synchronized swimming, but failed to make a single goal in water polo. Crow and Tom went belly up in the swimming relay, but came from behind to come in second in synchronized swimming and were the big winners in water polo."

"Man, Jesse!" said Chester. "How did we bomb water polo so badly?"

"I thought he said 'Marco Polo'." said Jesse.

"We were completely unprepared for a tie." said Schwag. "However, we do have one more event in the swimming competition to break the tie: the high dive!"

"Did he say diving?" asked Crow.

"Since they won the last event, Crow and Tom will go first." said Schwag.

Crow climbed the ladder to the diving board and walked to the end. "Here we go." he said. He bounced on the board a couple of times, then dove. A couple of seconds later, he hit the water...and shattered.

"Oh boy." said Tom. "I'm guessing that wasn't a win."

"We're going to try to get this guy out of the water and back together." said Schwag. "As soon as he's out, the T-1000 can make his dive."

A crewman scooped some of Crow's parts out of the pool. He dropped Crow's head next to Tom.

"Crow, are you alright?" asked Tom.

"Ask me again when I have a finger to give you." said Crow.

"Okay, the gold guy's out of the pool." said Schwag. "It's time for the next one."

The T-1000 made a couple of bounces on the diving board then dove off, morphed into a bullet shape, and pierced the water very smoothly.

"Not bad." said Schwag. "I think we might have a winner."

"Showoff." said the T-X as the T-1000 climbed out of the pool.

"What?" asked the T-1000.

"How are you going to follow that?" asked Chester.

"Watch." said Jesse. He walked over to the ladder, climbed it, and walked out on the diving board.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Jesse is about to make his dive." said Schwag. "He's got a lot to face up to. You saw the T-1000."

Jesse bounced on the board a couple of times, then jumped off, pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his knees, and hit the water with the biggest splash they'd ever seen.

"Yes!" yelled Schwag. "That's what we were going for! The infamous Cannonball dive! Jesse has performed the dive bearing the race's name! He has remembered the reason we are all here! I think we have a winner!"

The crowd cheered as Jesse climbed out of the pool.

"Jesse, we won!" yelled Chester.

"We won?" asked Jesse.

"We won!" yelled Chester. "We kicked their tails!"

"Yeah!" yelled Jesse.

They wiggled their fingers together and squealed "Shibby!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"And now it is time for tasting and judging." said Kaga. "Or at least for the ones who did not finish early."

"Sorry, man!" said Michaelangelo. "I get impatient when it comes to pizza."

"As per the rules of the Iron Chef competition," said Kaga "the challenger, or at least the only one left, goes first."

"I decided to try my best at accentuating one particular aspect of the tomatoes with this dish." explained Reese.

"You know," said Peter as he sampled the dish "this tastes kind of...unique. I can't quite describe it. I'm sure Slimer might like this. So tell me, what aspect of the tomatoes did you try to accentuate?"

"The acidity." said Reese.

"Why did you try to..." asked Peter before clutching his stomach. "As I was saying, why did you try to..." he repeated before clutching his stomach again. "Excuse me." He jumped up and ran for the bathroom.

"I agree about the uniqueness." said Gloria as she began scooping up another forkful. "I can't really place it either. It is pretty acidy, though." Then she clutched her stomach and slowly stood up. "I'll be right back." she said before running after Peter.

Tommy didn't even get off a comment. He just ran from the table while holding his hands over his mouth. "You work for the Forellis, don't you?" he yelled as entered the bathroom.

Buckaroo and Kaga didn't even get a chance to eat the dish. When they noticed the others getting sick, they decided not to eat.

Kobe and Michaelagelo stared in shock while Reese grinned evilly.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the bar, Hsu and Chan talked to Brock.

"You want to do what?" asked Brock.

"We wish to use your likeness in a game produced by Tanaka Games." said Hsu. "It will be based on the Cannonball World Tour."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" asked Brock.

"We've made racing games before." said Chan. "We know what we're doing."

"Are you going to try to make the racing environment as authentic as possible?" asked Brock. "And how?"

"Of course we are!" said Hsu. "We're going to be travelling through the area for the race. We'll be getting pictures and such on the journey."

"And what about the cars?" asked Brock. "Licensed?"

"It should be no problem." said Chan. "Most car companies are okay with street racing games nowadays and will allow us to use their models."

"Except for those pretentious snobs at Honda." sneered Hsu.

"Pansies." said Chan.

"How about music?" asked Brock. "Will you have licensed music?"

"We're going to ask the bands that are here right now." said Hsu.

"That's right, many of them have decent songs we can use." said Chan. "We're all set."

"Okay, what was the name of the movie that inspired 'The Dukes of Hazzard'?" asked Memphis.

"'Moonrunners'." said Dominic.

"You got it." said Memphis. "Your turn."

"What was the license number of the Jaguar in 'Speed'?" asked Dominic.

"TUNEMAN." said Memphis.

"Right." said Dominic. "Next?"

"What model of car was driven off the bridge in 'Triple X'?" asked Memphis.

"Corvette." said Dominic.

"Are you sure?" asked Memphis.

"Pretty sure." said Dominic.

"You have some nerve."

Dominic turned to see Vince standing behind him. "Vince, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Don't give me that." snarled Vince. "You bailed on us when we needed you."

"There was nothing I could do, Vince." said Dominic. "You and Jesse were in the hospital, Leon and Letty took off, and the police were on my ass!"

"Don't get me started about Blondie!" said Vince. "I told you he was a cop and I was right! But no, you wouldn't listen to me!"

"And he saved your life!" said Dominic. "He took down Johnny Tran as well! He helped us out."

"Lighten up, Vince." said Sway as she walked over.

"Sway?" asked Memphis. "You're here too?"

"Listen to this guy." said Sway. "You're here too. I ran into this guy when I found the bar where you two ran into each other."

"And you brought him here?" asked Memphis.

"Yeah, but I didn't think he was gonna go off like that." said Sway.

"Vince, maybe you should calm down before you open your mouth again." said Dominic. "That's always been your problem. You have a bad temper and you never think first."

"Yeah, it looks like you've done enough thinking about yourself to me." said Vince. "I think I'll let you think about that as well!"

He stormed off and shoved his way through Marcus and Cary Ford. They both looked at him and asked "Where do I know him from?"

Ford then walked over to the bar and got a drink. He then saw Kid seated near him.

"Hey, aren't you that guy from the Biker Boyz?" asked Ford.

"Yeah, that's me." said Kid.

"What are you doing here?" asked Ford. "Do you honestly believe a low rate motorcycle street racer has a chance here?"

"I do so believe I have a chance." said Kid. "And who are you calling low rate?"

"Hey, you think you're badass?" asked Ford. "Try facing a murder rap."

"Are you insinuating that you're a better rider than me?" asked Kid.

"Nothing gets past you, huh?" replied Ford.

"What do you say we do a little side wager?" asked Kid.

"You're on." said Ford.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami, Mason, Spike, Jetto, and the Gyro Captain waited at the docks.

"How much longer?" asked Spike.

"I dunno." said Mason. "A while I guess."

"Not 'til tomorrow, actually." said Mr. X as he climbed out of the Model B.

"Hey, you're that mate of the race organizer." said Jetto.

"Nice wheels." said Mason.

"Thanks." said Mr. X. "I call it the Hustler."

"What are you doing here?" asked the Gyro captain.

"I have an insider working for Jimmy DeMarco, the guy trying to steal the prize money." said Mr. X. "I came to pump him for information, but I found out he was a bit occupied. Then I found you guys here and I thought of something."

"What's that?" asked Mason.

"This DeMarco will most likely try to delay the Cannonballers in his bid to steal the prize money." said Mr. X. "Most likely, this is gonna get violent and someone could get hurt."

"And you want us to travel along with the Cannonballers to prevent any harm from coming to them." said Jetto.

"So, we're going to be acting as protection." said Spike.

"You guys catch on fast." said Mr. X. "Can I count on you guys?"

"Highway's in this." said Jetto. "Of course you can count on me."

"I'm in if Mason's in." said Spike.

"We're both in, then." said Mason.

"I guess I'm in." said the Gyro Captain.

"Good to hear that." said Mr. X. "By the way, I'd like you to meet the guy you'll be working with."

Another man, this one dressed as a pilot, climbed out of the Hustler and walked over to the men. "Hello." he said. "They call me Sky Captain."

"THE Sky Captain?" asked Mason.

"Yes, Mr. X asked me to work with him and his crew to protect the Cannonballers." said Sky Captain. "My mechanic, Dex is working for him as well."

"It looks like the Cannonballers are well protected now." said Jetto.

"That's good." said Mr. X. "They're gonna need good protection."

XXXXXXXXXX

Schwag and Frankie took to the stage by the pool.

"Hello, Cannonballers! Big Schwag here. Ready to get the party going with me is my trusted companion, Frankie Whiteside."

"Thanks, Schwag." said Frankie. "Up next for your listening pleasure is a guy who insisted on performing even though he wasn't a part of the Cannonball band. We would've said no, but he's just that good."

"Tell us, Frankie. Who is it?" said Schwag.

"It is none other than...Rob Zombie!" announced Frankie.

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag.

"He's not." said Rob Zombie as he walked onstage. The crowd cheered.

"Cannonballers, this is more your party than mine. As such, I thought for once, some of you would like to be part of the band. I'll need a guitarist, a rhythm guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer. Who do we have?"

"I'll be one of the guitarists." Natalie told the other Angels.

"Rock on!" said Dylan.

"You go!" said Alex.

Natalie climbed up on stage and got cheers from the crowd. "And what's your name?" asked Rob.

"I'm Natalie, I'm with team Angels, and I'd like to play lead guitar."

"What's going on?" asked Wayne.

"Whoa!" said Garth.

"Oh, these are two of my teammates, Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar." said Natalie. "I'd like to suggest them for rhythm guitar and drums respectively."

"What do you say, guys?" asked Rob.

"Well, Mr. Zombie." said Wayne. "You have made us a tempting offer, but I'm afraid we must decline."

"Yeah, we must." said Garth.

"Why's that?" asked Rob.

"Well, the problem is..." said Wayne.

He and Garth got on their knees and started bowing before Rob chanting "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

"Do we have anyone else who'd like to play guitar?" asked Rob.

Super Dave climbed up on stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our rhythm guitarist is none other than 'Super Dave' Osbourne!" announced Rob.

The crowd cheered. Malcolm climbed up on stage.

"And what's your name?" asked Rob.

"My name's Malcolm. I'd like to play drums for the band."

"Do you know how to play the drums?" asked Rob.

"Well, it wasn't too hard to figure out." said Malcolm. "All it took was some analysis of the reverberation of the various pieces in the setup there and I was good to go."

"You're in." said Rob. Malcolm ran up, took a seat behind the drums, and turned to the camera.

"Boy, if mom and dad saw me doing this, I'd be in big trouble." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

At home, Malcolm's parents Hal and Lois stared at the television screen in shock.

"Oh my God!" screamed Lois.

"Malcolm's performing for Rob Zombie!" stammered Hal. "What's he thinking?"

"When he gets home, he is so grounded!" yelled Lois.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Finally, we need a bass player." said Rob.

Jarod climbed up on stage.

"And you are?" asked Rob.

"Jarod, Jarod Hynde. I'm with Team Fugitive."

"Are you a bass player?" asked Rob.

"I am today." said Jarod.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a spawling complex in Delaware called The Centre, a balding man sat in front of a computer and watched the race coverage on television. He saw Jarod pick up the bass and got excited. "Jarod." he said. "We found you."

In the Centre's vehicle bay, a dark-haired woman and an older man looked over a black metallic Chrysler 300 with a VIP-style body kit, chrome TIS 02 rims, and blacked out trim.

"Well, Sydney." said the woman. "I wasn't aware you had a thing for customized cars."

"This particular example was a gift from a crime boss." said Sydney. "The Dominator was his payment in exchange for a particularly inventive scenario."

"Miss Parker! Sydney!" yelled the balding man as he ran in.

"What does he want?" asked Miss Parker.

"Do you have something for us, Broots?" asked Sydney.

"I know where Jarod is." said Broots. "I was watching the coverage of the Cannonball Run...does this thing have a television?"

"Yes, it does." said Sydney as Broots climbed into the back of the car.

Broots flipped down one of the monitors in the backseat and tuned it to the channel covering the race. He showed the band getting ready to play.

"There he is." said Broots.

"Is that Rob Zombie?" asked Sydney.

"Jarod is taking part in the race." said Broots. "This band consists of entrants in the Cannonball Run."

"Where is the race starting from?" asked Miss Parker.

"Miami and soon." said Broots.

"We have to act quickly." said Miss Parker. "Come on. We have to take the Dominator."

"Buckle up, Broots." said Sydney as he climbed into the driver's seat.

"But my computer." said Broots.

"We'll get you another." said Miss Parker as she fastened her seatbelt.

Broots got his seatbelt on as Sydney started the car. They took off seconds later.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Alright!" yelled Rob. "Right now, we're going to give you guys a little pre-race entertainment. This is a little ditty I call 'Two-Lane Blacktop'."

The crowd cheered as the band started to play.

**They say you're goin', I've never been at ease.  
I met a gypsy girl and I took her on the track.  
Mechanic don't walk, the driver don't talk.  
Twenty bucks between them just to keep them alive.**

**Drivin'  
Drivin'  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'.**

In the crowd, Beavis and Butthead played air guitar and banged their heads.

**Where you going? I'm going to Amarillo.  
A zero to a sixty in a seven-point-five.  
I bought her in Bakersfield, California.  
A glass of a beer, a shot of rye.**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'**

Then Natalie took the mic.

**Come on, baby! I ain't crazy!  
Come on, baby! Pick me up! Pick me up!  
Come on, baby! Do me, baby!  
Come on, baby! Hook it up! Hook it up!**

During the bridge, Murdock went crowd surfing. Xander tried to join him, but the crowd threw him into the pool. Rob took the mic again.

**Where ya goin'? An airport road.  
A clean machine. Real home grown.  
Barracuda, sixty-eight.  
Nothing there, she can't wait.**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'**

Natalie took the mic again.

**Come on, baby! I ain't crazy!  
Come on, baby! Pick me up! Pick me up!  
Come on, baby! Do me, baby!  
Come on, baby! Hook it up! Hook it up!**

Rob took back the mic.

**Come on!  
Come on!  
Come on!  
Come on!  
Come on!**

**Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'**

-"Two-Lane Blacktop" by Rob Zombie

The crowd went wild chanting "More! More! More!"

"Sorry, folks." said Rob. "That was it."

"Not necessarily." said Super Dave. "We're gonna play even harder now! And this time, we're playing in the pool!"

"No, Super!" yelled Rob. "Don't!"

Ignoring him, Super Dave jumped into the pool.

While Super Dave was in mid-air, Rob yelled "That's an electric guitar!"

Xander hurredly climbed out of the pool. Super Dave hit the water a second later. There was a massive electrical jolt immediately. After it passed, Super Dave groaned "Yowl, electric pain!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Sometime later in Miami, Darden and Korpi's gang, the Highway Hunters, rolled up to DeMarco's mansion in their cars.

Tanner leaned against the Sentinel while Everett sat in the Mr. Whoopie. The Hot Alien Chicks stood and watched them exit their vehicles.

Joe Osbourne and Max Campisi climbed out of an old Oldsmobile Super 88, the Oceanic.

Paul Hackett and Feliz Vispone got out of a Lincoln Mark V called the Virgo.

Johnny B and Lance Nguyen exited their own car, a blue Nissan Skyline street racer with flames called the Elegy.

"Good, you all made it." said Tanner. "Our employer is waiting for us. Come."

The group entered the mansion and strolled up to DeMarco's office.

"Jimbo!" called Tanner.

"Hey, it's either Jim or Jimmy or Mr. DeMarco." said DeMarco. "Not Jimbo. Never Jimbo. In fact, for that, you're knocked back to Mr. DeMarco. So, these are the Highway Hunters?"

"Yes, Ji...I mean Mr. DeMarco." said Tanner. "And this is Capt. Tom Everett. These are the...uh..."

"You can call us the Hot Alien Chicks if you please." said their leader. "My name is Mitzi and this is Nichole, Linda, Mia, and Kim."

"Okay, I see." said DeMarco. "And your names?"

"I'm Lance Nguyen." said Lance. "This is Joe Osbourne, Max Campisi, Paul Hackett, Feliz Vispone, and Johnny B."

"Weren't there two more of you?" asked DeMarco.

"They're up in New York getting someone else." said Johnny B.

Just then, Darden and Korpi marched into the room with Foyt.

"She followed us home." said Korpi. "Can we keep her?"

"Jimmy DeMarco." said Foyt. "I should've known."

"Hey, Commander Foyt!" said DeMarco. "Nice to see you!"

"Don't try to smooth things over!" sneered Foyt. "I know all about you! You used to be a small-time hood in L.A! You would've stayed that way had you not come across a crapload of heroin! Many years and who knows how many innocent lives later, you made yourself a sprawling criminal empire! It's because of you and the Cannonballers that I've lost faith in the American justice system! The only reason I'm helping you is to bring an end to that infernal Cannonball!"

"Well, what can I say except 'God bless America'?" said DeMarco. "Okay, I'll bet you're all wondering what the hell you're doing here. Well, here you go. There's this race called 'The Cannonball Run'. They run it around the world. The prize is a staggering 250,000,000. However, this money would be better used by me than any of the mindless horde that's taking part in the race. I would use it to improve my empire wheras they'd use it idioticly on their...idiot things. What I want you all to do is to intercept these losers and try to slow them down or stop them from completing the race. That should give one of you the chance to sneak into their headquarters and steal the prize money. If you do this, you will be handsomely rewarded. Am I clear?"

The Hunters, HAC, and others all said things like "Sure" and "Yeah".

"Do I have your support?" asked DeMarco.

The others then repeated their "Sure"s and "Yeah"s and stuff.

"Very well." said DeMarco. "Now, if my watch is correct, the Sea Phantom should be close to docking at Dodge Island for the start of the race. I implore you all to head out there. Go."

Darden howled as the group poured out of the room to their cars. DeMarco turned on the television to watch the Cannonball coverage.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Right now, we are watching the various teams make final preparations to their vehicles." said Phil. "After that is inspection and the start of the race. On the scene right now is David Spade. David?"

"As you said, everyone is working on their cars." said David. "What are they doing? Let's listen in."

David walked over to the Vortex 5 and held the microphone up to Jarod and Johnny Five.

"According to my calculations," said Jarod "this is the configuration that has the best compromise between engine power and fuel economy."

David then walked over to the Jersey XS and held up the mic.

"We're going to be hitting a lot of mountain ranges." said Buckaroo. "Therefore, we should modify the suspension to compensate."

David then walked over to the Interna and held up the mic.

"Hey, Beavis." said Butthead as he extended his finger. "Pull my finger."

"Okay, let's let these guys get back to work." said David. "Back to you, Phil."

"Pbbbbt!" sputtered Butthead.

"Hey, no fair!" said Beavis. "You pulled your own finger!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, could you hand me that wrench, big guy?" asked Stone Cold.

Nemesis growled and handed Stone Cold a wrench.

"Okay, let's get this thing up and running." said Stone Cold.

Nemesis grunted.

"What is it?" asked Stone Cold as he looked up. He saw Rob Zombie in front of him.

"What's up?" asked Stone Cold.

"Need a third?" asked Rob.

"We had one last year." said Stone Cold. "He was too busy to come this time. There's a war going on."

"He's a soldier?" asked Rob.

"He's Death." said Stone Cold.

"Ah." said Rob. "Sounds like my kind of team."

"Welcome aboard." said Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mike Nelson had reassembled Crow and was now making final preparations to the car.

"Hey, Crow. Feeling any better?" asked Mike.

"Yeah, I'm fine." said Crow. "Except for some of my actuators...and my oil pump...and my complete lack of resale value."

Mike laughed as he attached the new front bumper to the Emu. "I've almost got this bumper on." he said.

"And we've got this bumper stickered." said Tom.

"What do you mean?" asked Mike as he walked around to the back.

"Check it out." said Crow. He and Tom had affixed a bumper sticker that read "How's my driving? Dial 1-800-BITE-ME".

"Yeah, that's pretty classy." said Mike.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Johnson Brothers worked on the Beast. Cesar walked over with Claude.

"Yeah, that's a pretty good point there, ese." said Cesar.

Claude nodded to him and walked off.

"We were just talking about his brushes with the law in Liberty City." said Cesar. "Did you know Claude did some work for the Leone family mafia, then had to kill their boss, Salvatore?"

"You're kidding!" said Carl. "I actually did some work with Sal's son Joey."

"He also killed cousin Catalina shortly after that." said Cesar.

"Wait, he killed your cousin and you don't want to kill him back?" asked Sweet.

"Hey, Cat always had a few screws loose." said Cesar. "From what I hear, she had it coming. Pushing drugs, kidnapping old guys, killing a yakuza leader."

"Catalina doesn't sound like a well-respected member of the family." said Carl.

"You think?" asked Sweet.

XXXXXXXXXX

Bernard, Ben, and Sam worked under the hood of the Bryanston V while Max jumped around in the driver's seat.

"If it helps, I'll pick up my share of the driving duties." said Sam.

"That would help." said Bernard. "But we're going to need a little more if we're going to make it fully rested."

"Why don't you take over driving duties once or twice?" Sam asked Ben as Max climbed the back of the driver's seat.

"I don't like things with more than two wheels." said Ben.

"That's rather unfortunate." said Bernard. "Because most likely, we're going to have to stop and rest and possibly lose race positions."

"On the other hand, I can be flexible." said Ben as he and Sam stepped away from the engine.

"Good to hear." said Bernard as he went back to the engine. Max jumped onto the steering wheel and hit the horn switch. The horn made Bernard jump up and hit his head on the hood. He then fell on his back, stunned.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Brock "we are now ready to begin the inspections. We will see if your cars have an excessive ammount of gadgetry or mounted weapons. Personal gadgets and weapons are currently exempt however."

"If you pass inspection, and I'm sure most of you will," said Phil "you will receive a fully prepared nitrous oxide system donated by Holley Performance's famous division, NOS."

"This system not only includes the nitrous tank and all necessary hardware," said Schwag "it also includes several accessories normally sold separately."

"Those accessories list as follows:" said Frankie. "Purge valve, dual-stage conversion, remote bottle opener, and bottle warmer. Normally, this whole system would cost you around one thousand dollars."

"But this was a donation." said David. "So it will cost you, as my late friend Chris Farley would say, a 'big, fat load of jack squat!'"

Bugs, Daffy, and Wile E. were standing around the Crusero when a lion in coveralls walked over to them. "Hi there." he said. "I'll be your inspector. My name's Wildcat."

"Here's our car." said Bugs.

"Okay, let's see." said Wildcat as he looked over the car. "Off-road modification, useful. Infrared headlights, also useful. And radar disruptor makes three. I can't find anything else, so you pass."

"Woohoo!" cheered Daffy.

"Thank you very much." said Bugs.

"Hey, guys!" said Wildcat. "Get these guys a nitrous system."

Memphis and Jesse leaned against the Bestia as they waited for inspection. A lanky youth walked over and said "Hi, I'm your inspector. My name's Jesse."

"Hey, so's mine." said Jesse James.

"This is the car." said Memphis. "Like it?"

"Oh, this is way nicer than my Jetta." said Jesse. "Taking a look-see."

Dominic walked over and said "Jesse?"

"Yeah?" said Jesse James.

"I was talking to the Mad Scientist." said Dominic.

"Dom, what are you doing here?" asked Jesse.

"Taking part in the Cannonball." said Dominic. "What are you doing here?"

"Performing vehicle inspections for the officials." said Jesse. "And trying to set a record for the most Jesses in one Cannonball."

"How's it looking so far?" asked Dominic.

"I don't think there's any problems here." said Jesse. "You've got no gadgets as far as I can tell and your car looks to be a real powerhouse. You've got yourself a nitrous system. Dom, I think you know how to install it."

An official handed the nitrous system to Dom who said "Freebieeee!"

"Freebieeeee!" repeated Jesse James.

"Zip! Zero! Nada!" said Memphis.

"Hey, ladies." said another man as he approached the Zender Alpha. "I'm Dex Dearborn and I'll be your inspector today."

"This is the Zender Alpha and this will be your inspectee." said Lara.

"I don't see why you should do this." said Chun Li. "The car has no gadgets in it. All of our gadgets are personal gadgets."

She pointed to the work table they had set up. Cate and Joanna were looking through their gadgets to see which ones to take.

"How about the cloaking device?" asked Joanna.

"Sounds like we might need it." said Cate. "Bring it. I've got a belt buckle that has a grappler built in."

"Nice!" said Joanna. "I've got night vision that might be useful."

"We'll bring that too." said Cate. "Now, about this perfume sleeping gas?"

"Why is it disguised as a perfume sprayer?" asked Joanna.

"Sexist gadget designers." said Cate. "I thought we could use a little protection."

"I'll allow it." said Joanna. "How does this camspy look?"

"Very good." said Cate. "Useful too. My final contribution is this, a pair of sunglasses with built-in infrared and mine detector."

"Deal." said Joanna.

Dex finished his inspection. "Uh, I've got some good news and some bad news." he said. "The good news is your car has passed inspection. But the bad news is your car cannot be equipped with a nitrous system due to its construction."

"So, we're not getting a nitrous system?" asked Lara.

"Hey, it's not just you." said Dex. "The Karuma, the Flurry, the Crown Mail, the Baja Buggy, and the motorcycles all couldn't be equipped, either. I'm sorry. I really am."

"Relax, Lara." said Chun Li. "Our car is pretty fast even without nitrous. Besides, we won't have to make stops for nitrous now."

"Is that all of it?" asked Ethan.

"That's all of it." said Snake looking at the explosive they had removed from the Monstruo.

Wildcat walked over and looked at the explosive. "What's that?" he asked.

"It was something left over from the previous owner." explained Ethan. "We don't need it. You can take it away if you'd like."

"Okay." said Wildcat. "I'm just going to inspect your...what's this?" He picked up the bottle of coolant spray.

"Oh, that's something we used to remove the stuff from the car." said Snake. "We're not using that anymore either."

Wildcat accidentaly sprayed himself with the coolant. He sniffed a couple of times and chirped "Lemon!"

Jesse wrapped up his inspection of the Knight. "Okay, the molecular bonded shell is definitely useful. Now, the artificial intelligence computer..."

"If you touch my interface, I'll wipe all your credit cards!" snapped KITT.

"Could go either way." said Jesse.

Dex finished the inspection of the Citi. "Okay, you have passed inspection and we can now give you your nitrous system."

"Thanks, we can install it ourselves." said Sam as the official handed the system to Woody.

Woody took the system to the trunk and opened it.

"Woody, you know what you're doing?" asked Norm.

"Positive, Mr. Peterson." said Woody as he started working with the nitrous tank. "Back in Hanover, I was (yawn) heavily involved in the underground (yawn) tractor races. I actually (yawn) helped to install several (yawn) of these (yawn) nitrous oxide (yawn) systems on..." He slumped over the fender and promptly fell asleep.

"Oh dear." said Sam. "Uh, Cliff, you try to wake Woody up. Norm, help me with this nitrous system."

Meanwhile, Wildcat was about finished with the inspection of the Jersey XS.

"Okay, everything is fine." he said. "We'll get you a nitrous system now."

Buckaroo took out a PDA.

"What's that?" asked Wildcat.

"It's a peace offering to the officials." said Buckaroo. "By giving you this, I'm not saying that what we did last year was okay or that we should have been allowed to do it. What this says is you can use this if you need help."

"Okay." said Wildcat as he took the PDA.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dodge Island, Miami...

A convoy of cars drove onto the island and drove through the maze of warehouses.

First to stop was Tanner in the Sentinel. Everett was in his passenger seat.

Pulling in next to him was Korpi and Darden in the Sabre. Next to them were Joe and Max in the Oceanic.

Next to the Oceanic was the Virgo with Feliz and Paul in it. Next to them were Johnny B and Lance in the Elegy.

A black Ford Econoline van pulled in alongside them and parked. The Riviera slipped in beside it.

"Who's that?" asked Korpi.

"Probably a couple of DeMarco's men." said Darden.

"Okay, lads." said Tanner. "The Sea Phantom is coming in and docking here. When it does, it will be time for action. Everett and I will infiltrate the ship and try to find the prize money. The rest of you will go after the Cannonballers and try to slow them down. Expect resistance. Expect anything."

"Is that our ship?" asked Korpi as the Sea Phantom cruised into port.

"Yeah." said Darden. "Let's get ready."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to start the race." announced Phil as the loading ramp lowered.

"You all know the rules." said Schwag.

"That's right, the only rule is to be the first one around the world." said Frankie.

"The record stands at...wow!" said David. "I thought it would take less time to race around the world than that."

"To show respect for our sponsors, we've decided to let them go first." said Brock. "So, let's get that first car up here and get this thing underway."

Stanley pulled up in the Super Taxi and took his team's time card.

"In the Super Taxi, Stanley Spadowski." announced Phil.

"In the Crusero Magnifico, Bugs Bunny." announced Schwag.

"In the Jones J450, Hank Hill." announced Frankie.

"In the Pirahna PDQ, Annie." said David.

"In the Mako, Sara Wayland." said Brock.

"In the PT Phoenix, 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin." said Phil.

"In the Ascent 470ds, Richard Parker." said Schwag.

"In the Modicum XSV, Kermit the Frog." said Frankie.

"In the Amata Crescendo, Hsu Tanaka." said David.

"In the Backdraft, Larry Appleton." said Brock.

"In the Zender Alpha, Lara Croft." said Phil.

"In the Kuruma Faasuto, Dylan Sanders." said Schwag.

"In the Flurry, Norville Rogers." said Frankie.

"In the Crown Mail, Artemis Fowl." said David.

"In the Grifter, Stella Bridger." said Brock.

"In the Baja Buggy, Mad Max." said Phil.

Dustin pointed his camera through the Hammerhead's windshield. He showed the Emu with Crow and Tom silhouetted through the rear window.

"In the Cocotte, Leonardo." said Schwag.

Dustin then panned over to Dado. Dado put on his sunglasses and gave Dustin a double thumbs-up.

"In the Citi, Sam Malone." said Frankie.

Dustin then panned to the rear of the car. He showed Reza leaning over the backs of the seats with a wide grin on his face. Reza then stuck his tongue out at him.

"In the Emu, Mike Nelson." said David.

Dustin finally aimed at himself. He was wearing a mask that looked like a pig wearing a policeman's cap.

"In the Hammerhead, Dado Carvalho." said Brock.

"In the Torrida, Buffy Summers." said Phil.

"In the 1971 Bestia, Dominic Toretto." said Schwag.

"Hey, Beavis, did you fill out the paperwork?" asked Butthead.

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh, yeah!" laughed Beavis. "Heh heh heh heh heh heh."

"In the Interna, Eileen Dover." said Frankie. "Eileen Do...? Oh, very funny, guys!"

"Hey, I pulled that one on Moe just last week." said Bart.

"Bart!" yelled Marge.

"In the Citi Turbo, Homer Simpson." said David.

"In the Beast, Carl Johnson." said Brock.

"On the Cohete, Jaleel the Kid." said Phil.

"In the Monstruo, Ethan Hunt." said Schwag.

"In the Jersey XS, Buckaroo Banzai." said Frankie.

"In the L.A. Cop Car, Marcus Ellenstein." said David.

"In the Mongoose, Beatrix Kiddo." said Brock.

"In the Boost, Matt Trakker." said Phil.

"Now, remember the first rule of Polecat racing." said Ben. He pulled the rearview off its mount and said "What's behind me is not important!" He tossed the mirror out of the open sunroof and a loud clunk was heard a second later.

"Ow!" yelled Super Dave.

"In the Bryanston V, Ben." said Schwag.

"In the Schneller V8, Corvax." said Frankie.

"In the Alarde, Super Dave Osbourne." said David.

"In the Warhawk, Peter Parker." said Brock.

"In the Fripon X, Malcolm..." said Phil just before the microphone cut out on Malcolm's last name.

"Riding the Monsoni, Cary Ford." said Schwag.

"In the Stadt, Jesse Richmond." said Frankie.

"In the Victory, Bond...James Bond." said David. "Sorry, I've always wanted to do that."

"In the Boomerang, Nina Williams." said Brock.

"In the Modo Prego, Peter Venkman." said Phil.

"In the Paris Cop Car, Nash Bridges." said Schwag.

"In the Lusso XT, J." said Frankie.

"In the RSMC 15, Sonic the Hedgehog." said David.

"In the Regina, Clark Griswold." said Brock.

"In the Vortex 5, Johnny Five." said Phil.

"In the Saikou, Mario." said Schwag.

"In the Knight, Michael Knight." said Frankie.

"In the Saikou XS, Wario." said David.

"In the Supernova, Puck." said Brock.

"In the Torque JX, Masahiko Kobe." said Phil.

"And in the Veloci, Tommy Vercetti." said Schwag.

"Okay, guys." said Mahoney. "Let's get out there and make sure they make it alive."

"You got it." said Lone Wolf as he put on his helmet.

"The racers are off on their long journey." said Frankie. "Who knows what will happen to them out there."

"I sure don't know what will happen out there," said David "but I do know what's happening here. We have some music for our viewers. Over to you guys."

"Thanks, Dave." said Beck. "Cool J and I decided to do a little song for our racers."

"That's right." said LL Cool J. "We've got fifty two teams out there and this song could be about any one of them."

"You said it." said Beck. He turned to the band and said "Hit it."

**Reluctantly crouched at the starting line.  
Engines pumping, and thumping in time.  
The green light flashes, the flags go up.  
Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup.**

**They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank.  
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank.  
Reckless and wild, they pour through the turns.  
Their prowess is potent and secretly stern.**

**As they speed through the finish, the flags go down,  
the fans get up and they get out of town.  
The arena is empty, except for one man still driving and striving as fast as he can.**

**The sun has gone down and the moon has come up and long ago somebody left with the cup,  
but he's striving and driving and hugging the turns and thinking of someone for whom he still burns.**

**'Cause he's going the distance.  
He's going for speed.  
She's all alone, all alone,  
all alone in her time of need.**

**Because he's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.  
He's going the distance.  
Oh oh.  
Hey!  
Yeah!**

**No trophy, no flashbulbs, no honor, no wine.  
He's haunted by something he cannot define.  
Bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse  
assail him, impale him with monster truck force.**

**In his mind, he's still driving, still making the grade.  
She's hoping in time that her memory will fade,  
but he's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.**

**The sun has gone down and the moon has come up  
and long ago, somebody left with the cup,  
but he's striving and driving and hugging the turns  
and thinking of someone for whom he still burns.**

**'Cause he's going the distance.  
He's going for speed.  
She's all alone, all alone,  
all alone in her time of need.**

**'Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.  
He's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.  
He's going the distance.  
He's going for speed.  
He's going the distance.  
Oh oh.**

**Hey!  
Hey!  
Hey!  
Hey!  
Oh oh.**

-"The Distance" by Cake

AN:Okay, here's the full list of songs featured in the "Cannonball Polka": "I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Hagar, "We're Gonna Make It" by Twisted Sister, "Cumin' Atcha Live" by Tesla, "Heading Out To the Highway" by Judas Priest, "Invincible" by Pat Benatar, "Born to Be Wild" by Steppenwolf, "Breaking All the Rules" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen, "California Love" by Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre, "Jurassic Park" by "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Fuel" by Metallica, "Amazing" by Aerosmith, "Layin' Rubber" by Kix, "Nowhere Fast" by Fire Inc, "Motorvatin'" by Hanoi Rocks, "Fast Road" by Great White, "Mean Street Machine" by King Kobra, "The Look of Love" by Dusty Springfield, "Life in the Fast Lane" by the Eagles, "Two Lane Highway" by Pure Prairie League, "Speed Demon" by Michael Jackson, "Road Trippin'" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Dare" by Stan Bush, "The Touch" also by Stan Bush, "We Want Fun" by Andrew W.K, "Rock Hard, Ride Free" by Judas Priest, "All Around the World" by Oasis, "Take On Me" by A-Ha, "Song 2" by Blur, "Joyride" by Roxette, "Ride" by lostprophets, and "Road to Nowhere" by the Talking Heads. (Whew!)


	4. American Heartbeat

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

Chapter Four: American Heartbeat

AN:While I was originally writing this for the original version of the story, a coworker of mine died in a car accident. Jean was a good friend who had a wonderful sense of humor. I couldn't bear to remove this dedication. She will still be missed and this chapter is still dedicated to her memory.

XXXXXXXXXX

As the Cannonballers started driving off the Sea Phantom, Tanner detailed his plans to his cohorts.

"Alright, here's the deal. While you guys are trying to stop or delay the racers, Everett and I are going to try to steal the prize money. We need you to keep the race officials busy while we case the ship. If we should somehow fail, it will be up to you guys to enact our contingency plan. You will have to kidnap one of the racers. Specificly, you will need to grab Stanley Spadowski, a member of Team U62. He's the tall one with the goofy teeth. Not only has my source confirmed he is the new Captain Chaos and keeper of the Chaos mask, he is also instrumental in the success of U62 and a man the station cannot afford to lose. Since he is the new Captain Chaos, grabbing him will not be easy. Therefore, do not attempt to gnab him unless absolutely necessary. That is all. Let's hit it."

The Super Taxi drove out of the dock area and onto the street. Darden and Korpi jumped into the Sabre and started to give chase. However, their pursuit was interrupted by a truck pulling into their path.

Korpi leaned out of the driver's side window and yelled "Hey, move that piece of shit!"

"Give me one reason!" said the truck driver.

Darden grabbed his magnum, leaned out the passenger side window, and shot the truck's side mirror off.

"Let's see, reverse is..." said the truck driver as he put the gearshift into reverse and backed out of the street.

Korpi took off after the Super Taxi. He had lost sight of it and was now looking for it.

"Why are we going after Spadowski?" asked Darden. "Didn't Tanner say not to?"

"How hard can it be?" asked Korpi. "There he is!"

Korpi spotted the Super Taxi as it drove towards the causeway.

"Get him before he enters the city or we'll lose him." said Korpi.

"No problem." said Darden. He pulled a large futuristic looking weapon out of the back and pointed it out the window at the taxi. "Steady. Steady." he said as he aimed.

He fired the weapon at the back of the Super Taxi. A large dart hit the trunk and electricity shot through the car rapidly and knocked out the engine. The taxi drifted off to the side and bumped into the curb, coming to a halt.

Korpi parked the Sabre and he and Darden climbed out. "Piece of cake." he said.

"Okay, Spadowski." said Darden. "Out of the car."

The door opened and the driver climbed out. However, it wasn't Stanley. Instead, it was a heavyset black woman.

"What the hell did you do that for?" she yelled.

"What the..." asked a very confused Korpi.

The woman inspected the electrical dart in the back of her taxi. "Ah, damn!" she said. "Do you have any idea how much it's gonna cost to fix this?"

"You're not Stanley Spadowski!" said Darden.

"No!" said the woman. "The name's Belle! I was trying to get this thing to a race, now I can't get it to run! Oh, that's it. I'm gonna take your engine instead!"

Darden and Korpi ran back to the Sabre and jumped in. They took off a second later.

"What happened to Spadowski?" asked Korpi. "I thought I saw him go this way."

They drove past a sidestreet which the Super Taxi was driving down. "Stanley, are you sure you know where you're going?" asked George.

"Positive, George." said Stanley. "I know a shortcut."

"I hope so." said George. "I'd hate to have to explain how we got lost on an island this small and mostly warehouses."

XXXXXXXXXX

"The race has just begun." said DeMarco. "Right now, Tanner and those goons he hired will be trying to stop or slow down the Cannonballers. It's time for you to go and help them."

"I'll do my best." said Foyt as she climbed into a red Jaguar XK-E.

"Good, and try not to scratch the Windsor." said DeMarco. "It's one of my prized possessions."

"I'll treat it like it was my own." said Foyt. She pulled out and gave chase.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Cannonballers roared down the bridge from Dodge Island. The Crusero was leading the way with the 1971 Bestia and Mako right behind.

In the Mako, Vince pointed to one of the buildings on the skyline. Sway looked and laughed. A giant banner reading "Go Cannonballers" had been hung up.

A crowd had gathered on either side of the exit to downtown Miami. The Supernova rolled through with Wily leaning out of the window pumping his fist. Suddenly, Puck activated the hydraulics and sent Wily flying into the A-pillar headfirst.

Another crowd had gathered in a side street blocked off by a fence and a row of traffic cones. They cheered as the Jones J450 raced past with Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer waving to them. The Cocotte zipped by next with Michaelangelo hanging out of the passenger side window giving a double peace sign. Then Dado swerved the Hammerhead into the traffic cones, mowing them down. The crowd jumped back in shock.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami Beach, the Machinegal Dolls were looking at the Colony Hotel.

"This is one of the most famous hotels in Miami Beach." said Brooke. "And I can see why. The art deco style is well used on it."

"I think the professor would like a picture of it." said Vivien.

"I think we should all be in the picture." said Isabelle. "Excuse me, mister? Can you take our picture in front of the hotel?"

"Oh, of course." said a man walking past.

Jennifer handed him the camera and he crossed the street. On the other side, he lined up a shot as the Dolls grouped together and posed.

"Okay, smile." said the man. "One, two, three."

Just as the man took the picture, Clark pulled in front of the Dolls in the Regina.

"Excuse me, do you know how to get to the expressway?" he asked.

"You just ruined our shot." said Sayuri.

"I think I can help you." said the man. He ran over.

"Clark, don't you have a map?" asked Ellen.

"It's in my back pocket." said Clark as he went for the door handle. "Hold on a second."

"Just a second." said the man. Clark then opened the door and hit him in the groin, making him drop the camera under the Regina.

Clark took out the map and spread it out on the roof of the Regina.

"Do you mind?" asked Isabelle.

"Not according to my kids." said Clark. "By the way, are you seeing someone?"

"Excuse me?" asked Isabelle.

"Never mind." said Clark. He then thought "That's like the prettiest thing I've seen since a certain Ferrari driver in the 80s."

Ellen cleared her throat.

"Uh huh." said Clark. "Okay, I think I've got it. Let's go."

Isabelle leaned over and said "M'am, you have my deepest sympathies."

Clark climbed back into the car, waved to the Dolls, and said "Thanks for your assistance." He then drove off and ran over the camera.

"That was easily the most annoying person I have ever met." said Isabelle.

"More annoying than Moldiver?" asked Brooke.

"Maybe not, but he's well on his way." said Isabelle.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We are just a couple of hours into the race." announced David Spade. "Already, we have a racer willing to give an in-race interview. And it's one of the new entries."

He directed the view to a big screen television next to him. The interior of the Bryanston V was seen with Ben driving, Bernard in the passenger seat, and Sam in the back.

"Hello, guys." said David. "Wasn't there a fourth member?"

"He's on the roof." said Sam. The in-car camera panned up to show Max roof surfing.

"How's the race so far?" asked David.

"I like it." said Ben.

"Seen any competition?" asked David.

"Are you kidding?" asked Ben. The camera panned around to show the Cohete, Cocotte, and Pirahna PDQ on one side and the Monsoni, Citi, and Modicum XSV on the other.

"Any ideas of what you'll see in the future?" asked David.

"We haven't had any problems with law enforcement yet." said Bernard. "Then again, we're only in Florida."

"Okay, no action to report yet." said David. "We'll let you get back to racing. By the way, the band is setting up for a performance. Any requests?"

"I've always been a big Gone Jackals fan." said Ben. "How about 'Legacy'?"

"You got it." said David.

"We can do that!" said Jezz Torrent of Love Fist as they got ready to play.

"Oh, look." said Bernard. "There's another car." The Crusero Magnifico was right ahead of them.

"I see them." said Ben. "Let's show them we mean business." He activated the nitrous system and aimed directly for the back of the old Mercury.

"Things seem to be going well so far." said Bugs Bunny. "No problems yet." He was completely oblivious to the cars approaching from behind.

"Are you sure we're still in contention?" asked Daffy Duck. "We haven't seen any other cars for a while."

Ben activated the nitrous shot and the Bryanston V shot forward. Max slipped off the roof and grabbed onto the spoiler. It was then that Love Fist started the song.

The Bryanston ramped off the back of the Crusero, flew over the roof, and slammed down onto the hood, smashing the hood ornament.

As the other cars passed them, Daffy leaned out the window and yelled "Hey, watch it!"

**December sixty-one, my dad's wages light.  
Still on that salary, we all four could sleep tight.  
Right now, if you drank from that very same well,  
you'd need a run of luck to score a bed in a trick hotel.**

**Is this the legacy,  
of too much or too few that I see?  
The kind of legacy,  
that's tossin' some good men to their knees.**

**The "Great Society's" maligned concrete cage,  
sits dead and vacant now. At least it kept out rain.  
With all those corners cut, the cracks grow wide and near.  
I heard some money's saved, but where it's gone ain't clear.**

**Who goes down next I don't know.  
I don't know nothin' anymore.  
Tomorrow's legacy,  
that's layin' in state awaits reprieve.**

**I always thought that when a man goes down,  
you do your best to pick him up.  
But how can the milk of kindness trickle down,  
when it's syphoned off and cheats the cup.**

-"Legacy" by the Gone Jackals

XXXXXXXXXX

In Georgia, the Ascent was in trouble. The local sheriff walked from his car to Larry's.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" asked the sheriff.

"Look, officer, I know I was going a little fast." said Larry.

"Officer?" replied the sheriff. "I'm no officer! I'm Roscoe P. Coltrane, sheriff of Hazzard County! And you were going about a hundred and fifty when I clocked you."

"I suppose you need my license and registration." said Larry as he produced both.

"Yes, I do." said Roscoe as he took both. "Wait here for a minute."

As Roscoe returned to his car, Richard looked at Larry and said "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." whispered Larry. "I'll try to talk him out of the ticket. Maybe we'll get off."

"I hope so." said Richard. "I'd hate to have to explain why we have a dead guy in the back seat."

"He's coming back." said Larry. "Calm down."

Roscoe returned to the driver's side window looking somewhat embarrassed. "You know, I'll make you a little deal." he said. "I'll let this one go if you give me a ride back to the station."

Larry and Richard looked at each other with a mix of relief and confusion.

"Sure, Sheriff Coltrane." said Larry.

Richard unlocked the doors and climbed in back. "I'll let you have the front seat." he said.

"Thank you." said Roscoe as he climbed in. Larry pulled away from the side of the road.

"So, why the strange deal?" asked Richard. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's nothing big." said Roscoe. "I just, uh, locked my keys in the car."

XXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere in Georgia, the Backdraft was parked. The trunk was open and Urkel was pouring an unknown fluid into a small hole.

"Okay, gentlemen." he said. "In just a few moments, your chauffeur will arrive."

"Really?" asked Balki. "Where is he?"

"He's right here." said Urkel. "When I was working on the car, I built one of my best inventions into the trunk. Behold, the transformation chamber. And now, to show it off."

Urkel climbed into the trunk.

"This I have to see." said Larry.

"Here we go." said Urkel. He pulled the trunk shut and closed himself inside. He let out a bloodcurtling scream a second later.

Larry quickly popped the trunk open. He found Urkel hyperventilating. "Steve, what's wrong?"

"I just remembered I'm claustrophobic." said Urkel. "Okay, I'm ready. Close it."

Larry closed the trunk. Suddenly, the taillights, turn signals, back-up lights, brake lights, and even the neon underglow started to flash. After a few seconds, an engine roar was heard.

"Balki?" asked Larry.

"Yes?" asked Balki.

"Open it." said Larry.

"Make me." said Balki.

Just then, the trunk popped open and Urkel sat up. His glasses were gone and he was wearing a bushy moustache and a racing jumpsuit and baseball cap with BF Goodrich logos all over it.

"Well, guys." he said with a southern accent. "I think we'd better get going."

As he climbed out of the trunk, Larry turned to Balki and asked "What was in that vial?"

Balki checked the vial. "It's labeled...'Dale Ale'." he said.

"Aw man, this ain't a Chevy." said Urkel.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Veloci screamed down the highway with some Bon Jovi blasting over the stereo.

"You really like eighties music, don't you?" asked Max Payne.

"Yeah, it's the best music to drive to." said Tommy as he passed a semi on the right.

"So basicly, you like haulin' ass to Hall 'n' Oates." said Max.

"Exactly." said Tommy as he made it past the truck. Suddenly, the Emu passed the truck on the left and cut him off.

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled. He quickly got out his cell phone and started dialing.

"Who are you calling?" asked Max. "International assassin to smash up their car, beat them within an inch of their lives, and urinate on the remains?"

"No, I'm reporting them." said Tommy. "In case you didn't notice, the car had one of those bumper stickers to report bad driving."

"Actually, I think that was one of those joke stickers." said Max.

"Hello, is this the guy driving the green Pissat?" yelled Tommy into the phone.

"Hello?" asked the bewildered old woman on the other end.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you!" said Tommy.

"Who's calling?" asked the woman.

"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you your driving is atrocious!" yelled Tommy. "Two words: blind spot! If you want to take it up with me, come down to Vice City and I'll show you how to drive!"

The woman silently hung up.

"I guess I showed him." said Tommy as he folded up his cell phone.

"Well, what did he want?" asked the woman's husband.

"He said I was an atrocious driver and we have to go to Vice City." said the woman.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Jones J450 navigated through the backwoods of Alabama. Hank was driving, Bobby was reading the map, and the others were having a diving competition in the bed.

"Just watch!" said Dale. "Half gainer into the spare!"

"Yo, man. That there spoiler ain't no ding dang diving board, man!" said Boomhauer.

"Bobby, are you sure about this road?" asked Hank.

"Positive, dad." said Bobby. "I'm surprised it's not marked better."

"Well, I'm growing a little more skeptical about...BWAAAAAAHHHH!" said Hank before noticing he was heading straight for a raging river.

Hank stomped on the brakes and slid to a quick stop. Dale screamed as he tumbled down the windshield, across the hood, and onto the ground.

"Bobby!" yelled Hank. "Why did you do that? Sending us down a hidden trail?"

"I was only following this road on the map!" said Bobby. He showed his father the map and the road he was following.

"That's not a road!" yelled Hank. "That's a contour line!"

"Oops." said Bobby.

Hank regained his composure. "Sorry, Bobby." he said. "I didn't mean to yell at you. Look, just try to figure out the map while I check on Mr. Gribble."

Hank climbed out and walked over to Dale. "Dale, are you alright?" he asked.

"No, I lost my cigarette!" yelled Dale.

"Hey, Hank." said Bill. "How did Bobby get us so lost?"

"Well, Bill, I've said it before and I'll say it again." said Hank. "That boy ain't right."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Modicum XSV pulled into the next gas station and the Muppets found the Simpsons there gassing up the Citi Turbo.

"Hi ho!" said Kermit as he walked over to the gas pumps.

"Hey, green guy!" said Homer. "How's the race going?"

"Pretty well." said Kermit. "I think we're really in good contention. And you?"

"Not bad." said Homer. "I think we're looking at two in a row."

Elsewhere at the station, Fozzie and Gonzo looked around for something to do.

"I'm thinking I can find a new source for material." said Fozzie.

"I'm looking for some new lovelies for my crew." said Gonzo.

"We have a visual on them now." said someone. Fozzie and Gonzo walked over to investigate. They discovered Paul Hackett and Feliz Vispone from the Highway Hunters. Paul was on the phone. "Right, they're getting gas at the moment. They'll probably be back on the road shortly."

"Who's he talking about?" asked Gonzo.

"Of course we'll take care of them." said Paul. "They're last year's winners. Who better to make an example of?"

"Ohhhhhh!" moaned Fozzie. "They're after the Simpsons! We have to do something!"

"Right!" said Gonzo. "We have to get Kermit!"

Back at the pump...

"Come on, say it." said Homer.

"No!" said Kermit.

"Just say it." said Homer.

"No!" said Kermit as he hung up the gas pump.

"Say it!" said Homer as he made a fist.

"Okay." sighed Kermit. "Phenomenon."

Two little creatures popped up and chanted "Doo doo doo doo doo."

"Phenomenon." said Kermit.

"Doo doo doo doo." chanted the creatures.

Homer laughed. "That was a good one." he said. "Thank you. We'll see you at the finish line."

Homer paid for his gas, then he and his family got back into the car and drove off. The Virgo followed.

Kermit paid for his gas. As he and Animal were getting back into their car, Fozzie and Gonzo ran over.

"Kermit! Kermit!" said Fozzie. "Gonzo and I were goofing around and we overheard two guys! They were plotting to off the Simpsons!"

Kermit gasped.

"Bad men!" growled Animal.

"We have to warn the Simpsons!" yelled Kermit. "Hurry!"

The Muppets all piled into the car and raced off after the Simpsons.

Just down the road, the Citi Turbo raced along with the Virgo in hot pursuit. The Modicum was right behind the Virgo and gaining fast.

"Pass him, Kermit!" yelled Gonzo. "Pass him!"

"Got it!" said Kermit. He turned into the passing lane and raced past the Virgo.

Kermit pulled alongside the Citi Turbo and Fozzie rolled down his window.

"Homer!" yelled Fozzie. "Those men are trying to kill you! Those men are..."

Unfortunately, Homer couldn't hear him. "Homer, what is he saying?" asked Marge.

"I don't know, let me roll down the window." said Homer. He went for the window switch, but it didn't work.

"Try the central computer." said Lisa.

Homer activated the central computer. "To make a selection, please push a button." said the computer in Ms. Krabapple's voice.

Homer tried one of the switches. "Incorrect button push." said the computer. Homer started to fret and pushed more buttons.

In the Virgo, Paul tried to keep the car steady while Feliz pulled out a submachine gun. Feliz took aim at the back of the Citi Turbo.

Homer kept pushing buttons and panicking. "Spoiler shield activated." said the computer.

Just as Feliz pulled the trigger, the Citi Turbo's spoiler flipped up and deflected the bullets.

Homer continued to push buttons. "Trunk opened." said the computer.

The Citi Turbo's trunk opened and a large blanket tumbled out, covering the Virgo. The Modicum and Citi Turbo made the next turn, but the Virgo kept going into a driveway.

Down the road, the Flurry was driving along.

"Jinkies, I think we're lost." said Velma.

"No, we just have to look for some landmarks." said Daphne.

The Modicum and Citi Turbo raced up behind it and swerved around the truck.

"Zoinks, the Muppets are passing us!" said Shaggy from the driver's seat.

"And we've got Simpsons on this side!" said Freddie.

The two cars passed the ice cream truck and pulled alongside each other again.

Homer kept trying the buttons on the computer. "Forward flare gun activated." said the computer as a flare gun extended from the grill. "Fire."

A flare shot from the flare gun and blew up an outhouse at the side of the road.

The Virgo pulled up behind the ice cream truck and Feliz pulled out his submachine gun. "Let's get this guy out of the way, too." he said.

Homer kept pushing buttons. "Rear flare gun activated." said the computer as another flare gun extended from the taillight.

Feliz took aim at the Flurry. "Bye bye." he said.

"Fire." said the Citi Turbo's computer.

The flare shot out of the flare gun and flew towards the Flurry.

"Ruh roh." said Scooby Doo.

The flare flew under the truck's front bumper, bounced off the roadway, flew under the truck's rear bumper, and imbedded itself in the Virgo's grill.

After the car crept to a halt, Paul and Feliz jumped out and ran. "She's gonna blow!" yelled Paul. A couple of seconds later, he was proven right as the Virgo was blown to shreds.

Down the road, the Muppets breathed a collective sigh of relief. However, Homer still tried pushing buttons. "ECU overload." said the computer.

The Citi Turbo's engine quickly shut down. Homer cut the wheel to the left and the car came to rest on the shoulder. He watched in horror as the Modicum raced off. He then turned back to see the Flurry turn down a side road. Homer pounded the dashboard and yelled "D'oh!"

"Windows down." said the computer as it finally lowered the windows.

XXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere, Joe and Max were hatching a plan of their own. The plan involved hiding the Oceanic in the bushes and placing a CPR training dummy in the road.

"What's the plan again?" asked Max.

"We throw this guy in the middle of the road." said Joe. "When the Cannonballers stop, we get 'em. Simple, huh?"

"Yeah, it is." said Max as he placed the dummy in the road. "Where did you get this idea?"

"I heard about it once in an urban legend." said Joe. "Into the bushes, quick! Someone's coming!"

Joe and Max ran to the bushes and hid. Down the road, the PT Phoenix raced along.

"And the next line is..." said Stone Cold.

"Dead, I am the sky...watching angels cry." said Rob. "Whoa!"

Rob had spotted the dummy. Stone Cold started to swerve.

"Here we go." said Joe. He and Max watched the PT Phoenix approach. The car swerved side to side, then swerved off the road. They then watched in horror when they saw where it was going: directly towards them.

The PT Phoenix came to a rest in the bushes. "You alright?" asked Rob.

"Yeah." said Stone Cold. "Let's check on that guy."

Joe tried crawling out from underneath the PT Phoenix. As he reached out from under the frame rail, Stone Cold stepped on his hand.

"Think it needs CPR?" asked Rob.

Stone Cold looked at the dummy. "Well, if we need the practice." he said.

"Who lost a CPR training dummy?" asked Rob.

"I dunno, but it's ours now." said Stone Cold as he picked it up.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked Rob.

"Probably use it for wrestling practice." said Stone Cold.

"If there's anything left, can I have it?" asked Rob. "You know, to use it for onstage theatrics and stuff."

"Sure." said Stone Cold as he started to get back into the PT Phoenix.

Joe was almost out from under the car. Stone Cold didn't notice him and stepped on his back.

"Hey, Nemesis." said Stone Cold as he put the dummy in the back seat. "Got a friend for you."

Nemesis just looked at the dummy and started playing with it. Stone Cold pulled out and narrowly avoided running over Joe and Max.

"I think I just remembered how that legend ends." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Kentucky, the Saikou XS drove along a dirt road.

"Where are we going?" asked Waluigi.

"You'll see." said Wario. "Here we are."

They pulled up in front of a cabin.

"What are we doing here?" asked Bowser.

"Enacting our secret plan." said Wario. "This is where we're staying until it's time for the final stretch."

"Isn't that cheating?" asked Waluigi.

"I'm glad you noticed." said Wario.

The three entered the cabin.

"Ah, this place looks nice." said Bowser.

"Enjoy it." said Wario. "It's our home for six weeks or so."

"Yippee!" cheered Waluigi. He ran into the cabin and tossed the team's time card onto the coffee table.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dustin trained his camera on Reza in the backseat of the Hammerhead. "Okay, salesman." he said. "Give us your sales pitch."

"Hello, folks." said Reza. "The car I'm riding in right now is the Hammerhead. It is a 2004 Mercedes CL55 AMG. It has slate gray paint, gold trim, Lexani rims, and various performance mods. Inside, the upholstery is finished with fine Italian leather, the sound system is a top of the line Kenwood unit, and the navigation system is completely up to date. The car is pracatically fresh out of the factory and has never been smoked in." He looked up and said "Oh, spoke too soon."

Dustin panned over to Dado and showed him smoking a cigarette while driving. "Um, Dado." he said. "What are you doing?"

"Driving?" said Dado.

Dustin panned over to a no smoking sticker on the dashboard. "Didn't you see that?" he asked.

"Yes." said Dado.

"Don't you think you should pop that out the window?" asked Dustin.

"Good idea." said Dado. He peeled the sticker off the dashboard and held it out the window until the headwind pulled it off. "Problem solved." he said.

"Okay." said Dustin. "Glad we got that settled."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you ready, Super?" asked Fuji as he sat in the Alarde's driver's seat.

"All set, Fuji." said Super Dave as he hooked a cable from the Alarde's rear bumper to his belt. A parachute was strapped to his back.

"Okay." said Fuji. "Hold on tight!" He pulled out and Super Dave started running after the car. Within a minute, the cable became taught and Super Dave opened the parachute. He immediately became airborne.

"I'm ready to display the banner." said Super Dave into a walkie-talkie.

"Go for it." said Fuji.

Super Dave held out the corners of a banner that read "Peter's Diner, Oakland."

The banner was fully unfurled and easily visible from the ground. "Just a little promotion for my favorite eatery!" he said. He then whispered "I just wonder if Peter knows he's paying me by the mile."

Suddenly, he looked at the highway the Alarde was on and was shocked to discover the car was about to head under an overpass. "Oh oh!" he yelled. He picked up the walkie-talkie and said "Fuji, release the cable! Repeat, release the cable!"

"Super, I'm getting too much interferance!" yelled Fuji into his walkie-talkie. "I can't hear you!"

"Fuji, release the cable!" repeated Super Dave, but it was too late. The Alarde drove under a sign next to the overpass. The cable hit the sign and started pulling Super Dave towards it.

Franticly, Super Dave started trying to release the cable on his end, but he wasn't making a lot of progress. The sign was approaching fast.

Down the road, Fuji looked in the rearview, noticed the overpass, and remembered the stunt. "Ooh!" he said. He flipped a switch and released the cable.

Super Dave was about to crash into the sign when the cable went limp and he glided over the sign. He flew over the first lanes of traffic and breathed a sigh of relief. "Boy, that was close." he said.

As he was gliding over the next lanes of traffic, he was hit by a speeding bus.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, Regis fiddled with the locking mechanism on the L.A. Cop Car's shotgun holder. Finally, it released and the shotgun fell against the seat.

"I got the shotgun free." he said.

"Good." said Marcus. "Now, you can use it on anyone trying to attack us."

"Oh, screw that." said Regis. "I'm shooting road signs."

Regis rolled down the window and pointed the shotgun out. They approached a speed limit sign and Regis took aim. He pulled the trigger and took the corner off the sign.

"Nice shot." said Marcus.

"I can do better." said Regis.

They approached a turn sign next to a power substation. Regis took aim, but just as he was about to fire, Marcus hit a pothole. Regis missed the sign and hit a transformer in the substation.

"Sorry." said Marcus as Regis glared at him.

The transformer started sparking and giving off smoke. Finally, it burned out. In the next town, traffic lights went dead and cars started to crash into each other.

Just to the east, the Fripon X, Baja Buggy, and Knight swerved around other cars on their way to town.

In the Knight, Murdock was singing "Drive! Push it to the floor 'til the engine screams. Drive! Drivin' like the demon that drives your dreams."

"He knows them all." said B.A.

"Hey, KITT, did Bonnie install that karaoke machine like she said?" asked Michael.

"Michael, what are you talking..." asked KITT.

"Just kidding." said Michael.

In the Fripon X...

"I'm not kidding, Resse!" yelled Malcolm. "Give me the road atlas!"

"Shut up, Malcolm!" yelled Reese. "I'm looking for Twin Peaks!"

"That was just a T.V. show!" yelled Malcolm. "It doesn't exist! Give me the road atlas!"

"Will you two just shut up!" yelled Francis. "God, no wonder Piama doesn't want kids!"

In the Baja Buggy...

"We're almost to the next town." said Max.

"Cool, we can get supplies if we need 'em." said Highway.

"I see towns like this all the time in my...what the...?" replied Max.

Right in front of them, cars were crashing into each other.

Michael swerved around an approaching car. "KITT, what's going on?" he asked.

"There appears to be a blackout in this town." said KITT. "A power transformer outside the town seems to have been...Michael, look out!"

A car swerved to avoid the wrecks on main street and headed right towards them. Michael swerved to avoid it and ended up heading for two wrecked cars.

"Turbo boost, KITT!" called Michael as he hit the Turbo Boost button. The Knight made a quick jump in speed and jumped the wrecked cars.

After they landed, Murdock looked out the rear window and said "Wow, we soared over that!" He then looked forward to see B.A. holding Michael's collar.

"I swear, that's as close as we're going to get to flying for the rest of the race." he pleaded.

"Try to stay off the main road." said Highway.

"No problem." said Max. He steered for a small hill and used it to jump to the roof of a nearby store. After that, he jumped the Buggy to the roof of the store next door.

"Try the bus." said Highway. Max jumped the Buggy to the roof of a crashed bus and then hit the street again.

"Oh man, this is nuts!" said Francis.

"Francis, I can easily predict where the cars are going to crash." said Malcolm. "The laws of physics can't be denied."

"Great, tell me." said Francis.

"Reese, give me the atlas." said Malcolm.

Resse groaned and threw the atlas at Malcolm. Malcolm set the atlas on the seat next to him and said "Okay, steer left now."

Francis steered left and narrowly missed a swerving car.

"Now, go right." said Malcolm.

Francis steered to the right and was shielded from a crashing car by a telephone pole.

"Stop!" yelled Malcolm.

Francis hit the brakes and a car raced by right in front of him.

"Go! Go! Go!" said Malcolm.

Francis floored it and another car drove right through where the Fripon X was a second earlier and crashed into the bus.

"Holy crap." said Reese.

"Keep going!" yelled Malcolm.

Francis kept going out of town. The Knight was ahead of them and the Baja Buggy was behind them.

The other cars in town all started to come to a rest when they saw what was going on. The drivers got out of their cars and started to help the accident victims.

Marcus and Regis drove through a minute later. "Boy, I'd hate to be the idiot who caused that." said Regis.

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York City, a young man sat in a jet black '48 Cadillac with red flames. He was talking with a couple of street toughs.

"So, what do you guys think of the Broadway?" he asked. "Nice, huh? I like to think of it as proof that my honeys are the best because my clients are willing to pay top dollar." Just then, his cell phone rang. "Let me get this. Probably one of my hoes." he said as he pulled it out and answered it. "Hey, wassup, ho?"

"Who are you calling 'ho', Washburn?" yelled Belle on the other end.

"Oh, Belle!" said Washburn. "Sorry, I'm undercover as a pimp."

As soon as he said that, he realized he had blown his cover.

"'ey, don't worry." said one of the toughs. "We weren't buying it for a second."

"Belle, why are you calling me?" asked Washburn.

"Some jackass shot my cab with some kind of missile." said Belle. "He completely shorted out the electrical system. I need your help to track these guys down."

"Alright, I'm on my way." said Washburn.

XXXXXXXXXX

Outside the town of Springfield, Corvax had been pulled over by Chief Wiggum.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" asked Wiggum as he showed Corvax his radar gun.

"Sixty-five, no more." said Corvax.

"Hmmm, thought so." said Wiggum. "This thing said you were going a hundred and eighty, but I doubt that. No one's crazy enough to drive that fast. Stupid machines, can't trust 'em."

The Terminators glared at Wiggum as he returned to his car.

"Not yet." said Corvax. "You can terminate him after the race."

Corvax returned to the road as the Tokyo Cop Car passed them.

"We're almost to Springfield." said Hooks. "We can stop for supplies there."

"That's a good idea." said Fackler.

The Tokyo Cop Car, Schneller V8, and several other cars pulled into town. Hooks quickly found the Kwik-E-Mart and pulled into the parking lot. A few seconds later, they walked into the store.

"Welcome to Kwik-E-Mart!" greeted Apu. "How may I help..."

Zed grabbed the microphone for the PA system and said "I need some beer up here...NOW!"

"I'm gonna pour myself a slushie." said Fackler. "Is that okay?"

"Go right ahead." said Apu.

Fackler put the cup in the slushie machine and pulled the handle. The cup was quickly filled. When Fackler tried to turn it off, he discovered the handle was stuck. He kept trying as the floor around the machine started to flood with slushie.

While this was going on, Beavis and Butthead walked in.

"I wish we could've found a cool song on the radio." said Butthead.

"We probably could have if you hadn't ripped it out and thrown it into the river." said Beavis.

They immediately went to the magazine rack. They picked up an adult mag and looked through it drooling.

"This is not a library." admonished Apu.

"Oh, that's okay." said Butthead. "We can't read that good anyway. Huh huh."

Just then, the doors opened again and everybody looked to see who had entered. It was the driver of the Riviera.

"I'm looking for Cannonballers." he said.

"That would be us." said Beavis.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the man.

"Who the hell is Rockatansky?" asked Butthead.

"I dunno." said Beavis. "Some fartknocker."

The man grabbed Beavis and Butthead by their collars and said "You will take me to him."

"Whoa, he's giving us shirt wedgies." said Butthead.

"Yeah, yeah." said Beavis. "Wedgies are cool. Heh heh."

Hooks and Fackler saw what was happening and went into action. Fackler quickly downed his slushie and drew his sidearm.

"Okay, release the hosta..." he said before cringing and grabbing his head. Wolfing down the slushie turned out to be not a very bright move.

Seeing her partner was incapacitated by a brain freeze, Hooks drew her own weapon and squeaked "Sir, please release the hostages."

The man dragged Beavis and Butthead towards the doors.

"I repeat." squeaked Hooks. "Release the hostages now or I will be forced to shoot."

The man was almost to the door when Hooks picked up her whistle and blew it. "RELEASE THOSE TWO MORONS NOW, SLIMEBALL!" she bellowed.

The man released Beavis and Butthead who ran from the store.

"Are you going to pay for those magazines?" asked Apu. Beavis and Butthead ran back into the store, left some money on the counter, then ran back out.

"That sucked!" said Butthead.

"The shirt wedgies were cool." said Beavis. He and Butthead looked at each other, then grabbed each other's shirt collars. The two started laughing incessantly.

The man walked out of the store. Hooks and Zed followed. "Come on, Fackler!" said Hooks.

"Coming!" said Fackler, still trying to shake off the brain freeze. He stumbled around and slammed into a shelf. Somehow, he managed to knock it over and send it toppling into the next shelf. That shelf fell over into another and a big domino effect took place. Fackler looked around in shock and followed his partners.

"Good thing I got this on tape or the insurance company would never believe me." said Apu and he went to the VCR hooked up to the security cameras. Unfortunately, he discovered he had forgotten to insert a tape. "Uh oh." he said.

Out in the parking lot, Beavis and Butthead got back into the Interna and raced off. The man who had faced off with them looked around for a new victim. Unfortunately, Cary Ford was just that.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the man.

"Mad Max?" asked Ford. "I'm not him."

"Stay away from him!" ordered Fackler.

The Cocotte raced into town and slid to a stop. Raphael bailed out of the passenger seat, Michaelangelo jumped from the trunk, and Leonardo lept from the sunroof. They quickly drew their weapons.

"Stop!" said Leonardo. "What is your business with the Cannonballers?"

"I'm looking for someone." said the man. "I heard he was in the race. His name is Max Rockatansky."

"Rockasteady?" asked Michaelangelo. "Isn't that one of Shredder's goons?"

"You're after Mad Max?" asked Leonardo as Donatello joined them. "Why?"

"I've been hired by several warlords in our world to bring in Rockatansky." said the man. "He has greatly interfered with their activities and they seek restitution."

"Who are you?" asked Donatello.

"I am a mercenary for hire." said the man. "I am...'The Warrior'!"

"I think you left out the 'shooting out the walls of heartache, bang bang' part." said Raphael.

"If you will not assist me, then I shall be forced to destroy you." said the Warrior. He produced about a dozen throwing knives in his hands, then started throwing them at the turtles.

"I got this!" said Michaelangelo as he rolled into battle. He started spinning his nunchucks and knocking the knives out of the air. Not one knife reached his teammates.

"Impressive." said the Warrior.

"Are you attacking Cannonballers?" asked another voice. The Warrior turned around to see it was Jaws.

"I'm looking for Max Rockat..." said the Warrior before Jaws grabbed him.

"I'm going to make sure you don't try that again." said Jaws as he leaned down and sank his stainless steel teeth into the Warrior's arm. Suddenly, his eyes widened with a jolt and he stumbled away. The Warrior's arm was ripped open, revealing metal bars, wires, and hydraulic lines inside instead of bone, muscle, and blood.

"The dude is hard-wired!" said Michaelangelo.

"Isn't modern technology wonderful?" joked Raphael.

"He's some kind of robot!" said Donatello.

"Precisely." said the Warrior. "I was made to be the perfect fighter."

"We can't allow you to proceed." said Leonardo.

"I must complete my contract." said the Warrior.

"If that's the way it must be..." said Leonardo "...Turtles fight with honor!"

Foyt pulled into another parking space and watched the battle take place. She called DeMarco on her cell phone. "Jimmy, it's Foyt. Do you have a knife thrower working for you?...Really?...Well, then. Things just got interesting."

Everytime the Warrior threw a knife at one of the Turtles, they blocked it with their weapons or shells. However, everytime they tried their own attacks, the Warrior managed to block them.

During the battle, Mahoney and his team showed up. He leaned out the window and said to Hooks "I've got a backup for a cute little ray of New York sunshine."

"Thank you." said Hooks. "The problem is over there."

"Alright, guys." said Mahoney. "Go for it."

Jones and Walker jumped out of the Patrol Car and ran into the battle. Both took martial arts stances.

"That's not a very good idea." said Walker.

Jones did his impression of a dubbed martial arts movie character. "Now...it is time...for you...to be punished."

Foyt watched and got ready to make her move. As she was getting ready to start the car, a voice said "You're not doing something wrong, now, are you?" She looked in the voice's direction and saw Lone Wolf.

"Oh, hello." she said. "How may I help you?"

"Aren't you Alice J. Foyt?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Why yes." she said.

Walker, Jones, and the Turtles continued to fight the Warrior, but he was still holding his own.

"Guys, we have a race to run!" yelled Ford.

"I know, but we can't risk leaving this guy in action." said Mahoney.

"Biker Boyz for life!" yelled Kid as he raced into the parking lot, jumped off the Cohete, and sent it racing into the Warrior. The android warrior was knocked flat.

"I got him!" yelled Mahoney. He ran over, folded the Warrior's hands behind his back, and cuffed them. "You have the right to remain silent." he informed. "However, if you've had too much root beer, you may find the need to waive this right. You have the right to an atourney, hopefully not the one who I hired to defend me in a police brutality suit because he is a very bad lawyer. And I'll leave you for the local constabulary. Folks, let's go!"

Kid picked up the Cohete and dusted it off. Ford jumped back on the Monsoni. The Turtles piled into the Cocotte. The protectors returned to their respective cars. Within seconds, all of them restarted their cars.

Foyt noticed this. "The Cannonballers are on the move." she said. "I'll see you later."

As she drove off, Lone Wolf got on his radio and said "Mahoney, it's Lone Wolf. Foyt is on her way."

"Thanks, Lone Wolf. I'll take it from here." said Mahoney. He put the Patrol Car in gear and used it to block the Windsor. He quickly got on the loudspeaker. "Miss...Mrs...Mister? Uh, Foyt. You used to be a cop, so I'd sure appreciate if you saved me the trouble of having to fill out all that paperwork and just turn away."

"Out of the way, Mahomo!" yelled Foyt.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." replied Mahoney as he handed the microphone to Jones.

Jones put the microphone to his mouth and did his impression of a machine gun. Foyt immediately bolted from the car and ran away from the scene.

"Go!" yelled Jones. Mahoney raced out of town.

Wiggum walked over to the cuffed Warrior and said "Okay, big guy. Let's go." The Warrior got up and quickly broke his cuffs. "You know, I think I'll release you on your own recognizance." said Wiggum as he fled.

Foyt hid in a nearby backyard. The Warrior found her shortly afterward. "You are trying to stop the Cannonballers." he said.

"Yes." she said.

"I need your assistance in apprehending one of the Cannonballers." said the Warrior.

"What do I get in return?" asked Foyt.

"I will help you stomp out the Cannonball." said the Warrior.

"It's a deal." said Foyt.

"Come." said the Warrior. He led her to his Riviera.

"Nice car." said Foyt. "What's it called?"

"It's called the Buccaneer." said the Warrior. They climbed in and took off.

"You did a nice job with this car." said Foyt as they drove out of town.

"Thank you." said the Warrior. "What happened to your car?"

Foyt thought about the question, then realized nothing happened to it. She had abandoned a perfectly good car. "Oh." she said.

Back in Springfield, Jimbo Jones, Dolph, and Kearney looked over the Windsor.

"I can't believe someone abandoned a perfectly good Jaguar." said Jimbo.

"I'm thinking we should outfit the trunk with a bitchin' sound system." said Dolph.

"Some Lexani rims would be cool." said Kearney.

"Let's see if we can rig up a body kit of some kind." said Jimbo.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Missouri...

"It's official." said Jarod. "I cannot read maps."

"So, how do we get to St. Louis?" asked Johnny Five.

"Maybe we should ask these guys." said Jarod as he saw a convertible full of teenagers.

Johnny Five pulled alongside the convertible and Jarod rolled down his window.

"Excuse me." said Jarod. "Can you tell us how to get to St. Louis?"

Johnny Five leaned over and said "Please be as specific as possible. We tend to get lost easily."

The teenagers screamed and raced off. Jarod and Johnny Five watched them go.

"Were those dweebs?" asked Jarod.

"Yes." said Johnny Five. "Those were definitely dweebs."

XXXXXXXXXX

The racers who were in Springfield raced out west as the sun was starting to set.

Ford pulled alongside Kid and tried to pass, but Kid wouldn't let him.

Lone Wolf pulled up behind them and said "Hey, wanna race?"

"Last one to the next state is a rotten egg!" yelled Kid.

"You're on!" yelled Ford.

The three accelerated and tried to pass each other.

**Hearts of fire.  
Streets of stone.  
Modern warriors.  
Saddle iron horses of chrome.**

**Taste the wild.  
Lick the wind.  
Like something they never saw before,  
their jaws dropping to the floor,  
steel made of soul and sin.**

The bikers hit a straightaway and Kid focused the road into a tunnel. He took the lead.

**Rebels born without a care.  
And the day he listens.  
Only to fly where eagles dare.  
And the night she whispers.**

**Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.**

**Painted flesh.  
Loyalty.  
Humble pride  
just as far as the eye can see.**

The three hit a turn and Ford found a shortcut. He jumped the Monsoni off a large rock and hit a rock wall wheels first, then raced along the rock wall and hit the road ahead of the others.

**Stories told.  
Two old friends.  
Of battle scars and lonely bars,  
and nights the rain wouldn't end.**

**Here's to withered eyes wearing gypsy smiles.  
And the day he listens.  
Here's to lovely ladies and a million miles.  
And the night she whispers.**

**Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
I'm still the bravest soul in sin,  
burning 'til the night is done.**

At the next straightaway, Kid and Ford tried to fight for the lead, only to both lose it to Lone Wolf when he slipped by separated by a passing truck.

**Of all the truths and lies,  
and stories of riders in the sky.  
They say only the bravest try  
where eagles and angels dare to fly.**

**Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
I'm still the bravest soul in sin,  
burning 'til the night is done.**

-"Ride the Wind" by Poison

Lone Wolf raced across the state line first. Kid was second and Ford brought up the rear.

"Nice race, guys." said Lone Wolf. "Now, let's see how you do in the big race." And with that, he was off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Stanley continued to drive as it got dark.

"Still driving like crazy?" asked George.

"You bet." said Stanley. "Doing eighty."

"In second gear?" asked Kuni.

"Is anybody else getting tired?" asked Stanley.

"Well, you've been driving all day." said George. "Maybe it's time to pull over and let someone else take over."

"Yeah, I guess so." said Stanley. "Maybe we can get in some entertainment while we're at it."

"Okay, where do we do that?" asked George.

"Let's check the local listings." said Kuni as he consulted his laptop. "There's a miniature golf course not far from here. We could get in a few rounds. Or we could go to the arcade at the mall. I'll show you how I play. Also, we could check out the Nick Rivers concert."

"Nick Rivers?!" yelled George. "Oh, we have to check him out. He's one of my favorite performers."

"Really?" asked Stanley.

"Okay, we'll check him out." said Kuni.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It has been ten hours since the race began and our racers have made it halfway across the continental United States." announced Phil. "They still have the other half, a small section of Canada, and the state of Alaska before Asia and the rest of the continents. With me now is one member of the Cannonball band who we have asked for an opinion on the winner."

Adam Duritz walked over.

"Adam, you've been paying attention to the race." said Phil. "Do you have an opinion on who will win?"

"I'm actually hoping for the Paris Cop Car." said Adam. "The team is from the Crows' hometown of San Francisco, so there's that. Also, the team members are very well trained and very well skilled."

"We actually have an interview with one of the teams right now." said Phil. "Can we get that now?"

The monitor came on and showed a very shaky view of Willow.

"Watch the little robot drone trying to get you." chided Xander from offscreen.

"Knock it off, Xander!" said Willow. "Why is the red light on?"

"What? OOH!" said Xander. He tried to replace the camera on the rearview. It ended up lopsided.

Buffy straightened it and pointed it at herself. "Sorry about that." she said. "Xander is a little...Xander."

"How is the race going?" asked Phil.

"Very well." said Buffy. "No major problems yet. Everything is clear sailing so far."

"Where are you right now?" asked Phil.

"Somewhere in Nebraska." said Buffy.

"Nebraska you say?" asked Adam. "Is that anywhere near..." He then sang "Omaha...somewhere in middle America..."

Buffy laughed. "Can you do 'Mr. Jones'?" asked Xander. "Or 'Rain King' perhaps?"

"Night is falling." said Phil. "Has that become a problem?"

"We hunt vampires." said Buffy. "The night is our world."

"Well, I'm sure you'd like to get back to racing." said Phil. "Thank you and good luck."

XXXXXXXXXX

J.D. laid in the back of the Crown Mail. "Oh, that's right." he muttered in his sleep. "Yeah, that's right. Large pizza, pepperoni, and sausage."

"J.D?" said Butler as he shook him awake. "Dr. Dorian?"

J.D. got up. "Can we get a pizza?" he asked.

"Sorry to wake you." said Butler as he rolled up his sleeve. "Does this look infected?"

"No, it looks fine." said J.D.

"Oh, that's good." said Butler.

J.D. laid back down to go back to bed when he noticed the van was in motion.

"Butler, who's driving?" he asked.

"Master Fowl, of course." said Butler.

"Oh." said J.D. He laid down and tried to go back to sleep, then the information registered and he bolted straight up. He looked and saw that Artemis was in fact driving. "Artemis, I thought you couldn't drive!" he said.

"I said I was too young to have a license." explained Artemis. "I didn't say I couldn't drive."

"Oh." said J.D. He laid back down to go back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

After night had fallen, Winston drove the Modo Prego down a dark highway. Peter had shotgun while Louis slept in back.

"Lonely highway at night." said Peter. "Spooky, huh?"

"Hey, I'm a Ghostbuster." said Winston. "I ain't 'fraid of no ghost."

"Check this car out." said Peter as they came up behind a '57 Chevy which appeared to be glowing white. The mag wheels glistened in the moonlight.

"Yeah." said Winston. "Let's see what he's up to."

Winston pulled alongside the Chevy, rolled down his window, and said "Hey, nice WHOA!"

The Chevy's front end was completely mangled. The roof was slightly buckled and the windshield was shattered. The driver literally looked like he was from beyond the grave.

"Why, thank you." he said.

"You from around here?" asked a very freaked out Peter.

"I've been around here for many years." said the Chevy driver.

"Where are you going?" asked Winston.

"Just down that ways a bit." said the Chevy driver. "And you?"

"Straight ahead and on to Alaska." said Peter.

"When you reach the mountains, don't go too fast." said the Chevy driver. "I made that mistake...once."

"Well, we'll catch you later." said Winston.

"Be seeing you." said the driver. He pulled away a second later.

"Wait 'til Egon hears about this." said Peter.

XXXXXXXXXX

Stanley drove into the parking lot of a theatre and parked. He and his teammates jumped out.

"Oh, I've got to see this guy." said George. He ran over to the ticket counter. "Hi, we'd like three tickets for Nick Rivers."

"One moment please." said the ticket girl.

"You really like this guy's music, don't you?" asked Kuni.

"Oh, absolutely." said George. "'How Silly Can You Get', 'Skeet Surfing'. This guy does some sweet music. It really kept me together while Teri and I were broken up. I kept listening to him after we got back together, too."

"Sweet." said Stanley.

The ticket girl returned and said "You're not going to believe this. Nick Rivers wants to see you personally."

"Really?" asked George.

The ticket girl gave them three backstage passes. They made their way to his dressing room. When they got there, a party was in full swing.

Nick Rivers was in an easy chair talking with some groupies, then he turned and looked at the trio. "Hey, it's the U62 guys!" he said. "Come on over."

George, Stanley, and Kuni walked over. Stanley bumped into someone, turned, and stumbled backwards until he bumped into someone else.

"So, how's the race going for you?" asked Nick. "You know, my aunt Jill was also in the Cannonball a long time ago."

"Pretty darn well." said George.

"The other racers are nothing." said Kuni.

"Yeah, Stanley is a maniac behind the wheel." said George.

"Saw that little performance at the pre-race party." said Nick. "I saw you broke your record."

"What can I say?" said George. "I had a goal in mind and went after it."

"Tell me something." said Nick. "When are we going to see 'Skeet Surfing' worked into one of your polka medleys?"

"Someday." said George. "Someday."

"Hey, want to do a song together before you go?" asked Nick. "I'm sure you want to get back on the road as soon as you can."

"You do?" asked George. "Oh, that sounds great."

"Alright." said Nick as he picked up his guitar. "And a one, two, three, four!"

Just as he started to play, Wayne, Garth, and the Angels entered.

"Hey, did we miss the performance?" asked Wayne.

"What are you guys doing here?" asked Nick.

"We came to see some rock!" said Garth.

"How did you guys get in here?" asked Kuni.

"That would be our work." said Dylan.

"Yeah, Nick's manager hired us for a case once." said Natalie.

"He owed us a favor." said Alex.

"Well, we were just about to play together, so I guess you can stay." said Nick.

"Wait, how many teams are around you?" asked George.

"Four, maybe five." said Dylan.

"Oh NO!" yelled George. "Nick, I'm afraid we'll have to do this another time."

"Good luck, my man." said Nick. "I'll see you at the finish line. Maybe we can jam there."

"Hey, we can't let them get a position on us!" said Alex.

"Yeah, let's go." said Wayne.

"Hey, thanks for getting us in there." said Garth.

"I want to repay you somehow." said Wayne. "Unfortunately, I don't have that much to give back."

"Well, you can think of something." said Natalie.

"Sorry, but the only thing of interest we have is a tape of Charlie's appearance on 'Wayne's World'." said Garth.

"That sounds great!" said Dylan.

"Excellent." said Wayne as he winked at the camera.

"That's it?" asked Alex. "A tape of Charlie on their show?"

"Don't you realize what this means?" asked Dylan. "We'll finally get to find out what Charlie looks like."

"Hey, that is a handsome reward." said Natalie.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, the Bestia cruised along through the night. "Lowrider" by War was playing on the radio.

"Hey, this is a good song." said Jesse from the backseat.

"Gearhead classic." said Dom from the driver's seat.

Behind them, the Sabre crept up unnoticed.

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Korpi.

"Sure is." said Darden. "Let's get 'em."

In the Bestia, Dom tapped his hand on the dash and lip synched the song. Jesse bobbed his head side to side. Memphis held up his hands and shook like a leaf.

Darden leaned out the window of the Sabre and aimed his magnum at the Bestia. He fired at the Bestia and blew off the passenger side rearview.

"Didn't we used to have a mirror there?" asked Memphis.

Dom looked over his shoulder. "Ah great!" he yelled.

"What is it?" asked Jesse.

"It's gonna be a long-ass night, that's what." replied Dom.

He floored the accelerator, but the Sabre managed to stay with him.

"He's still back there." said Jesse.

"Try to lose him in this wrecking yard coming up." said Memphis.

Dom steered into the wrecking yard with the Sabre in hot pursuit. He started to weave through the piles of wrecked cars.

"Find him." said Darden.

"Relax, we'll get him." said Korpi.

Dom maneuvered around an auto shredder and came upon a crane with a claw on it.

"Dom, wait!" said Memphis. "Let me off here. I got an idea."

Dom parked and let Memphis out, then took off again.

"There he is!" said Korpi as he went after Dom.

Dom floored it and tried to lose Korpi in the darkness. He steered around the piles of junked cars, then went back towards the auto shredder.

"I think we lost them." said Dom.

"Great, let's find Memphis and get out of here." said Jesse.

Dom raced by the auto shredder and came bumper to bumper with the Sabre.

"End of the line, chromedome!" yelled Korpi.

"Any ideas?" asked Dom.

"Not this time." said Jesse.

"This is going to be fun." said Darden.

The claw crane drove towards the Sabre, then dropped its claw onto the car's roof.

Memphis was in the crane's driver's seat as he pulled a lever and closed the claw, the teeth ripping into the Sabre's roof. He then lifted it up and said "You guys go on ahead! I'll catch up at the entrance!"

"Got it!" yelled Dom.

Dom drove out of the wrecking yard and Memphis drove towards the auto shredder. When the Sabre was over the conveyor belt, he released it.

"Watch the finish!" yelled Korpi.

Memphis jumped out of the crane and pulled a lever on the shredder. The conveyor belt started and carried the Sabre towards the mouth of the car chopper. He then ran towards the entrance.

He found Dom and Jesse waiting for him. "I got 'em." he said. "Let's go."

"Wait, strike a pose." said Jesse.

Jesse put his hands in his pockets and smirked, Dom crossed his arms in front of his chest and scowled, and Memphis clasped his hands behind his back and grinned.

"I can't believe we're still alive." said Darden.

"Not for long!" said Korpi when he saw the rapidly approaching mouth of the shredder. The metal teeth scraped against each other creating a sound that sent chills up Darden's and Korpi's spines.

"Bail out!" yelled Darden.

He and Korpi threw open their doors and jumped out of the Sabre. The Sabre entered the mouth of the shredder and toppled in.

By the entrance, Jesse, Dom, and Memphis held their poses. They heard the grinding of shredding metal signalling the demise of the Sabre. A second later, an ear-shattering explosion rang out and a massive fireball erupted from the shredder as the Sabre's gas tank blew.

"Alright, let's go." said Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, Ethan and Snake were on the run from a police cruiser.

"Ethan, you have to lose this guy!" said Snake.

"I'll see if I can find a hiding place in the next town." said Ethan. He drove into the next town and found a warehouse.

"This looks nice." said Snake.

Ethan drove into the warehouse. The police cruiser drove past it. "Now, we have to find a place to hide." he said.

"I've got an idea." said Snake.

The police cruiser drove past the entrance to the warehouse again, then stopped and turned around. The cruiser entered the warehouse and started to look around for the Monstruo.

"Hurry, they're coming." said Snake. He and Ethan were stacking cardboard boxes around the Monstruo to hide it.

"Okay, we're done." said Ethan.

The cruiser rolled by without noticing them. Ethan was listening in to their conversations with his digital binoculars and Snake was watching the cruiser with his thermal goggles.

Finally, Ethan heard one of the officers report giving up the search. "They're leaving." he said.

"Hold on." said Snake as he watched the cruiser leave. "Okay, we're clear."

"I can't believe we were saved by cardboard boxes." said Ethan as he climbed back into the Monstruo.

"Don't be so quick to judge." said Snake. "Many an agent's life has been saved by a cardboard box. They are a very important tool for infiltration."

"Really?" asked Ethan.

"Yes." said Snake. "If on a mission, you should get your hands on a cardboard box, treat it carefully. It's an important tool, but in the end, it's only paper. So, remember to treat it well."

"Okay." said Ethan after a short pause.

XXXXXXXXXX

Next morning, in Portague County, Texas, Team Rocket was the next team to be pulled over.

"Good morning, I'm Sheriff Buford T. Justice Jr. I'm sure you know why I pulled you over."

"Er, why?" asked James.

"Well, it's because you were going about a hundred and thirty when I clocked you." said Junior.

"Surely, you must be mistaken." said Annie.

"I'm not." said Junior. "Please step out of the car."

James, Annie, and Oakley climbed out of the car.

"You too, red." said Junior to Jessie.

Jessie climbed out of the car and dropped a pokeball.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Junior as he went to pick up the pokeball.

He grabbed the pokeball and it popped open, releasing Jolteon.

"Oh, wow!" said Junior. "Isn't it cute?"

He went to pet Jolteon.

"Jolteon!" said the pokemon as it released its Thunderbolt attack. Junior was knocked out.

It took a few seconds for Team Rocket to realize what had happened. "Let's get the hell out of here." said Oakley.

"Right." said James. "Annie, you're driving."

"No, I'm driving." said Annie.

Team Rocket piled back into the Pirahna PDQ and raced off. However, they completely failed to notice Junior's dashboard camera.

XXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, Puck was driving through Kansas. Wily slept in the passenger seat. A farmer was spreading fertilizer in the field next to them.

Puck sniffed and winced. He looked around for the source of the smell. He checked his shoes, his armpits, his breath, then Wily. He looked around, then stared at a pool table in the middle of a pond by the side of the road.

He was staring at the pool table so intently, he didn't notice he had drifted into the oncoming lane until a truck driver blew his airhorn at him.

He looked at the truck, then swerved. Unfortunately, he swerved right off the road and jumped a stream. He landed in a cornfield on the other side and kept going.

Puck mowed down a long row of corn stalks. Then, he plowed into a scarecrow and jumped back in his seat. Finally, he came upon a dirt road and drove onto it as the corn stalks started to come off.

He turned on his windshield wipers to clear the corn stalks from his field of vision only to reveal a tractor ahead of him. He swerved around it and ended up jumping another stream.

He then drove back onto the main roadway. All of the commotion woke up Wily. He looked at Puck who was hyperventilating, then looked back at the road, then went back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Highway Hunters held a meeting.

"Okay, we're down two cars." said Korpi. "What are we doing wrong?"

"We're sucking." said Max.

"Besides that." said Darden.

"Well technically, we're not failing." said Johnny B. "That is because we do not have a solid plan. We need a plan."

"Good idea." said Feliz.

"Who has an idea?" asked Paul.

"I've got one." said Korpi. "We'll steal some tractor-trailers and use them as roadblocks."

"That's your plan?" asked Lance.

"You got a better one?" asked Darden.

"Well then, let's get us some semis." said Joe.

The Hunters returned to their cars.

"Hey, what happened to those alien broads?" asked Korpi.

"Got me." said Darden.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, what do you say?" asked Mitzi. "Do we have a deal?"

"Sure." said the salesman. "Here are your motorcycles."

He presented them with three sport bikes.

"Thank you." said Mitzi. "Okay, Nichole and Kim, you get the BF-400. Mia and Linda, you get the NRG-500. I've got the FCR-900."

"Let's move." said Linda.

"What about the others?" asked Mia.

"The Hunters are working on a new plan." said Mitzi. "Tanner and Everett are doing so as well."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami...

"Are you sure about this?" asked Everett as he set up a sniper rifle.

"It's simple." said Tanner as he scanned the streets with his binoculars. "You take out the caterers for Cannonball headquarters. After that, we fill the void by posing as them and then infiltrate the ship. Then, we find where they're keeping the prize money and make our plans to steal it."

"That's perfect." said Everett. "You see, I've got a catering business on the side when contracts are slow. Heh heh. Typical."

"Hold on, I see him coming." said Tanner. Through his binoculars, he saw a van with a giant hot dog on the roof.

"Keep your eye on the dog." said Everett as he aimed. "Keep your eye on the dog."

Everett fired his shot and took out the hot dog truck's front tire. The truck spun out and tipped over. The crash of the truck's contents falling off their shelves was heard. "My sandwiches!" yelled the driver.

"Good!" said Tanner.

"Good?" asked Everett as he looked through his scope. "It's not just good, it's gone."

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Banzai was on the move.

"I'm working on a new composition." said Buckaroo. "I decided to base it upon the sound of the Hyperthruster powering up."

"That's not a bad idea." said Sydney. "Can we hear the Hyperthruster for reference?"

"Sorry." said Buckaroo. "I promised myself I'd only use it in an emergency. The thing uses a lot of juice."

Just then, the black van came up behind them.

"What would you consider an emergency?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Anything requiring a major speed boost to escape." said Buckaroo.

The black van rear-ended the Jersey XS, shaking up the car's occupants.

"Will that do?" asked Sydney.

The van rear-ended them again.

"Damn, this guy drives like he's from Jersey." said Perfect Tommy. "Oh, sorry, Sydney." he added when he saw 'New Jersey' Zweibel glaring at him.

"Soit sage, mes amis." said Buckaroo as he pushed a few switches. "I'm powering up the Hyperthruster now."

"When will it be ready?" asked Sydney.

"Right about now." said Buckaroo. He pushed the button and the car's headlights glowed yellow. A second later, the car shot to high speed.

In Miami, Chloe watched her monitor as Buckaroo used the Hyperthruster. Danny entered the room then.

"Bad news." he said. "The caterer crashed his van. He's alright, but he lost his load. We have to hire new caterers. What's up?"

"The Jersey XS is running on the edge of entering the eighth dimension." said Chloe. "If he breaks through, we'll have to disqualify him."

Outside the car, the world seemed to be running in slow motion.

"Buckaroo, what's going on out there?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"The Hyperthruster alters perception of time outside." said Buckaroo. "Time appears to be running more slowly to allow for quicker responses. Check your watch."

Perfect Tommy looked at his watch. "Oh, I see." he said. "It's taking a lot longer for a second to pass."

"Hold on." said Buckaroo. He pushed another switch and the car returned to normal speed. "Almost overloaded it." he explained.

"He's no longer pushing the dimensional barrier." said Chloe. "False alarm."

Perfect Tommy looked out the rear window. "I can't even see that van."

"I guess we're in the clear." said Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, the Warhawk was parked with its hood open.

"What do you think we did to it?" asked Peter.

"It looks like we broke the supercharger belt." said Bruce. "I think we should try to make a quick fix before going into the next town and getting a replacement."

"The guys are working on the problem." said Elektra.

"Good, because we're losing positions." said Frank. "Wait, who's this coming?"

The Assassin pulled in next to them. Joey and Vic climbed out.

"Is something up?" asked Peter as Joey and Vic walked over.

"Yeah, it looks like you need help." said Vic.

"Hey, aren't you guys in the Cannonball?" asked Joey.

"Uh, yes we are." said Bruce.

"What seems to be wrong?" asked Joey.

"Supercharger belt broke." said Peter.

"Can you give us a hand?" asked Bruce.

"Of course." said Joey as he picked up a crowbar. "First thing we gotta do is take off the intake."

He stuck the crowbar under the intake and pried it off.

"Hey!" yelled Peter.

"Do you have any idea how long that took?" asked Bruce.

"Then, we take out the radiator." said Joey as he inserted the crowbar behind the radiator and pried it free.

"Don't make me angry." warned Bruce. "You won't like me when I'm angry."

"Then we take out the ECU." said Joey as he used the crowbar to pry out the ECU.

Bruce dropped to his knees and grabbed his head.

"Uh, you might want to start running now." said Peter.

"Look at him." said Vic. "He's having an aneurysm."

Bruce looked up and showed that his eyes had turned yellow.

"And he's getting an eye infection of some kind." laughed Joey.

Bruce got back up to his feet as his arms started to get larger. Joey and Vic stopped laughing.

Bruce continued to get taller and more muscular and his skin started to turn green. His shirt, jacket, and shoes ripped off as he grew. After a minute, Bruce had been replaced with...

THE HULK!

"I think we'd better run." said Vic.

"Ah, shit." said Joey.

The two of them ran for the Assassin.

"HULK SMASH!" growled the Hulk.

Joey and Vic jumped into the Assassin and Joey fumbled for his keys. The Hulk stomped over to the car.

"Get us out of here!" yelled Vic.

Joey inserted the key in the ignition and started the car. He drove off as the Hulk grabbed the rollbar. The Hulk ended up pulling off the rollbar.

XXXXXXXXXX

A tractor-trailer pulled into a gas station and the driver jumped out. "Hey, you got a men's room back there?" he asked the attendant. The attendant directed him towards the back.

While the truck driver was looking for the bathroom, Paul and Feliz snuck up to his truck and climbed in.

The truck driver returned and found his rig was missing. "Oh no." he groaned as he took out his cell phone and dialled. "General, it's Thompson. The truck's been stolen and the EDB was still in it." He paused, then cringed. "Uh, no, sir. I was in the bathroom at the time."

In the truck, Paul drove while Feliz got on his cell phone. "Joe, this is Feliz. We've got the first truck."

"And we can see the next one." said Joe as he and Max looked at a red and white Kenworth with a box trailer.

"Let's go." said Max. He and Joe snuck towards the truck.

Inside the truck stop, the truck's driver was getting lunch.

"Okay, here's your order." said the waitress. "A chesseburger combo with fries and two bananas?"

"That's right." said the driver. "I've got a load to haul and I have to go quickly."

"Which truck is yours?" asked the waitress.

"The red Kenworth." said the driver.

"Someone's stealing it!" said the waitress.

The driver turned around and saw that Joe and Max were stealing his truck. "I'll be right back!" he said.

He ran out of the truck stop as Max started the truck. Joe ran back to the Oceanic and saw the driver running after them. "He's coming! Go!" he yelled.

Max drove out of the truck stop just as the driver jumped on the side of the truck and tried to climb into the cab. Joe followed behind.

"Max, he's on the side of the truck." said Joe over his walkie-talkie. "Get rid of him."

"Got it." replied Max.

The driver tried to open the door to the passenger side. However, Max kept steering into obstacles on the side of the road and trying to knock the driver off. Finally, he steered him into a sign giving distance to the next cities and the driver lost his grip, fell to the side of the road, knocked down a mile marker, and rolled into a ditch.

XXXXXXXXXX

**_Joel and Fearless_**

In Los Angeles, a sedan pulled up to a house in the hills. Two men, one a black man with a muscular build and a baseball cap, the other a white guy with thinning red hair, climbed out and entered the house.

The house was actually an elite police unit's headquarters. Personel walked around and checked on various systems.

"Detectives Smith and Stevens, I presume." said a high-ranking officer.

"That's us." said the white man, Detective Joel Stevens.

"You come highly recommended." said the officer. "Sheriff Cooper DeVille. Nice to meet you."

"COOPER DeVille?" asked the black man, Detective Bobby "Fearless" Smith.

"You try living with it." said DeVille. "Now, you're probably wondering why I called you here."

"Thought had crossed my mind." said Joel.

"Yeah, me too." said a black man with a moustache. "DeVille, I thought I was the only pursuit officer you needed."

"So did I, then I saw the scope of the case." said DeVille.

"And you are?" asked Joel.

"Detective Cross, Rockport Police Department." said the man. "I'm supposed to be DeVille's chief pursuit specialist, but apparently I need additional help on this one."

"You had something to show us?" asked Fearless.

"Come along." said DeVille. He led them to a monitor. "This was recorded this morning."

He pushed play on a VCR. On the monitor was shown Junior pulling over Team Rocket and getting shocked by Jolteon.

"We have identified the officer being knocked out as Buford T. Justice Jr." said DeVille. "His dashboard cam is what recorded this."

"How is officer Justice?" asked Fearless.

"He'll be fine." said DeVille. "Or at least as close as he was before. Continuing, we have identified the people in the car as members of a group called Team Rocket."

"What do we know about them?" asked Joel.

"Not much." said DeVille. "What we do know is this: Every year, Team Rocket takes part in a worldwide road race called the Cannonball Run. Dozens more join them. Chaos ensues. It's up to you guys to try to bring them in."

"Sounds like a regular goldmine to me." said Cross.

"Aren't they usually given amnesty by the president?" asked Fearless.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean we can't try." said DeVille.

"When do we leave?" asked Joel.

"As soon as possible." said DeVille. "Come on."

DeVille led Cross, Joel, and Fearless into the parking garage.

"Hey, nice wheels." said Fearless.

"Thanks." said Cross as he walked over to a metallic white Corvette Z06 with black checkered stripes and chrome Asanti AF116 rims. "She's like my partner on this case. I call her the Chicane."

"And what are we driving?" asked Joel.

"I wouldn't dream of sending you out in that heap you came in with." said DeVille.

"Hey." said Fearless.

"So, I'm giving you this." said DeVille.

"Whoa." said Joel when he saw a burgundy Buick Regal with a white Landau top, oval hood vents, twin exhaust, a small spoiler, and wire wheels.

"I call it the Majestic." said DeVille. "The keys are yours."

"Thank you." said Fearless. He and Joel got into the Majestic, started it, and drove off. Cross followed him.

"Drive safely." said DeVille as they drove off.

"I bet you're going to be able to cross a few more things off your list." said Joel as Fearless drove out of the area.

"I'm looking forward to it." said Fearless.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the Colorado Rockies, the Boomerang drove onto the famed Trial Mountain Raceway.

"What are we doing here?" asked Anna.

"You remember the text message." said Nina. "Someone asked us to come here for a challenge."

They got out of the car and looked around.

"So, where is this someone?" asked Anna.

Nina's cell phone rang. She checked and saw she had a text message.

"What does it say?" asked Anna.

"It says..." said Nina "...your challenger is a highly skilled driver with a long history of expert driving. Some say his top score on Pole Position is 16'32". Some say he hasn't seen 'Apollo 13' because he hasn't seen Apollo 1 through 12 yet. What we do know is that he is called...the Stig!"

The Williams sisters looked up at a large poster of a man in white coveralls and a full-face racing helmet. They then heard a rumble and looked up the track. A red Gemballa Turbo Coupe rolled towards them and pulled up to the starting line. The driver's side window rolled down and revealed the man on the poster was driving.

Nina checked her cell phone again. She read the next text message. "One of you is to race the Stig for one lap." she said. "If you should win, you will be nicely rewarded."

"I can do this." said Anna.

"Okay." said Nina. "Good luck."

Anna climbed into the Boomerang. She got it started and pulled up to the starting line alongside the Stig.

The lights on the "christmas tree" clicked down from red to green, then the two cars were off. The Stig started to take the lead as they went into the first turn.

"Let's see you handle this." said Anna. She pushed the accelerator to the floor as they went into a tunnel.

The two cars made it through the tunnel and weaved through a series of turns bordered by large rock walls. They then drove through another tunnel and a right angle turn before a third tunnel.

The Stig gripped the wheel of his Gemballa while listening to Jerry Seinfeld's "I'm Telling You For the Last Time" on the CD player.

_"Why is it we can't have a normal, twist-it-on, twist-it-off, human style faucet? Why is it we have to have those spring-loaded, pain-in-the-ass, Alcatraz-style faucets?"_

They left the tunnel and hit a straightaway. Anna started to make up some distance and came alongside him. "See ya." she said.

She started to pass him, then the straightaway ended and the track curved to the left atop a cliff. Anna slowed down and the Stig passed her.

The cars went into another series of turns. The Stig maintained his composure while listening to his CD.

_"What is it they think we would do if we had the faucets? Just turn them all on full? Run out into the parking lot, laughing, pushing each other into the bushes? 'COME ON, IT'S ON! LET'S GO! I TURNED IT ON FULL BLAST!"_

The cars went into a wide, sweeping turn and made for the finish. After maneuvering through a dogleg, the Stig raced across the finish line. Anna followed a second later.

Nina let out a sigh of disgust as Anna pulled up next to her. "What happened?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." said Anna.

Nina climbed into the passenger seat. "Maybe you'll get him next time." said Nina.

"If there is a next time." said Anna.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Paris Cop Car...

"I was...born in East L.A." sang Joe. "I was...born in East L.A."

"Oh yeah, you were born in East L.A." joked Nash. "Let's see your green card."

"Green card?" said Joe. "I'm from East L.A."

"Alright then, who's president?" asked Nash.

"Oh, that's easy!" said Joe. "He's that son of that other president, uh, Ronald Reagan Junior."

"Alright, let's go!" said Nash.

"Nash, stop!" yelled Monk.

Nash pulled to the side of the road and stopped. "Adrian, what's wrong?" he asked.

"There's a missing mile marker back there." said Monk.

Joe groaned. "Alright, let's take care of it." said Nash as he threw the car into reverse and backed up.

"Here, right here!" said Monk when they reached the spot.

"Let's go, Joe." said Nash. He and Joe climbed out of the car and looked at the spot where the mile marker was.

"Nash, it's just a mile marker." said Joe. "Why are we doing this?"

"'Cause if we don't, it's all we're gonna hear about for the next two time zones." said Nash as he descended the slope. That was when they heard the groans.

"What was that?" asked Joe.

"Someone." said Nash as he ran down to where the groan came from. He and Joe found the truck driver.

"What the hell?" asked Joe.

"Hey, bubba, you okay?" asked Nash.

"I think so." said the trucker. "A couple of guys stole my truck and tried to kill me."

"Who was it?" asked Nash as he helped the trucker to his feet.

"Two guys." said the trucker. "Mean looking suckers. They had a '58 Oldsmobile."

"Hold on a sec." said Nash as he pulled out his cell phone. "I got a hunch. Yo, Mr. X. Talk to me."

"Nash, what's going on?" asked Mr. X on the other end.

"This threat you've been talking about." said Nash. "Did your informant say anything about one of them driving a '58 Oldsmobile?"

"Wait, I think one of them might be." said Mr. X. "Yes, my informant says that one of DeMarco's hired goons is driving one."

"Did he say anything about any recent plans?" asked Nash.

"He said something about using tractor-trailers as roadblocks." said Mr. X.

"Son of a bitch." said Nash. "I'll get back to you later." Nash closed his cell phone and said "I think the guys who stole your truck are on my to-bust list. Come on."

Joe helped the trucker up the hill. "I'm Joe Dominguez and this is Nash Bridges." he said.

"Billy Joe McKay." said the trucker. "You can just call me B.J."

"Joe, you up for a high speed pursuit?" asked Nash.

"Yeah, I guess." said Joe.

"Good, 'cause you're driving." said Nash. "B.J, you ride in back. Don't mind Adrian. He's like that with everybody."

Nash climbed into the front passenger seat, Joe got into the driver's seat, and B.J. got in back with Monk.

"Hi, I'm B.J." he said as he extended a hand to Monk.

"Adrian Monk." replied the nervous man as he shook hands with the trucker. After they let go of each other, B.J. looked out the window and Monk took out a handi-wipe to clean his hands.

Down the road...

"Let's see, where would be a good place to set up a roadblock?" asked Max.

"Before you come up with an answer, look right." said a voice over the C.B. Max looked right and saw another truck driven by Johnny B.

"Nice." said Max. He looked in the rearview and saw the Oceanic and Elegy following behind.

Joe Dominguez swerved through traffic trying to catch up with the stolen truck.

"There it is!" said B.J.

"Alright." said Nash. "Joe, can you get in front of it?"

"I can try." said Joe.

"B.J, I want you to pay attention." said Nash. "Because we're about to recover your truck."

"And I'll be able to make my delivery?" asked B.J.

"With any luck." said Nash.

"And Bear will be okay?" asked B.J.

"Who's Bear?" asked Monk.

"I think we can set up a few miles down the road." said Max.

Just then, a chimp climbed out of the truck's sleeper cab and started climbing on Max. Max started to lose control of the truck as a result.

"Max, what's going on?" asked Joe Osbourne in the Oceanic.

"It's a chimp!" yelled Max over the C.B.

"Well, get rid of it!" replied Joe Osbourne. He then looked left and saw Nash looking right back at him. Nash just flashed a smile, then turned to Joe Dominguez.

"Bad news, I think they found Bear." said Nash.

"Damn." said B.J.

"Joe, can you get past that truck?" asked Nash.

"I'll have to use nitrous." said Joe Dominguez.

"Then do it." said Nash.

Joe angled the Paris Cop Car between the two trucks and hit the nitrous switch. The car narrowly missed being hit by the swerving truck by inches.

Nash looked back at the trucks and said "Joe, you've still got it!"

Joe Osbourne angled the Oceanic between the two trucks and tried to drive between them. Unfortunately, Bear made Max swerve again and slam the wheels of the trailer into the side of the Oceanic. The old Oldsmobile was batted back and forth between the two trucks, getting more damaged with each hit, and was finally knocked under the trailer of B.J's Kenworth.

Joe looked at the wheels grinding against the side of the car and said "Not again."

A second later, the tires caught grip and hoisted themselves on top of the car, flattening it.

Lance pulled in next to the wrecked Oldsmobile and climbed out of the Elegy.

"Joe, you okay?" he asked.

Joe kicked open the door to the Oceanic and said "Ever get a nasty case of deja vu?"

Down the road, Nash was taking off his seatbelt and rolling down his window.

"Okay, Joe." he said. "I want you to get me as close to the passenger side of the truck as you can."

"What are you going to do?" asked Joe.

"Show you the reason why I had you drive." said Nash. "And that is because there's no way in hell I would ask you to do this."

"Nice running with you, Nashman." said Joe as he tried to get closer to the truck.

Nash climbed onto the car's roof and got closer himself. As soon as the Paris Cop Car and truck were nearly touching, Nash jumped onto the side of the truck.

"Go!" he yelled.

Joe tried to get away from the truck as quickly as possible. Nash climbed up the side and tried to get the door open. Johnny B saw him and angled closer to the Kenworth.

Nash saw him approaching and prepared to take evasive action. Max was preparing to help him when Bear attacked again. Max released the accelerator and Nash was able to position himself to go between the truck's tractor and trailer.

Bear attacked Max again and Max swerved into Johnny's truck, knocking him to the side of the road. Johnny hit the guardrail and his truck jackknifed, spilling his load of aluminum foil.

Nash then got the door open and climbed into the cab. Max took a swing at him, but missed. Nash responded by grabbing Max's head and slamming it into the steering wheel several times. Bear laughed. Nash then threw Max into the passenger side footwell and steered the truck to the side of the road. Joe followed in the Paris Cop Car. Both stopped.

"Yo, Nashman?" said Joe as he and the others climbed out of the car.

Nash jumped out of the truck carrying Bear. "Mr. McKay, I believe this is yours." he said.

"Hey, Bear!" said B.J. as he took Bear. "You alright? I hope he didn't scare you."

"Hey, Nash." said Joe. "Think I should get a monkey?"

"Why? You got J.J." said Nash.

"Good point." said Joe.

Meanwhile, Max climbed out of the truck. The Elegy stopped in front of him and he jumped in through the window.

"Inspector Bridges, thank you." said B.J. "I don't know what I'd do without him."

"All in a day's work." said Nash. "Come on, guys."

Nash and his teammates returned to their car.

XXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere, Van Ray continued to drive while Deaq talked on his cell phone.

"Okay, got it." he said. He closed his cell phone and said "We just got a report of a guy in a muscle car who tore apart the engine on one of the Cannonballers' cars."

"Think it might be Leone and DeRubis?" asked Van.

"Can't rule it out." said Deaq.

"Let's get us some bad guys." said Van.

They approached something that drew their attention at the side of the road.

"Keep going." said Deaq.

They drove past the disabled Warhawk. Peter, Frank, and Elektra were repairing the engine while the Hulk was hitchhiking.

XXXXXXXXXX

Vince and Sway cruised through Wyoming.

"Then the movie based on our little happening comes out and makes it look like Blondie is the hero and trust me, he's not!" said Vince. "I mean I like the guy they had playing me, but I think I came off as hot-headed and mean!"

"I can't see why." said Sway sarcasticly.

"What, you don't believe me?" said Vince.

"No, I believe you." said Sway. "It's just that most of the guys I know wrote off the movie as 'Point Break', only with street racing instead of surfing."

"Attention, all Cannonballers." said Joe over the radio. "We have it on authority that a group seeking to attack racers is now using tractor-trailers as weapons. Be advised to take caution."

"Hey, did you hear that?" asked Sway.

"Yeah, keep your eyes open for the biggest vehicles on the road." said Vince.

"Like that one." said Sway as they started to pass the truck that Paul and Feliz had stolen.

Paul was driving the truck. "Hey, Feliz." he said into his radio. "I think I got a couple of Cannonballers on my six. Want me to paste him?"

"Knock yourself out." said Feliz over the radio.

Paul dropped the radio and swerved towards the Mako. Sway swerved away from him.

"I think we've got a winner." said Sway.

"Watch this guy!" said Vince.

Paul continued to swerve towards them. Sway kept swerving away from him.

"Where's the gun we brought for protection?" asked Vince.

"Glovebox." said Sway. "Do you have a plan?"

"Yep." said Vince as he took out the gun.

Paul swerved towards them again. This time, Vince took out the gun and shot the side mirror. Paul reached over and took a piece of the mirror. He held it up to use as a rearview.

Paul swerved towards the Mako again. Sway almost didn't swerve away in time. Paul floored the accelerator to keep going. Sway tried to pass him again.

Paul picked up the mirror shard again and looked at his opponent. He was surprised to see only Sway in the car. He quickly tilted the mirror to look at the passenger seat and saw Vince pulling his fist back. He turned his head in time to receive a blow to the head.

Vince dragged him out of the driver's seat and threw him out of the door.

"So, what's the plan now?" asked Sway over the radio.

"Find some place to pull over and return this truck to the proper owners." said Vince.

Outside, Paul held onto the handrail for the truck as it dragged him along. He slipped his legs under the truck and slid under. He managed to avoid the wheels and position himself under the drive shaft. He then slid back until he was under the trailer.

As Paul crawled back along the underside of the trailer, Sway spotted him. She took out the gun and fired on him as he crawled back. He reached the rear wheels and slid between them.

He then climbed up the rear of the truck and climbed a ladder on the rear doors. He reached the roof and ran for the front of the truck. When he got there, he grabbed the roof and swung through the windshield. He promptly knocked Vince unconcious.

Paul then shoved Vince into the passenger seat and took the driver's seat again.

"Paulie?" asked Feliz over the radio. "Are you there?"

"Yeah, I just had a little trouble." said Paul. "Heading for the rendezvous point right now."

XXXXXXXXXX

Lara continued to drive through Utah.

"We haven't seen any competition in a while." said Joanna.

"Yeah, this is getting boring." said Chun Li.

"I know." said Lara. "I think we need something to spice up this race."

"Maybe you can challenge this guy to a race." said Cate as they came up on a silver Lamborghini Gallardo.

Behind the wheel of the Lamborghini was a dark-haired woman named Natasha. The passenger seat was occupied by a blonde man named Carlo.

"It was nice of Brecken to lend us his Gallardo." said Carlo.

"Yeah, what was his plan?" asked Natasha. "He wanted us to race any Cannonballers out there?"

"Is this one of them coming up?" asked Carlo.

"Looks like it." said Natasha.

The Lamborghini and Zender Alpha stopped at the next light. Lara and Natasha traded looks.

"Well, if it isn't Lara Croft." said Natasha.

"Natasha Martin, if I'm not mistaken." said Lara. "Former illegal racer and lead singer for one of the hardest rocking bands around. How much is the retail on one of those things?"

"Quite a bit." said Natasha. "Lamborghini. You should know. Your team drove one the last two Cannonballs. Not good enough for you anymore?"

"We decided to try something different this time." said Lara. "Besides, the Zender Alpha is just as good as a Lamborghini. Maybe better."

"You know what they say." said Natasha. "Good cars will get you from point A to point B. Very good cars will get you into trouble."

"What do you say we test that notion?" asked Lara.

"You're on." said Natasha.

The two ladies revved their engines. The light turned green and they were off.

The Zender Alpha took an early lead. Natasha started to catch up.

Another car appeared in their lane. Natasha pulled onto the shoulder to pass. Lara pulled into oncoming traffic.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" yelled Chun Li.

Lara swerved around a minivan. A sport-utility vehicle swerved to avoid her.

Natasha's Lamborghini came out from behind the other car and came up just behind Lara.

The two cars came to the next traffic light and slowed to a stop.

"Not bad." said Natasha. "I guess the Zender Alpha is capable of running with the bulls."

"Thanks." said Lara.

"Say, if you need a new teammate for next year, I'd be glad to join you." said Natasha.

"Sounds great." said Lara. "I'll call you then."

She then took off driving.

"You're going to join them?" asked Carlo.

"Yep." said Natasha.

"You better get fitted for a jumpsuit then." said Carlo.

XXXXXXXXXX

Beatrix drove along while Sam looked lost. Al hung alongside the car.

"Boy, this is a problem." said Al. "I'm right here and you can't talk to me because she's here too."

"Yeah." said Sam.

"Something wrong?" asked Beatrix.

"I've got this friend I want to talk to." said Sam. "Unfortunately, I don't have any way of getting in touch with him."

"Why don't you call him on your cell phone?" asked Beatrix.

"Oh, I didn't think I got service out here." said Sam as he took out a cell phone.

Sam dialled, then put the phone to his ear.

"Okay, what do you want to know?" asked Al.

"Hi, Al?" asked Sam. "Yeah, things are going great. My teammate is just amazing. I was thinking about something. What was that shortcut you had in mind?"

"Oh, you mean to bypass Mongolia?" asked Al.

"Yes, the one in Mongolia." said Sam.

"For that, you need to make a left turn out of Yakutsk." said Al as he checked his hand link. "Then, you have to take a heading of south-by-southeast until you reach China."

"And if we enter Mongolia, we've gone too far?" asked Sam.

"Yes, to avoid Mongolia," said Al "you have to steer clear of signs leading you into the country."

"Okay, we'll look out for signs for Mongolia." said Sam. "Thank you very much."

"You're welcome." said the little old lady Tommy talked to earlier. She hung up the phone and told her husband "We have to avoid Mongolia."

XXXXXXXXXX

Sway stayed with the truck. "Come on, Vince. Where are you?" she asked.

"Paul, what's your twenty?" asked Felix over the radio.

"Almost to the location." said Paul.

"What's the situation with the attacker?" asked Feliz.

"I stuffed him in a compartment in the trailer." said Paul. "We'll handle him when I get there."

In the trailer, Vince regained conciousness. He looked around and found a vent grate near his feet. He crawled towards the grate and kicked it off.

He then slipped into the trailer and looked at something in confusion. "What the hell is that thing?" he asked himself. "It looks like a garbage disposal."

Sway pulled behind the trailer.

Vince pulled some wires from a box near a heavy door. He crossed a couple and gave himself a shock. However, the door's lock opened.

He let himself through and snuck towards the back of the truck. He found the rear doors and forced them open. He saw Sway immediately.

"Well, it's nice to see you're still alive!" she yelled.

"Thanks for staying there!" yelled Vince. "Could you give me a hand? I've never raided one of these from the inside before!"

"Just grab the door and swing over to me!" yelled Sway.

Vince grabbed onto the door as Sway pulled alongside the trailer. Vince kicked off of the other door and swung over the Mako. He waited until he could get a footing on the T-top. As he was getting his footing, a motorcycle raced between his legs.

He finally got his foot onto the windshield, then set his other onto the roof. He then let go of the door and dropped into the passenger seat.

"Nice work." said Sway.

"Yeah, now let's get out of here." said Vince.

Sway raced past the truck. Vince gave Paul the finger.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Idaho, Jesse and Chester stopped for lunch.

"Once we eat, we can go." said Jesse as he returned to their table.

"I wish they hadn't given me so many tater tots." said Chester. His plate was practically overloaded with them.

At the next table, a tall, skinny guy with brown curly hair, glasses, and moon boots asked "Hey, if you're not gonna eat your tots, can I have them?"

"Sure." said Chester.

"Thanks." said the guy as he picked up the tots...with one hand...and stuffed them into his pocket. "So, what are you guys doing in town?" he asked.

"We're just passing through." said Jesse.

"We're Cannonballers." said Chester.

"Sweet!" said the guy.

"Watch the leaderboard for us." said Chester.

"Yeah." said Jesse. "I'm Jesse Richmond and this is Chester Greenburg."

"Napoleon Dynamite." said the guy as he shook hands with them.

Mitzi, Kim, and Nichole then burst into the diner, attracting the attention of all inside.

"Where do we know them from?" asked Jesse.

"Well, look who's here." said Mitzi.

"Do we know you?" asked Chester.

"So, you're in the Cannonball now." said Nichole.

"What about it?" asked Jesse.

"Wouldn't you rather be doing something else?" asked Mitzi.

"Well, I'd rather be watching the Discovery Channel." said Chester. "But if we can win this, I can watch without worrying about the cable bill."

"No, I mean something _else_?" asked Mitzi.

"Oh yeah, we could eat pudding while wearing those army helmets." said Jesse.

"No, _something_ else?" asked Mitzi.

"Oh, I know what she means!" said Chester. "Minigolf!"

"Man, you guys are retarded!" said Napoleon. "She wants to have sex with you! Gosh!"

"Hey, wait!" said Jesse. "I know you! You're those babes who tried to seduce us in order to take over the universe!"

"Oh good, you remembered." said Mitzi. "I was starting to take it personally."

"What do you want?" asked Chester.

"We think it would be in your best interest to not continue the race." said Kim.

"With two hundred fifty million on the line?" said Jesse. "Forget it!"

"Then you must be stopped." said Kim.

"Hold it, hold it, hold it." said the restaurant manager. "You can't have a fight here. I just had the floor buffed for the dance contest."

"What dance contest?" asked Jesse.

"Every week, we have a dance contest." said the manager. "There's a nice cash prize."

"How about if you hold one now?" asked Chester. "If we win, we get to continue the race. If they win, we stop. Okay?"

"Sounds good to me." said the manager. "Clear the dance floor!"

Chester walked over to Jesse. "Chester, what are you thinking?" whispered Jesse.

"What's wrong? I can dance." said Chester.

"Not after the court order!" said Jesse.

"Oh." said Chester.

"I'll dance for you." said Napoleon.

"Really?" asked Jesse.

"Sure." said Napoleon. "I can dance. I've won this contest like an infinity number of times."

"Okay, two verses and the best reaction wins." announced the manager. "First up is Nicole representing the girls. Her chosen song is 'Somebody Kill Me' by...sorry, I mean 'Somebody Told Me' by the Killers."

Nichole took to the dance floor as the music started. She started out by bobbing her shoulders left and right along with a few steps to the side.

**Breaking my back just to know your name.  
Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game.**

She added a swimming motion and started bobbing more rapidly.

**I'm breaking my back just to know your name.  
But heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
Anything goes but don't blink you might miss.**

While bobbing, Nichole started making peace signs over her eyes.

**'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight.  
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight.**

She then performed a slide to the right, then to the left, then did a spin.

**Well, somebody told me.  
You had a boyfriend.  
Who looks like a girlfriend.  
that I had in February of last year.  
It's not confidential.  
I've got potential.**

She started hopping left and right and swinging her extended index fingers.

**Ready? Let's roll onto something new.  
Taking its toll and I'm leaving without you.**

Nichole did her sideways slides again while holding up her fists.

**'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight.  
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight.**

Nichole did a few more hops to the side while shooting her fists side to side.

**Well, somebody told me.  
You had a boyfriend.  
Who looks like a girlfriend.  
that I had in February of last year.  
It's not confidential.  
I've got potential.**

-"Somebody Told Me" by The Killers

The music stopped and Nichole stopped dancing. The crowd let out a little applause.

"Alright, let's hear it for Nichole." said the manager. "Now, dancing for the guys, Napoleon Dynamite. His song of choice is 'True Faith' by New Order."

Napoleon strutted up to the dance floor. The music started. He started with alternating dropping his right shoulder and looking left. When the music changed, he went into shuffling left and right while doing martial arts defense moves with his hands. When the lyrics started, he began walking sideways and circling his hands.

**I feel so extraordinary.  
Something's got a hold of me.  
I get this feeling I'm in motion.  
A sudden sense of liberty.**

He returned to shuffling sideways, this time with his fingers interlocked and rolling his arms like a wave.

**I don't care 'cause I'm not there.  
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow.  
Again and again I've taken too much.**

He then stood still and rotated his right arm while snapping his fingers.

**Of the things that cost you too much.**

Napoleon dropped onto his side, then sprung back to his feet and slid across the floor.

**I used to think that the day would never come.**

He slid back and dropped to his knees. He started shuffling to the right on his knees.

**I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun.  
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near.  
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.**

Napoleon jumped back to his feet and crossed his arms.

**I used to think that the day would never come.  
That my life would depend on the morning sun.**

He hopped three times until he returned to fully upright. He then started crossing and uncrossing his arms while sidestepping.

**When I was a very small boy,  
very small boys talked to me.  
Now that we've grown up together,  
they're afraid of what they see.**

He began shuffling to the left while circling his hands again.

**That's the price that we all pay.  
And the value of destiny comes to nothing.**

He started shuffling back to the right.

**I can't tell you where we're going.  
I guess there was just no way of knowing.**

He dropped back onto his knees and shuffled to the left while waving his hands.

**I used to think that the day would never come.  
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun.  
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near.**

Napoleon started shuffling to the right again.

**To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.  
I used to think that the day would never come.  
That my life would depend on the morning sun.**

-"True Faith" by New Order

The crowd went wild as the music stopped. Napoleon returned to his feet.

"I think we have a winner!" said the manager.

Nichole groaned and stomped off.

"Let's hear it once again for Napoleon Dynamite!" said the manager.

Napoleon ran over to Jesse and Chester and said "You guys can continue your race."

"Hey, that's right!" said Jesse. "We've got a race to run!"

"Thanks!" said Chester. "You saved our lives there!"

"Good luck, you guys!" yelled Napoleon. "Vote for Pedro!"

XXXXXXXXXX

On the U.S.-Canadian border, between Washington and British Columbia...

"Okay, we've got the road blocked off." said Paul as he moved the tractor-trailer into position.

"Just in time too." said Feliz as he hid in the bushes with a pair of binoculars. "There's a pair of Cannonballers approaching."

Just down the road, the Boost raced along the road. Bruce was driving, Gloria rode in the passenger seat, and Matt slept in the back.

"Should we wake Matt yet?" asked Gloria.

"No, he drove all night." said Bruce. "Let him rest."

Right behind him, the Zender Alpha raced along. Joanna was driving.

"No action yet?" asked Cate.

"Not since that girl in the Lamborghini." said Lara.

"Sometimes it gets boring." said Chun Li.

"Hold on." said Joanna. "Something's about to happen."

She swerved and passed the Boost.

"See ya!" she said.

"Here she comes." said Feliz.

"Scratch one Cannonballer." said Paul.

Joanna rounded the turn at high speed and was shocked to see the roadblock.

"Holy crow!" yelled Lara.

"Brace yourself!" yelled Joanna.

She steered towards the trailer, confusing Paul and Feliz. A second later, she slipped right under the trailer.

"Nice move." said Cate.

"I know, but those others need to be warned." said Joanna.

"I got it." said Chun Li. She picked up the radio and said "Team MASK, there is a tractor-trailer blocking the road. Watch yourself."

"Did you hear that?" asked Gloria.

"Yes." said Bruce as he pushed a button the the dashboard. An orange and grey mask was lowered over his head.

A few seconds later, the Boost drove around the turn and Bruce saw the truck.

"We got this one!" said Paul.

"Lifter, on!" called Bruce. A series of yellow energy rings were broadcast from the visor on his mask. The rings passed through Paul's truck and then lifted it off the ground. The Boost raced under it and without Bruce holding it up, the truck came crashing to the ground.

"That was some sharp thinking." said Gloria.

Matt woke up at that moment. "Did I miss anything while I was asleep?" he asked.

"No, nothing important." said Gloria.

Feliz ran over to the smashed up truck. "Paul, are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, good thing I had my seat belt on." replied Paul as he crawled from the wreckage.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Feliz as he looked into the split open trailer.

"Looks like a garbage disposal." said Paul.

"Maybe we can use it or something." said Feliz.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Seattle...

"Good afternoon, listeners. You are listening to the Frasier Crane show on KACL. And I am your host, Frasier Crane. What's plaguing you today? Let's go to the phones. Roz?"

"Yes, Frasier." said Roz. "We have Woody on line one. I'll put that through."

"Hello, Woody." said Frasier. "You have reached the Frasier Crane show. I'm listening."

"Hey, Doctor Crane!" said Woody over the phone. "I'm lost and I'm looking for some kind of direction."

"Well, that's what I'm here for, Woody." said Frasier. "Tell me, how are you lost?"

"We got into the city okay." said Woody. "After that, we started getting confused and we couldn't figure out where we were supposed to be going."

Frasier smiled when he realized what Woody meant. "I'll see what I can do." said Frasier.

"Woody, get off the phone!" yelled Sam. "Look, buddy. I'm sorry about my friend. He misunderstood your service and I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Sam." said Frasier.

"Oh. Hi, Frasier." said Sam sheepishly. "No, it's nothing. We're just in a race. Oh, okay. Bye."

"So, where are we going?" asked Woody.

"Navigating the city shouldn't be too hard." said Norm. "I bet you can see the Space Needle anywhere in town."

"Actually, the Space Needle has long been surpassed as the tallest structure in Seattle." said Cliff. "What we should do is find Puget Sound and turn right."

"Sounds good." said Sam as he returned to the car. "Woody, you know anything about the area by the water?"

"I can take you from the Kingdome to the first turn in 'Gran Turismo'." said Woody. "After that, you're on your own."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in British Columbia around the border with the state of Alaska...

"I'm thinking there should be a level in Canada." said Hsu.

"Yes, this is very beautiful scenery." said Chan.

"May I point out something?" asked Sushi X as he drove. "I've looked at every picture you've taken. Basicly, they all look the same. And these are the shots you're going to base your levels on?"

Hsu looked at their pictures. "He's right!" he said. "All of our North American levels are going to look the same!"

"That's unbelievable!" said Chan. "Do you know what this means?"

"Yes, I do!" said Hsu. "We're going to save a lot of time and money designing backgrounds!"

"I thought we got rid of that with the 32-bit systems." mumbled Sushi X.

"What?" asked Hsu.

"Nothing." said Sushi X.

Just then, Mia and Linda raced up on their motorcycle.

"Do you hear something?" asked Chan.

"Get me close." said Linda. "I want a clear shot."

"There's someone behind us." said Sushi X.

"Go!" said Mia.

Linda jumped from the back of the bike to the rear of the Amata. Then, she started to try to break through the rear window.

"Aiiii! We're under attack!" yelled Hsu.

"I'll try to shake her." said Sushi X.

He swerved left and right trying to rock the alien girl from the back of the car. Then, he hit the brakes and sent the girl over the roof and onto the hood.

"Not my best moment." said Sushi X. "Then again, I did have to play through 'Superman' on the N64."

"Ha ha! Again we insult the worthless piece of junk!" said Chan.

Linda got back up and started trying to break through the windshield.

"We could probably do with a little help." said Sushi X.

Just then, a snake fell out of the sky and landed on Linda. While she was trying to get rid of the snake, Sushi X hit the brakes and sent her flying.

"Go!" yelled Hsu. Sushi X hit the gas and peeled out.

"Where did that snake come from?" asked Chan.

They looked up to see the Gyro Captain flying above them.

"Thank you very much!" said Hsu.

"I needed help." said Sushi X. "Oh, this is going to go over well with the ninja council."

"Somebody wants us to not finish." said Hsu.

"And they sent those gorgeous but evil women towards that goal." said Chan.

"Chan, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Hsu.

"We have our game's enemy!" cheered Chan.

"Sheer brilliance!" said Hsu.

XXXXXXXXXX

Closer to the border, Carl drove in the Beast.

"You're telling me you never went base-jumping off the Pointy Building in San Fierro?" said Cesar.

"Hey, I got better things to do than risk my life needlessly." said Sweet.

Suddenly, police lights appeared in the rear view.

"Oh shit." said Carl. "We've got company."

"Relax, ese." said Cesar. "The Beast can outrun just about any 5-O."

"Not this one." said Sweet. "It's a Corvette."

Carl quickly pulled over. Cross pulled in behind him.

Cross walked up to the window and said "Shut off your engine and step out of the car."

"Hell no!" said Sweet. "I had a friend who once got out and he ain't walk no more!"

Not far away, Stella kept on driving in the Grifter.

"Alright, at the rate we are going at," said Lyle "we should be able to make the top ten by tomorrow."

"Hear that?" asked Charlie. "You're doing great."

"Yeah, I should be as long as there are no complications." said Stella.

Right behind them were the agents from the Centre.

"Is that one of the Cannonballers?" asked Sydney.

"Yes, they're registered at the start." said Broots. "It's the team of Charlie Croker. Their car is called the Grifter."

"Think they'd be willing to help us find Jarod?" asked Miss Parker.

"We'll see." said Sydney.

The Dominator closed in on the Grifter. Stella saw it in her rearview.

"I don't think that looks like a cop." said Stella.

"Lose him." said Charlie.

The two cars raced past the Majestic.

"Were those Cannonballers?" asked Joel.

"They gotta be." said Fearless.

"Should we call Cross?" asked Joel.

"Why not?" asked Fearless.

"I don't see how this is supposed to be beneficial to my life." said Carl as he handed Cross his license.

"It means I'm not scraping your sorry behind off the pavement." said Cross.

"Yeah, we'll see who's scraping whose behind off the pavement!" said Sweet.

"You know, may I see your license as well?" asked Cross.

"No, you may not see my license." said Sweet. "Do I look like I'm behind the steering wheel to you?"

That was when Carl buried his face in his hands, mostly so no one would see him laughing.

Cross' radio went off. "Cross, this is Joel. We're in pursuit of a possible Cannonballer. Request assistance. Over."

Cross put down his radio. "Looks like you got lucky this time." he said. "But, just a reminder to play it safe." He then took his keys and dragged them along the length of the Beast. "Oh, by the way." he then said. "Nice pinstripe."

"Oh, you are one serious PAMF!" said Carl.

"PAMF?" asked Cross.

"Yeah." said Carl. "Punk Ass Mother..."

"Watch it, pal!" said Cross.

Cross returned to the Chicane. Within seconds, he was off.

"Hey, he still has my license." said Carl.

Fearless and Sydney kept on the Grifter's tail.

"We've got two pursuers now." said Charlie.

"We're going to need an escape route." said Stella.

Lyle checked his computer. "Okay, there's a series of hiking trails starting just up ahead." he said.

"Stella, make like a hiker." said Charlie.

"Will do." said Stella.

Stella quickly came upon the hiking trail and turned off on it. Fearless missed the trail, but Sydney followed them. Fearless did a bootlegger and headed for the trail.

"What the hell?" asked Charlie. "How did that guy anticipate that move?"

"I'm checking." said Lyle. "Oh, you can't be serious!"

"What? What?" asked Stella.

"They've got their own hacker." said Lyle.

"Can you do something about him?" asked Charlie.

"No problem. No problem." said Lyle.

"Cross, we've got a little change of direction." said Joel. "The Monte Carlo has turned off onto a hiking trail. The Chrysler is still loose. Over."

"Roger that." said Cross over the radio. "I have your twenty on sat nav. There's nowhere for him to go."

"We've got another fork in the road coming up." said Lyle.

"Have you taken care of the other hacker yet?" asked Charlie.

"It's cashed." said Lyle.

Broots kept working on his laptop. Suddenly, it started to go crazy. "Uh, there's something wrong with this thing." he said.

"Don't tell me." said Miss Parker. "You used the wrong operating system."

"No!" said Broots. "I'm using the one that came with the laptop." He continued to try to get somewhere. Suddenly, a game of Pac Man came up. "Okay, this is not standard operating procedure."

Stella took the next trail and Sydney was unable to follow.

"You lost him!" said Miss Parker.

"Relax." said Sydney. "That trail loops back onto this one after crossing the river. This route is actually shorter."

The Dominator rounded the next turn and they saw the bridge. Unfortunately, they also saw Cross coming right for them. Broots screamed as Sydney steered the car into the brush. Cross and Fearless boxed them in and got out of their cars.

"Step out of the car nice and easy now." ordered Joel.

Sydney, Miss Parker, and Broots climbed out with their hands up.

"Cannonballers certainly are an odd bunch." said Cross.

"Cannonballers?" yelled Miss Parker. "We're not Cannonballers! We're chasing the racers because one of them is one of our escaped prisoners!"

"What?" asked Fearless.

"We represent a group called the Centre." said Sydney. "One of our projects has escaped and entered the race. We'd like your assistance in chasing him down."

"Watch this." said Stella. "Pursuit cut off."

As she aimed for a support for the bridge, Charlie said "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!"

Stella hit the support for the bridge, collapsing it. Cross looked over his shoulder at the falling span. Joel ran over to observe.

Stella stopped on the trail and Charlie climbed out.

"Oh, and the felonies keep piling up!" said Cross.

"Just wanted to let you know that you're gonna have to try harder than that to stop us!" said Charlie.

"This isn't over, pal!" yelled Joel.

"It is for now!" said Charlie as he got back into the Grifter. They were off in seconds.

"Who was that guy?" asked Cross.

"I don't know, but he seems familiar." said Joel.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Alaska...

"Did I ever mention the time Scully and I went to an Arctic Ice Core Project to investigate some weird goings on?" asked Mulder.

"No, tell us about it." said J.

"It turned out there were some kind of worm creatures in their heads that were triggering the production of acetylcholine and making them commit violent acts." said Mulder.

"Those guys?" asked K. "I thought we told them to cut it out!"

"Whoa, what's this?" asked J as he saw a tractor-trailer parked across the highway.

The Lusso XT came to a halt next to the truck. J and K climbed out. "Excuse me." said K. "Can you please move this thing?"

"Sorry, mack!" said Korpi from the driver's seat. "She won't start."

"Help is on the way." said J as he looked back the way they had come. The London Patrol Car was approaching.

The Patrol Car stopped and Tackleberry, Hightower, and Flash climbed out.

"What's going on?" asked Hightower.

"Won't move his truck." said J.

"No problem." said Flash as he climbed up on the side of the truck. "Are you going to move this thing?" he asked.

"I told the other guy." said Korpi. "It won't start."

Flash pulled open the door and ordered Korpi "Move over."

"What?" asked Korpi.

"Move over!" repeated Flash.

Korpi moved over. Flash took his seat and turned the key. The truck started right up.

"How were you trying to start it?" asked Flash as he put the truck into gear and moved it out of the way.

After moving the truck, Flash pulled out the keys and jumped from the cab.

"Okay, let's go!" he yelled. He tossed the keys under the truck and ran for the Patrol Car.

After the guys returned to their cars, they took off.

"They're getting away." yelled Darden as he ran from his hiding spot.

"Can't outrun the radio." said Korpi as he went for the C.B.

Down the road...

"Hey, look who's here!" said Mulder. The Saikou and RSMC 15 were rapidly catching up.

"Hey, paisano!" said Mario as the two cars pulled alongside.

"What's shaking?" asked Sonic.

"Heads up!" said J as he looked in the rearview. The Elegy was coming up fast.

"We have to help them!" said Luigi.

"No problem." said Link.

"To be fair, we gave them a chance." said Lance.

"They should have taken it." said Johnny B.

The Elegy pulled alongside the Saikou.

"Hit it!" yelled Mario.

Link took out his Ice Wand and fired an ice shot at the Elegy. The Skyline was frozen in its tracks.

"What in the..?" asked Johnny.

"Hold on." said Lance. He revved the engine until the heat caused the ice to melt. He took off after the Cannonballers.

"He's still coming!" said Tails.

"Not for long!" said Knuckles. He climbed onto the RSMC 15's roof, then jumped onto the hood of the Elegy. He quickly started using his Hammer Gloves to pound into the engine bay.

"What does he think he's doing?" asked Lance.

Knuckles finally punched through to the engine, killing it.

"That." said Johnny.

Knuckles jumped back to the RSMC 15 and said "So long, suckers!"

Lance and Johnny got out and looked at the damage.

"How bad is it?" asked Johnny.

"I can fix it." said Lance.

Suddenly, the back end of the Elegy exploded.

"But I can't fix that!" said Lance.

They looked towards the back and saw the Omega sitting there.

"That should teach them." said Spike.

"Come on." said Mason. "We have to keep up with the others."

The Omega took off down the road. A second later, the truck Darden and Korpi used to block the road followed.

"There they are!" said Darden.

"Time for some roadkill." said Korpi.

Korpi started to use the truck to ram the Omega.

"If it's not one thing, it's another!" said Spike.

"Brace yourself!" said Mason. He turned quickly to the left and hit the brakes. The Omega spun to the side and Mason corrected it when it was facing forward again.

"Whoa, I see you learned to drive from Danny Sullivan!" said Spike.

"Now, hit the minigun." said Mason.

Spike activated the minigun and ripped into the wheels of the trailer. The truck lurched to a halt.

Mason parked the Omega and he and Spike climbed out. Darden and Korpi did the same.

"End of the road, punk!" yelled Mason.

"Sorry, sport." said Korpi. "I'm not going down that easily."

"Let's dance." said Darden as he pulled out his gun.

"Drop the weapon now!" said a voice. Everybody looked over to see where it had come from. It was Washburn. Belle was with him.

"Put the gun down and surrender." ordered Washburn.

"Or else what?" asked Korpi.

"Oh, forget that!" said Belle. "I'm going to handle this personally!"

She marched over to the two thugs. Even though he had a gun, Darden took a defensive stance. Korpi did likewise. Then Belle started to hit them with a tire iron.

"You think it's funny destroying two years of work?" she yelled.

"I give! I give!" yelled Korpi.

"Shouldn't we help out?" asked Spike.

"I think he's being punished enough." said Mason.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag.

"Unbelievable!" said Frankie. "Bad guys are stealing tractor trucks and trying to stop the Cannonballers by using them as roadblocks."

"A roadblock is a task that only one person may perform." announced Phil. "And no person may perform more than six..." He stopped when he noticed everyone staring at him. "Sorry, force of habit."

"Mr. X, it looks like your informant was correct." said Brock. "We've been getting reports of attacks on the Cannonballers all across the country."

"I heard those reports." said Mr. X. "I wish I still had contact with my informant."

"So do I." said Brock. "Let me get back to you. The caterers just arrived."

Tanner and Everett walked in pushing carts of food. "Anybody hungry?" asked Tanner.

"It's about bloody time!" said Nessa.

"Everybody wait." said Everett. "We got some more in the truck." He and Tanner walked back towards the truck.

"We're in." said Tanner. "When we get back, we'll scout around and try to find where they're keeping the money. You keep them occupied. Remember, there are celebrities on board. Non-lethal weapons only."

"Got it." said Everett.

On the performance stage, Beck and Blues Traveler set up to play.

"Okay, you guys." said David. "You know what to do."

"Sure we do." said Beck.

"Alright, let's hit it." said John Popper.

Brendan Hill started with a few drum beats. Beck and Chan Kinchla followed on guitar with Chan's brother Tad on bass and Ben Wilson on keyboards. John followed seconds later with his harmonica. Then, Beck started to sing.

**Life's like a road that you travel on.  
Where there's one day here, the next day gone.  
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand,  
sometimes you turn your back to the wind.**

**There's a world outside every darkened door.  
Where blues won't haunt you anymore.  
Where the brave are free and lovers soar.  
Come ride with me to the distant shore.**

**We won't hesitate.  
Break down the garden gate.  
There's not much time left today.**

John joined in.

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

John took over vocals.

**Through all the cities and all these towns.  
It's in my blood and it's all around.  
I love you now like I loved you then.  
This is the road and these are the hands.**

From Mozambique to those Memphis nights,  
the Kyber Pass to Vancouver's lights.  
Knock me down, get back up again.  
You're in my blood, I'm not a lonely man.

There's no load I can't hold.  
A road so rough, this I know.  
I'll be there when the light comes in.  
Tell 'em we're survivors.

Beck rejoined him.

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.

Beck went back to the mic.

**There was a distance between you and I.  
A misunderstanding once but now we look it in the eye.**

Dring the bridge, John got back on his harmonica. A few seconds later, Beck went back to singing.

**There ain't no load that I can't hold.  
A road so rough, this I know.  
I'll be there when the light comes in.  
Tell 'em we're survivors.**

Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.

Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.

Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.

-"Life Is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane

John got back on his harmonica to close out the song. The hosts looked at the monitor and smiled when they saw the Torque JX crossing the bridge to Asia.

XXXXXXXXXX

"(Not much further until we're in Asia.)" said Chen, driving.

"(I'm sure the people in Japan will be happy to see us.)" said Chairman Kaga.

"(I agree.)" said Kobe. "(They might be lining the streets cheering us on.)"

"(I'm sure they will turn out to cheer on the hometown heroes.)" said Kaga. "(We might even draw out some of your former competitors.)"

"(Even the Ohta Faction?)" asked Kobe.

"(Morimoto's not with us, right?)" asked Chen, half-joking. Kaga laughed.

AN:And so it begins.  
So, what did you think?


	5. Asian Invasion

Cannonball Run 5: Special Edition

Chapter Five: Asian Invasion

AN:Tim Lee, aka Generation X7 wrote part of one scene as a preview for CR6. I made a few modifications, but the part mostly appears as he wrote it. I marked off the scene to give credit where credit is due.  
Well, enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You lost ALL your vehicles?" asked DeMarco.

"Those Cannonballers are something else!" said Korpi over the phone. "We made several attacks and they handled each one easily. We're working on some new plans now."

"They'd better work!" said DeMarco. "What have you got?"

"Paul and Feliz found a weapon of some sort." explained Korpi. "We're going to try to use it as soon as we can figure out what it does and how to use it."

"That's good." said DeMarco. "Get on it immediately."

"We've also checked the race route." said Korpi. "We're going to try to reroute the Cannonballers towards a hostile area."

"I like it." said DeMarco. "Simple, but effective."

"There's just one thing." said Korpi. "We ain't got no wheels."

"No problem." said DeMarco. "I've got a large collection of cars that I've picked up over the years. I anticipated this possibility, ALTHOUGH NOT ON THIS SCALE, and have placed vehicles from my collection around the world. I have also included your Mustang, the Stallion, and a few cars from Lance's shop. They will be delivered to you shortly."

XXXXXXXXXX

"As of now, all of our racers have entered the Asian continent." announced Phil Keoghan. "What new obstacles and dangers will they face? For that, we go to Frankie Whiteside and the Big Schwag."

"Thanks, Phil." said Frankie. "We've heard some rumors of some kind of warlords operating in the area. If the racers encounter them, there could be major trouble."

"Not only that," added Schwag "but many of the drivers have driven this whole way without rest. If they're not careful, driver fatigue can be an issue."

XXXXXXXXXX

Jaleel the Kid was realizing that Schwag was right. After a couple of days on the road, he was getting tired.

He spotted a train station with a departing freight train. He revved up the engine on his bike and headed towards the train.

He hit a hill and jumped onto the back of the train. He screeched to a halt and came face to face with the engineer.

"Where is this train going?" he asked.

"Hong Kong." relied the engineer.

"Thank you." said Kid. He laid down and quickly went to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Meanwhile, we have an interview with one of the teams." said Phil as he stood next to a big screen television. "We have that now."

The television turned on showing Mike Nelson and Gypsy in the backseat of the Emu. Mike was on the passenger side. "Oh, hi." he said.

"Mike Nelson, how is the race going so far?" asked Phil.

"It's going great." said Mike. "There was a little drama earlier when we accidentally cut off the Vice City team. Things got a little calmer after that. Then, we reached Oklahoma and got pulled over by a state trooper. That was kind of tense...until Gypsy ate his ticket book."

"Needed salt." said Gypsy.

"How is Siberia treating you?" asked Phil.

"Okay so far." said Mike. "We've heard of the local highway patrol's reliance on radar and have prepared accordingly. We have dedicated radar detectors in use and Tom is keeping watch over them. Right, Tom?"

The camera pulled back a little to show Tom in the front passenger seat...fast asleep.

"Servo!" yelled Mike as he grabbed Tom's head and shook him awake.

"Wha? Uh?" stammered Tom as he woke up. "I'm awake!"

"Tom, I asked you to keep an eye on the scanners!" yelled Mike. "We can't afford to have you falling asleep right now!"

"I know, Mike!" complained Tom. "I've been up so long, I can barely keep my head up. Maybe if I just get some shut-eye."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. No!" said Mike. "Tom, you have to stay awake. Repeat after me: I must stay awake! I must stay awake!"

"I must stay awake! I must stay awake!" Mike and Tom said together.

"Good, you've got it." said Mike. "You know, I hope Crow is staying awake since he's driving. Crow, how are you doing?"

The camera panned over to Crow in the driver's seat. His pupils took up half of his eyes and he was trembling so hard, he practically registered on the Richter scale.

"I-I-I-I-I'm doingfinedoingfinereallyreallydoingfinedoingfine!" stammered Crow. "I'mdoingeverythingIcantost-st-stay awake! Coffee! Espresso! D-d-dietpills! Jolt! S-S-S-Surge! MountainDew! Chocolatecoveredcoffeebeans! Reallyreallydoingeverything!"

"I see." said Phil. "Well, I'll let you get back to the race. Good luck."

"Thank you, Phil." said Mike as a Siberian police cruiser pulled up behind the Emu and turned its roof lights on.

"Mike!" yelled Gypsy.

Mike turned around and saw the cruiser. He then turned back to the front seat to discover Tom was asleep again.

"Tom!" he yelled.

Tom woke up immediately. "I'm awake!" he yelled. "What's that sound?"

"It's my HEART!" said Crow as he started to hyperventilate.

"No, Crow!" said Tom. "Don't explode!"

"It's coming!" said Crow.

"Crow, get us out of here!" yelled Mike.

Crow floored the accelerator, hit the nitrous, and yelled "SUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGE!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"In the meantime, we have a little wager going on between two members of the Cannonball band." said Phil as the Counting Crows' Adam Duritz and Better Than Ezra's Kevin Griffin stood next to him. "So, guys. Tell me about this wager."

"Well, Phil." said Adam. "I've got a bet on the Paris Cop Car and Kevin has a bet on the PT Phoenix."

"The wager goes as follows:" said Kevin "If the Paris Cop Car makes it out of Asia first, the Crows get to perform the song closing out the continent."

"And if the PT Phoenix crosses the bridge first," said Adam "Ezra gets to perform the song."

"And what song is this?" asked Phil.

"'Can't Get There From Here.'" said Adam.

"By R.E.M." said Kevin.

"Thank you." said Phil. "For now, though, we have another musical performance."

On the performance stage, Meat Loaf was setting up with Coldplay.

"Okay, just like we practiced." said Meat.

"Understood." said Chris Martin. "Here we go."

Chris started on the piano. After a few seconds of playing, Meat joined in on vocals.

**The screen door slams.  
Mary's dress waves.  
Like a vision, she dances across the porch,  
as the radio plays.  
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely.  
Hey, that's me and I want you only.  
Don't turn me home again.  
I just can't face myself alone again.**

**Don't run back inside.  
Darling, you know just what I'm here for.  
So, you're scared and you're thinking,  
that maybe we ain't that young anymore.  
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night.  
You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright.  
Oh, and that's alright with me.**

Guy Berryman, Jon Buckland, and Will Champion joined in at that point.

**You can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain.  
Make crosses from your lovers. Throw roses in the rain.  
Waste your summer praying in vain,  
for a savior to rise from these streets.  
****  
Well, I'm no hero. That's understood.  
All the redemption I can offer girl beneath this dirty hood.  
With a chance to make it good somehow.  
Hey, what else can we do now?  
Except,**

**roll down the window,  
and let the wind blow back your hair.  
Well, the night's busting open.  
These two lanes will take us anywhere.  
We got one last chance to make it real.  
To trade in these wings on some wheels.  
Climb in back.  
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks.**

**Oh oh, come take my hand.  
Riding out tonight to case the promised land.  
Oh oh thunder road.  
Oh thunder road.  
Oh thunder road.**

**Lying out there like a killer in the sun.  
Hey, I know it's late, we can make it if we run.  
Oh thunder road.  
Sit tight, take hold.  
Thunder road.**

**Well, I got this guitar,  
and I learned how to make it talk.  
And my car's out back,  
if you're ready to take that long walk.  
From your front porch to my front seat.  
The door's open but the ride ain't free.  
And I know you're lonely.  
For words I ain't spoken.  
But tonight we'll be free.  
All the promises'll be broken.**

**There were ghosts in the eyes,  
of all the boys you sent away.  
They haunt this dusty beach road,  
in the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets.  
They scream your name at night in the street.  
Your graduation gown lies in rags at your feet.  
And in the lonely cool before dawn,  
you hear their engines roaring on.  
But when you get to the porch they're gone.  
On the wind, so Mary climb in.  
It's a town full of losers,  
and I'm pulling out of here to win.**

-"Thunder Road" by Bruce Springsteen.

"Okay, viewers." said Phil. "I invite you to continue watching because there's more to come. For the Cannonball Run, I'm Phil Keoghan."

Phil walked off the stage and passed David Spade.

"I get the next one." said David.

"You've got it." said Phil as he approached the catering table.

"I don't know if you've heard, but the racers have entered Asia." said Tom Everett.

"I also heard some of the officials talking." said Tanner. "Around the halfway point, they're going to move the base of operations to another location which will serve as the finish line."

"I think we're going to have to work fast." said Everett.

"Right." said Tanner. "I'll snoop around. You man the fort."

"Roger." said Everett. "I read you loud and clear."

Tanner walked away as Phil walked up to the table. "Are you serving lunch yet?" asked Phil.

"Yes." said Everett. "What would you like?"

"I'd like a roast beef sandwich, please." said Phil.

"Don't have it." said Everett.

"Okay, I'd like a roast turkey on Italian, then." said Phil.

Everett leaned closer to Phil and said "DON'T...have it. No, I think you'll be having the number seven, the cheese and peppers omelette."

"Sounds...appetizing." said Phil.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Russia, Urkel kept driving the Backdraft. He was still in Earnhardt form.

"The way I figure it, we should reach China by nightfall." he said.

"That's good time." said Larry.

"So, Dale." said Balki.

"You can call me Steve." said Urkel.

"Okay." said Balki. "Can you keep this up throughout the race?"

"I wish I could." said Urkel. "Unfortunately, the transformation chamber has a limited effect. It will wear off sometime."

"How long will it last?" asked Larry.

"It's completely random." said Urkel. "It could wear off tomorrow. It could wear off in a couple of hours. It could wear off..." Suddenly, his voice went nasal again. "...any minute now."

"Uh oh." said Balki.

"Don't panic." said Urkel. "I can get this under control." He tried to steer the car to the side of the road. "Okay, maybe not."

Larry and Balki tried to get the car under control. Balki reached over the seat and took the wheel while Larry tried to push the brake pedal.

"Try the handbrake!" yelled Balki.

Larry grabbed the handbrake and pulled it. The brakes locked up and the Backdraft went sliding off the road into a sign showing the way to Mongolia, turning it ninety degrees.

Larry and Balki climbed out and surveyed the damage. Larry checked the sign while Balki looked at the car's front end.

"Balki, how does the front bumper look?" asked Larry.

"Well, it's red." said Balki. "And it's got an opening divided into four..."

"No, I mean how bad is the damage?" said Larry.

"There's a small dent and some scratched paint." said Balki.

Urkel jumped out of the car and ran over to them. He had reverted to his normal form. "Was anybody hurt?" he asked.

Larry and Balki looked at each other. "Not yet!" they said. They then chased him across the road.

After they made it across the road, the Mongoose came along. Beatrix was sleeping in the passenger seat while Sam drove.

"Mongolia is that way, huh?" said Sam. "Then, I'm going this way." He then turned right down the road leading to Mongolia.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Korea...

"This looks like a good place to get some food." said Super Dave. He pulled into a small roadside store and he and Fuji exited the car.

Super Dave and Fuji walked into the store and started looking around for food. Fuji went straight for the deli.

"Super Dave!" yelled someone. Super Dave looked to see Gonzo and Fozzie approaching.

"The Muppets!" said Super Dave. "I bet this race is an amazing experience for you."

"Not as amazing as meeting you." said Gonzo. "It's so incredible to meet such a big name among daredevils."

"Oh, thanks." said Super Dave. "Back atcha."

"Super." said Fuji as he walked over.

"Oh, guys." said Super Dave. "This is my stunt co-ordinator, Fuji Hakayito. Fuji, meet Gonzo the Great and Fozzie Bear."

"Pleased to meet you." said Fuji. "Super, I had a little trouble with our food orders. My Korean's a little rusty. The order was..."

Super Dave started waving his hands to get Fuji to shut up.

"...two hot chicken sandwiches, a box of chicken nuggets, an order of chicken fingers, three chicken salads, and five cold chicken sandwiches."

Super Dave stopped waving his hands and turned to the Muppets. Fozzie was covering his mouth with his hands and Gonzo's mouth hung open in shock.

"Look, I can explain." said Super Dave.

"YOU MONSTER!" yelled Gonzo. "Those are my lovelies!"

"Sorry!" said Super Dave.

"That's it!" said Gonzo. "No more Mr. Nice Weirdo! I challenge you to...a daredevil race!"

Fozzie gasped. Super Dave cast a glare at Fuji.

"Sorry, Super." said Fuji.

"To the cars!" said Gonzo.

Outside, Kermit and Animal waited by the Modicum.

"Uh, Kermit?" asked Fozzie. "What if one of us were to initiate a challenge with another racer and need the car for that challenge?"

"If you want to use the car, just ask." said Kermit.

"Uh, okay." said Fozzie. "Gonzo, Kermit says you have to ask."

"Kermit, I need the car." said Gonzo.

"I don't even want to know." said Kermit.

XXXXXXXXXX

"And then he tells us 'Be seeing you.' and drives off." said Peter Venkman.

"That's just crazy." said Egon over the communicator. "How's the car running?"

"Incredibly." said Winston. "We're making great time."

"Have you tried the Ecto-Booster yet?" asked Egon.

"What's that?" asked Louis.

"It's a device I rigged up to increase the speed of the Ecto-1." said Egon. "It runs off the same principle of the proton packs."

"So, why isn't it in the Ecto-1?" asked Peter.

"It's still in the experimental stage." said Egon.

"So, you put it in a Porsche?" asked Louis.

"The Ecto-1 is like family." said Egon.

"Want us to test it?" asked Peter.

"How?" asked Winston.

Just then, the Jersey XS passed them.

"Ask and you shall receive." said Winston.

"That was the Ghostbusters we just passed." said Perfect Tommy.

"Looks like they weren't 'fraid of no losing." said Sydney.

"Don't get overconfident, they're coming up." said Buckaroo.

Peter accelerated until he was right next to the Jersey XS. Once there, he thumbed his nose at Team Banzai.

"Immature, isn't he?" asked Sydney.

"I think he wants to race." said Buckaroo. He returned a nod. A second later, the cars took off racing.

The Modo Prego took an early lead.

"See ya 'round, doctor." said Peter.

"Activating Hyperthruster." said Buckaroo. "Three...two...one...sayanora."

The Jersey XS's headlights went yellow and the car jumped to super speed.

"Wow, that's handy." said Louis.

"Let's see how this Ecto-Booster works." said Peter. He found the switch for it and pressed it.

The Modo Prego was bathed in a blue force field and took off like a shot.

"What the hell?" asked Perfect Tommy. "He's catching up with us!"

"You can tune your car to perfection, but there's sooner or later going to be another car that's faster." said Buckaroo.

AN:Starting here, this scene is written by GenerationX7 with a few modifications.

Down the road, ZAFT Gundam pilot Athrun Zala was behind the wheel of a black 1970 Chevy Impala. His three war buddies Nicol Amalfi, Dearka Elsman and Yzak Joule were in the car with him.

"So, how do you like our R&R, guys?" asked Athrun.

"No Naturals to kill, no Archangel to try to destroy, and certainly no Strike Gundam foiling our plans to get rid of the Archangel?" asked Dearka. "I'm definitely enjoying this."

"Buckaroo, watch this guy!" said Sydney.

Buckaroo almost didn't see the Impala in time. He swerved around it at the last second. Unfortunately, he still caused Athrun to lose control. Peter barely missed him as well.

"Hang on!" yelled Athrun.

The Impala did a few doughnuts on the road. Nicol, Dearka and Yzak screamed. Finally, Athrun managed to regain control and stop the car.

"What the hell was that?" asked Yzak.

"Fast speed? Not slowing down?" said Athrun. "I think that was a Cannonball Run vehicle."

"The Cannonball Run?" said Dearka. "What the hell is the Cannonball Run?"

"A race that will take racers around the world. Winner receives a big cash prize." said Nicol.

"Did you say big cash prize?" asked Yzak.

"Yep, this year it's 250 million dollars." said Athrun.

"You guys know what we can do with that money right?" asked Dearka.

"I could retire to the tropics!" said Yzak.

"I could buy my own house in the PLANTs and settle down with Lacus." said Athrun.

"I could start my own orchestra with that." said Nicol.

"I'm just gonna quit ZAFT and buy myself a mansion." said Dearka. "Screw this war! We could enter the Cannonball Run next year and make the big bucks!"

"YEAH!" they all shouted.

AN:And that's where GenerationX7's contribution ends.

"Peter, I really think you should shut this thing off." said Louis.

"Yeah, we almost killed those guys." said Winston.

"So? If they come back from the dead, we can handle them." said Peter. "Alright, I'll shut it down."

"He appears to shutting down his speed booster." said Sydney.

"I think we should shut ours down as well." said Buckaroo. "Don't want to risk that again."

The Hyperthruster and Ecto-Booster were shut down. The two cars pulled up to the next stoplight and the drivers rolled down their windows.

"Hey, Buckaroo!" called Peter. "You alright?"

"Yeah." said Buckaroo. "That was something I'd rather not experience again."

"Same here." said Peter. "How about we agree that we don't use these again unless there's an emergency?"

"Agreed." said Buckaroo.

"Well, I'll see you later." said Peter. "Drive carefully."

"Thanks." said Buckaroo. "And remember: wherever you go, there you are."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Mongolia, Beatrix stirred in the Mongoose's passenger seat as she woke up.

"Sleep well?" asked Sam.

"Sure did." said Beatrix. "Scott, why are we in Mongolia? I thought we were supposed to avoid it."

"We're not in Mongolia." said Sam.

"Um, I've been here before." said Beatrix. "It was a particularly elusive target. This is Mongolia."

"Maybe it just looks like Mongolia." said Sam as Al appeared in the backseat.

"Keep going, Sam." said Al. "Sam, what are you doing?! I thought I told you to avoid Mongolia!"

"This is not Mongolia." said Sam.

"Sam, this is Mongolia!" yelled Al.

"See this road sign coming up?" asked Sam. "Does that say we're in..."

They passed the sign. It did indeed say they were in Mongolia.

"Oh boy." said Sam.

"It's not a major problem." said Beatrix as the Speedway came up behind them. "We can find another shortcut somewhere down the line."

"If we live that long." said Al.

In the Speedway, Van and Deaq looked at the Mongoose.

"Did you run that plate?" asked Van.

"Yeah, the car is registered to Beatrix Kiddo." said Deaq.

"What do we know about her?" asked Van.

"She's an internationally known assassin." said Deaq. "A former member of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad."

"Sounds like someone Joey Leone would call for assistance." said Van.

"What do you say we subdue the suspect?" asked Deaq.

"Why not?" asked Van.

He pushed the accelerator. He connected with the Mongoose's rear bumper.

"What does he want?" asked Beatrix.

"He wants to attack us." said Sam. He floored the accelerator himself.

"He's making a break for it." said Deaq.

"Not if I can help it." said Van.

"Sam, we're coming up on the accident site!" said Al.

"How did this happen?" asked Sam.

"This is not a time to beat yourself up." said Beatrix.

"How did this happen?" asked Sam again.

"Oh!" said Al as he realized Sam was talking to him. "According to eyewitness reports, you go off an embankment up ahead and roll the car. The gas tank blows and you both burn to death."

"Do you think we can make that turn up ahead at this speed?" asked Sam.

"Not likely." said Beatrix.

"She's right." said Al. "Ziggy says you have a lucky thirteen percent chance to keep this car on the road at this speed."

"What if we were to drive straight down it?" asked Sam.

"That could work." said Beatrix.

"Good thinking, Sam." said Al. "Ziggy puts your odds of surviving that at ninety-two percent."

Sam tried to go into the turn, but he was rammed by Van again. He started to slide sideways towards the embankment, then turned the wheel towards the spin. The Mongoose straightened out and drove down the embankment. Sam kept the car under control and brought it to a rest at the base of the embankment.

"I'll handle these two." said Beatrix.

Van turned to face the Mongoose and drove in.

"You almost killed them!" said Deaq.

"Sorry, it was an accident." said Van. "I didn't think he was going to brake."

As he approached, Beatrix rolled across the hood of the Mongoose and jumped onto the hood of the Speedway with her sword drawn.

Van and Deaq jumped out of the car. "Drop the sword and surrender." ordered Deaq.

"Why are you trying to kill us?" asked Beatrix.

"It was an accident. I'm sorry." said Van.

"What are you doing here?" asked Deaq. "Did Leone hire you?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Beatrix as she put her sword to his throat.

"We got a report that a Liberty City mafia figure named Joey Leone had a wager on the Cannonball Run." said Van. "We thought that he probably hired you to eliminate his competition."

"What?" asked Sam. "We ARE his competition!"

"You're Cannonballers?" asked Deaq. "Oh, sorry about that. We thought you were trying to disrupt the race."

"Well, now you know better." said Beatrix as she retracted her sword.

"We'll take a look at the entrant list now." said Van as he and Deaq put away their guns. "I'd like to prevent this from happening in the future."

"Yeah, me too. Me too." said Deaq.

"Good luck in the race." said Van as he started to get back into the Speedway.

"Once again, sorry about that mix-up." said Deaq.

Beatrix jumped off of the car and walked over to the Mongoose. "Let's go." she said. "This was just a misunderstanding."

"I can't believe we almost died because of a misunderstanding." said Sam.

"Good job, Sam." said Al. "You didn't die in Mongolia and will make it out safely."

"Okay." said Sam.

"Now, you die in Chile in a week." said Al.

Sam gave him an annoyed look.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kermit and Super Dave pulled up to a spot in the road and stopped. Fuji climbed out of the Alarde and Kermit, Fozzie, and Animal climbed out of the Modicum. Gonzo climbed into the Modicum's driver's seat.

"Okay, here's the details on the race." said Gonzo. "We start here, then drive down this hill. Then, it's right at the next corner, up that hill, around the turn at the top of the hill, then down the hill and over that jump." He pointed to a jump ramp on the other side of the river. "The one who jumps the farthest wins. How does that sound?"

"I accept, but I think you should have a ten second head start." said Super Dave. "That way, there's less chance of a disaster."

"Okay." said Gonzo.

The two revved their engines. Their teammates cheered them on.

"Go, Gonzo, go!" cheered Fozzie.

"Come on, Super!" cheered Fuji. "You can do it!"

"GONZO! GONZO!" cheered Animal.

Kermit dropped his hand and Gonzo took off. Gonzo drove down the hill at high speed. Ten seconds after he started, Super Dave followed.

Gonzo cheered maniacally as he raced up the hill. Super Dave glared with determination as he followed.

Gonzo let out a "WHEEEEE!" as he rounded the turn and started down the hill.

"Here he comes!" said Fozzie.

Gonzo hit the ramp just as Super Dave rounded the turn at the top of the hill. Gonzo flew over the river and landed nose-first in the mud at the river's side. The car pitched forward and Gonzo was ejected from the vehicle. He flew through the air squealing with delight, then crashed into the side of the hill.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." he said.

Super Dave raced down the hill and hit the ramp. The Alarde flew over the river and landed on the hill just above Gonzo. It was then that Super Dave realized he was heading for the edge of an embankment and hit the brakes. He came to a stop at the very top of the embankment.

"I think I just won." he said.

Fuji ran over to the Alarde's passenger side and said "Super! You did it! You won!"

"Gonzo, are you alright?" asked Kermit.

"I'll let you know after I get myself reassembled." said Gonzo.

"I think I'll go over there and congratulate him for his efforts." said Super Dave as he opened the door.

"That would be nice." said Fuji.

Super Dave stepped out of the car and fell down the embankment...the fifty foot embankment...the fifty foot ROCKY embankment screaming all the way.

Fuji looked down the embankment in horror. Super Dave just yelled "Oh, new pain!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the mountains of Japan, Dominic, Memphis, and Jesse had stopped to get snacks.

Jesse sat on the hood of the Bestia and pushed on the control arm for the supercharger's intake valves. "All I want is the oil!" he said in a scary voice. "Just walk away and I'll spare your lives! Just walk away!"

"If you break that, you're fixing it!" said Dominic.

"That'll take what? Two minutes?" replied Jesse.

In New York, Belle and Washburn walked into a bar that had the race shown on television.

"Hey, you okay now?" asked Washburn.

"No." said Belle. "I didn't get to take part with the cab."

"I'll buy you a drink." said Washburn.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Belle as she looked at the television.

"One of our teams has apparently stopped for snacks." announced David as a spy satellite showed the Bestia. "It appears to be the team consisting of Memphis Raines, Dominic Toretto, and Jesse James."

"Looks like the Cannonball." said Washburn.

"This could be interesting." said Belle as she took a seat.

Memphis returned with the snacks. "Okay, guys." he said. "I found some kind of candy. I hope you enjoy."

Jesse and Dominic each took a piece of candy.

"What flavor is this?" asked Jesse. "I can't read Japanese."

"There's one way to find out." said Dominic as he ripped open the package and took a bite out of the candy. He spit it out a second later and hit the fender of a yellow RX-7. "Watermelon! I hate watermelon!"

"What did you do that for?" yelled a man. Apparently, he was the RX-7's driver.

"Sorry, I didn't see it there." said Dominic.

"You're sorry?" replied the driver. "Do you have any idea how much work went into this car?"

"Jeesh!" said Memphis as he took a bite of his candy. "It's just a car! Who do you think you are?"

"Me? I am the master racer of the Akagi Red Suns!" said the driver. "My name is Keisuke Takahashi, but you may call me K.T!"

"Alright, Katie." said Jesse.

"Are you mocking me?" asked K.T.

"Dude, chill!" said Dominic. "Look, this is my bad. I'll take care of this."

"Very well." said K.T. "I'll race you down the mountain."

"You're on." said Dominic.

The drivers took to their cars. Dominic was driving the Bestia with Jesse in the front and Memphis in back. K.T. climbed into his RX-7.

"Looks like some competition from the locals." announced David.

"Twenty bucks says the muscle car wins." said Belle.

Washburn surveyed the scene. "You've got yourself a bet." he said.

Seconds later, both cars had been started and pulled up to the starting line. Another man ran out in front of the two cars and held up his hands. A couple of seconds later, he dropped them and the race was on.

Both cars were running neck and neck until the first bend. At that point, K.T. took the lead. They raced to a hairpin turn a little distance away. Both K.T. and Dominic took it with little trouble.

"Come on, pass him!" said Memphis.

"I'm trying!" said Dominic. "He keeps cutting me off!"

They went into the next turn. Dominic managed to take the turn tighter than K.T. and took a small lead.

"Is that a blow off valve I hear?" asked Washburn.

"Yeah, and I think it might be hooked up to a wastegate." said Belle.

"This guy is loaded for bear." said Washburn.

"Alright, floor it!" said Jesse.

K.T. got back on the gas and passed Dominic.

"I said 'floor it'!" said Jesse.

The cars went into the next turn and almost touched.

"This guy is good." said Belle.

"He should be." said Washburn. "He's got the home court advantage."

"Come on, I should know that car's weaknesses!" said Dominic. "I drive one back home!"

"All I know is that the stock security system is easy to defeat." said Memphis. "And it fetches a decent price."

"I know that you really shouldn't make one into a sand rail." said Jesse.

"I've got it." said Dominic as he took another turn. "NOS."

"Use it on the straightaway." said Memphis.

The two cars took the next turn and ended up on a straightaway.

"Hit it!" yelled Memphis. Jesse flashed an Ozzy salute.

Dominic hit his nitrous switch. The Bestia rocketed past K.T. and took the lead.

"Yeah!" yelled Dominic.

"Oh, there goes the nitrous shot." said Belle.

"Not to mention twenty dollars." said Washburn.

Dominic and K.T. hit a few more turns, but Dominic held his lead. They ended up winning by a car length.

Dominic parked and K.T. pulled alongside him.

"I can't believe I lost to a gaijin!" said K.T. "You are truly a remarkable racer. I'll let you go, but don't spit on my car again."

"You're not too bad yourself." said Dominic. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a bigger race to run."

"Farewell, chromedome." said K.T.

"Adios, Katie." said Jesse.

As the team drove off, Memphis said "You know, I just thought of something. Japanese street racers don't use nitrous oxide."

"Yeah, think we should tell him..." asked Jesse before Dominic covered his mouth.

"Shut up about the secret weapon." said Dominic.

Back in New York, Washburn handed twenty dollars to Belle.

"Dominic Toretto can race the touge. Who knew?" he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the famed Twin Ring Motegi race track, the Mako pulled up to the starting line.

"What are we doing here?" asked Vince.

"Following the text message." said Sway.

"What did it say?" asked Vince.

"We were supposed to come here and wait for a challenger." said Sway.

"So, when does he get here?" asked Vince.

Sway's cell phone rang and she saw she had a text message. "Your challenger has arrived." she read. "Some say his blood can be used to cure cancer. Some say he can watch 60 Minutes in just forty. What we do know is that he is called...the Stig."

They heard an engine roar and looked over their shoulders. The Stig's Gemballa was driving up behind them. He came to a stop next to the Mako and rolled down his window.

"He wants to take on one of us." said Sway.

"I'll handle it." said Vince.

Sway climbed out and let Vince take the wheel. He and the Stig both revved their engines. Sway stood off to the side and watched.

A flag was waved and the two were off. Vince took a quick lead with the Mako's superior horsepower. He brought it into the first turn at high speed. However, the Stig overtook him on the following straightway.

Vince gripped the wheel harshly and floored the accelerator. He started to catch up to the Stig, but had to brake when he got to the next turn.

The Stig accelerated down the next straightaway while listening to his Jerry Seinfeld CD. _I get very unnerved by the way they drive down there. That's why I don't like being in those communities. Because they drive slow and sit low._

The two cars raced under an overpass for the Super Speedway and headed into a series of twisted turns. Vince found every chance to pass the Stig cut off by another turn.

The Stig raced onto another straightaway and Vince finally got his chance to pass him. Vince cut around him and headed into the next turn.

As he started to catch up to Vince on the next straightaway, the Stig continued to listen to his CD. _Always with the left turn signal on from when they left the house that morning. That's a legal turn in Florida. It's known as an eventual left._

Vince cut through another turn under another overpass with the Stig right on his tail. He maneuvered through the last few turns before hitting the main stretch. That's when the Stig passed him.

Vince tried to pass him again, but failed. The Gemballa raced across the finish line half a car length ahead of the Mako.

The two cars came to rest next to Sway. "What happened?" she asked as Vince angrily got out of the Mako.

"Next time, you're racing!" he yelled.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tokyo, the Torque JX rolled down the R246 to a hero's welcome. "Iron Chef" fans lined the street and cheered as the car drove along.

"(They seem to have been expecting us.)" said Chen.

"(We seem to be getting a lot of favor from them.)" said Kobe.

"(Stop the car.)" said Kaga.

Chen stopped the car. Kaga and the two Iron Chefs climbed out. The crowd cheered.

Elsewhere in Tokyo, Isabelle and the Dolls were in their headquarters with the television on. The Iron Chefs were visible onscreen.

"Where is my other camera?" asked Isabelle.

"Hey, Isabelle." said Brooke. "I think you should see this."

Isabelle walked over to the television. "What's going on here?" she asked.

"Cannonballers." said Vivien.

"(People of Tokyo!)" said Kaga. "(I would like to thank you for turning out to cheer us on! It means much when so many people show up to give support for me and my Iron Chefs! I thank you for your enthusiasm!)"

The crowd cheered some more, then a woman in a hooded cloak walked up with a box.

"Kaga-san," she said "as a gift from a huge fan, I would like to present this box."

"Arigato." said the Chairman as he received the box.

"(Something is not right.)" said Chen. "(The presenter was not Japanese, yet is presenting the gift in Tokyo?)"

"(Perhaps she traveled all this way.)" said Kobe. "(Remember, our show is watched in many other countries.)"

"(Yes, but we will be traveling to those countries.)" said Chen. "(She could have presented the gift there.)"

"(You have a point.)" said Kobe. "(Chairman!)"

Quickly understanding what he meant, Kaga stepped on the woman's cloak. When she took a step back, the cloak was ripped off. She was none other than Linda, one of Mitzi's girls. The crowd gasped (most likely because of how she was dressed).

"I see." said Kaga as he set the box down on the roof of the car. "Tell me, what is in the box?"

"Something to take you out of the race permanently." said Linda.

"(It's a bomb!)" said the Chairman. The crowd screamed. Kaga added "(If there are any members of the Tokyo PD bomb squad in attendance, I ask you to please assist us!)"

"Just try to get near it." said Mitzi as she jumped out of the crowd with the rest of her girls.

"(This could be a problem.)" said Chen.

The Dolls were watching this as well. "Who are these girls?" asked Elizabeth.

"They look like those girls from the 'Addicted To Love' video." said Sayuri.

"Great, another group of not-so-innocent girls roped into messing with that damn race." said Isabelle.

Approaching from the north, the MIB were picking up some odd readings on their systems.

"What's up?" asked Mulder.

"Something's registering on the scope." said K.

"Can we get a visual?" asked J.

"Let's see." said K as he started pushing buttons. Soon, an image of the girls came up on their monitor.

"Now, there's an alien invasion I wouldn't mind facing." said Mulder.

"Oh God, not them!" said K.

"What's wrong?" asked J.

"You'll find out." said K.

The girls were easily and quickly preventing the bomb squad from reaching the Iron Chefs. Every time a bomb squad member came close, one of the girls knocked him back with a martial arts maneuver.

"(We might have to disarm this bomb ourselves!)" said Chen.

"(What do you want me to do?)" asked Kobe. "(Make it into lasagna?)"

"Help is on the way!" said J as the Lusso XT raced onto the scene. He screeched to a halt and the agents jumped out.

"Here come the MIBs." said Kobe.

"Don't you mean the SOBs?" asked Mitzi.

"Mitzi, how many times do we have to tell you Earth is off limits to you?" asked K.

"How many times do we have to tell you we don't care?" asked Mia.

"Agent K, the smartass girl is giving you lip." said J.

"I can see that." said K. "I think it's time to teach this lass a lesson. Mulder, trunk."

Mulder opened the trunk and let out a low whistle. He pulled out a pair of futuristic looking weapons and handed them to the MIBs.

"Hey, guys." said J. "Any help would be appreciated."

"Understood." said Kaga. "Can you do something about this bomb?"

"No way, man." said J.

"I can do it." said Mulder.

"Something's coming up on the sensors." said K.

"Try to figure it out." said J.

"You're wasting your time...and ours." said Nichole.

"Oh yeah?" asked J. "Your time to do what?"

"To stop the race and get revenge on those two wastoids." said Kim.

"Who are you talking about?" asked J. "The guys in the orange Renault?"

"Yes." said Mia. "Wait, did we just share too much?"

"Yeah, and it looks like we have to stop you." said J.

"Really?" asked Mitzi. "Try to stop this."

Mitzi and her cohorts grouped together and started to merge together. Then, the merged form grew into a giant woman.

"(I did not see that coming.)" said Kobe.

"You wouldn't know how to contact that Godzilla dude by any chance?" asked J.

"Agent J, guess what I found in the Iron Chefs' car?" said K.

"Is it my toothbrush?" asked J. "You know, because I forgot to bring it."

"No, it's oregano." said K. "It happens to be a substance that these ladies are quite allergic to."

"You wouldn't dare." said the giant woman.

"Kobe-san, would you mind if we used your oregano?" asked K.

"Go ahead." said Kobe.

K picked up the oregano, but Kobe stopped him.

"Wait, I have to prepare it first." said Kobe. He took the oregano, ground it in a bowl, and gave it back to K.

"Thank you." said K as he loaded the oregano into his blaster.

With that, the giant woman ended her attack. The people of Tokyo cheered at the end of the battle.

"Nice find, K." said J.

"I knew there was no way we could defeat them straight up, so we needed some strategy." said K.

"Wait a second." said Kobe. "This isn't oregano! It's parsley!"

"And that was the strategy." said K.

"Should we neuralize all these people?" asked J.

"Nah." said K. "It would blow out the battery."

"Okay, the bomb's taken care of." said Mulder as he walked over with Chen and Chairman Kaga. Suddenly, there was a loud explosion. Everyone looked to see a smouldering crater between the Torque JX and Lusso XT.

"You couldn't defuse it, could you?" said J.

At their headquarters, the Dolls walked into the garage.

"Well, now that the Cannonballers have been taken care of." said Isabelle.

"Guess we can get on with our vacation." said Jennifer.

"I still don't understand why we're taking this." said Sayuri as she pointed to a black Cadillac Sixteen concept car.

"We're taking the Onyx because we need transportation." said Isabelle.

"Why is it named after a Pokemon?" asked Natassja.

"Actually, Dr. Machinegal called it the Onyx after a precious stone that happens to be black." said Isabelle. "Any other questions?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Vince and Sway drove across the bridge to mainland Asia.

"You're not still mad that you got toasted by the Stig, are you?" asked Sway from the passenger seat.

"You better believe it." said Vince as he drove.

"Hey, don't drive angry." said Sway.

Behind them, Joey and Vic came up in the Assassin.

"Hey, isn't that another Cannonballer?" asked Vic.

"Yeah, and he's not the one I bet on." said Joey as he drove.

"Hit him." said Vic. "Maybe some dents will get his attention."

"It's a Corvette." said Joey.

"So?" asked Vic.

"Fiberglass body." said Joey. "Doesn't dent."

"Hit him anyway." said Vic.

"And it's not so much that he spanked me." said Vince. "He probably also cost us some time and some positions."

Joey rear-ended him hard.

"Hey, no dents." said Vic.

"I told you." said Joey. "Fiberglass."

"Great, now this guy." said Vince.

He threw the gearshift into the next gear. Just then, Jezz gave an announcement over the radio.

"We all have our musical heroes and in Scotland, it's no different. This is a song by a hard-rocking group from Glasgow. The D.J. never has it, JAMC Automatic. This is the Jesus and Mary Chain."

As Vince started to pull away, Love Fist began the song.

**As soon as I get my head 'round you,  
I come around catching sparks off you.  
I get an electric charge off you.  
That second hand living it just won't do.**

Joey threw the Assassin into the next gear and picked up a gun from the center console.

**And the way I feel tonight,  
I could die and I wouldn't mind.  
And there's something going on inside.**

Joey rammed into the back of the Mako again. Vince responded by jamming on his brakes and ramming him back.

**Makes you want to feel.  
Makes you want to try.  
Makes you want to blow,  
the stars from the sky.**

The Mako and Assassin came off the bridge into China. Both cars swerved around a large truck.

**I can't stand up.  
I can't cool down.  
I can't get my head,  
off the ground.**

Joey pulled alongside the Mako and drew his gun. Vince hit the brakes and let him pass.

**As soon as I get my head 'round you,  
I come around catching sparks off you.  
And all I ever got from you,  
was all I ever took from you.**

Joey slowed down to get a shot at Vince, only to lose it when Vince hit the accelerator.

**And the world could die in pain,  
and I wouldn't feel no shame.  
And there's nothing holding me to blame.**

The two cars weaved through traffic again. When they cleared it, Joey had lost sight of the Mako.

**Makes you want to feel.  
Makes you want to try.  
Makes you want to blow,  
the stars from the sky.**

While Joey searched for the Mako, it raced past him.

**I'm taking myself,  
to the dirty part of town,  
where all my troubles,  
can't be found.**

Joey pulled alongside the Mako and aimed his gun again. This time, Vince swerved into him, making the door pop open and Joey fall out.

**Head.**

Joey flailed his arm while holding onto the door handle. "Grab on!" he yelled. "Grab on!"

Vic quickly reached over and grabbed the gun. As Vince tried to speed away, Vic aimed at him and fired the gun.

**I said head on.  
Head.  
Head on.  
Head.**

Vic managed to take out a side mirror before Joey pulled himself back into the car.

**Makes you want to feel.  
Makes you want to try.  
Makes you want to feel.  
Makes you want to try.**

-"Head On" by the Jesus and Mary Chain.

"Moron!" yelled Joey as he hit Vic in the back of the head.

"What?" said Vic. "You said 'Grab on.'"

"To my hand, not the gun!" yelled Joey as he took the wheel.

"See ya." said Vince. He swerved into the Assassin once again.

Joey tried to avoid him and ended up driving into the guardrail. The collision removed the front bumper and immobilized the vehicle.

"Oh man." moaned Joey. "Still got the gun?"

Vic held up the gun. The barrel had become dislodged from the rest of it.

Sway looked back at the Assassin, then looked at Vince. "Feel better now?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do." said Vince.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in China...

"Where are we going?" asked Jarod as he looked over the map.

"I'd like to help, but I was built without GPS." said Johnny Five.

"Maybe this guy can help." said Jarod as they came upon a man standing next to a sign reading 'This way to Hong Kong.'

Johnny pulled up next to the man and asked "Excuse me, is this sign correct?"

"Absolutely it is." said the man. "This is a shortcut will take you right through Chinese territory. The Chinese highway patrol is notoriously harsh on speeders."

"Who are you?" asked Jarod.

"I'm a race official." said the man. "Brock sent me. By the way, you'd better hurry. Three other teams have been through here."

"How long ago?" asked Jarod.

"Let's see." said the man. "The red RX-7 came through maybe ten minutes ago..."

"Thanks, we'll be on our way." said Johnny Five.

The Vortex 5 took off and the man looked up with a sly smile. He took out his cell phone and called someone. "Lance? It's Johnny."

"Go ahead, Johnny." said Lance.

"The detour is working." said Johnny B. "I've been here only an hour and I've already sent four cars into the trap."

"Good work." said Lance.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'd like to know how the Crown Mail is doing!" said Jezz Torrent from Love Fist.

"Let's see." said Chloe as she went to the computer. "The Crown Mail is currently running in eighth."

"What about the Fripon X?" asked Willy, the band's drummer.

"Fripon X isn't doing too bad." said Chloe. "Currently, it's somewhere in the area of Beijing."

"How about the Saikou XS?" asked guitarist Percy.

Chloe checked the computer and quickly got confused. She checked it again and got more confused. "Good question." she said.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team were having a party in the cabin. Visitors were enjoying snacks and drinks. Pop music was playing over the stereo. The guests were talking to each other.

"So, you girls come here often?" asked Bowser.

The two girls he was talking to laughed, turned, and walked away.

"Fine, leave!" shouted Bowser.

Elsewhere in the living room, Wario was playing a game on the Gamecube. Waluigi and several guests were watching.

"Mario and I go way back." said Wario as he maneuvered Mario through a series of traps.

Wario stopped and a trap crushed Mario.

"I thought you said you were good at this game?" said a girl who was watching.

"I am." said Wario.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What about the Monstruo?" asked Love Fist bassist Dick.

"One second." said Chloe as she went to her computer. She found the Monstruo. She then double-checked. "Oh God." she said, then got up and ran to Brock's office.

Brock was talking with Schwag and Frankie. "We seem to getting some resistance from a drug dealer in Miami." said Brock. "Mr. X's source managed to get in contact with him. We now have more information on..."

Chloe ran into the office. "Mr. Yates!" she yelled. "We have a problem!"

"What kind of problem?" asked Brock.

"A few teams are being rerouted towards a hostile area." said Chloe. "I remember it from CTU briefings."

"What's wrong with said area?" asked Frankie.

"Well..." said Chloe.

Out at the caterer's table, Nessa was getting a salad from Everett.

"Italian or thousand island?" asked Everett.

"Italian, but not too much." said Nessa.

"Say when." said Everett as he started to pour.

"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" yelled Schwag from Brock's office. He made Everett spill the rest of the salad dressing on Nessa's salad.

"When." said Nessa.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Supernova cruised through China. Wily was driving.

"Can I play with the hydros?" asked Puck.

"Maybe when we park." said Wily.

"Just cruisin' to the next block." said Puck. "Rollin' along in my automobile."

Suddenly, the Hammerhead blew past them. "Hey, check out the looks on their faces." said Dustin as he trained his camera on Wily and Puck.

Dado then cut in front of them, forcing Wily to get on the brakes.

"Now, that was just rude!" said Puck.

"I'm going to blow him into the weeds when I get the chance." said Wily.

As the Hammerhead raced through the next turn, it quickly got on the brakes itself. When Wily rounded the turn, he saw why. The Cannonballers were lined up in a row after being stopped at the sign.

Wily laughed as he pulled alongside the Hammerhead. "Fancy seeing you here." said Puck. Dado returned a scowl.

"Now, that's what I call karma." said Wily.

"In more ways than one." said Puck, drawing a blank state from Wily. "You see, a car was involved." he explained.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I think we may be lost." said Ethan.

"I thought there was something odd about that official." said Snake.

"Hey, there's a couple of other cars." said Ethan. The Zender Alpha and Schneller V8 were ahead of them.

Ethan pulled alongside the two. "What's going on?" asked Snake.

"I'm not sure." said Lara. "Some guy said this was the best way to Hong Kong and now we're lost."

"Where are we going?" asked Ethan.

"I have no idea." said Corvax.

"Look." said Cate. The three cars were approaching an imposing looking compound. Turrets with gatling guns and giant bunkers guarded the entrance they were driving into.

The cars pulled into the main courtyard. The buildings in the courtyard looked like something out of a sci-fi film. All around were bizarre-looking military vehicles, monsterous creatures, and dangerous-looking men, several of whom looked exactly alike.

The cars stopped. Everyone inside climbed out and looked around. "Where are we?" asked Chun Li.

The Vortex 5 and Grifter pulled in behind them.

"I wish I knew." said Lara.

"Snake, I know where we are." said Ethan.

"Me too." said Snake. "But where is the guy?"

Jarod and Johnny Five got out of the Vortex 5. Johnny Five said in a girl's voice "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

Charlie and Stella climbed out of the Grifter. "What the hell?" asked Charlie.

The men and creatures surrounded the racers, looking like they were going to inflict serious harm.

Just then, another man who looked exactly like many of the others, only better dressed, walked in. "Greetings." he said in a Russian accent.

"Yuri." said Snake.

"I see the legendary Solid Snake recognizes me." said Yuri. "Welcome to my fortress, Cannonballers. I hope you enjoy your stay because it will be quite lengthy. We hope to recruit some of you or all of you to be soldiers in my grand army."

"Actually, we can't stay." said Lara. "We're currently on a little expedition." She started to unzip her jumpsuit with her right hand. "Just let me show you my credentials."

Suddenly, she zipped back up with her left hand. She unzipped with her right hand again, only to zip back up with her left hand again.

"I know these credentials you speak of." said Yuri. "And they are very nice. However, I would prefer not to allow my men to view them because I don't want them distracted. And by the way, that's just me controlling the right side of your brain. You should see how I do with the whole thing."

"Oh yeah, I'd love to see that." asked Chun Li.

Yuri gave Chun Li a look and put his fingers to his forehead. Suddenly, Chun Li turned to Lara, put her hands together, pushed forward, and said "Kikoken!" A fireball shot from Chun Li's hands towards Lara, who barely made it out of the way in time.

"Sorry." said Chun Li.

"That was just a sample of my abilities." said Yuri. "Just wait until I show you the full scale."

"Whoa, wait!" said Ethan. "Surely, you realize there are many more Cannonballers out there. Many of them could prove to be ample additions to your army. If you hurry, you can probably catch them. We're not going anywhere. Your base defenses make sure of that."

"I recognize your intention of trying to save your skin." said Yuri. "However, I realize your words have truth to them. I will organize an effort to recruit many of your opponents, then come back for you."

Yuri turned to leave and said "Prepare a squad of troops to capture as many Cannonballers as possible. And that robot..." he added as he pointed to Johnny Five. "...have a group of engineers disassemble it for research."

Johnny Five immediately got scared. "Disassembled?" he said. "DISASSEMBLED?" He raced off flailing his arms yelling "No disassemble! No disassemble!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, come on!" yelled Nash as he pulled up to the fork in the road. Several Cannonballers were lined up behind the ice cream truck where Shaggy and Scooby Doo were arguing with Johnny B. Beavis and Butthead were watching.

"All I'm asking for is identification!" said Shaggy.

"Rah! Rirentification!" said Scooby.

"Rah, rirentification! Heh heh!" said Beavis.

"I forgot it!" said Johnny B. "Jeeze!"

Nash, Joe, and Monk climbed out of the Paris Cop Car.

As Nash walked past the Hammerhead, Dustin sat on the passenger side door wearing his pig-cop mask. "Hey, is this line gonna move?" he asked.

"We'll see." said Nash.

"Dustin!" whispered Reza.

"What?" asked Dustin. Suddenly, he remembered he was wearing the mask and quickly took it off.

Nash walked over to Marge Simpson.

"Marge, what's going on?" asked Nash.

"The man next to the sign says he's an official and the route he's pointing out is a safe way through China." she said. "Unfortunately, Shaggy didn't trust him and the man won't show him any I.D."

"Thanks." said Nash. "By the way, where's your husband?"

"He's in our car." said Richard Parker. "He's currently locked in a staring contest with Bernie."

In the Ascent 470ds, Homer stared into Bernie's eyes. A few seconds later, he blinked and yelled "D'oh!" He started over. He stared into Bernie's eyes. He blinked a few seconds later and yelled "D'oh!"

Nash walked over to Johnny B and Shaggy and said "Okay, what seems to be the problem?"

"I'm trying to send these guys on the correct road and they're holding up the line." said Johnny B.

"Where does this road go?" asked Joe.

"The road goes through the Ural Mountains, around Tibet, and straight on to Hong Kong." said Johnny B.

"He said 'Urinal' mountains." said Butthead.

"Excuse us." said Nash. He turned to Joe and Monk and said "Okay, something's wonky here. What do you think?"

"It sounds tempting." said Joe. "I'd take it if the circumstances weren't so suspicious."

"Nash, this man is lying." said Monk. "The Ural Mountains are on the other side of the continent."

"Sounds good to me." said Nash. He went back to Johnny B and said "Okay, why don't you come clean?"

"About what?" asked Johnny B.

"Well, for starters," said Nash as a ratcheting sound was heard "you can tell us who you're working for and why you're sending us down a bogus shortcut."

"I told you I'm working for the race officials." said Johnny B. "And this shortcut is legit."

"Really?" said Nash. "So, you won't mind if we take this other road and work something out at the next town."

"It's your funeral." said Johnny B.

"Well, if you say so." said Nash as he patted Johnny B on the side. "Alright, guys. The shortcut is bad! Follow me and we'll work something out."

Johnny B tried to walk after them and was pulled back when he discovered what the ratcheting sound was: Nash had handcuffed him to the sign. He tried to get the cuffs free, but to no avail.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Get me out of here!"

"Nice knowing you, whatever your name is." said Nash as he opened the door to the Paris Cop Car.

"You just wait!" yelled Johnny B as he reached into his pocket. "I got friends! I'm gonna..." He stopped when he realized what he was looking for wasn't in there.

"Looking for this?" asked Nash as he held up Johnny B's cell phone. He then tossed the phone off to the side and got into the Paris Cop Car. He started it and drove off. The Cannonballers followed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Several troops and vehicles moved out of Yuri's fortress. Not far away, the Highway Hunters sat in their new cars and watched.

"Hey, DeMarco." said Korpi over his cell phone. He was sitting in the Stallion with Darden. "Thanks for the new cars."

"Thought you'd like 'em." said DeMarco. "Just to be clear, the Corvair is called Tampa, the Ranchero is called Picador, the Skyline is called Sultan, and you remember the Stallion."

"Nice to have it back." said Darden.

"So, what's going on?" asked DeMarco.

"The rerouting we set up? It worked." reported Korpi. "Four cars are now at Yuri's fortress and Yuri is going out to capture as many more as he can."

"Excellent." said DeMarco. "Keep an eye on the action. I want to know what happens. By the way, is Paulie looking over the instructions for that doohicky he and Feliz found?"

"Yeah." said Korpi. "Yeah, he is. I'll keep you posted."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Why did you tell Yuri about the other Cannonballers?" yelled Cate.

"I had to." said Ethan. "He was about to turn us into his mind-controlled slaves."

"You saw what he made me do." said Chun Li. "Imagine what we'd do if it wasn't a demonstration."

"Yeah, I think I can." said Stella.

"In any case, we have to try to stop him." said Snake. "Since we can't leave the base, we're going to have to perform some sabotage."

"Right." said Joanna. "Cate and I will knock out his base defenses. If he can't defend against invaders, he'll have to call off the attack."

"If his radar is taken out, he's also open for attack." said Ethan. "Snake and I will go after that."

"Maybe if someone, say me, were to hack into his computer system," said Lyle "it would confuse him enough to allow us to work unimpeded."

"Sounds like a plan." said Lara.

"Let's go." said Cate.

XXXXXXXXXX

"NO DISASSEMBLE! NO DISASSEMBLE!" yelled Johnny Five as he rolled around one of Yuri's buildings flailing his arms.

He rolled into a hallway and saw an engineer walking towards him. "Relax, it's not going to hurt." said the engineer.

Johnny tried to retreat, but another engineer was behind him. "Open wide." he said.

"What are you doing?" asked Jarod as he entered the hallway.

"We're taking this robot to be disassembled and studied." said the engineer.

"Well, if you want to risk a meltdown." said Jarod.

"What are you talking about?" asked the engineer.

"Apparently, Yuri didn't bother to ask me for I.D." said Jarod. "I'm Jarod Fermi, nuclear power specialist. I was called because there is a system malfunction in the base's reactor. Unfortunately, my arrival coincided with that of those Cannonballers and, wouldn't you know it, guilt by association."

"What about the robot?" asked the engineer.

"That's my inspection unit." said Jarod. "He's programmed with an advanced artificial intelligence system to make it easier to work with him. He tends to get a little jumpy every now and then."

Johnny jumped up and down a few times.

"The main control room is a couple of halls over." said the engineer. "Sorry for the mix-up."

"Don't worry about it." said Jarod.

The engineers left.

"I didn't know you could jump like that." said Jarod.

"My sister is a lowrider." said Johnny.

"Come on, let's try to find that control room." said Jarod. "If we shut down the power, we can escape more easily."

Outside, one of Yuri's troops prepared his Gatling Tank for battle. While he was looking over a circuit panel, he looked up and saw the T-X standing in front of him. "I like your tank." she said. She extended an antenna from her finger and stuck it to the circuit board.

XXXXXXXXXX

Frank drove through China in the Warhawk. Bruce sat in back and looked through his bag.

"I know I brought another shirt." said Bruce.

"I don't get it." said Peter. "Why didn't his pants rip off too?"

"I don't know." said Elektra. "Let's just be glad they didn't."

"I think we're in the clear." said Frank. "I haven't seen any law enforcement lately."

"Yeah, I think we can make it to the next country with no problem." said Peter.

Behind them, the Chicane was following.

"Let's see." said Cross. "According to the license plate scanner, that is a Cannonballer's car. Let's see how they like meeting the law."

He pushed the accelerator to the floor and pulled up behind the Warhawk. He switched on his emergency lights in the car's side markers, side mirrors, and sunvisor.

Frank looked in his rearview and said "Uh oh, here comes the fuzz."

"Wait, since when do the Chinese use Corvettes?" asked Elektra.

"Maybe he's part of a special anti-Cannonball task force." said Bruce. "I've heard about them putting together one of those."

"Well then, consider this self-defense." said Peter as he climbed out the window.

"What the..?" asked Cross as he saw Peter crawl onto the roof and look at him.

"Yeah, looks like a cop." said Peter. "Think fast."

Peter raised his hands plams up and pointed his wrists at the Chicane. He pressed the palms of his hands with his fingers and shot a stream of webbing at the car.

"Whoa!" yelled Cross.

The webbing engulfed the Chicane and brought it to a halt.

"What the hell was that?" asked Cross.

Peter crawled back into the Warhawk. "Now, we can make it to the next country without problems." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you telling me the Cannonballers are in danger from a former Soviet commando with psychic powers?" asked Brock.

"That's about the size of it." said Chloe.

"Ai-yi-yi." moaned Brock. "It's times like these I wish I still had that MG."

"Brock!" yelled Danny as he ran into the office. "I took over Chloe's workstation after she came up here."

"You WHAT?" said Chloe.

"Look, no one was using it and we had to find out the status of the racers." said Danny.

"Well, next time ask first!" yelled Chloe.

"Well, next time stick around so I CAN ask!" yelled Danny.

"Guys!" yelled Brock. "There will be time for this later. Danny, what did you find out?"

"About a dozen and a half Cannonballers have gathered in a Chinese village to protect themselves." said Danny.

Brock sighed with relief. "Finally, some good news." he said.

"It's not all good." said Danny. "Another half dozen are about to face a squadron of troops."

"I think I'm having a relapse." said Brock.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Look at this maroon." said Bugs when he saw one of Yuri's Lasher tanks ahead of him. "Right in the middle of the road."

"Let me take care of it." said Daffy as he climbed out of the Crusero's window. "Hey, what's going on here?" he asked.

The Lasher tank turned its cannon until it was pointing directly at Daffy's face. Daffy looked away and squeaked "Mother!"

The cannon fired. When the smoke cleared, Daffy's tongue was hanging out of his mangled and fire-blackened beak, his feathers were messed up, and his baseball cap was fire-blackened and torn up. He quickly shook his head and repaired the damage. "I dare you to try that again!" he said.

The cannon fired again. This time, his beak was blown onto the back of his head. He grabbed it and repositioned it on his face. "You're despicable." he said.

Bugs floored the accelerator and raced around the Lasher tank. He then got on the radio and yelled "Hurry, guys! Hurry! Run for the hills or you'll be up to your armpits in soldiers!"

Yuri's soldiers came out of hiding as the Cannonballers raced for perceived safety.

**Let's go.**

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Let's go to war. Let's go to war)  
When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Working for the black gas.)**

A group of Lasher tanks and Gatling Tanks approached the Saikou.

"Mama mia!" yelled Luigi.

"No problem!" said Link. "Check it out!"

He opened the backseat and revealed a treasure chest.

Mario opened the chest and took out a Starman. "Just what we need." he said.

Mario threw the Starman at the dashboard and the car started flashing yellow. Luigi drove towards the tanks and knocked them out of the way when he ran into them.

**Cowboy number one,  
a born-again poor man's son.  
(Poor man's son, yeah)  
On the air America,  
I modeled shirts by Van Heusen.  
(Working for the black gas)  
Yeah.**

"Gear up." said Sweet from the Beast's backseat. He and his teammates held up submachine guns.

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Let's go to war. Let's go to war)  
When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Working for the black gas.)**

A Brute started to go after the RSMC 15.

"What a mess." said Knuckles.

"I got this one." said Sonic.

He jumped out of the car and ran towards the Brute. As soon as the Brute caught sight of him, it tried to grab him. Sonic ran around the Brute while it turned to try to pick him up. Quickly, it got dizzy and fell over.

Sonic returned to the car and jumped back in. "Big and dumb." he said.

**Switch off your shield.  
Switch off and feel.  
I'm working on loving.  
Yeah.**

**Giving you back the good times.  
Ship it out.  
Out.  
I'm working for the black gas.**

A Chaos Drone approached the L.A. Cop Car.

"Trouble." said Marcus.

"No trouble." said Regis. He leaned out the window and aimed the shotgun at the Chaos Drone. He pulled the trigger.

"click"

Regis looked scared. "Run!" he yelled.

**Tell the world that you're winning.  
Love and life, love and life.  
Listen to the voice and follow me.  
Listen to the voice and follow me.**

"Now!" yelled C.J. as the Beast came alongside the Chaos Drone. Claude and Cesar aimed their guns out of the driver's side windows while the Johnson brothers climbed out of the passenger side windows. They all fired on the Chaos Drone and rendered it inoperable.

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.**

A Mastermind tank targeted the Fripon X. Inside, Malcolm grabbed his head in pain.

"My head!" he groaned. "They're attacking my mind!"

In the Bryanston V, Bernard dropped the map and said "Another geek is in trouble!"

"How do you know?" asked Ben.

"The Force!" said Bernard.

**We've got two tribes.  
We've got the bomb.  
we've got the bomb.  
Yeah.  
Sock it to me biscuits now.**

**Are we living in a land,  
where sex and horror,  
are the new Gods?  
Yeah.**

"Okay, I'm sure that's the vehicle that's attacking Malcolm." said Bernard as he looked at the Mastermind.

"Let's hit it!" said Ben.

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.**

-"Two Tribes" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

"The kid in the Volkswagen is almost under control." said the Mastermind's commander as he poked his head out of the hatch.

"Sir, we have an incoming projectile!" said the driver.

"What?" said the commander. He turned in the direction of the projectile to see Max flying towards him. Max tackled the commander and slipped into the tank. The tank shook around and eventually self-destructed. Max ran away from the bewildered tank crew and returned to the Bryanston V.

"You alright?" asked Reese.

"Yeah, I think so." said Malcolm.

"Good." said Reese. Then he punched Malcolm in the arm.

The six cars raced off, leaving Yuri's army in ruins.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Dominator pulled up to Yuri's fortress.

"This appears to be the place." said Sydney.

"Nice work, Broots." said Miss Parker. "I told you hacking into the Cannonball race officials' computer would help us find Jarod."

"I don't know, Miss Parker." said Broots. "I've got a bad feeling about this. Maybe we shouldn't be here."

"We'll just find Jarod, grab him, and leave." said Miss Parker as she went for the door handle.

The three Centre agents climbed out of the car. Yuri approached them.

"Who are you and what brings you to my fortress?" he asked.

"My name is Sydney. I work for a group called the Centre. We believe that one of our projects, a Pretender named Jarod, is currently being held in your facility."

"Ah, yes." said Yuri. "The man with the robot."

"We would like to request a deal." said Miss Parker. "We'd like to leave with our project while you can have his robot companion."

"What use would I have with his robot?" asked Yuri.

"We believe his robot friend to be someone else's project." said Broots. "He is highly advanced with an almost lifelike artificial intelligence."

"And what is so special about your project?" asked Yuri.

"He is a Pretender." said Sydney. "He has the ability to acquire skills faster than normal people. In fact, of all our Pretenders, his skill is the most defined."

"What makes him more valuable to you than to myself?" asked Yuri.

"Listen, you glorified spoon bender!" said Miss Parker. "That Pretender is our property and we will not be leaving without him! Is that clear?"

"Immensely." said Yuri. "I could use someone with your drive. You will be joining me now."

"Are you satisfied now?" asked Broots. "We could have just waited until Jarod left this place, but..."

Miss Parker turned and punched him out.

"Amazing." said Yuri. "I only took over half of her mind."

"Not that amazing if you factor in she doesn't really like him." said Sydney.

Nina and Anna Williams hid by the power station.

"Who are those people?" asked Nina.

"Who cares as long as they're keeping Yuri busy." said Anna. "Come on, we have to find Lara and her team."

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Chinese village, various teams gathered in a restaurant to work out a plan.

"How long have we been here?" asked George Newman.

"Twenty minutes." said Kuni. "Time's wasting."

"Yeah." said George. Suddenly, a cat jumped up on his table. After a moment of hesitation, he gave the cat a petting.

"Okay, teams. Listen up." said Nash. "I have received word that a local madman has been informed of our presence and is looking to capture some of the racers. That means you will most likely be subject to whatever torture he has planned."

All of the racers looked at him in silence.

"And you will most likely not finish the race." said Nash.

Then, everyone started to talk at once.

"People! People!" said Nash. "It is only imperitive that we somehow come up with a plan to protect ourselves from this madman. If any of us were to fall victim to his plans, it would be a tragedy. So, does anybody have any ideas?"

"Maybe we can put on a comedy show." said Bobby Hill. "Then, he wouldn't attack us."

"Maybe we can call in an airstrike." said James Bond.

"I think we should ward them off with Lisa's sax playing." said Bart Simpson.

"Bart!" yelled Lisa.

"Hey, this is a serious issue!" said Nash. "I'm looking for a serious solution!"

"I've got an idea." said Cary Ford. "Let's form a convoy. Twenty something pairs of eyes to look for enemies are sure to be better than two."

"There!" said Nash. "Hear that? Ford has a better idea!"

"How about we stay together until a time when we're certain the threat has passed?" asked Buffy.

"Sounds reasonable." said Nash.

"And better than letting this madman get us." said Larry Wilson.

"I support this convoy suggestion." said Rob Zombie.

"What do you think, George?" asked Nash. He looked towards George and saw him wearing sunglasses and holding the cat while stroking it. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I asked you to come here out of respect for the family." said George in his best Godfather voice.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ethan and Snake snuck through the base's psychic radar station.

"How did Yuri know we were in the race?" asked Snake.

"He's psychic." said Ethan. "He read our minds."

"The racers are somewhere in Asia at this moment." announced David Spade. "Unfortunately, we do not have any information as to who is in the lead due to conflicting reports. We should have a definite answer soon, so stay tuned."

Ethan and Snake followed the voice and traced it to a plasma screen t.v. which one of Yuri's Initiates was watching while eating popcorn.

"On the other hand, he could be watching the race on television." said Ethan.

"Where's the control room to this place?" asked Snake.

"A couple floors up." said the Initiate.

"Thanks." said Snake before realizing who told him that.

"By the way, I thought the great Solid Snake would be more steathy than that." said the Initiate as he got up.

"Luckily, I can also defend myself in case that fails." said Snake.

Before the Initiate could attack, a dark-haired woman snuck up behind him and knocked him out. "Where's the party?" she asked.

"Hey, I know you." said Ethan. "You're Tanya Adams, a commando for the Allies."

"By the way, thanks for distracting Yuri." said Tanya. "I was able to slip in completely unnoticed."

"What are you doing here?" asked Snake.

"I was sent to take out the radar." said Tanya. "My boys are prepping for an airstrike."

"Sounds perfect." said Ethan. "What do you say we work together on this?"

"Let's rock and roll." said Tanya.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Chinese village, the convoy was lined up.

"Everybody's ready to move out." said Monk. "We just need the go-ahead."

"We'll have that as soon as we know where we're going." said Nash as he walked towards the Paris Cop Car. "We're going to need directions to Hong Kong."

"If it helps, Beavis and I speak very good Chinese." said Butthead. "We can probably ask for directions for you."

"I was going to have Joe ask, but if you insist." said Nash.

"Yeah yeah." said Beavis. He and Butthead walked over to a villager.

Butthead looked at the man and said "Uh, eggroll?"

The villager looked at him in confusion.

"Um, chop suey? Heh heh." asked Beavis.

The villager looked even more confused.

"Uh, fried rice?" asked Butthead.

"Ah, jeeze." said Nash. "Joe, get in there before they start an international incident."

"Got it, Nash." said Joe. He walked over to Beavis and Butthead, tapped them on the shoulders, and said "Hey, guys. Back to your car."

Beavis and Butthead walked back to their car.

"Hey, Nash!" said Joe. "What should I ask him?"

"Ask how to get to Hong Kong." said Nash.

"Alright." said Joe. He turned to the villager and asked him a question in Cantonese.

The villager responded by unleashing an angry tirade on him. He marched back into his house, still yelling and turning around once in a while to shake his fist at Joe.

"Oh, okay." said Joe. He walked back to the car and said "He said he doesn't know."

Elsewhere, Clark was walking around looking at the sights in the village. He found a man piling sections of boards onto the back of a truck. "Hey, need help?" he asked.

The man said something in Cantonese.

"Oh, no problem." said Clark. He picked up another board as the man's assistant came over to help. Clark ended up swinging the board into the assistant's crotch.

"Oh, sorry about that." said Clark as he turned around and hit the man in the head.

"Are you alright?" asked Clark as he turned around again. This time, the assistant ducked. "Oh, nice move." said Clark as he turned back to him. However, he hit the chocks holding the truck in position and knocked them aside.

The truck then started to roll down the hill. People then jumped out of the way as the truck rolled towards them. The truck then crashed into the front of a shop.

Clark and the two men watched this, then Clark ran.

Somewhere else in town, Rusty and Audrey walked around. They heard bells.

"What is that? A wedding?" asked Rusty.

"No, I heard about this in social studies." said Audrey. "In this region of China, they ring those bells when someone commits a serious offense. In short order, they're going to hang someone."

Suddenly, Rusty's and Audrey's eyes widened when they realized who it was. "Dad!" they both yelled.

Everyone was climbing into their cars. The Griswolds ran over and jumped into the Regina.

"Alright, let's hit it!" yelled Nash.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, so far, everyone has made it past the first attack." said Chloe. "However, there are no doubt more on the way."

"Send Sky Captain and the other protectors." said Brock. "They're going to get a workout on this. I wish we had someone else to call."

"We do." said Danny as he produced Buckaroo Banzai's PDA. "We received this from Team Banzai during the inspections. He said we should use it if there was any trouble."

"Let me have it." said Brock. "I think this definitely qualifies."

Danny handed him the PDA and he hooked it up to his computer. After he checked the program contained within, the computer automaticly logged on to the internet, opened a web page, and opened a video feed. Brock saw a hispanic man sitting in a chair.

"I'm telling you now," said the man "Mr. Yates is not going to call at this early st..." He noticed Brock had logged on and said "Hi, Mr. Yates."

"Mr. Reno Nevada." said Brock. "I was told to call you if something went screwy."

"Something did?" asked Reno.

"Psychic madman with a private army." said Brock. "Know anything about that?"

"Sounds like Yuri." said Reno. "We've got some information on him."

"Can you send it to us?" asked Brock. "Also, can you give us some direct assistance?"

"We have Blue Blaze Irregulars operating all over the world." said Reno. "Unfortunately, none of them are in Asia at the moment. Sorry."

Brock groaned. "Please send us the information on Yuri, then."

"You got it." said Reno. "I'll also keep the Blue Blazers in the other continents posted."

"Thank you, Reno." said Brock. "I'll let you get back to what you were doing."

"See you later." said Reno.

Reno closed the video conference. "Well, that's kind of a load off." said Brock.

Danny's beeper went off. "This isn't." he said as he checked it. "Someone's in the vault." He ran off to check on the report.

Danny ran past David and several others.

"So, what's the deal on this convoy?" asked John Popper.

"Apparently, several of the teams have banded together to protect themselves from Yuri." said David.

"Who's in this convoy?" asked Phil.

"Let me check the list." said David as he went to a piece of paper. "Let's see, the Paris Cop Car is leading it. Following are the Monsoni, Torrida, Ascent 470ds, Citi Turbo, PT Phoenix..."

"Wait, the PT Phoenix is BEHIND the Paris Cop Car?" asked Kevin.

"Yes." said David.

Kevin looked at a smiling Adam and said "Don't start."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Butler, are we on the right track?" asked Artemis.

"Hong Kong is dead ahead." said Butler.

"Smashing." said Artemis.

"Master Fowl, what's that?" asked Butler. One of Yuri's Floating Disks was coming up over the treeline.

"I don't know, but it doesn't look friendly." said J.D.

The Floating Disk began firing laser blasts at the Crown Mail.

"Dr. Dorian, I believe you have made a fair assessment." said Artemis as he dodged the laser blasts.

"We can't dodge them forever." said Butler. "We need to do something."

"There should be a mirror in the back." said Artemis. "Perhaps we can use it to deflect the laser blasts."

"This it?" asked J.D. as he picked up a mirror.

"Yes, give it to Butler, QUICKLY!" said Artemis.

J.D. handed the mirror to Butler and Butler quickly climbed out the window and sat on the windowsill. "That's right." he said. "As the lovely Pat Benatar said, hit me with your best shot."

The Floating Disk opened fire again. The first shot missed the van completely. The second deflected off the mirror and went skyward. The third hit the mirror and shot right back at the Floating Disk. The laser connected with the vessel that had fired it, knocking it out of the sky. The Floating Disk crashed next to the Crown Mail and the resulting explosion knocked Butler off balance. Butler fell out of the window and grabbed the rearview for dear life.

"Butler!" yelled Artemis.

"I got him!" yelled J.D. as he grabbed Butler's waistband and shirt and tried to pull him back into the van. Butler pulled himself up, sat on the sill for a second, then climbed back in.

"Oh, thank you!" said Artemis. "I don't know what I'd do without him and I don't think I could have pulled him in myself. Butler, are you alright?"

"Alright?" said Butler. "That was the most fun I've had in ages! I mean, just hanging out the window like that. J.D, you wanna try it?"

"Absolutely!" said J.D.

Butler stepped away from the window and J.D. climbed out. He held onto the A-pillar and howled with glee.

Just then, another Floating Disk appeared and started firing on the Crown Mail. Artemis swerved to avoid getting hit and J.D. lost his grip. He fell out of the window and landed on the road head first.

"J.D?" asked Butler as the doctor came out of his daydream. "Wanna try it?"

"Nope!" squeaked J.D.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, that was lucky of them." said Korpi as he put the Stallion in gear. "Let's keep on it."

"Right." said Darden. "You guys try to find the rest."

"On it." said Joe. He and Max ran for a blue Corvair, the Tampa.

"Same here." said Feliz as he went for a tan Ranchero, the Picador. "Paul's still looking over the manual for the thingamabob."

"Where's Lance?" asked Korpi.

"He's looking for Johnny." said Darden. "For some reason, the guy hasn't been answering his cell phone."

"Come on, where are you, Johnny?" asked Lance as he drove towards the detour in a Nissan Skyline four-door, the Sultan. The car was painted purple and had black and yellow alien things on the hood and front doors. "What the?" he said.

He pulled up to the detour to find Johnny handcuffed to the sign and climbed out of the car.

"What happened?" asked Lance.

"Ah, shut up and get me out of here!" snapped Johnny.

XXXXXXXXXX

The convoy headed through southern China.

"I think we're about fifty miles or so to Vietnam." said Joe.

"Good, we'll be in the clear when we get to Malaysia." said Nash.

"Nash, I was thinking." said Monk. "What about the teams that didn't join the convoy?"

"Are you a religious man...Mr. Monk?" asked Nash. "I'm afraid all we can do right now is pray."

A few cars back, in the bed of the Jones J450, Hank and Bobby laid back and looked at the clouds.

"That one looks like a propane grill." said Hank.

"I see a former president who shall remain nameless." said Bobby.

In the truck's cab, Dale was driving while Bill and Boomhauer sat in the passenger seats.

"Okay, I'm looking for a place to turn off and break away." said Dale.

"Wha?" said Bill.

"Hey yo, man." said Boomhauer. "That ding-dang convoy suppose keep us safe from that there psychic nut."

"Sure, that's just what they WANT you to think." said Dale. Finally, he found a dirt road and turned off.

From the Torrida behind them, Buffy watched in surprise.

"Where are they going?" she asked.

"This could be a problem." said Willow.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Yuri's base, Lara and her team snuck through the Battle Lab.

"What are we looking for?" asked Cate.

"It's the control system for the base defenses." said Joanna. "If we shut them down, we should be able to escape easily and get Yuri to recall his troops."

"You there, halt!" ordered an Initiate.

"Uh oh!" said Chun Li. "Let's go!"

Another pair of Initiates ran down the stairs next to them.

"Blast, the control system is most likely past them!" said Lara.

"No problem!" said Cate as she took out her belt buckle grappler. She fired the hook at the third floor landing and winched herself up. She turned and aimed her Petri Airweight revolver at them.

"It will take more than that to take us down." said one of the Initiates. He was right. While he and his partner were taking aim at Cate, Joanna released a DrugSpy and tagged them with a pair of darts. They fell unconcious immediately.

"They'll be out for a while." said Joanna. "Let's take care of those defenses."

"More guards are no doubt on the way." said Lara. "Chun Li and I will stand guard."

"Got it." said Cate. She and Joanna proceeded to the control room.

Lara and Chun Li stood guard. Another pair of Initiates entered the hallway. "Stop them!" said one.

"I got this." said Chun Li.

As the Initiates approached, she went into her Lightning Leg attack. She started hitting the two Initiates with kicks and quickly sent them to the floor.

Chun Li made a victory sign and cheered "Yatta!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the south of China, the Knight and Cocotte raced along the road.

"And so, number one son..." said Murdock "...remember one thing."

"KITT." said Michael.

"Michael, I've run a scan on Mr. Murdock four times now." said KITT. "He checks out fine physically."

"Remind me to rework this thing's scanners when we finish this race." said B.A.

"Dudes, I've been thinking." said Michaelangelo. "Why don't we stop off some place and pick up some kind of Chinese food? Think of the pizzas we could make with it."

"It's a nice idea, Michaelangelo." said Leonardo. "But I think we can wait until we get back to New York to try it out."

"Leonardo, did I just hear you right?" asked Donatello. "You're turning down the opportunity to try new pizza?"

"We have a race to concentrate on." said Leonardo.

The Stallion was parked not far away and Darden was watching through binoculars.

"Here come a pair of racers." he said.

"Look what they're about to face." said Korpi.

The Knight and Cocotte continued down the road and a trio of Gatling Tanks emerged from the forest.

"Whoa." said B.A. "What are these things?"

"Got me." said Michael.

"They appear to be vehicles normally used by the private army of a former Soviet specialist." said KITT. "He is known simply as Yuri and..."

One of the Gatling Tanks opened fire on the Knight. Luckily, the bullets failed to penetrate the car's molecular-bonded shell.

"KITT, you alright?" asked Michael.

"No, I'm not alright!" said KITT. "I tend to take it personally when I get shot at!"

"Get us out of here!" said B.A.

"Tanks with machine guns!" said Donatello.

"I got it!" said Raphael as he climbed through the sunroof and took a battle stance on the hood. He pulled out a handful of throwing knives. "Good thing I saved these from that battle with droid-boy." he said.

As the Gatling Tank turned towards the Cocotte, Raphael started throwing the knives at it. The knives hit the tank in the machine gun barrels and became lodged. The Gatling Tank tried to fire at the turtles, but the thing exploded due to the barrels being plugged.

"Ha!" cheered Raphael. "You couldn't hit us with..." Just then, he noticed one of the Gatling Tank's wheels bouncing towards him. "...a big rubber tire!"

The wheel hit Raphael in the chest and knocked him back through the sunroof. "Ever get that rundown feeling?" he asked.

"Where are we going?" asked KITT.

"Head for that junkyard." said B.A.

"Look at them, running around like ants!" said Korpi. "Those tanks are really ripping into them."

Another Gatling Tank rolled by. "I wonder who this guy is going after." said Darden.

Little did he realize, this Gatling Tank had been taken over by the T-X. When it got near the Stallion, the tank's turret turned towards them. It didn't take them long to figure out what was about to happen.

"Run!" yelled Darden.

He and Korpi jumped out of the Stallion just before the Gatling Tank opened fire. The machine gun ripped into the car, shattering glass, ripping up leather, puncturing tires, and punching holes in metal.

Michael steered the Knight into the junkyard. He quickly parked and got out with B.A. and Murdock.

"Alright, we're going to need to make something fast." said B.A.

The Gatling Tank drove after them into the junkyard. Meanwhile, the Turtles recovered from their attack.

"Raphael, are you okay?" asked Leonardo.

"Yeah, I think so." said Raphael.

"Dudes, that machine gun jalopy is going after the A-Dudes!" said Michaelangelo.

"I think we'd better help them out." said Leonardo.

"They're heading into a junkyard." said Donatello. "I can probably help them make a weapon or something."

"Or you can return this car to whence it came." said Raphael.

"Yeah, he's alright." said Donatello.

"It would help if we knew what we were looking for." said Murdock.

"We need something explosive." said B.A.

"KITT, can you find anything that goes boom?" asked Michael.

"I'm detecting canisters containing highly flammable gas about ten meters to my right." said KITT. "Hopefully, that should help."

Michael, B.A, and Murdock walked over to the gas canisters and looked them over. "Yeah, that's the stuff." said B.A.

"Alright, we just need a way to ignite the gas and direct the shots." said Michael.

"Allow me to help." said Donatello.

"It's a five-foot tall talking turtle from the planet Zebulon!" said Murdock.

"Five-foot tall talking turtle, yes." said Donatello. "From planet Zebulon, no."

"You must be one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." said Michael. "But, where are the others?"

"Trying to save our collective hash." said Donatello.

The Gatling Tank drove through the junkyard looking for the Knight.

"Where is it?" asked the gunner.

"How can you lose a brightly colored Evo in the middle of a Chinese junkyard?" asked the tank commander.

Just then, they heard a clank on the tank's armor. "What was that?" asked the driver.

"It came from the rear." said the gunner. He turned the turret to see what the sound was. He saw Michaelangelo waving at him.

"Let's take him down, compadres!" yelled Michaelangelo.

"Turtle power!" called the three. They started to attack the tank with their weapons.

"They're going to break through!" said the driver.

"Evasive action, now!" ordered the commander.

The gunner rotated the turret until he knocked Michaelangelo off the tank. Michaelangelo wrapped his nunchucks around the machine gun and held on for dear life...until he was swung into Leonardo and they both fell to the ground.

"Totally bogus, man." said Michaelangelo as he and Leonardo picked themselves up.

The gunner then swung the turret again and knocked Raphael off and into an empty oil drum. "Hey! Not funny!" he yelled. "Not funny at all!"

"Just gotta wire this and we're done." said B.A.

"Michael, they're coming!" said KITT.

"You know what to do, buddy." said Michael.

"If I do not survive, tell Bonnie she was in my memory banks." said KITT. He put himself into reverse and backed out of the workspace.

"Wait, there he is!" said the gunner when he saw the Knight.

KITT activated a nearby loudspeaker and sent a message to the tank crew: "Your other car is a Pinto!"

"Get him!" ordered the commander.

KITT raced away from the Gatling Tank, but it still took pursuit. KITT raced through the junkyard with the tank firing on him every once in a while. He continued to race around until...

"It's about as done as it's gonna get." said Donatello as he slid one of the gas canisters up and down a pair of rails.

"Bring him back." said B.A.

Michael raised his watch to his mouth and said "KITT, it's ready!"

"Finally." said KITT as he turned around and drove back to the workspace. When he got there, Michael, B.A, Murdock, and Donatello had set up a launch rail for the gas canisters.

"Fire one!" called Murdock. He took a handgrip and pulled a trigger. Nothing happened.

"You forgot to open the valve, fool!" said B.A. as he opened the valve on the canister. Murdock pulled the trigger again and the gas was ignited, turning the canister into a rocket.

The canister shot from the rail and imbedded itself in the tank's turret. However, it didn't explode.

"Fire another one." said Michael. "A second impact will surely detonate that one."

B.A. turned to load another gas canister onto the rail and found Murdock crying. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Oh, it's just the long tube, the flame at the end." said Murdock. "It just reminded me of Hannibal's cigars."

Donatello loaded another canister onto the rail, opened the valve, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. "What the...?" he said. "The battery's dead!"

"What do you expect?" asked Michael. "You got it from a junkyard!"

The Gatling Tank aimed at the group.

"Anybody got any ideas?" asked Donatello.

"Sorry, I'm fresh out." said Michael.

Suddenly, the gas canister under the tank's gun exploded, taking the turret off. The gunner climbed out and coughed.

"Whoa!" said Michaelangelo. "Gnarly delayed action!"

"Far from it." said Mad Max as he walked into the area and holstered his shotgun.

The tank commander climbed out and found himself with another shotgun in his face. This one was in Highway's hands. "This is where a smart man would leave." he said.

As the Gatling Tank limped out of the junkyard, Michael asked Max "What are you doing here? Did you see us in trouble?"

"No, we were just coming to get a new sway bar." said Max. "Last one got taken out by a bad road."

"When we saw you guys here, we had to stop those guys." said Highway.

"Well, thanks for the help." said Leonardo.

The Knight, Cocotte, and Baja Buggy raced out of the junkyard and continued the race. On the way out, they passed the Gatling Tank the T-X was controlling just as it ran out of ammo.

"I think it's out of bullets." said Darden from his foxhole.

"Good." said Korpi. "Oh shit, look at the car."

Darden looked at the Stallion. The car had been reduced to a smouldering, bullet-riddled hulk.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, one of those." said Tanner as he saw the safe in the vault. He wrote down the name on the safe and started thinking about how to get it open.

"Who's in here?" asked Danny as he entered.

"Uh, just me." said Tanner as he jammed the paper into his shirt. "I got lost looking for the pantry."

"That's back upstairs next to the kitchen." said Danny.

"Oh yeah." said Tanner. "That would be the logical place."

"How much longer are you going to be set up?" asked Danny.

"Not much." said Tanner. "Why?"

"In a couple of weeks, we're planning on pulling up stakes and heading for the finish line." said Danny.

"Where's that?" asked Tanner.

"I'm not at liberty to say." said Danny. "Why do you want to know?"

"I thought we might be able to cater your event there as well." said Tanner.

"We'll let someone else handle us there." said Danny. "I don't think you guys work out there anyway."

"Okay, just checking." said Tanner as he put his hands in his pockets. Somehow, this caused the paper to fall out of his shirt.

"What's this?" asked Danny as he picked up the paper.

"Oh, that's just a list of ingredients for the next job." said Tanner.

"Then, why is the only thing on this list the model name of the safe in the vault?" asked Danny. He picked up his walkie-talkie and said "Security, the caterers are planning to rob the vault! Repeat, the caterers..."

Tanner took out his stungun and jammed it into Danny's chest, letting out a full blast. The security chief hit the floor stunned.

Tanner picked up the paper with the safe model on it and ran.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere just west of Hanoi, the MASK team continued the race. Gloria was driving.

"Bet this is bringing back some memories." said Matt.

"Sure does." said Gloria. "I wonder how my former teammates are doing?"

Just then, the Tampa and Picador pulled up on opposite sides of the Boost.

"Who are these guys?" asked Matt.

"I don't know." said Bruce. "I didn't see them at the starting line."

Feliz rolled down the window of the Picador as Joe rolled down the window of the Tampa. "Hello, folks." said Joe.

"Gloria, floor it!" said Matt.

"Don't have to tell me twice." said Gloria as she floored it.

"Don't let them get away." said Max. The Picador and Tampa gave chase.

"They're gaining." said Bruce.

"At least we don't have anyone else to worry about." said Matt.

Suddenly, one of Yuri's Magnetron tanks pulled into the road and pointed towards the Boost.

"Uh oh." said Matt.

"No problem." said Gloria as she pushed a button on the dash. A yellow mask slid over her head.

The Magnetron projected an energy beam at the Boost. Gloria looked into the beam and called "Aura, on!"

A bolt of electricity shot from her mask and connected with the energy beam.

"What is she doing?" asked Feliz as he pulled alongside.

The beam from the Magnetron wrestled with the beam from Gloria's mask for a few seconds, then veered off and hit the Picador. The Picador was flipped into the air over the Boost and it came crashing down onto the front of the Tampa, flipping it over as well.

"Ralph Nader was right." said Joe. "This thing is unsafe at any speed."

Gloria swerved around the Magnetron and continued. The Magnetron was unable to turn around in time.

"Looks like the danger factor has been upped." said Matt.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the Sea Phantom, security personel showed up to take Everett into custody.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

"Sir, we have reason to believe you and your partner are planning to rob the safe." said Frankie. "Until we can clear this up, we have no choice but to hold you for interrogation."

"Can I bring my teddy bear?" asked Everett.

Tanner ran into the banquet hall and hit the lightswitches. The room went dark and a ruckus occurred.

"Grab him!" yelled Phil. A second later, Tanner and Everett ran out of the door to the main deck.

The ruckus continued for a few more seconds before Nessa turned the lights back on. They found Schwag holding David up against the wall in a choke hold.

"Schwag, put him down!" said Nessa.

"As soon as he apologizes for 'Tommy Boy'!" said Schwag.

On the deck, Tanner and Everett ran for the gangplank, only to find it guarded.

"Looks like we'll have to find another way out of here." said Tanner.

"There he is!" yelled a guard.

"How good are you at the high dive?" asked Tanner. He and Everett got up and ran for the railing and vaulted over it. They plunged a hundred feet into the water below.

Almost everyone onboard walked over to the railing and looked over.

"What the hell was that all about?" asked David.

XXXXXXXXXX

A couple dozen unconcious Initiates after the fight for the base defenses started, Lara and Chun Li looked over their handiwork.

"I think Yuri needs to recruit more adequate troops." said Lara.

"Better smile when you say that." said Chun Li. "We just gave him that opportunity."

"He has taken it." said Miss Parker as she and Broots walked in. "We will be taking you in now."

"These two don't look like your normal Initiates." said Lara.

Miss Parker and Broots were joined by another dozen Initiates.

"But they do." said Chun Li. "Let's see if they go down like them."

"Need help?" asked Nina as she entered with Anna.

"Any would be appreciated." said Lara.

"Attack them." said Miss Parker.

"What's up with those two?" asked Anna.

"Yuri's mind control." said Chun Li.

"Oh." said the Williams sisters together.

An Initiate attacked Chun Li. Chun Li responded by leaping into the air and landing foot-first on the Initiate's head. She then put her foot against the wall, jumped off, and landed on the Initiate's head again.

Nina attacked the next Initiate with her Left Right Combo, then followed up with a Spider's Knee, followed by a Standing Neck Crusher, ending with a Leg Stretch Arm Lock.

Miss Parker engaged Lara. Lara pulled out her guns.

"So, you are going to shoot me?" asked Miss Parker.

"Not quite." said Lara. She aimed at the ceiling above Miss Parker and fired. The ceiling collapsed, separating Miss Parker and Broots from the group.

Anna dug into another Initiate with a Twisting Rush and followed with a Sudden Storm. A second attacked her, so she defended herself with the Creeping Snake move.

The last of the Initiates attacked Nina. She defended herself with her famed Blonde Bomb move.

"Not bad." said Lara as she holstered her guns. "You seem like someone who I'd like to work with in the future."

"Why thank you." said Nina.

"Let me have your number." said Lara. "I'll call you two if there's an opening."

"Sure thing." said Anna.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dylan drove through Vietnam in the Kuruma.

"Anything wrong so far?" asked Natalie.

"No, it's been pretty smooth sailing." said Dylan. "How are Alex and the guys?"

"Oh, look at this." said Natalie as she looked in back. Dylan turned around to see that Garth was sleeping in the back and sucking his thumb.

Alex and Wayne were asleep as well with Wayne's arms wrapped around Alex. She woke up and noticed whose arms she was in and quickly pulled them off of her.

"Hey, check out this old Riv." said Dylan as she pointed through the windshield. The Buccaneer was in front of them.

"He's blocking the road." said Alex. "I think he wants something."

Dylan brought the car to a halt and climbed out. "What seems to be the problem?" she asked.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Mad Max?" asked Natalie. "What do you want with him?"

"Why does everybody keep asking that?" asked the Warrior.

"We're here to stop you from racing." said Foyt as she pulled a gun.

"You again?" said Dylan.

"Oh, you remember me." said Foyt. "I'm touched."

"Of course we remember you." said Alex. "You're miss...uh..."

"Foyt!" said Dylan and Natalie.

"Yeah." said Alex.

"Step away from the car right now." said Foyt.

Another engine roar was heard. Everybody turned to see the Majestic approaching. It stopped next to the Kuruma and Joel and Fearless got out.

"Did we have to watch the entire Sumo match?" asked Joel.

"Hey, it was on my list." said Fearless as he pulled his gun. "Alright, ladies. Race ends here."

"Finally, they send me some backup." said Foyt.

"Hey, wait a minute." said Joel. "You're Alice J. Foyt! What are you doing outside?"

"Wait, who are you working for?" asked Foyt.

"Sherriff Cooper DeVille." said Fearless.

"'Coop' DeVille?" asked Foyt.

"'Coop' DeVille." said Joel. "That never gets old."

"What's he doing going after the Cannonballers?" asked Foyt. "That's MY department!"

"Come on." said Fearless. "It's time to go home."

"Not until the Cannonballers are history!" said Foyt.

"Whoa, we don't want to kill them, just arrest them." said Joel.

"We tried arresting them." said Foyt. "It didn't work."

"We also need to take down Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Oh, give it a rest!" said Foyt. "Max Rockatansky is the LEAST of our worries at the moment!"

A sudden squeal of tires interrupted the argument and both groups realized the Kuruma had taken off.

"Now, look what you did!" said Joel.

"You know, maybe we should team up ourselves." said Foyt.

"Forget it." said Fearless as he and Joel returned to the Majestic.

Dylan continued to drive.

"That was close." said Natalie.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." said Alex.

"What's going on?" asked Wayne as he woke up. He then noticed the Angels had moved Garth into his arms and jumped away.

"Hang on or you won't get to find out." said Dylan.

They drove past a side road where the black van that attacked Buckaroo was parked. It pulled out and gave chase.

The driver aimed for the rear bumper of the Kuruma. He then turned on the radio and inserted a CD. The Sex Pistols' "Anarchy In The UK" started playing.

"Does anyone hear the Sex Pistols?" asked Wayne.

"No, we hate their 'music'." said Alex, making hand quotes when she said "music".

Suddenly, the car was rammed from behind.

"What was that?" asked Natalie. "Foyt or those cops?"

"Neither." said Garth. "It was a black van."

Dylan and Natalie turned around to see the van.

"Whoa! Lose him!" yelled Garth.

Dylan pushed it to the floor. The van sped up as well.

"He's gaining!" said Alex.

The van rammed the Kuruma again and spun it out. The van stopped and faced the car menacingly. The Buccaneer and Majestic stopped some distance back.

"Who's that?" asked Joel.

"Don't know." said Fearless. "Doesn't act like a cop."

"Is that one of your guys?" asked the Warrior.

"I thought he was with you." said Foyt.

The van revved its engine and prepared to ram the Kuruma. Before it could, a gun was put to the driver's side window. The gun was in the hands of Officer Tackleberry.

"Leave this area NOW!" he ordered.

The van started towards the car, so Tack cocked his gun.

"I mean it!" he said.

After a brief pause, the van raced backwards away from the Kuruma. It performed a bootlegger and turned down a hill. It then raced off down a road.

Hightower stepped in front of the Buccaneer and said "That goes for you too!"

Flash tapped on the Majestic's window and said "Go on. Split!"

The two Buicks backed away as well.

Tackleberry walked up to the Kuruma and said "Okay, miss. You may continue the race."

"Thank you." said Dylan. She turned around and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Rocket made their way through Laos.

"Are we out of Asia yet?" asked Jessie.

"James, tell Jessie I'm not speaking to her." said Annie.

"Come on, you can't still be mad about her saying you had the mental capacity of a brain dead Snorlax!" said James.

"Oakley, tell James I'm not speaking to him." said Annie.

"Annie, I think you're being really immature." said Oakley.

"Jessie, tell Oakley I'm not speaking to her." said Annie.

"Annie, I'm the one you weren't speaking to in the first place." said Jessie.

"Nobody tells me they're not speaking to anyone." said Meowth. "What am I? A hairball?"

Another of Yuri's Initiates watched them drive by through a pair of binoculars.

"We have the target in sight." he reported over the radio. "We're on it."

He led a Mastermind, a Chaos Drone, and a Lasher towards the Pirahna PDQ. Not far away, the Lone Wolf had intercepted the report.

"I should probably let the soldiers get those guys." he thought. "Nah, waste of ammo."

The Lasher tank pulled in front of the Pirahna PDQ. Annie jammed on the brakes.

"Get us out of here!" yelled Jessie.

Annie swerved around the tank, but they didn't realize they were being targeted by the Mastermind.

"Can't you take control of them?" asked the tank commander.

"I'm trying, but it's hard to hit a target that small!" complained the gunner.

"Ah!" yelped Jessie. "They're attacking my mind!"

"What mind?" asked Annie.

"Someone's targeting us with some kind of psychic weapon." said Oakley.

"I think we'd better do something about it before she becomes more of a liability." said Meowth.

"I know!" said James as he took out one of his Pokeballs. "I choose you, Alakazam!"

James tossed the Pokeball and Alakazam popped out. Alakazam looked at the Mastermind and closed his eyes. Suddenly, the tank started to vibrate.

"Lasher, the Mastermind is starting to sustain some kind of damage of psychic origin." said the Mastermind's commander. "I think it might be that creature on the car."

"Understood." said the Lasher's commander. "I'm going after it."

Lone Wolf raced towards the Lasher. On the way, he reached down and picked up a rock.

"Watch this." said the Lasher's commander. "Overkill done right."

Before the gunner could take his shot, Lone Wolf jumped the Nousagi onto the Lasher's turret and then onto the ground.

"What was that?" asked the commander.

The gunner turned the cannon towards Lone Wolf. The mysterious man jammed the rock into the tank's gun and raced off.

"Shoot him!" yelled the commander.

The gunner fired the cannon at Lone Wolf. The shell hit the rock and caused the barrel to explode. The crew then climbed out of the tank's smoke-filled interior. Seconds later, Alakazam managed to neutralize the Mastermind.

"The pain is gone." said Jessie.

"Let's get out of here before they do anything more." said James as he recaptured Alakazam.

"Not just yet." said Annie as she steered towards the Chaos Drone.

"What are you doing?" yelled Oakley.

"I'm thinking if we get in even more danger, the cute one will rescue us again." said Annie. "Then, maybe I can get a date with him."

"Great idea." said Jessie. "Except, I'm the one who will be getting a date with him!"

"Oh, get real!" said Annie. "Oakley, settle this!"

"The cute guy will not be going out with you, Jessie." said Oakley.

"See?" said Annie.

"He'll be going out with me!" said Oakley.

"WHAT?" said Annie.

"What's with those guys?" thought Lone Wolf. "They're fighting even worse now. Wait, what's that?" He took out his cell phone, used the camera to take a picture of the Chaos Drone, and called Chloe. "Chloe, it's Lone Wolf."

"Lone Wolf, what's going on?" asked Chloe. "Things are kind of hectic here. We just found out the caterers were planning to rob the vault. They even stungunned Danny."

"Is he alright?" asked Lone Wolf.

"He'll be okay." said Chloe. "Why are you calling?"

"I'm sending you a picture of some kind of weapon." said Lone Wolf. "I think it might be causing Team Rocket to fight even worse than usual. Can you identify it?"

Chloe received the picture and ran it against her database. "The weapon appears to be one of Yuri's." she said. "It's called a Chaos Drone. The thing is full of some kind of gas that causes violent behavior and triggers fighting."

"Shit! No wonder they're fighting so much!" said Lone Wolf. "Wait, can you run through Team Rocket's Pokedex?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to access it yourself since it isn't hooked up to the internet." said Chloe.

"Thanks anyway." said Lone Wolf.

He hung up, took a deep breath, and crawled over to the Pirahna PDQ. While the members of Team Rocket were fighting, Lone Wolf managed to lift their Pokedex and get away.

"Let's see." he said as he checked through it. "Bingo."

He took another deep breath and snuck back into the car. He picked up one of Jessie's pokeballs and ran out again.

He took the pokeball, said "I choose you, Weezing!" and tossed it into the Pirahna PDQ.

Weezing released some gas of his own and the members of Team Rocket started hacking and coughing. Soon, the effects of the Chaos Drone's gas attack were nullified.

"Now, let's get out of here!" said Oakley.

"Okay!" said Annie as she raced off. Lone Wolf followed and flipped off the Chaos Drone.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I know what would make this game even better." said Hsu as he drove through Thailand. "B-Spec mode like in 'Gran Turismo 4'."

"Sounds great for people too lazy to play video games." said Chan.

"I wonder if this was how the development process for the 'Army Men' games went?" pondered Sushi X.

It was then that a group of Initiates surrounded the Amata. Hsu hit the brakes.

"Chan, I don't think this is the local police force." he said.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." said Chan. "What's going on here?"

"As representatives of the grand army of Yuri, you are coming with us!" said one of the Initiates.

"Uh, do we have to?" asked Chan.

One of the Initiates fired a psychic shot at a nearby tree, knocking it down.

"Where will you be taking us?" asked Chan.

Suddenly, a group of ninjas in red jumped out of the bushes.

"Where did these ninjas come from?" yelled the Initiates' leader.

"I called them." said Sushi X.

"You mean they're from your ninja clan?" asked Hsu.

"They're not just ninjas." said Sushi X. "They're ninja video game reviewers."

"Master Sushi." said the ninjas' leader. "We have been following you at your request. What is your bidding?"

"Do not attack unless attacked." said Sushi X. "Initiates, leave this area now or there will be dire consequences."

"We have orders to apprehend Cannonballers and bring them back to Yuri's headquarters." said the Initiates' leader.

"Suit yourself." said Sushi X. "Change of plans. Attack!"

The ninjas went into battle with the Initiates. Ninja weapons and psychic blasts went flying everywhere.

The Sultan pulled up without being noticed.

"Whoa, check that out." said Johnny B.

"That's a distraction." said Lance. "We can use that to sneak in and sabotage their car."

"Do you think we should help them?" asked Chan.

A shuriken flew between them and stuck in the Crescendo's roof.

"No." said Hsu.

Lance snuck up to the Crescendo with a small time bomb.

"You know, we should probably have a level like this in the game." said Chan.

"Yeah." said Hsu. "A group of soldiers tries to capture you and you have to fight them off with the help of a team of ninjas."

"And you can use all kinds of weapons to fight with!" said Chan more excitedly.

"And you can use magic and psychic powers to fight with as well!" said Hsu.

"It will be EXCELLENT!" cheered Chan as he threw back his fists. In the process, he accidentally hit Lance and knocked him into the side of the car headfirst.

Suddenly, everyone stopped fighting to see the new development. "Who are these guys?" asked someone.

"Uh, these are the guys behind..." said Hsu as he tried to think of a really bad game "...uh, the Game Boy Advance version of Mortal Kombat."

"Ninja strike!" called the ninjas' leader. The ninjas jumped over to the Sultan and started hitting it with their swords. After a few seconds, they jumped away and the Sultan fell apart.

"Whoa." said Hsu.

"We should put THAT in the game as well." said Chan.

"And now for these guys." said the ninjas' leader.

"Actually, you can go on your way." said the Initiates' leader. "We know better than to mess with people who can do THAT."

"Very well." said Sushi X. "Just remember not to show your faces again. I thank you for your assistance. I am in your debt."

"You are most welcome." said the ninja leader. "Say, who are your friends?"

"I am Hsu Tanaka and this is my brother Chan."

"Did you say Tanaka?" asked the ninja leader.

"Uh, we're losing valuable time, so thank you again." said Sushi X as he picked up Chan and got back into the car with Hsu and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

The convoy proceeded through Myanmar (or Burma, whichever you call it). Everything seemed to be running smoothly.

"Any problems?" asked Monk.

"Nah, we could've slept through the journey." said Nash.

"It'll take a while, but soon we'll be in Malaysia and then on to Australia." said Joe.

Little did they know, Yuri and a group of his soldiers were waiting for them.

"Sir, I'm not sure if we should be going after them at this time." said their commander.

"It's true they can protect themselves better when they're together." said Yuri. "However, if they fail to protect themselves, we will have a large number of new recruits."

"I copy, sir." said the commander. He signaled the group to advance.

Daphne was watching the treeline when she saw something. "Guys!" she said. "We've got company!"

Freddie got on the radio. "Nash, this is Freddie from Team Mystery Inc. Daphne says she saw something. It might be the madman's army."

Nash looked at the treeline. "I copy, Freddie." he replied. "I have visual. Okay, racers, brace yourselves!"

A group of Lashers and Gatling Tanks approached the Torrida.

"Something tells me they're not going to ask for directions." said Xander.

"Will, we could use a force field right about now." said Buffy.

"I've got it." said Willow. She put her hands together and chanted "Luap deirub I!"

The tanks started firing their weapons. However, Willow's protection spell prevented any damage from taking place.

The Victory was bringing up the rear. Soon, a Gatling Tank and a pair of Chaos Drones got behind it.

"Look at those things, Jaws." said Bond. "Know what I'm thinking?"

"L.A. smog warning time." said Jaws as he went for the switches.

Jaws pushed the switch for the Q Smoke and a plume of smoke poured from the back of the vehicle.

"Take out that Aston!" yelled the Gatling Tank's commander.

"I can't see it!" yelled the gunner.

Suddenly, the Gatling Tank drove into a tree and was spun out. The two Chaos Drones crashed into it.

"Well, it looks like smoking is bad for your health." said Bond.

A Floating Disk took aim at Cary Ford and fired its laser cannon. It missed three times. Ford steered towards a fallen tree and jumped the Monsoni onto another Floating Disk. The first disk fired on him and took out the second. Ford dropped to the ground unharmed. "Nice shooting." he thought.

The Floating Disk came back for another shot, but before it could fire, it was shot down. Cary looked up at what had done that and saw Sky Captain in an old P-51 Mustang.

"It's about time you showed up!" said Nash over the radio.

"Hey, you had the guys in North America handled before I could do anything." said Sky Captain. "On the other hand, these guys are a bit of a problem."

"You think you can take out some of those tanks?" asked Nash.

"Piece of cake for the Rustler." said Sky Captain.

Mason and Spike raced in with the Omega and were soon joined by Jetto on an ATV.

"Hey, Jetto!" said Mason. "I'm going to try to use the Bolt Gun on one of those mind-control tanks! I need you to run interferance!"

"No sweat, mate!" said Jetto. "Let's see them try to hit the Stump!"

A Mastermind tank drove into the area and powered up its mind-control weapon.

"Spike, is the Bolt Gun ready?" asked Mason.

"All set." said Spike.

Mason pulled the trigger and started to zap the Mastermind.

"Sir, he's hitting us with an electrical attack!" said the Mastermind's driver.

"Target him!" said the commander.

While the Mastermind was targeting the Omega, Jetto was aiming for the Mastermind with the Stump's Cluster Rockets. When Jetto fired, the combined force of the attacks easily knocked out the tank.

"Looks like the party came early." said George as he navigated the battle.

Suddenly, Yuri himself appeared on the hood of the Super Taxi. George swerved to knock him off, but it didn't work.

"This guy's good." said George.

"So, you are the one they call Captain Chaos!" said Yuri. "You will make a worthy addition to my grand army."

Stanley thought a little about Yuri's words. "Okay." he said.

"Stanley!" said George.

"I mean...DA DA DAAAAAAA!" called Stanley as he turned into Captain Chaos. He jumped out onto the roof and took a martial arts stance.

"Very impressive." said Yuri. "But let's see how you fight my psychic powers." He put his fingers to his head and concentrated on Chaos. Soon, he looked very shocked. "What?" he said. "I can't get inside your head!"

"Just as well." said George. "You don't want to know what's in there."

"You are immune to my powers." said Yuri. "Then you must be destroyed."

Yuri threw a psychic shot at Chaos, but Chaos easily dodged it. Chaos responded with a flying kick. He knocked Yuri off the hood of the car, but Yuri managed to jump back on.

"Now would be a good time for a miracle." said George.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I've been looking for the main operating system and this is it." said Lyle.

"This is it." said Jarod as he looked around the control room for the Bio Reactor in Yuri's base.

"This is it!" said Joanna as she looked around the control room for Yuri's base defenses.

"This is it?" asked Ethan when he looked around the control room for the Psychic Sensor in Yuri's base.

"If we take out the main computer, the sensor will be shut down." said Snake.

"After that, Yuri's army will be too busy trying to rally their defenses to stop us from leaving."

"Unfortunately, demolition is not my specialty." said Ethan.

"No problem." said Tanya as she took out her twin .45's. "Cha-Ching!" She fired on the main computer and it started to spark after a few shots.

"Demolition may not be your forte, but it's one of mine." said Snake as he took out an explosive. He set it on another computer and set it. As the computer exploded, he repeated the process on another computer. Soon, the main computer started to short out and catch fire.

"Good job." said Ethan. "Now, let's get out of here."

"Shake it, baby!" said Tanya.

In the control room for the base defenses, Joanna took out a Phoenix and Cate took out an explosive disguised as a tube of lipstick.

"Ready?" asked Cate.

"Ready." said Joanna. She used the Phoenix to fire explosive rounds into the control computer. Cate activated the explosive and tossed it to the computer. Soon, the explosives did their trick.

"Let's go." said Cate.

"Not so fast." said an Initiate from behind her. "Yuri's going to want to talk to you."

"How did you get past Lara and Chun Li?" asked Joanna.

"I don't know who you're talking about." said the Initiate. "I was in the can the whole time."

In the control room for the Bio Reactor...

"Okay, I've figured out the system." said Jarod. "I've almost got it shut down."

"How much longer?" asked Johnny Five.

Jarod hit the return key on the computer and the lights went out. "Would you like fries with that?" he joked.

"I think I might achieve veterancy for this." said the Initiate. Suddenly, the lights went out. "What the...?"

The hiss of a spray was heard shortly afterward followed by the thump of a body hitting the floor. When the emergency lights came on, Cate was standing over the unconcious Initiate with a Sleeping Gas Perfume in her hand.

"NOW, let's go." she said.

"Finito." said Lyle as he hit the return key. "And that takes care of the computer."

"Alright." said Charlie. "Let's get the hell out of here."

In the base's main control room, Yuri's men ran around in panic.

"The reactor is about to go critical! We have to shut it down!"

"We've lost the Psychic Sensor! Anyone can attack us now!"

"Several of our tanks are out of control!"

"Our base defenses are down! We're open for attack!"

"What about the backup computer?"

One of the computer experts tried to access the mainframe. Seconds later, he and the others stared at the screen in shock. Across it was the message "YOU'LL NEVER SHUT DOWN THE REAL NAPSTER!"

Within minutes, Joanna and Cate had met up with Lara and Chun Li and gotten outside. Jarod and Johnny Five were already there. Ethan, Snake, and Tanya ran from the Psychic Sensor shortly afterward. Corvax and the Terminators came out of hiding.

"Well, these guys are so screwed up, they'll never stop us!" said Lara.

"On top of what you guys did," said Corvax "the Terminators did some sabotage to Yuri's tanks. Their defenses are very badly off."

"Great, let's get back to racing!" said Jarod.

"I wish I could share your enthusiasm." said Ethan. "Unfortunately, the other Cannonballers are most likely a thousand miles ahead of us."

"No problem." said Tanya. "My boys will definitely help you out in return for sabotaging Yuri's forces. Just get into your cars, park by that War Factory, and the Allies will do the rest."

The Cannonballers got into their respective cars and started them up. They drove over to the spot where Tanya had told them to go. Tanya whipped out her communicator and said "Hey, guys? The base is open for attack. I had some help softening it up. Speaking of that help, do you think you can get a Chronoshift ready for them? Thanks." She then turned to the racers and asked "By the way, what are your teams called?"

"The Lamborghini Ladies." said Lara.

"Team Espion." said Snake.

"Team Fugitive." said Jarod.

"Team Corvax." said Corvax.

"We are the Self-Preservation Society." said Charlie.

"And we are the Williams Sisters." said Anna.

"Great, now I know who to repay." said Tanya.

"What is she doing?" asked Ethan.

Miss Parker, Sydney, and Broots came running out and saw the Vortex 5. Jarod gave them a quick wave.

Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash of light and the cars vanished.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Myanmar...

"Are you ready to submit?" asked Yuri as he prepared to throw another psychic shot.

"Never!" called Chaos.

"Very well." said Yuri. "Then, I shall have the pleasure of..."

Just then, Yuri received a psychic message. "Commander! The base has been attacked from within! Our defenses are down, we have no psychic sensor, our power gird has been disrupted, and many of our units are not functioning properly!"

"What?" replied Yuri. "All troops, return to base! This is an emergency! The Cannonballers can wait!"

Yuri's troops immediately abandoned the fight and raced back to base.

"What made them run like that?" asked Willow.

"I don't know, but we appear to be safe now." said Buffy.

"Okay, guys." said Nash. "Convoy's over. Let's get back to racing."

Yuri rejoined his transport.

"Your orders, sir?" asked his second-in-command.

"Recall almost all troops." ordered Yuri. "Leave a few patrols to pick off any stragglers."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else in southeast Asia...

"Dad, where are we?" asked Bobby Hill.

"I don't know, Bobby." said Hank. "I think...what the!"

"Dale, are you sure you know where we're going?" asked Bill.

"Absolutely!" said Dale. "The mapmakers are in cahoots with the governments to increase tourism by making you think you're in the same country when you're actually in a more expensive country."

"Huh?" asked Bill. "Wait, stop."

Dale parked the Jones J450 next to a certain ancient temple.

"See?" he said. "We're on some kind of movie set."

"Hey yo, man." said Boomhauer. "This is that there ding dang Angkor Wat, man."

"Dangit, Dale!" sighed Hank. "You just got us lost somewhere in Cambodia!"

"Well, at least we know where we are." said Bill. "Now, we just have to get back on track."

They heard the roar of engines. Then, a group of Magnetrons showed up.

"YAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Dale.

"Bwah!" screamed Hank.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Bill. Bobby and Boomhauer just froze in shock.

"Freeze right there!" ordered the commander of one of the Magnetrons. "You are under arrest!"

"Now, wait just a gotdang minute!" said Hank. "Under whose authority?"

"Why, the grand army of Yuri, of course." said the commander.

"No!" said Hank. "Me, my son, and my friends are going to saddle up and go!"

"Well, we've got the guns and you don't." said the commander.

Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash of light. When it cleared, the Zender Alpha, Monstruo, Schneller V8, Boomerang, Grifter, and Vortex 5 were parked with the Jones J450.

"Not these guys again." groaned Snake as he took out his SOCOM and aimed it at the Magnetrons. Ethan did the same with his sidearm.

Lara, Joanna, and Cate followed suit. The T-X aimed her arm out the car's window and morphed it into a cannon. Johnny Five aimed his laser out the window of his car.

Nina and Anna climbed out and took out their sidearms.

"Boy, how things can change." said Hank.

"Just so you don't get any ideas." said Johnny Five. He then used his laser to cut the tracks of one of the Magnetrons.

The T-X fired an electric pulse at another, leaving it stunned. Lara and her girls and Snake and Ethan fired their weapons as well. They managed to knock out the other Magnetron.

"Let's go!" said Hank as he jumped into the driver's seat. Bobby got in next to him and the others jumped in the back. Soon, all the cars were off.

As the cars were racing along, they came alongside a train. Just waking up on the back of the train was Jaleel the Kid. "Oh man!" he said. "I told that guy to wake me in Hong Kong!" He got on the Cohete and started it. He then raced off after the guys.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day...

"Danny, are you alright?" asked Chloe.

"Yeah, I guess." said Danny. "Those stunguns pack a punch."

"Don't remind me." said David. He knew too well about the pain of a stungun attack.

"The caterers?" asked Danny.

"We managed to chase them off before they could take anything." said Phil.

"Keep a watch for them." said Danny. "They'll be back."

"You'll also be happy to know Yuri is leaving the Cannonballers alone for now." said J.J.

"Yeah, they managed to beat him back a little." said Victor.

"Rest up." said Brock. "We're getting ready to pack up."

Mr. X walked into the main room with Brock. "I think Yuri's going to be back as well." he said.

"I'm afraid so." said Brock. "Luckily, we have Reno and the Blue Blaze Irregulars helping us now."

"I'm a little afraid of what the drug lord is going to throw at us next." said Mr. X.

"For now, let's try to relax and not think about it." said Brock. "In case you haven't noticed, the Cannonballers are about to reach Australia."

Big Schwag and Frankie Whiteside stood next to a map showing southeast Asia.

"Hello, Cannonball fans. Big Schwag..."

"...and Frankie Whiteside..."

"...reporting live. We have received reports that the Cannonballers are about to leave the Asian continent for the land down under, Australia."

"In fact, we know there are several teams about to reach the bridge as we speak." said Frankie.

"And the first car is about to cross the bridge!" said Schwag. "It appears to be. Yes, it is the Citi!"

The Citi drove onto the bridge to Australia. Inside, the Cheers gang were singing along to the CD player.

"...Cause I'm a wanderer! I'm a wanderer! I wanderwanderwanderwanderwanderwanderwander wander..."

"Cliff?" said Norm while singing.

"Yeah?" said Cliff while singing.

"The CD player is skipping again." said Norm.

"With the Citi crossing over first, Team Cheers is in the lead." said Frankie. "For that, we salute those losers."

"I couldn't have said it better myself." said Schwag.

"Hold on, Schwag." said Frankie. "The second car to cross is almost there. Do we have a visual? Yes! It's the Stadt!"

"Did you see that?" asked Jesse. "Second to cross!"

"Does this merit a shibby?" asked Chester.

"Maybe next time." said Jesse.

"Team Dude has a lock on second." said Frankie.

"But third is being taken right now!" said Schwag. "And the team grabbing that is none other than the team in the Veloci!"

Tommy was driving as the Veloci raced onto the bridge.

"Call it what you want, but we just might have a shot at this!" said Tommy.

"I call it a good shot." said Max. "Just keep doing what you're doing."

"And that's the top three right there." said Schwag.

"Will any more show up anytime soon?" asked Frankie. "Maybe they will, maybe they...hold on, there's the fourth right now!"

"I see." said Schwag. "It appears to be...Frankie, it appears to be one of the cars from the Counting Crows-Better Than Ezra performance wager!"

"It is?" asked Frankie. "Let's see who it is!"

"Fingers crossed." said Kevin.

"Moment of truth." said Adam.

The roar of the car's engine got louder as it approached the bridge. The cameramen on the scene turned to get a shot of the vehicle. Just then, it appeared. It was...

The PT Phoenix!

"Yeah!" yelled Kevin.

Adam just groaned. "Well, good wager." he said.

"Thanks." said Kevin.

"Well, I guess you've got a performance to set up for." said Adam.

"You know something?" said Kevin. "Why don't you come up there with us?"

"Really?" asked Adam.

"Hey, I could probably use a backup singer." said Kevin. "Why not?"

"You got it." said Adam.

The band set up within minutes. Kevin had his guitar and he shared the microphone with Adam. Tom Drummond strapped on his bass and Travis McNabb took his seat behind the drums.

"Okay, ready?" asked Kevin. "One, two, three..."

Kevin started with his guitar. Tom and Travis joined in a second later. After a few seconds of just music, Adam started to sing.

**When the world is a monster  
bad to swallow you whole,  
Kick the clay that holds the teeth in.  
Throw your trolls out the door.**

Kevin took over singing duties.

**If you're needing inspiration,  
Philomath is where I go, I go.  
Lawyer Jeff, he knows the low-down.  
He's mighty bad to visit home.**

Kevin and Adam then took turns with the lines.

**(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way.)**

Kevin went back to singing alone.

**When your hands are feeling empty,  
stickheads jumping off the ground.  
Tris is sure to shirr the deers out.  
Brother Ray can sing my song.**

Kevin and Adam went back to taking turns.

**(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here, here, here.  
(I've been there, I know the way.)**

Adam took solo vocals this time.

**Hands down, Calechee bound.  
Land locked, kiss the ground.  
The dirt of seven continents going round and round.  
Go on ahead, Mr. Citywide.  
Hypnotize, suit and tie.  
Gentlemen testify.**

Kevin went back to singing.

**If your world is a monster  
bad to swallow you whole.  
Philomath, they know the low-down.  
Throw your trolls out the door.**

Kevin went back to trading lines with Adam.

**(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.**

**(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way.)**

-"Can't Get There From Here" by R.E.M.

DeMarco watched the performance with disgust. It showed that the Cannonballers had not been stopped or slowed down much. Just then, his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Mr. DeMarco, it's Paul from the Highway Hunters."

"Yes?" asked DeMarco.

"I'm sure you've heard the bad news." said Paul.

"The Cannonballers got through." said DeMarco.

"And the Hunters lost their vehicles again." said Paul.

DeMarco groaned. "Can you give me some GOOD news for a change?"

"Actually, I can." said Paul. "You know that military weapon we got out of that truck?"

"What about it?" asked DeMarco.

"I just finished reading the manual." said Paul. "Get ready for this. It's called the Electronic Disruption Beam. It's designed to completely disrupt the electrical activity in a container, rendering it useless."

"What are you saying?" asked DeMarco.

"It's a weapon that drains all of the electricity out of a car battery and brings the car to a grinding halt." said Paul. "We can use it on the Cannonballers."

AN:Please, review.


End file.
